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Reviews
There's Something in the Barn (2023)
Terribly interesting
This definitely fits the category of a made for TV film, with sprinkles of gore. I watched it on Netflix at faster speed just in case it was...bad. It was...so at least I could hold on to a few extra seconds that I still won't get back. Corny, bad actors...acting as if they're unsure what emotional expression fits the actual emotion. Think "a darker version of Gremlins" and you might find it barely amusing. Oddly, I wondered how this family would get out of the grasp of the elf. The fact that I have to embellish, in order to fulfill the submission requirement, is actually an equally odd condition.
After Midnight (1989)
Waste of time
After Midnight:
Two of these "stories" used the same stupid death blow tactic, which was death by friendly fire:
Story #1: Head decapitation by hubby
Story #3: Stabbing with a crutch-stake through a door
Give me a BREAK!
Main Story, climax:
Goof:
At frame 1:26:21, they're already holding hands...
How is it, maybe two frames later, at 1:26:28, we see the girl being sucked into some vortex...that they are no longer holding hands, and the girl being sucked into the vortex now SLOWLY slides her hand from Allison's forearm to her hand! They were already holding hands by then!
On top of this, with a vortex that powerful... her hand would not have just slowly slid in that fashion. We know it's fake, but this just looked like an obvious physics flub.
Let's not discount the literal Ray Harryhausen skeleton rip-off, who had already been doing such animation well before this movie.
Out of all of this, Allison ends up going through some "Nightmare on Elm Street/Twilight Zone The Movie" Time Out-esque journey that seems to foretell a never-ending frightmare loop for dear Allison.
John and the Hole (2021)
Thought provoking...
So, from what I've gathered, I must consider that John, and any part of his life, are fictional. Lily asks for the story, albeit at a confusing moment during the film. Maybe that's meant to make the story seem more believable? "I don't know..."
Could the story, in fact, be some trick from Lily's mom to scare her into a basic understanding of what it might be like to be an adult? This movie went in a couple of directions, leaving the viewer to decide what's the actual reality: John...dropping his family down a 15 foot hole (with each member physically unscathed...🤔) or Lily not only being told the story, but then apparently going out to view said hole, after her mom flies the coop? Seems more like the movie really being more about Lily's mom trying to teach her a lesson. The dialog seemed awkward and formal, at times.
9-1-1 (2018)
A clear goof, in a sometimes corny show...S5:E11
When Athena is in the perp's house on the hunt for him, she has her gun out during the whole scene, even up to the point where she starts to shove the boxes onto him, but then the scene change has her drawing the gun from her holster...yet she already had it out in the previous scene...it was never holstered! Was this supposed to be some weak attempt at heroic theatrics, or a true goof?
The Oval (2019)
Still here...?
This is really what I call cringe watching. I can't understand what is so intriguing about it. The same dull style of acting, awkward pausing, horrible acting! Here's usually how dialogs go:
Person 1: Are you mad?
Person 2: No
Person 1: You...sure?
Person 2: Pause ...Yes
Person 1: I see...
Person 2: You sure?
SO SO MUCH TERRIBLE
This is such wasteful viewing time....
Sistas (2019)
Ugh
Why is it that I can tell when it's a TP show, without even watching the TV? The actors, especially on the drama-types...TERRIBLE! And the mood music...cheesey. It always sounds like each actor is waiting for another's prompt. SMH.
Gladiator (2000)
The snake though...
You mean to tell me, for such a blockbuster movie, that they couldn't figure out how to make the snake look ACTUALLY venomous? I understand actor safety and all, but why not just use a non-venemous black snake? It still would look dangerous and convincing enough, and make that scene more credible.
The Turning (2020)
Terrible
What...did I just....Things just don't add up in this movie. One example is the creepy mannequin at the beginning, in her room. Please explain to me how, if this is supposed to be a product of HER imagination, that the stupid mannequin's head snaps back...leaving room that it would somehow play a part later...?! Kate had already LEFT the room, and apparently didn't even SEE this activity. It...was...POINTLESS, and a cheap trick to lure the viewer into thinking it would have some role in the creep factor! VIEWERS should've been paid to watch this confused attempt at entertainment! I wasted almost two SLEEPING HOURS to watch this crap! About 45 minutes in, the words "slow burn" entered my mind, and I could kick myself for not following my 10 minute rule... If the movie doesn't look good within 10 minute's time, it's probably a dud.. 😡
Death of Me (2020)
Summary...
Let's see: A couple take some mysterious potion, husband chokes out wife, wife enters the limbo zone. Rinse/repeat the weirdness. I started falling asleep somewhere mid-level. 😴 Some of the scenes were worth a quick laugh, but as others mentioned, the back and forth confusion became tedious.
Brightburn (2019)
Left something to be desired...
For all those that feel there was nothing left, consider this: Brandon DID have a form of kryptonite, however small. The drawback here is that there wasn't enough room to allow an earthling to act upon it, outside of the mother. How predictable, though, was her attempt to stab him? I mean come on, she held that ship-shard up there for ages! 😄
For all the senseless people that died, I feel the ending should've at least made him get fatally wounded. All that ending did was make it appear that Brandon was just going to wreak havoc, and take everything.
The Haves and the Have Nots (2013)
Hard to watch...
I have to sit and endure this show because my wife LOVES it.
The acting in this show is ridiculous, as is most of the television variations. It's amazing that every show features such laughable antics as: long awkward pauses, leading and obvious presumptuous rhetoric, horrible "play-like" back and forth discussions...if Veronica said, "The maid..." (S8E8) just ONE MORE TIME!" I mean seriously, is all the extra chatter in place just to fill up the hour? They take forever to make a point, and drag out dialogues way too long." "I'm gonna get you..." "No you're not..." "Yes...I am..." "No..."...5 minutes later...I'm gonna get you..." They beat around the bush about issues that are obvious, while asking leading questions with the kind of acting that makes them look unconvincing.
Painfully irritating. Are any of the actors even held accountable for how horrible their acting is? How has this show even lasted this long?
Before I Wake (2016)
Not really a new concept...
This movie starts off, and runs for the most part, fairly well. It's the last 8-10 minutes that (IMO) take an even more-drastic sideways turn. We have Cody, with the literal power (initially) to physically manifest his very THOUGHTS into existence while asleep (seemingly and unwittingly)...in real-time. This ability takes the rather abrupt turn in those last 8 minutes; apparently leaving an opening for a possible sequel...as in those final moments he is able to generate a butterfly while awake, a-la The Twilight Zone: The Movie's "It's a Good Life" segment "hook" . The new mom seems to hint, much like the mentor in the Twilight movie, that there's un-tapped potential in this kid, enough to make him eventually omnipotent. All in all, it was put together pretty well.
The Hunt (2020)
Glad I went back to watch from start...
This actually became surprisingly entertaining. I caught it about midway at first, and immediately thought the heroine's acting was cheesey. I later realized that was basically how her character "was" 😆, and seemed to be quite fitting. The faces she made went right along with her lackadaisical attitude. She also (at times, particularly during the kitchen floor close up) seemed to give off a Michelle Pfeiffer vibe. The one goof I caught was the shape of her blood stain near the end. When she was on the floor, the stain was closer to center, visibly darker, and larger; but when she got up, it was much smaller and lighter...All in all, a different sort of film for this genre, unexpected and a breath of fresh air.
Attack of the Tattie-Bogle (2017)
Tattie-don't bother...
One would think, with a title like this, that it would involve some interesting form of "creep..." But, alas, the marquee served its purpose..make it look like the antagonist is some otherworldly being, virtually impervious to damage...then his life is cut short when a brash, terrible acting brute bops him in the head. I wound up fast forwarding through most of it. In fact, I knew pretty much 3 minutes into the film (too short to be called "movie") that this was a dud. I truly believe it only takes 10 minutes to determine whether a film is good...this one failed with 7 minutes to spare. The bloopers at the end were probably the best part, so just jump to the last few minutes.
Voces (2020)
Predictable
As many have written to this effect: Been there, done that. When the old man and daughter were still chatting after the "releasing action", and given the time left (which was about 15 minutes), I started thinking "Ok, who's getting chopped next...?" Let's just say I'm thankful for technology allowing such things as viewing movies at faster speeds...thanks to Netflix for that...
Death House (2017)
Couldn't get through the first 16 minutes
Even an amateur can see a bad movie such as this. The first cell scene looked like actors standing in position in a play. Just...stiff; and the closeup shots were reminiscent of a bad day time soap opera. I couldn't see this getting any better for the next 1 hour 15 minutes.
Us (2019)
Inconsistent
So...did anyone think about the fact that, given the discovery that the doppelganger was already in place...how did HER doppelganger show up AGAIN?! IT was ALREADY there! This just didn't add up. With the evil one already living in place of the good one that she strangled and handcuffed to the bed, her doppelganger shouldn't have shown up that night as part of the doppelganger family! 🤔
Clearly the real Adelaide was locked on that bed, and there was never a scene where it depicted her being freed. Even if you somehow thought she got freed, you have to wonder why would she have an evil mindset, and want to go after her own doppelganger? This would have been a grown family. How could a young version of herself be mindful enough to know how to find her actual doppelganger as an adult? Just...NOPE.
Hell Fest (2018)
Been there...
Anyone born in the 60's - 80's will be able to easily compare this to any of the classic deranged-killer-for-no-apparent-reason films. Predictable at best, with at least one scene's camera angle making it quite obvious what was about to happen.
Like a Boss (2020)
Wait for it to come to TV...
This movie wasn't worth seeing on the big screen. Maybe on certain TV networks.
The Monster (2016)
Poor at best
Excessive flashbacks, too much screaming...the point was received very early on that their relationship was heavily strained (even BEFORE the actual "monster" encounter) and a monster that literally looked like a man in a black trash bag...The total lack of respect for both leads was way over the top.
SPOILERS:Additionally, please explain how the youngest of the protagonists gets the better of the monster, when several adults lack ANY capacity; and they just seem to passively allow the "monster" to maul, rob, and destroy? How does such a huge, clearly other-worldly creature get dispatched by about 2 minutes of fire and exactly 13 stick floggings, 2 of which were half-hearted?