urbancohort Reviews

Lava (2014)

Boring

[2/10 · 26 June 2015]

Neither the kids or adults in our group enjoyed this short.

It has no story or characters. This one seems like it came from the vaguest Hawaiian legend or folklore that no one thought to bring alive or flesh- out. It just depicts two volcanic islands growing up out of the water for each other because they are lonely. The thing has to be narrated to try to make sense.

Also, the "male" island looks ancient while the "female" island appears youthful and beautiful...this is just creepy.

Disney prides itself in great stories and clever characters, even in their shorts. This oneseems like it came from the vaguest Hawaiian legend or folklore that no one thought to bring alive or flesh-out.

Ponyo (2008)

I just don't get the hype

[2/10 · 22 August 2009]

The glowing reviews of this movie as a wonderful experience for all ages baffles me. I found it a muddled, slow-paced film that lulled my family to the edge of slumber. Don't bother to follow the plot as most of the story threads in the movie lead to nowhere. The film attempts to run with an environmental message in the beginning but it is soon drowned in a weird a supernatural underwater world that never seems to make sense. There's even a Cocoon-like subplot but nothing comes of it.

I never cared for the lead character, Ponyo, who looks like a creepy fetus. Unlike E.T., Wally or the young Simba, Ponyo is borderline retarded with no personality whatsoever.

Unless you are a Anime nut with a sleep disorder, avoid this film!

The Apprentice (2004–2017)

This "Celebrity" Apprentice is staged!

[3/10 · 7 February 2008]

I bet you Gene Simmons and Vincent Pastore negotiated in advance how many episodes they would be willing to appear in. Isn't just too contrived for Gene to switch to the ladies team and then throw himself on his sword? And Big Pussy? What the hell was that "look at me, I'm a rat!" double episode crap? All that cliché mafia banter- COME ON! The big names voted off just happened to already have received money for their charity and got a custom tailored exit. Hmm... This is not reality but staged drama! Mark Burnett's other show, "Survivor" also raised questions for me when Johnny Fairplay stages his departure when he clearly had just a short time before his child is to be born.

Yuk!