leoxatzian Reviews

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Diamond Is Unbreakable - Chapter 1 (2017)

A surprisingly good adaptation.

[7/10 · 12 July 2020]

This adaptation of the popular anime actually has a lot going for it. The casting choices and costumes are downright perfect and the performances are spot on. The changes made are understandable, the things kept the same are satisfyingly well done and the things added even make some story elements work a little better than they did in the anime. The only underwhelming aspect of this adaptation are it's visuals that, while by no means awful, do fall short of the anime's visually spectacular action. Overall, this adaptation hits the mark far more than it misses it and makes for a satisfying watch for any "JoJo" fan.

Fantasy Island (2020)

One of the year's worst cinematic offerings.

[2/10 · 2 May 2020]

Even if the idea of making a "Fantasy Island" horror movie in the year 2020 already sounds bad, the way in which this movie manages to fail is still beyond compression. All of the characters are uninteresting and impossible to like, none of the actors are given good material to work with and there isn't a single scary scene to be found. Easily the worst part of the movie however is it's mind bogglingly awful script. The plot is incredibly confusing and makes so little sense to the point where the most impressive thing about it is the amount of holes it has.

Dredd (2012)

Largely unappreciated.

[7/10 · 28 April 2020]

With a plot that greatly benefits from it's simplicity, gripping characters brought to life through some really spot on performances and action that is just as awesome as it is unapologetically gory, "Dredd" delivers on everything it promises viewers. The movie effectively sells you on it's futuristic dystopian world thanks to clever cinematography, imaginatively gritty set design and the fact that both the heroes and the villains feel like two sides of the same coin. Overall, this makes for a gripping, blood drenched and action packed comic book movie that definitely deserves ninety minutes of your time.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

What you see is what you get and that's pretty much it.

[3/10 · 20 March 2020]

While quality and substance is never to be expected from a "Resident Evil" movie, that doesn't mean that all of it's problems should be glanced over. To be fair, Milla Jovovich is entertaining in the leading role, some action sequences are pretty cool and the practical effects can be somewhat impressive. At the same time however, the narrative suffers from an almost complete lack of focus, the CGI could use some work and the editing is so atrociously quick that it makes the majority of the scenes either really hard to follow or downright seizure inducing, making for a mostly unpleasant viewing experience.

The Gentlemen (2019)

Guy Richie returns to his forte.

[8/10 · 16 February 2020]

"The Gentlemen" sees writer/director Guy Richie returning to what he does best in spectacular fashion with yet another truly admirable crime flick. The directing, acting and dialogue is great, the characters are a blast to watch and the writing is simply phenomenal. Of course, as is to be expected from a crime flick written and directed by Guy Richie, it will prove to be a tad bit too complicated to follow and overstuffed with characters for some, but those who are willing to give the movie their undivided attention will find it to be a truly well written and cleverly thought out film that will have them going crazy at every single twist and turn it takes.

Annabelle (I) (2014)

Falls way short of it's potential.

[3/10 · 14 February 2020]

Instead of being even partially based on the supposed true story behind the titular doll, "Annabelle" chooses to create a completely fictional narrative all of it's own. While that isn't in any way a bad idea, what ends up hurting the movie is the undercooked, boring and somewhat uneventful direction in which it decides to take the story it makes for itself. At the end of it all however, a horror movie is mainly judged by just how scary it is and in the case of "Annabelle", with only the exception of a handful of moments, staring at the poster for a while will most likely be more unsettling and frightening that sitting through the actual movie.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)

A wannabe franchise starter.

[4/10 · 11 February 2020]

After the "Harry Potter" movies adapted a series of young adult novels to monumental success, every studio wanted a piece of the pie and "The vampire's assistant" is Universal's failed attempt to do just that. Most of the acting talent and cinematic potential of the source material feels wasted in this clumsy adaptation that doesn't seem to have it's priorities straight. After all that, what we end up getting is not so much a good movie as it is a mildly watchable one that forgets to provide any kind of closure for itself, choosing instead to leave the door open for a bunch of sequels that never happened.

Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)

Edward. D. Wood Jr's magnum opus of terrible filmmaking.

[1/10 · 9 February 2020]

"Plan 9 from outer space" has to be seen to be believed and will, in one way or another, not leave you the same it found you. In the span of only 75 minutes, it manages to reach a level of unbearable awfulness that was previously inconceivable to human beings, making it impossible for anyone to mentally prepare for. At the end of it all, it will have either provided you with the most enjoyable time you've ever had watching a bad movie, or it will have introduced you to a world of endless mental suffering the likes of which don't even come close to being matched by any other movie.

Meet the Spartans (2008)

A waste of time that barely qualifies as a movie.

[2/10 · 8 February 2020]

Like every other movie from the writing/directing duo of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, "Meet the Spartans" is a braindead spoof movie that is absolutely awful, yet somehow still not worth getting angry at. It's nothing but idiotic slapstick, gross out gags, juvenile sex jokes, lame pop culture references, racial stereotypes and the most offensive gay jokes even written. Then again, when a movie is only 85 minutes, of which the actual movie is only an hour and the rest is comprised of credits and extended versions of already shown scenes, it becomes clear that nobody making it was even trying.

Hancock (2008)

A huge missed opportunity.

[4/10 · 17 November 2019]

The initial premise had a lot of potential for success and with the lovable and charismatic Will Smith in the leading role, it could have led to a truly unique and memorable superhero movie. Unfortunately, while the movie does initially seem to know what it's doing and even offers some solid laughs, it takes a nosedive in quality and completely shifts it's gears in a matter of seconds around the half way point. As a result, what could have been a much simpler but way more impactful story about a reckless hero trying to be a better person for both himself and others, turns into a needlessly convoluted mess that ultimately amounts to nothing.

Elektra (2005)

A movie that gives superheroines a bad name.

[2/10 · 27 September 2019]

There are countless great examples of strong female characters and superheroines found in comic books, movies and TV shows that have proven to audiences of both genders that not only can they be multidimensional, compelling, inspirational and pretty all at once, but also that a story with them as the focus can lead to something truly great and memorable. Unfortunately, "Elektra" is far from being such an example and that is mainly due to it's unlikable and one dimensional protagonist who is made even worst by Jenifer Garner's bland, unconvincing and downright soulless performance.

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)

All the cool action you could ask for, but not much else.

[6/10 · 5 September 2019]

The plot is too ludicrous and complicated for it's own good and the antagonist is really bland and generic, but the main characters are really likable and work off of each other very well, the comedy is pretty amusing and the action packs all the explosions, car chases, fist fights and gunfire you could as for. There is very little in terms of substance but that is not what you should be expecting to get going into this movie. If you are just simply looking to watch some likable badass people doing cool badass things however, you will certainly get your money's worth.

Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019)

Nothing but the best from Quentin Tarantino once again.

[8/10 · 31 August 2019]

With a cast of insanely talented actors giving excellent performances, a deep understanding and love for the time period and Quentin Tarantino's signature style of writing and directing covering every single frame, "Once upon a time in Hollywood" is both a love letter to the golden age of cinema and an all around fantastic movie. Unsurprisingly, Quentin Tarantino's style of filmmaking will confuse those unfamiliar with his tropes, but for those who remain patient and invested in the story for long enough, the payoff is huge.

Zombieland (2009)

A master class on how to break the mold.

[8/10 · 30 July 2019]

While there are a lot of undeniably high quality zombie movies and shows out there offering both a gripping story and great characters, most of them also tend to have an overly serious tone that sacrifices having fun for more emotional storytelling. "Zombieland" however manages to add a more humourous tone into the mix without taking the focus off its characters. A great sense of humor, some really likable characters, fun action and a few touching moments here and there make for a zombie movie that hits all the right notes and manages to stand out in an oversaturated market.

Scary Movie 3 (2003)

The same flavor of immature humor.

[3/10 · 27 July 2019]

Despite the departure of the Wayans brothers from the franchise and a cast overflowing with comedic talent, "Scary movie 3" still offers the same kind of obvious, disgusting and low brow humor we have come to expect from these movies. Much like it's predecessors, this third instalment has a few solid laughs, but it focuses a lot more on satirizing movies that were popular at the time and making as many immature and unimaginable jokes as possible without trying to take the franchise any further in terms of comedy, making the audience feel like the filmmakers are just testing their patience at this point.

The Lion King (2019)

Way too similar to the original for it's own good.

[5/10 · 26 July 2019]

While "The Lion King" might be a better put together movie than most live action Disney remakes, it also doesn't take nearly as many chances as some others did. The CG-animation is undeniably gorgeous but it's realistic style doesn't capture the original's expressiveness, the musical numbers are either kept exactly the same or changed for the worst and while the voice cast is really talented and charming, they don't really bring anything new to the table. In conclusion, while it is a pretty good movie in its own right, it is just so insultingly similar to the original that it barely feels like a remake at all.

X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)

A terrible way to close the book on such a beloved movie franchise.

[3/10 · 20 July 2019]

Despite the ups and downs the X-men movies have had during their 19 year run, "Dark Phoenix" still feels particularly disappointing. Most of the action sequences are rather underwhelming, the antagonists are as underdeveloped and uninteresting as they get and fan favorite characters are either completely missing or spend the entire movie being confused about what their motivations are. Easily the movie's biggest problem is its pacing, which is so fast that it leaves very little time for any kind of development that could have gotten the audience invested in the story and characters.

Samurai Cop (1991)

A fun little mess of a movie.

[6/10 · 7 July 2019]

As far as enjoyably bad movies go, "Samurai Cop" might not be the absolute best, but it definitely manages to give the audience a hell of a good laugh. A head-scratching plot, laughable dialogue, an endless supply of lame shout-outs and fight sequences, gratuitous nudity, lighting reminiscent of various Instagram filters, the lamest and most fake looking death scenes put to film and a cast of people who couldn't give a solid performance if their lives depended on it make for a dreadful martial arts buddy cop movie that you simply can't take your eyes off of.

Scream 3 (2000)

Another great sequel in the bag.

[7/10 · 26 June 2019]

Much like any good conclusion to a beloved movie trilogy, "Scream 3" manages to once again bring back everything that we loved and couldn't get enough of from the trilogy's first two instalments while also adding it's own twists and turns to make it an interesting and worthwhile movie in it's own right. The beloved cast of recurring characters, Wes Craven's suspenseful directing, the griping plot and the franchise's signature sense of meta humor makes this a great conclusion to a great slasher movie trilogy that has successfully gone out of it's way to show just how good these movies can be and how they can be done right.

Men in Black: International (2019)

A failed attempt at bringing back a beloved franchise.

[3/10 · 19 June 2019]

With the promise of expanding the "Men In Black" universe and the combined star power of Chris Hemsworth, Tessa Thompson and Liam Neeson, you would expect "Men In Black : International" to be a grand revival for the beloved franchise but oh how wrong you'd be to actually believe it. With mediocre action and effects, non-existent chemistry between our protagonists and a plot that's both lazily written and completely all over the place what we end up getting is a completely forgettable movie-going experience that just so happens to be part of a once great franchise.

Scooby-Doo (2002)

Simply doesn't live up to the cartoon's high standards.

[3/10 · 13 June 2019]

The only thing in this movie that could be considered an almost perfect representation of the source material is the character of Shaggy Rogers. Mathew Lillard fells like he was tailor-made for this role not just because he looks and sounds exactly like him, but also because his infectious enthusiasm and undying commitment to it makes him almost as entertaining as his animated counterpart. Other than that, the rest of the movie falls victim to jokes that almost never work, dreadful CGI effects and an incomprehensibly dull plot, resulting in an adaptation whose failure is an easy mystery to figure out.

The Hustle (I) (2019)

Pretty good but also pretty unnecessary.

[5/10 · 7 June 2019]

The idea of remaking the same movie a second time, with the only notable change being the characters' genders, makes "The Hustle" feel rather pointless. Admittedly, the gender swap itself doesn't really hurt the movie in any way and that is primarily because the cast is really charming and does a pretty good job with what they are given. The real problem is that everything else is the exact same thing being done in the exact same way as before, making the audience feel like they were better off rewatching the undoubtedly superior "Dirty rotten scoundrels".

Aladdin (2019)

Severely lacking the original's magic.

[6/10 · 2 June 2019]

The amazing costume design, colorful sets and unbelievable dance choreography make this movie truly gorgeous to look at. Also, the songs and musical numbers are enchanting to listen to and the enthusiasm that the cast brings out while performing them is infectious. Sadly, everything else in it works to it's detriment, including some of the characters feeling horribly miscast, changes to the plot, barely explained character motivations and CGI effects that are rather hit or miss. In conclusion, while this new version of the timeless classic has a lot going for it, it also has a lot of serious problems that simply can't go unnoticed.

The Dictator (2012)

A dictatorship has never been this hilarious.

[7/10 · 17 May 2019]

On the one hand, Sacha Baron Cohen's "The Dictator" is a political satire that, much like most of his comedies, is simply not for the easily offended. On the other hand, people who don't mind watching a movie where international politics, dictatorships, religious groups and even entire cultures are endlessly being mocked for the fun of it will have nothing short of a great time. In conclusion, while those who don't enjoy offensive humour will find this to be an unfunny and tasteless movie those who do will simply have a lot of fun watching it.

Little Nicky (2000)

A laugh-free catastrophe.

[2/10 · 12 May 2019]

Although nothing groundbreaking was to be expected from a movie like this, nobody could have predicted how unbelievably bad it was gonna be either. With Adam Sandler giving the most unbearably annoying performance he could have given and jokes that would struggle to make even the most immature of kids laugh, "Little Nicky" ends up being a nineteen minute long movie that sadly feels like an eternity in the deep South.