Cracracracroft Reviews

Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust (2008)

Only one problem

[5/10 · 10 September 2023]

I mostly enjoyed this movie. And I would've given it a much higher rating of it wasn't for Kelvin. Worst human ever. The whole idea behind it was fun. Very different from the original. And that's what I like about sequels. But guy Kelvin. Ughhhhh. Is it Possible to have a human anymore than that guy. It's like he thinks he's in this movie too. Be fun and charming and trying to steal scenes. Bud there is absolutely zero redeeming qualities in him. I would but this movie if it weren't for him. I own all the gingerdead man movies. Even the really bad ones. But Kelvin Rubin' ruins everything good about a franchise. If you can avoid him. Watch it.

Scream VI (2023)

This time all the rules are different, except they're not

[4/10 · 28 April 2023]

I really thought we were gonna get something new and different with this one. The beginning had promise. 'Oh we get to see a killer unmasked right away?' Even the first total 30 minutes was well done. Then we get annoying Mindy explaining all the "rules" again. I get because she's related to Randy that her character's role is supposed to 'splain things to new characters and the audience...again. With more promise of "This time the rules are different." But they aren't. All the rules are the exact same. It would be great if Scream did actually break rules.

-The killer does get away with it -The final girl isn't so predictable from the very beginning -The final girl isn't even a girl -The killer's motive isn't so lame -The killings aren't centered around the same characters (make them copycats or make it international) Just ANYTHING else would better than trying to claim "it's different this time" without actually doing anything different.

Benchwarmers 2: Breaking Balls (2019)

The f*%#?

[2/10 · 26 August 2022]

I don't...understand. Despite a couple of jokes that made me chuckle, I don't get this. It was like a cheesy sequel of a cheesier sequel. Like the original budget was $20 million and this was $1 million. And $990,000 went to cameras. The other $1,000 went to writing, acting and scenery combined. 3 main actors should be disappointed and desperate to agree to such garbage. It's like...a Disney/Nickelodeon tv show with swears. So so so bad. Sounds effects and all. I watched this when I had some free time (too much) while staying in a hotel.

Do not expect anything at all.

Men (2022)

Crash course in feminism

[3/10 · 10 August 2022]

I think. This movie tries to be such a statement in feminism. And it's true. As Peter Griffin said of the Godfather, "it insists upon itself." There really is no other way to describe it. It wants so badly to be an art house film while also being mainstream independent and deep. The leads are...meh. I couldn't be enthralled with such a terrible movie. I tried so hard to get into it. But it makes as much sense as a feminist demanding alimony. It's a deep independent embark into nothing. It wants to leave you feeling strong emotions but all you feel is empty feelings and broken promises. What a WASTE!

I Know What You Did Last Summer (2021)

Exactly what you'll expect

[6/10 · 17 October 2021]

When you're the person that grew up with the original movies and you want to watch an updated series for a new generation, this is exactly what you need to expect to get. Will you love it if the movies are nostalgic to you? Could go either way. But do not expect it to blow you away with something original and creative. Remember you're at least over 30 now and this isn't targeted at you. Learn to adapt and accept or say "these reboots clearly aren't for me" and move on. There's no reason to hate it or like it if you fall into my generation of horror movie lovers.

Spiral (2021)

Of all the faults, only one disappointment

[5/10 · 18 May 2021]

This movie had all sorts of problems. Some we can expect from the Saw franchise. Lazy storyline. Wooden acting. Awful characters. Huge plot holes. Predictable twist. This movie even throws you with a bad voice on the "I want to play a game" recording. All that can be forgiven. However, this movie severely lacked creativity for the traps. Except one really cool trap. And while some traps in the past have been over the top and ridiculous, the creativity that went into them was fun and exciting. You could even feel for the characters stuck in the traps. Have that tense feeling of will they, won't they get out? This version of Saw, felt rushed. Too easy. They didn't feel like Saw traps. It almost felt like the Asylum version of Saw traps.

Evidence (III) (2012)

It's Aliens, it's Bigfoot, it's...

[6/10 · 20 January 2019]

You have what starts off as your typical found footage horror movie. Mystery in the woods, a character disappears, lots of screaming and chaos ensues. It's gives you just enough answers to give you a satisfactory ending but ultimately fails to deliver anything special. At least it's not overly long. But the constant screaming and camera flickering in the final 20 minutes or so is a little irritating. If you're watching for the gore and violence, you'll enjoy it a bit. If you want answers to all your questions, you'll be disappointed and have to come up with your own theories. I like to think the creatures were an experiment by Al Gore and is goons to create a gang of manbearpig to take over the woods and eventually the world. So you could look at it in a comedic sort of way like I did. It's worth a one time watch.

Hari Kondabolu: Warn Your Relatives (2018 TV Special)

Progressive?

[1/10 · 13 December 2018]

Putting politics aside, I think that a man that is so into progress would've come up with jokes that don't feel like they were written in 2002.

Evolution vs. God: Shaking the Foundations of Faith (2013)

Easily debunked arguments

[1/10 · 13 December 2018]

Ray presents the worst of the worst arguments to try and convince strangers with gas lighting techniques that a god is real. The arguments for a god are terrible and the arguments that his god is real are even worse. It really only seems he wants to convince the people on the street that evolution is a myth without "observable" evidence while trying to prove his god is real despite no observable evidence of his own. It's common misleading arguments to try and make everyone but himself look stupid. I can only imagine this was the best 30 minutes of footage he could use and there must be several hours of arguments against him he refused to include. It comes off as a smug "holier than thou" attitude that will only convince non god believers to continue to not believe.

The Ice Cream Truck (2017)

It's not that the acting was bad, but slow.

[2/10 · 10 December 2018]

It was like a 6 minute short you'd find on YouTube was stretched just thin enough to make a feature length movie. The dialogue was a slow back and forth between characters and the story line was practically non existent.