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Reviews
Immaculate (2024)
Another "jumpscare" horror that portrays the catholic church as fanatics
Im not religios but someone must hate catholicism, to use a convent for portraying sick fanatics. As it hadn't already been made many times before. I find it a bit offensive towards the catholic church.
Then the movie starts of pretty bad already with a scene of a nun that get burried alive- but hey, not without giving her matches so she could light up the inner space of the coffin for all of us to see. That makes sense. What follows are cheap jump scares to keep you from falling asleep- it worked. Got annoyed of that. In the end some unnecessary gore that doesn't serves the story in particular. But its there anyway for the shock value. So overall a very dumb and meaningless story of a young nun or girl who wants to become one (you don't get to know why nor feel you a certain spirituality in her). She gets uses as a vessel to give birth to the next savior. She gets attacked by another young nun - also not clear why. You get left in the dark with most of things in this movie cause it just scratches on the surface but doesn't go deeper in anything. 1 dimensional characters you don't care for. Nope. Thats not how you make a movie.
The Greatest Hits (2024)
couldn't finish this one
We all can agree that music has the power to bring us back to certain moments. Its attached to specific memories. So this story had potential that wasn't used at all. I can't speak for the full movie cause i stopped watching after an hour of boredom. In that hour i hardly got to know anything about this girl besides her BF died and she revisits some moments with the help of songs. But neither the soundtrack is strong in this movie (its called the greatest hits), but i miss good music here. Also the moments she revisits are dull and boring. Guess she had a very boring relationship with a guy which also stays very one dimensional during the movie and serves almost no purpose. I did not connect with those characters, nor the story, nor the vibe, nor anything. Its a complete missfire from someone who doesn't know how to make a decent movie.
Pink Flamingos (1972)
stay away from this! It's plain stupid- waste of time
How this dreadful garbage of a movie reached cult status is beyond my imagination. First of all - every film that shows animal torture cruelty and killing should be banned and destroyed. There is no excuse for such horrific atrocity towards animals. Absolutely disgusting and reprehensible. All actors are dreadful amateurs with no talent and it's simply painful to watch them try to act. Stoped watching after 30 minutes cause my lifetime is simply too precious for such tasteless crap.
How this dreadful garbage of a movie reached cult status is beyond my imagination. First of all - every film that shows animal torture cruelty and killing should be banned and destroyed. There is no excuse for such horrific atrocity towards animals. Absolutely disgusting and reprehensible. All actors are dreadful amateurs with no talent and it's simply painful to watch them try to act. Stoped watching after 30 minutes cause my lifetime is simply too precious for such tasteless crap.
Serenity (2019)
I was highly entertainend and moved by a creative plotwist!
Rarely bad reviews can keep really good movies from you if you listen to them. Like in this case here. Why this has such bad reviews is beyond understanding. We have a great setting that takes you on a vacation on plymouth island somewhere in caribbean you may think. Great cast with Diane Lane, Hathaway and McConaughey. Plus and intriguing story that keeps you guessing cause things seem a little off right from the start. It's like an episode from Black Mirror- one of the better ones for sure. I had a similar story in my head for a very long time and always thought it would be worth to write a novel. Was so hooked that they packed almost everything in this movie i had layed out for it. So it felt like watching my own story that made it into a movie. Give this a chance, you won't regret it!
Sometimes I Think About Dying (2023)
Boring "characterstudy"
One of those movies which leaves you at the same point in the end like you were in the beginning with no porgression, development or change. No climax, no drama not much conflict, nothing. I have never seen such a passive main character (Fran) in a movie like in this one. It would have been interesting to learn why she loves to think about dying. I know, its about depression. But still. Watching her lying on the floor for 8minutes straight is not really entertaining. Nor is it being silent the whole movie through. You urgently wanna grab her shake her body, to bring her to life. Robert says in the end scene to Fran "I don't know you". Well after 90minutes we all also don't know her still. So be prepared for boring office scenes and a non existent main character who progresses not a tiny bit in the whole story. The end.
Damsel (2024)
absolute nonsense!
2 stars for the beautiful kingdom and setting- that was very pleasing for the creative eye and thats it. Story? There is none. Princesses have to be sacrificed to keep the dragon quiet- end of story. Characters are all dull and shallow there is no dept in anything. Worst of all: the dragon gets burned by its own fire-lol! Yeah! And in the end the damsel tames the dragon. So its basically "How to tame a dragon" the damsel edition. LOOOL No seriously. Who wrote this script? KI? Feels like it, or maybe KI can do it better, who knows. Safe your time and skip this cheap nonsense, its not worth your time.
Memory (2023)
Weird and incomplete
It was boring all the way. I wanted to connect with the main characters but couldn't care much. The main reason was that sylvia accused the wrong guy of raping her multiple times. How can that happen? Shortly after she becomes his caretaker. Even more strange and illogical. Later we find out she got sexually abused by her father. Also very unnatural conversation that happend, especially with the sister - just weird.
It was boring all the way. I wanted to connect with the main characters but couldn't care much. The main reason was that sylvia accused the wrong guy of raping her multiple times. How can that happen? Shortly after she becomes his caretaker. Even more strange and illogical. Later we find out she got sexually abused by her father. Also very unnatural conversation that happend, especially with the sister - just weird.
Saw X (2023)
completely unnecessary
First SAW movie was a thrill. It lived from the suspense of not knowing what's going on, who's behind it and the big plot twist in the end. Probably the best in years of cinema. All the follow ups are just torture porn. This one was even lame. John kramer is an old weak guy dying from cancer you feel sorry for. Where is the thrill in that? All so predictable and boring. You know he's gonna punish the people who scammed him one by one. By the way, absolutely stunning how fast he could pull off all the invented the traps in mexico for them. Completely unrealistic. Same goes for the victims who seem to be super strong and painresistent. One can even manage to remove a part of his brain by himself without passing out. Complete utter nonsense. I don't know why the good reviews. This was horrible, lame and unoriginal like all the others. Cheap torture porn.
The Nun II (2023)
uncreative and unoriginal
It's the same as the first part, even worse. Unoriginal story plot cheap jump scares and bad special effects- the story lost me after 30 minutes- i couldn't care less about everything. The nun was scary as hell in the conjuring2 - but here she's just annoying, so they came up with the goatman (who came down from the stainglasswindow- lol) utter nunsense! A sequel that adds nothing new to the franchise and bored the hell out of me.
It's the same as the first part, even worse. Unoriginal story plot cheap jump scares and bad special effects- the story lost me after 30 minutes- i couldn't care less about everything. The nun was scary as hell in the conjuring2 - but here she's just annoying, so they came up with the goatman (who came down from the stainglasswindow- lol) utter nunsense! A sequel that adds nothing new to the franchise and bored the hell out of me.
Malá morská víla (1976)
By far my favorite farytale(movie)
I think the little mermaid is the most tragic and sad lovestory in world literature. Forget disney, thats not hans christian andersons tale especially not what he ment to tell us. It's about unforfilled love. The sacrifice you are willing to make for the one you love. Alienation, loosing your voice and ultimately giving your own life for a greater good. This adaption is haunting and melancholic. The only downside is that the mermaid doesn't have a tail (well no cgi back then) but it may look odd when its about a mermaid becoming a human with legs, when she had them before, but they tried the best with those long blue ropes simulating the mer people. The main actress is simply stunningly beautiful and she's a redhead, even before disney she was ;-) Music adds up perfectly to the melancholy and the overall production is rich for a 70s czech production, like all their farytalemovies (three wishes for cinderella, sleeping beauty and others). I just saw the life action disney version. Worlds apart. You cant even compare cause its not the same story. Go watch this one!
Tri orísky pro Popelku (1973)
Cult Classic all over europe!
The czechs really had a talent for farytale movies back in the 70s! They all became great classics for christmas time. This one became a cult classic all over europe. Even if there are new cinderella versions and productions, its always this one the family chooses to watch! I just love the main actress, they had beautiful women in this country. I also love the 70s spirit that shines through. It offers you a dreamy farytale world with great shooting locations, out in the woods or in real castles, real animals (no cgi), great soundtrack and a very feministic version of cinderella (considering the age of the movie). I do prefer the little mermaid that came from the same production company, they also did sleeping beauty and others. All worth watching!
The Assistant (2019)
whats the point?
Ok we can watch an assistant through the day in her office. Obviously it's an awful place to work. Endless scenes of typing, picking up phones, cleaning dishes in the office kitchen, organize paperwork. How entertaining! There is no storyline or interaction with the other coworkers in a real plot. The only scene that matters in this movie, is were she adresses her concern about the new assistant. Shady bosses and a company were men cover each other up for their questionable actions. I get it. Still..... painfully boring to sit through.... u start asking yourself why is she even working there? I would quit after the first week.
Insidious: The Red Door (2023)
Pointless
When you see movies like this u couldn't care less about the writers strike in hollywood, if they aren't able to come up with better scripts anyway. Seriously an episode of american horror story is more enjoyable than this. Dalton goes to college, a few jump scares - the end! That is exactly the movie. It started with the funeral of the grandmother, missed opurtunity right there! Thought we would meet her in the realm of the dead. Nope. Silly boring teenager scenes at college the first half of the movie. No ghost hunters, no elise. No new installments, no surprises, no shock value (besides cheap jump scares) no real horror. The first insidious was one of the most creepy horrorfilms i saw, loved it. The red door is just lame and completely boring. Patrick Wilson, please stick to acting or choose better scripts if you direct a movie.
The Little Mermaid (2023)
medicore
To all the people who complain it was boring: maybe it's a result of mobile phone addiction and you should look into that. Even with 2hours it didn't felt stretched. The CGI wasn't that bad, especially Ursula looked amazing and had the right moves for an octopus. The underwater scenes looked sterile, like shot in a seaworld aquarium. The new songs couldn't live up to the classics but good they gave Eric a song! I only hated to look at these ugly, horrible dreadlocks all the time! Arielle supposed to be cute and enchanting, dreadlocks aren't enchanting at all. The costume department could have done a better job. It was also a bit of a joke they quoted Anderson in the very begininng of the movie when Disney clearly misses the mark of its original tale. It lacks the charm of the cartoon cause all the animals have no face expressions, but that was to expect. It could have been better, it could have been worse.
Empire of Light (2022)
What a poem!
Despite the medicore reviews this is a gem that stands out and one of the best movies of 2022. I don't know why the fabelmans get all the credit and this one does not. Its certainly a movie you have to be in the mood for. Bittersweet and melancholic, but theres also joy and hope in it. Great location in Margate (england seaside), two people find eachother for a short moment in life. Coleman does what she can do best, playing a broken soul that overcomes her struggles and find hope in this younger black guy that enters her life. I love the scene with the pigeon steven mends the broken wing from. Great metaphor as hilary needs this healing so urgently. I was highly invested the story and those two protagonists. Yeah u get sentimental- i loved it!
Babylon (2022)
chaotic nonsense
I gave this movie an hour to convince me. After 62minutes i asked myself: is there an interesting storyline? NO! Are there likable characters to follow? NO! But my head hurt from all the rush and hectic scenes one after another. Too much going on on screen to follow. Its like you are on coke yourself. Its unpleasent and i decided not to go on for another two hours in this mess. Stars don't make movies, opulent screens don't make movies. It isn't even funny even if it tries so hard to be with all the dumb slapstic. Maybe i don't get it, but i don't care. I wasn't entertainent at all, rather annoyed by all the noise.
The Eternal Daughter (2022)
pay your grandma a visit. much more exciting!
Yeah its about grief and all. But honestly, this was painful and makes you think to use your time more wisely. Also the double role gives it right away that she checks in alone- no surprise or plotwist there. At least they could have made the dialogues more intriguing. Nope- u don't get much out of those either. The intentional faded colors, makes you wanna correct the contrast constantly, its so bleek the whole time. It's definitely the worst movie i have seen with swinton in it. Normally i consider her as a guarantee of good films cause she choses her roles wisely. Don't know what drove her to do this project???
The Menu (2022)
highly entertaining
As a gourmet i just love movies about chefs, star restaurants, series like chefs table or the bear. This is an extremly dark satire all around the fuss of michelin star concept restaurant dining, high society, critics and gourmet lovers. U have to understand that before you dive into this. For all who complain how unrealistic this is, well yeah, that's what a satire is. It goes in the same direction "triangle of sadness" portraied perfectly as well. Another gem of 2022! You could watch those movies back to back in one evening. I don't know why this movie doesn't get the attention like other oscar contender of this year cause its miles better than the fabelmans, bones and all or tar. Fiennes is brilliant as dedicated chef guru. Its like his crew is a cult that decided to go out with a bang and take all these selected guests with them in a last opulent feast. It's just brilliant!
Bones and All (2022)
why?
Why make such a movie? Make a horror movie if you want but do it right. Make a road movie if you want but do it right. This is a misch masch of both but neither genre is served right. Probably the coming of age road movie was too dull so they pimped it up with the cannibalism which made no sense at all. The two young leads are one dimensional and so boring, its aweful to watch. As a fan of guadagnino i tryed to love it but couldn't made it past the first hour. Complete waste of time. Was guadagnino inspired by hammers (actor form call me by your name) cannibalism? Funny coincidence isn't it? Perfect example how established filmmakers can go through with a project that certainly would had no chance to get sponsored if a no name filmmaker came up with it. All the splendid reviews have certainly the emperors new clothes effect. Talking much artistry into it when its simply not there.
Everything in the End (2021)
amateurish
Low budget movie that let you think a guy came up with the idea to make a movie with his mobile while he was backpacking in iceland. Meditative indeed but so are screensavers with icelandic landscapes. The lead character had many encounters but all lack of profound or meaningful dialogue - so as a filmmaker if you have no ideas for good conversations you can simply mute the actor and let him say almost nothing the whole movie except that he doesn't speak icelandic everytime he meets someone. I really can't stand movies with almost no dialogue and dragging scenes with endless landscape frames. It's not deep as it wants to be. You almost get nothing about the main character or whats going on with the world or why it is ending. All a blur. Go watch "last Night" from 1998 to see how it's done right. Waste of time!