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jeffthebarbarian
Reviews
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Boring rehash that only takes away from the original two films.
My biggest complaint for the movie is not the opening scene, but how it's action sequences never truly riveting.
The action went too fast, and the shots were too close up to really give the film an epic feel. The characters never felt like they were really in any danger.
There was no build up of any emotion for any of the characters. Honestly, the T800 showed more humanity than I feel like any of the main characters.
I didn't care about any of the characters. Didn't care for the movie.
Pet Sematary (2019)
Rushed and Predictable for all it's "twists"
First of all, the biggest complaint that I have is that the "kids are creepy" trope is so played to death here. The film doesn't do the creepy kid part very well except the first reveal scene. Malicious whispering is not scary.
The "twists" don't really add anything to the film.
The remake in employing these twists to distinguish itself between the original film only succeeds in defining itself by the parameters of the original instead of making the story it's own.
The story is rushed. The family is never made sympathetic or likeable. The Dr. never really tried to help Pascow, and the writers have obviously never visited an actual ER.
A pointless update that brings nothing new or interesting to the table except the very very end. I liked the ending.
Captain Marvel (2019)
Disappointing
I am sorry, but besides some witty banter, this superheroine flick falls far short of the mark.
My gripes with this movie are pretty much the same gripes I have with a lot of these action movies...no suspense, no character growth, poorly written script.
I did not care for these characters at all. For all it's action sequences, it was boring.
What a waste of time.
C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud (1989)
A really horrible movie, but I liked it anyway.
This movie is downright awful; it stinks. However, despite that fact, I really like it. I caught CHUD 2 on the sci-fi channel when I was in high school. Wow, I thought to myself, this is a horrific movie...horrifically bad. It's also hysterically funny. I think you have to be in the right frame of mind to watch this movie. Think slapstick (or perhaps slapstick as this is a horror movie...haha, get it?) with gore. Anyway, you have to be in the mood to enjoy corn and camp because this movie is chock full of it. The special effects are cheesy (like supermac from Kraft...the cheesiest there is) as is the dialog and acting. The best part...when the lead zombie literally takes out his heart to offer it to a girl. It's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen on screen, but it's awesome. A literal translation for giving someone your heart. Don't miss the awful theme song (I want it as the ringer for my phone). This movie is so bad, but in a good way. Anyway, if you laughed at any of the jokes in this review (they were awful, I know), then you just might like the movie; they're both on about the same level.
Conan the Barbarian (1982)
This is my favorite movie.
I admit it. Conan the Barbarian is my favorite movie. I don't remember the first time I saw Conan the Barbarian; it was before elementary school. However, this film has stayed with me throughout the years when so many sword & sorcery films miserably miss the mark. Why? First of all, the imagery is beautiful. Unlike Conan the Destroyer, Red Sonja, Kull the Conqueror, and the myriad other fantasy films out there, Conan the Barbarian features beautiful outdoor imagery and sets that were obviously painstakingly created for that dark gritty feel of the written series. The costumes are well done. One sees earth tones prevailing, none of the incredibly silly colors or fabrics seen in the afore mentioned movies. In other words, the costumes don't look cheap. The outside locations were positively beautiful. They filmed outdoor sequences in Spain instead of on indoors set like many films. The range and beauty of the landscapes are stunning. The music is haunting. Basil Poledouris' score is incredibly moving, and, in a film with little dialog, the music helps to move the movie along. As for the script. For a fantasy movie, it is incredibly well written. (Actually, compared to many movies of the late 1990's and early 2000, it is superb in comparison.) They do change Conan from the books though. He is much more honorable in the movie (trust me) than in the books. He is also well taught both in fighting and in learned pursuits (no, he isn't a scholar, but he is literate). Most people think this is a hack and slash movie. Maybe so, but it also has a deep message; revenge does not bring peace. All throughout the movie, Conan searches for revenge for a terrible wrong. However, his quest for revenge costs him dearly...too dearly. In his final scene where he is alone, where does the culmination of revenge lead? It doesn't regain him what he lost, but it was also something that he had to do. However, not all feel about it that way, and that is only the way I choose to view it. The acting is a bit wooden here, at least from our heroes. However, Conan is supposed to be stoic and Arnold's face does capture a wide array of emotions without ever having to speak. Sandhal Bergman does a surprising credible job as Valeria, fellow thief and companion. However, it is James Earl Jones who over powers the audience with his lush voice and expressiveness. As Thulsa Doom, the main villain, he shines. The gore factor here is fair, so you may not want to let your kids watch it. Also, a little bit of nudity is here within as well. Anyway, if you want to see a nice sword & sorcery movie, this is probably one of your best bets. It has a little bit of everything.