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derekpoland
Reviews
Madame Web (2024)
Fast F does not help - super hero movies are getting worse
Disclaimer - I liked Morbius. Apologies to one and all. I don't much care for Leto but didn't find the movie so bad.
Madame Web, however...
Started to watch at normal speed when I realised this would not go well. Decided to fast forward to the good bits...no good bits. Did not finish the movie.
The problems are vast with this one. Acting, dialogue, character ark for Madame Web, the 3 'John Connors' she took it upon herself to guard, a spider ish man who could finish off everyone except MW and her 3 useless hangers on. Apparently the original screenplay had spider woman saving Aunt May's baby or something. After a tonne of rewrites they settled for this pile of poop. Even the star said the finished product was unrecognisable from the original screenplay she read.
Instead of funding such monstrocities, why not just give the cash to charity? Or give the project to someone who knows what they are doing? I've just finished watching Mr Inbetween - 3 seasons in a week binged. I'm going to watch it all again.
To use a line from Shaun of the Dead - "Sort your effing life out Sony."
Beyond the Law (2019)
Actually a decent movie...then there's Segal
It's always amazed me that a director can get to the end of shooting a movie without saying, "Is this the best we could have done?" They created a decent film, some good acting, some good fight scenes. Then Segal appears and it's as if he's intentionally doing a SNL skit. A film so bad that it's actually good. A highlight..or low light, is the short meeting he has with a new drug supplier. They sit, he says something as if he's just ad libbed "Let's talk volume. You er...you got lots of product?" and she replies "you know what you want" or some rubbish like that. Jesus it's more Family Guy than Action Movie. Poor Segal. I loved Under Siege and the early stuff. He now looks quite rediculous. I guess some people don't know when it's time to hang up the hat and relax.
The Gringo Papi (2022)
They sent me a jar of mayonnaise.....
I like George Carlin, Chappelle, jezelnik, Mark Normand. Brendan is akin to an open miker who thinks because he's seen stand up donecwell that he can emulate his heroes. He can't.
The jokes, if you can call them that, are delivered too fast and without conviction that they are actually funny.
I heard it took 5 tKes to complete the 25 minute set. Which brings me to the mayo joke. That's some weird stuff. Maybe I'm the dummy but I don't get it. Maybe Joe can talk him out of stand up like he did mma
Poor Norm Macdonald would be turning in his grave but could still tell a joke better than this guy. Rip Norm.
Dune Drifter (2020)
Screaming pilots
Ok so you are in a terrible fight in space playing cat and mouse with the over powered aliens ships. You're in a craft with the characteristics of a chihuahua while the aliens are the Rottweillers. With imminent death a certainty you'd expect to come up short and die off quite easily without a cunning plan. What do they do? Pair off into groups of two and choose a ship to hit - doh!. A ship blown up by laser blast is going to be a quick event. So who told these pilots to scream hysterically for the entire time their ship was being blown up? We saw it in star Wars with the fighters going for it in the Death Star run. A few hits and the only thing they get a chance to do is to say "Arrgghh..." Dune Drifter allows them to say "I'm hit i'm hit arghhh!!!! Aaaarrrgghh aarrrgghhh aaaaarrrggghhh aaarrrgghhh so on and so firth. A metaphor for the move itself.
London Fields (2018)
AH, 'nuff said
AH, 'nuff said. I really can't see anyone rating this or any of her movies higher than a one but we can't go lower unfortunately. She deserves nothing. Nothing at all.
Alien Warfare (2019)
More like a cream egg than a Faberge egg
I was recommended this full movie on youtube so gave it a go. In summary it's kinda like a bad 80's alien movie but not so bad that it's good - if you know what I mean. More like it's a product that a Uni student studying Media, Film and Television would not use for their end of year project. It's just not good enough to earn your degree.
What amazes me is the Gaul producers and directors have to create such low grade pieces. Surely someone with the creative juice of an angry rhino could create even a semblance of imaginative movie making.
A creative mind must be true to itself and have a finished product more akin to a Faberge egg than Alien Warfare which is basically a Cadbury;s cream egg. An injustice to the latter.
Don't Look Up (2021)
Satirical right? The Govt would do the right thing if this was real....right?
Review is short and sweet. I liked this movie. Funny, tragic and thought provoking in that, if this ever did happen could you trust the authorities to NOT do what the govt did in the movie?
REALLY think about this. We all like to think that those in power do the right thing. But we know they do things, not because it suits the people but it suits them and their reasons for hanging onto power. If it helps ordinary people then it's the secondary priority and nothing else.
Until governments world wide decide to help people instead of the act of keeping them in government then I've no doubt that they would try to mine the comet instead of trying to keep people safe.
Think.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
This Proves That Tobey Maguire Was The Most Loved Spidey
When did Tom Holland become 'Spiderman fused with mobile device'? In the last Spidey movies a mobile phone has been used in practically every scene to forge a heroic alliance between filmgoer and movie. We all have devices soooo...let's give them what they want - said the Producers. Plot? Nah not so important.
This movie is basically Peter Parker making totally rash decisions leading to close personal tragedy and death. But he is the hero???
Let's face it, Tom is the weakest after Andrew and King Tobey. We all went to see Toby Maguire in this one and when he made his triumphant appearance the theatre erupted. Then he was completely underused! Whilst Tom fell into a self indulgent fetal position due to bad decisions everyone around him was left to watch and tag along.
This confused movie only demonstrates that Tobey Maguire's era was the most loved, well regarded and missed (don't mention Spidey III).
Nobushi no Gourmet (2017)
Thank You for the food
Watching a story about a retired 60 year old Japanese man, eating in restaurants and have hallucinations about a Samurai Warrior is not something I would rush to watch. But, because of Midnight Diner I thought I would give it a try.
What happened next was a meeting of many small but perfect moments that left me, at some points, laughing and at others quietly nodding when I empathized with the main protagonist and his simple journey through his later years.
"Thank You for the food."
Shin'ya shokudô: Tokyo Stories (2016)
Exactly what I wanted
All I'll say is this. Don't watch them all too soon. Because when you have finished the last episode... it's over.
Venom (2018)
The biggest thing wrong with this good movie
A strong 7 out of 10 for Venom. My biggest problem though was the decision the Venom symbiote took in deciding to 'save' Earth instead of allow the invasion. I mean...why? Why would he want this when he hardly knew the host or anything that would allow him to want to save...anything.
After watching I thought...was this the best they could have done with the material they had? Absolutely not. Enjoyable, a bit disappointing, sloppy writing in places. Example - why expend a section of the movie highlighting the fact that it's so difficult to find a host and symbiote that combine to each other when, all of a sudden, Eddie fuses nicely, so does his girlfriend and then so does the evil billionaire genius who started the whole business in the first place?!?!?! Hopefully Carnage will improve the franchise.