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Reviews
Occupation (2018)
Terrible
What a load of rubbish! The script appears to have been written by a ten year old. I suppose that's understandable given this piece of cheapo infantile dross just feels like an episode of Power Rangers. The story just leaps from one ridiculous unbelievable episode to another. Bet you never knew someone could be woken from a coma just by shouting at them?! It doesn't even feel like a movie. It seems to have more in common with an 80s TV series. I half expected the end titles to declare "TUNE IN NEXT WEEK!" Maybe that was when they might make up for almost zero back story or the reasons behind the invasion or the aliens origins. In fact, some parts are so facile as to be just laughable. I particularly liked the alien commander who seems to have learned to speak just like a comic book villain.
The most amazing thing about this film though is that it got 87% on Rotten Tomatoes! Must have been some kind of mass hysteria....
Civil War (2024)
Not the film you might expect...
From the trailers and publicity blurb, I was expecting some kind of comic book "Die Hard," type action movie, verging on the 'B' level.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
This is an intelligent and engaging of how war dehumanises its' participants and ultimately ends up without meaning for either victors or losers.
You never really know what has caused this conflict other than from the interpretation of comments made by the characters. The backstory has to be completely surmised. But that doesn't matter. There isn't really too much of a story line - just a series of scenes observing the effects of war and the breakdown of civil order on people and society.
It succeeds in engaging its audience, providing shocks, despair, frustration and in its final scenes, an adrenaline rush which left me shaking. It's a long time since I've seen a film this good.
The whole premise reminded me greatly of "Apocalypse Now." Except that that movie was about the recent past. This is about an all too plausible near future.
Great work from all involved.
Golda (2023)
Amazing make-up.... But that's all
So after watching this biopic, what do I know about Golda Meir? Well... she smoked like a chimney, wore unattractive shoes and was miserable most of the time. This movie doesn't really tell you anything else. Not about her life, her politics or her career.
And although being supposedly concerned with the Yom Kippur war, deals with it through third hand representations which don't really provide any insight as to the actual events. In fact, the Battle of Mitla Pass, despite being known as one of the key tank battles of the 20th century, is just reduced to a boring simplification. That's an analogy for the film really... An exciting and pivotal period in Western political history just expressed through a load of hand-wringing cinematic vignettes. A massive amount of potential just wasted.
Then there's the absurdities:
1-There seems to be just one airliner in Israel. And that is some kind of fantasy mock-up left over from a Bond movie;
2 - Why do all the leading characters speak in English and the soldiers fighting speak in Hebrew?
3 - there are more but I've just realised I can't be bothered - a bit like this films writers...
" I'm bored, can't be bothered to write another scene."
"Why don't we show her on the rooftop gazing out and smoking?"
" Again?"
" Yeah - why not? Make her look miserable as well."
" But we've done that six times already!"
"So what? Come on - pubs are open."
" Oh ok then."
(Copies and pastes...)
Boring and without much to offer other than some fantastic make-up (Which is the only reason I've given it 4)
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
Not bad - even if it is a complete rip-off!
I quite enjoyed it really. But I suspect that was because I had no expectations of it.
There are a lot of negative reviews about the plot. I find this a little confusing as the entire storyline is made up of elements from other quite successful films. Basically it is "The Magnificent Seven," (and by implication "The Seven Samurai,") combined with an awful lot of Star Wars as well as a fair bit of "Inglorious B*sterds" and executed in the style of Warhammer 40k.
On the upside, the fight scenes are quite engaging if somewhat stylised (but far better than anything Ridley Scott could come up with). The villains are truly villainous and the heroes are really hard. And it's quite nice to know that the Ulster accent has survived to spread across the galaxy...
Frankly it's entertaining and really not worth the slagging off of some of the two star reviews. Some people have marked it down for being simplistic; while others have done so for it being incoherent. Well, it can't be both!
I believe there is a herd mentality which sometimes kicks in amongst reviewers of trying to outdo each other in terms of negativity regardless of the standard of the movie in reality. In actuality, "Rebel Moon," no worse than many graphic novels - and a damn sight better than a lot of superhero movies.
Native (2016)
Nothing happens!
Yep...
You sit through the entire movie just to see if there is actually any point to it.
There are actually only about 3 events in this film which might contribute to anything resembling a narrative. The slight twist is the only thing which justifies 3, as opposed to fewer stars. But those 3 events could probably be condensed into about 30 mins tops. This means the entire plot really is only strong enough to be the opening premise of a far better movie. Consequently, the conclusion is weak and unresolved.
As for the rest of the film, this is filled by simply stretching out these few themes and long interludes of self reflection.
Pretty pointless and dull really.
Annihilation (2018)
Vaguely interesting but completely unfulfilling
This movie seems to be based on an only half-conceived idea and without a clear route for any kind of story development.
There is no coherent science unpinning events nor any indication of investigation from The supposedly scientific team. I'm a bit lost as to why such a team would be kitted out like soldiers with automatic weapons rather than instruments of analysis.
But nothing in this movie makes much sense. It's not very deep or thought out in scientific terms. It's actually more like a slasher flick than anything to do with science-fiction.
There are pretty colours and some nice effects - but ultimately, this movie is pretty vacuous.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Enjoyable hokum
If you know absolutely nothing about aircraft or arial warfare, this film is for you!
The way to enjoy it is to fully throw yourself into the concept of cinema depending on the suspension of disbelief. This movie will then test this philosophy to the extreme.
The backstory is very flimsy in concept, reducing The apparent enemy to simply bring "the baddies."
However, the arial footage is tremendous and the final dogfights are very engaging. Similarly, the characters are pretty well developed and it is quite touching to see Val Kilmer in what must be one of his final roles.
Whatever you do, just don't allow yourself to think "Why....?"
World War Four (2019)
Incomprehensible plot tied together with stock footage
I have absolutely no idea what the story of this film is meant to be. There is basically almost zero plot or character development. It just seems to launch in to military conflict with no explanation whatsoever. That conflict is illustrated by huge amounts of stock footage stitched together with no consideration of continuity. A flight of aircraft is supposed to be over the Black Sea. But this changes to the Baltic - and then back to the Black Sea. However, the planes are shown over desert, then snow covered mountains, ocean and somewhere with palm trees.
The planes themselves somehow metamorphosize from Danish F-16s and RAF Typhoons into USAF aircraft. They are shown attacking what is described as a "Mig-23," but obviously is a F-18. This then changes to a Mig-21 - and then gets shot down when it turns into an American QF-4 drone.
This must have been the cheapest movie in history
Avoid.
The Danish Girl (2015)
Boring and miserable
Watching this film is a bit like trying to chew cardboard and enjoy it.
Eddie Redmayne just looks like Eddie Redmayne in a wig. His character is gratingly self-indulgent and just spends the entire film mincing or blubbing.
The ending doesn't come as a surprise - turns out it WAS a really bad idea to get your bits surgically altered in 1926 before penicillin.
Do yourself a favour and watch "Tootsie," instead - Dustin Hoffman has a far more sensible tale on the business.
The Operative (2019)
Boring
Nothing happens.
Absolutely nothing.
Diane Kruger is the only thing which saves this plodding disjointed mess.
Can't believe I wasted nearly two hours of my life waiting for some kind of conclusion to the story.
Eternals (2021)
Not just another superhero film
Having read negative reports of this movie, I didn't know what to expect but went in with an open mind.
And I was pleasantly surprised.
This isn't just a load of fighting, car chases and destruction. There is intelligent discourse, character development and sone excellent historical scenery. Yeah there are some lapses in research with regard to the final point, but the recreation of Babylon's Ishtar Gate and Gupta Empire shikharas and quite spectacular. The plot twists are usually unexpected and serve to aid an engaging storyline.
The plot is pretty close to a lot of the original comics and involves a substantial amount of conversation rather than pure mindless action. If you are familiar with the comics, there are a lot "Ah-hah!" events presumably laying groundwork for the next series of MCU films. The work as a whole very much has the feel of something which was originally created by the late Jack Kirby.
I suspect the negative reviews come largely from those viewers who prefer explosions to dialogue or aren't comic book readers.
In the end I really enjoyed this film exactly because it DIDN'T feel like just another Avengers or Spider-man flick. If you prefer your movies to be a little more developed than "Die Hard XXVII," or something then you might just enjoy this.
Rock and Roll's Greatest Failure: Otway the Movie (2013)
Entertaining, heart warming and very very funny!
Jim Morrison once said that he was interested in strange and unusual behaviour - especially that which appeared to have no apparent meaning. John Otway seems to bring this statement to life.
I recall watching Otway and Barretton the Old Grey Whistle Testvas a teenager and being amazed, The anarchic antics of John Otway were both hilarious and powerful. Although being aware of the split with Barrett, I lost track of Otways subsequent career (if it can be called that!)
This movie covers those years in a fascinating manner. Otway himself comes over as a truly lovely and positive bloke. Always seems to be smiling - even when he appears to have lost upwards of 60 grand on an insane and doomed to fail adventure. Everybody else in the film speaks affectionately, yet despairingly of his antics. Yet despite almost every idea of Otway's seeming like it's "halfway down the bottle," a surprising proportion of them appear to come off in one form or another. (Even if it is not as intended...)
The impression one is left with is that Otway has an indefatigable "can-do," attitude which is naive to the point of "Hey kids! Let's put the show on right here!" His positivity is really refreshing and his often meaningless anarchic antics, side-split tingly funny. Despite being linked with the punk movement (erroneously probably) Otway is a classic English eccentric, obviously cared for and held in deep affection by his fan base - with whom he seems to have an unusually close relationship.
Otway might describe himself as "Rock and Roll's Greatest Failure," but I felt this movie proves him a success as a human being.
The History of Time Travel (2014)
Proves that good cinema does not depend on budget
There is little to this film other than people being interviewed. However, the this is what makes it a great piece of story telling. The narrative isn't even obvious to the main characters and an only truly be discerned by the viewer exercising a degree of observation of things going on in the background. I could probably write pages about this film as it very thought provoking (as the best time travel films tend to be.)
No special effects. No action scenes. Just a really clever script. Intelligent movies like this don't come along too often.
Jericho (2016)
Absolute twaddle
There is a difference between a suspension of disbelief and having to be completely ignorant of history.
This series seems to depend on the latter. You don't have to be a railway or history buff to apply a little logic and consequently go "Hang on a minute... that's ridiculous!"
Anybody enjoying this series would probably consider The Flintstones a serious documentary.
The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020)
Great history if nothing else
I loved this film.
But I must admit I'm not sure whether that's because it was a good movie or because I'm really interested in the historical event.
I found it gripping and involving with some superb performances. Sacha Baron Cohen's voice as Abbie Hoffman especially I felt was a triumph. (Trouble is Cohen will always be a lot cooler than Hoffman ever was.)
Frank Langella is superb as the partisan judge. I always feel that if an actor can make a character seem especially dislikable, then they've done a good job.
There are inevitably some short cuts and omissions from the screenplay in comparison to the real world. But as a snap shot of a period when the US appeared to be at war with itself, I found it fascinating and I was left wondering if anything had changed given recent events
From Time to Time (2009)
If you are over 12 years old, don't bother
Ridiculous beyond belief. This film demands a suspension of disbelief from the viewer which would make "Plan 9 from outer space," seem like a documentary.
No explanation for apparent time slips or Maggie Smiths seemingly inexhaustible detailed knowledge of the paranormal is given. Some aspects of the script are just downright laughable - such as the "happy" ending of the main character discovering that although his father has been blown to bits in action, it's all alright as he can still have a full family life by communing with the dead.
It's interesting that half the cast of "Downton Abbey," appear to be in this movie. So it's hardly surprising that it probably will appeal to those who also like that particular example of a Daily Mail reader's wet dream. It's the sort of film where one would expect all cab drivers to call their fare "Guvnor," and talk like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.
In short - it's a kids film. And not a very good one at that.
A Call to Spy (2019)
A worthy story ruined by implausible presentation
So it may be true.
But the lack of attention to detail just shouts of lazy research. Planes changing type from shot to shot. A radio broadcast two years out of date.
And what kind of undercover spy in occupied France lugs about a vast amount of eye make-up?
Couldn't really take it seriously
Away (2020)
BORRRRRRRINGGGGG!!!!
Yet another series about space which turns out not to be about space but is in fact just an exercise in navel gazing.
It's really just a soap opera about relationships. The space backdrop is purely incidental. The turgid long-winded exploration of each particular national stereotype could take place just about anywhere - a prison, a submarine, a cave - or even just a bare set. Because unless you are interested in a load of sub-Jerry Springer confessions and self-indulgent trauma, there's nothing for you here.
The Monuments Men (2014)
Pretty Lame really
Moderately entertaining if somewhat unbelievable.
It's a bit hard to take seriously someone as grossly obese as John Goodman in fatigues. There's no way anyone could have got to that size on wartime rations let alone manage an assault course.
Clooney has said the film is about "80% accurate." Personally I find that a little generous given that the climax of the movie is ripped off a real life event completely unrelated to this story. It is actually a retelling of the US's mission to beat the Soviets to Werner Von Braun and his missile research and nothing to do with saving works of art.
But from the rest of the unengaging storyline I'm guessing there wasn't actually enough excitement in the true events to warrant an interesting screenplay.
In summary, it passes a couple of hours if you are bored. Band of Brothers - it ain't.
Ford v Ferrari (2019)
Beautiful
Visually stylish, gorgeously filmed and with a fantastic soundtrack.
I really am not a big fan of motor racing but this kept me enthralled from beginning to end.
The real life events have been manipulated somewhat for entertainments sake but the result is so good that hardly matters.
Best film I've seen for years
Star Trek Beyond (2016)
Grossly disappointing
The first two films in this series were wonderful innovative revivals of a classic. This by contrast is one of the worst misuses of the Star Trek franchise ever conceived.
Hardly any storyline. Facile plot devices. Implausible simplifications designed to allow the lurch to the next action scene. The list goes on.
A film without intelligence or depth.
Simon Pegg should be put in front of a firing squad for putting together a screenplay with debases and insults the genre.
Gladiator (2000)
Worst pile of crap ever filmed
Appalling continuity.
Woeful direction.
Absurdly ignorant of actual history.
The cinematic equivalent of Henry VIII defeating the Luftwaffe by inventing the electric guitar. The way to like this movie is to have no understanding of history and even less of film making.
Indefensible tosh for gullible idiots
Black Panther (2018)
A worthy political point doesn't mean a movie isn't going to be mediocre
And thats what this film is.
Yes its great that the main actors are black (although as its set in central Africa what else would they be???).
But in reality it s a very average film. There is nothing particularly oustanding about the movie. The set design is very good (in particular the "techno-organic" archirecture of Wakanda.) But the storyline is very average - and even sub-standard in places.
The battle scenes in particular are somewhat absurd and unbelieveable - looking more like a mass brawl than any military operation. I suspect whoever wrote it knows very little about armed conflict or military history.
Also the the villains are very disappointing. Klaw is probably the best bad guy the MCU has come up with. However, he is dispensed with early on to make way fort just another baddie clone of the hero. Same as happened in Ant-Man, Thor, Winter Soldier, Iron Man... in fact just about every other Marvel film. A major opportunity lost.
Anyway... it's okay - just. But just that and nothing more.
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)
Excellent end to the series
I dont really understand why this movie hasn't proved more popular. Could be because its pretty dark with an overall sense of impending doom and inevitable tragedy? Not enough colourful outfits and jingoism? No politically correct diversity angles waved in your face?
Anyway, I've been an X-men fan for close on 5 decades and been waiting for a decent cinema adaptation of the Dark Phoenix saga for about 3 of them. And frankly I dont think it could have been done any better. The whole Dark Phoenix story has been altered and re-told numerous times in the comics (in reality just to suit sales) and this film treads a path through, between and along them taking elements from all as necessary. Yeah sure there may be continuity issues - but any comic geek with a little imagination can rationise and justify all of them. Actually to be a little iconoclastic, the film is probably somewhat more believeable than the original comic.
In terms of story, it does not let up on the tension keeping us wondering whether in this incarnation will Jean get out alive? The fight scenes are excellent and I feel it is the first time we have ever seen Cyclops properly in combat the way he is portrayed in the mags. I loved "First Class," and I feel this is the first movie to demonstrate an comparable standard.
Its not going to suit everyone - but if you go with a completely open mind maybe you will enjoy it. There have been far worse superhero movies recently!
Hail, Caesar! (2016)
What is the point of this movie???
Polished, technically competent and nicely shot.
However - utterly devoid of of any meaningful story. The five or six amusing jokes throughout the length of the film were nowhere near enough to rescue this from being just downright boring. It is merely a collection of dead end sub-plots which do not ever really mesh into a whole. Visually slick but without depth, "Hail Caesar," confirmed to me that the Cohn Bros are one of cinemas most overrated concerns.