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Ellipse (2013)
Quick 13 minute short story of intergalactic hide and seek
This film is a quick 13 minute short story of intergalactic hide and seek, with freshly evolved humans as the variables, and the object of the game is for we as humans to either find or disprove life on other planets.
It's an interesting idea, given the shortness of it, and the delivery is put through an easy pace as well.
Unfortunately for me, I wasn't sure about one thing at the end of the film. For me I had to ask myself, "ok, we are interplanetary chess pieces," but what is the ultimate goal? Who gets the awards?
I felt as if the film took me to the last mile of the race and then ran out of steam.
There is no reason to give out spoilers, except that there are "players" injecting themselves very subtly over a 500 year period into our best and brightest with brilliant ideas and suggestions with just enough push to steer us ever so slowly.
Still, overall brilliantly done, excellently lensed and interesting plot otherwise.
Maybe the idea of the incomplete ending is for any viewer out there to help in the game the aliens are playing. Maybe this film is part of the game...?
Bloodlust Zombies (2011)
I didn't spend a dime to view this but still feel like I lost money!
I can't really see, other than the awful camera angles and even worse acting, where they spent any of the $75,000 budget on this "film".
This piece of cinematic garbage reminds me of most porn I've seen "professionally" made since the 1990's - very little substance, horrible props, stock footage, cheesy acting, and the worst soft-core grinding I've viewed since the old Cinemax movies of the early 1990's.
I think that since they secured the talents of Alexis Texas, porn "actress", they figures they had something to work on here. The majority of the cast have come from many other low-budget disasters and their acting chops are, let's just say, something to be desired.
Boardroom scenes in mainstream movies always look intimidating, or so in your face, the scenes here made me laugh the most - and who has cobalt blue plastic flutes sitting around for domestic champagne? To tell you any of the plot would give away pretty much everything, so I won't - let's just say if you were to take the movies Outbreak, 30 Days Later, Shaun Of The Dead and a few pieces of softcore stuff and toss them into a blender, strip them of any budget and then pour it into a DVD this would be the result.
Shoddy production values, a script with plots so old you can see the whip marks from where the last 10 owners had whipped it, combined with the "acting" talents of Alexis Texas (with the only thing she's good at: stripping down and showing off T&A) and you have a movie with worse viewing appeal than Poseidon, Waterworld and Gigli combined - and will have much less people wanting to watch this for anything except the floppy tiny "talents" of Alexis Texas.
God, what a stupid stripper name... at least everyone else in this turkey is using their 'real' names... I think...
Avoid this at all costs, no matter what they pay you to watch it for.
Repo Chick (2009)
I feel both ashamed and embarrassed to have ever watched this "film."
After hearing for years about the rumors of a sequel to "Repo Man," one of the most out-there plot-driven insanely fabulous film from the 80's, and that it would be directed by Alex Cox, the godfather of punk films, I waited as delay after delay after delay came and went, and then finally - the promotional artwork for it arrived.
Then I saw the poster. Oh my god.
Was this a joke? Was I being punk'd by a lame over-hyped actor/model type on a now dead and useless music television show? Sadly, I was not.
This disaster - this is the only way I can be honest and describe it - is somehow only tied in to the original film by name and just only a microhair of it's plot included.
I sad down and tried - TRIED - to understand the idea behind the scenes of this "creation," but was so overwhelmingly bad, so mind-numbingly awful, that as soon as it was over I wanted to buy a gun, wait the 30 days alone in my room to own it, and then go to the store, buy it, bring it home, open the box, load the gun with a specially made hollow-point mercury-tipped bullet, and then aim it at my head and pull the trigger.
I will NOT give you any details of the plot (oh yeah, right, there's a PLOT...) whatsoever, because anything I'd tell you would be too stupid to be believed or just too sad to describe here and make you enjoy the original Repo less, as it has done for me.
All I can say is that if you ever - EVER - actually find yourself in a position to see this "film," please PLEASE be ready to be disappointed.
I sat through this with all the hope and faith in Alex, but by the end credits I felt more like Alex in "A Clockwork Orange" in full torture mode, and I lost my eyedropper of saline solution some time back.
This isn't even worthy of fan submission sequels on any level. There were almost no original scenes "filmed" as it was 95% green-screen, the kiss of death for even the newest rookie of directors, and the acting? Positively awful.
It was if Katy Perry was given a chance to drip her pink bubblegum paintbrush of awfulness over some simplistic and sad video directing 101 class at some suburban community college, complete with student actors, veteran actors' talents who are completely wasted, and then there's Karen Black - ecch oh my god WHAT IS GOING ON HERE????????? I want to give it 1 out of ten, but that would almost insult anyone at the bottom who earnestly tried to make a cohesive film and failed miserably.
This video "film" looks cheap, amateurish, and thought out with all the brain power it took to push this out of their anus before flushing it down onto Netflix, or whatever fools bought into this horrible horrible excuse for "entertainment." I've seen fake Russian roulette snuff videos with more thought out ideas.
Sorry, I do feel really bad if you had anything to do with it, especially as an actor, because this has fail fail fail written all over it, and when you make up your resume for your next tryout for a film, leave this off of it.
This creatively bankrupt "film" will make you never want to try to do anything positive in your life ever again, and finally - please sue Alex Cox for your almost two hours back of your life, please?
Elena Undone (2010)
Reader's Digest version of a review
Since so many people review stuff online here and just keep going and going and going, I'm gonna keep it short and sweet, like you're talking to a friend, so I won't bore you to death.
It was OK, a bit Lifetime-ish, and the acting was okay too.
A decent first effort from the whole cast and crew, but would I see it again? Probably not.
A few twists and turns (no spoilers here) that kept it almost completely off the Hollywood path for a while (and a not too standard ending), but you'll still see it coming a mile away anyway.
As usual, to sell the film, they are using Hollywood-stylized pretty actresses to portray ordinary lesbian women - grant you, we're not all Brad Pitts or A. Jolies, but it gets old to watch pretty people have pretty R-rated sex on screen while the music swells, etc etc etc.
That's what Cinemax is for...
So that's my review.
6/10 - at best.
If you want long-winded explanations of everything else and needlessly included spoilers, go to the other 5 or 6 reviews that are here.
Thanks for reading.