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Nirak_the_Destructor
Reviews
Happy Feet (2006)
I pretty much hated it
I would rather put my children in a burlap sack and throw them over a bridge than let them watch this movie. I'll admit that my fondness for penguins made me eager to watch this film, but that as soon as it went into all that business with the heart-songs, I was quickly disenchanted. Why would such a noble bird be running around singing pop songs? And, why were some of the penguins Mexican stereotypes? Why did the lead females look like they had breasts underneath all their feathers? It's all beyond me.
On top of that, the environmental message was just so over the top. Now don't get me wrong, I love the environment and want all of our animal friends to live long, happy lives with no shortage of fish. But I think there are better ways to get that message across than sitting through a relentless lecture from a poorly written kids movie.
I went to see it with my little brother, and we weren't ten minutes into it before we began to give each other doubtful looks. By the time it was 30 minutes in, we knew for sure we had each just wasted $6.50 and two hours. All I can say is "Thank God we got the matinée price."
Hard Candy (2005)
I have never craved the sweet escape of death so much in my life
Pardon me if that sounded emo, but this movie killed me a little bit on the inside. I ached every time I thought about it over the next couple of weeks. I was really excited to see Hard Candy at first. I thought it looked neat. I liked the cover, and the synopsis on the back intrigued me. So, like a fool, I rented it.
Oh my God. What happened to character development? They made the effort with Jeff. They had him tell one story about his past. One. It wasn't much, but it was enough that I grew to like him, just a little bit. Unfortunately, it shouldn't have been Jeff that I was growing to like, and, possibly, love. It should have been Hayley. Here's this little psychotic girl who's running around drugging pedophiles so she can kill them and saying, "I am every little girl you've ever touched!" over and over again. She was a total pain in the ass. I wanted her to die. I wanted Jeff to break free, kill her, and then go get some therapy to help him quit having sex with children. That shouldn't have been the case. I should have been on Hayley's side, which I would have been if she'd actually had a past that allowed me to empathize with her motives.
I sat through the whole movie because I truly believed that somewhere in the film a real plot would emerge, or some characters would start to develop, or someone would cut out Hayley's tongue so she would finally shut up.
I loathed this movie. I have to leave for school now, but trust me, if I had time, I could go into so much more detail. This movie sucked.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
gory and marvelous
This was one horror movie that did not leave me feeling empty inside upon its conclusion. It was a relief to watch a slasher flick that did not try to add dimension to the plot and the characters with hard-to-buy romantic entanglements or irrelevant heart-to-hearts between the last two survivors. In The Hills Have Eyes no one falls in love because all the characters come from one family. No one has any deep secrets to divulge because they are, once again, part of the same family. With that taken care of, The Hills Have Eyes can focus on what's really important: violent, bloody, hideous death. And what glorious death it is! The Carter's are too terrified to talk about anything but their impending doom, and the mutants are often too disfigured to speak easily, so there is very little dialog that does not serve only to propel the movie forwards to the next gruesome confrontation. I felt very good after watching this movie.