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eabinder02
Reviews
The Million Eyes of Sumuru (1967)
Spare Yourself
I could barely stand to watch this movie. Frankie Avalon is irritating as the comic relief sidekick, and George Nader is the creepy, smug, smarmy 'hero.' I found myself hoping they would get killed a quarter way into the movie. The villainesses in this movie are false eyelashed, tightly outfitted (practical for spy maneuvers), and brainless in that sixties spy movie way. If they were trying to make a farce, they failed because it is not funny. If they were trying to make a 'straight' spy movie, they failed because it is horrendously lacking. I cannot recommend one thing about this movie.
I originally saw this movie as part of the original KTMA season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. I felt that they had trouble even mocking this movie.
City on Fire (1979)
This was written? I don't think so.
Poor Henry Fonda. In the end of his career, he had to be in City on Fire. This movie had the most ridiculous dialog ever. I actually cringed when some of the characters said their lines. None of the B-plots made enough sense to follow through on. The start of the fire was absurd. There was no attempt to build up to an actual motive. The writers thought that CPR was the only action to take in an emergency and that old men using a bedpan was necessary for the audience to see. This movie was made purely to burn some gasoline for the big fire scenes and so that stunt men could be lit on fire. 1 out of 10 is generous.
Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1988)
Couldn't Bear It If Not For MST3K
As a avid watcher of Mystery Science Theater 3000, I am used to the bottom of the cinematic barrel. However this movie is so irritating, it is in a category of pain all its own.
First, John Allen Nelson makes a particularly loathsome 'hero' as Deathstalker. His arrogance comes off angering, and his attempts at sexuality come off as repulsive. You don't believe that anyone has ever desired his help or praised him. Plus, his accent lasts about 2 lines.
Second, the support characters are laughable. The princess is wooden and unpleasant. The other characters are overacted and thoroughly unbelievable-especially in the case of Thom Christopher (Troxartas).
Lastly, it is possible to make a good movie with a low budget. It is also possible to turn this type of movie into light-hearted and fun. But, with the hideous characters, bad editing, and vague plot, this movie feels pained and leaves you caring less what happened and praying they didn't make Deathstalker 4.
The only positive thing I can say is that the MST3K crew does a decent job of poking fun at it, although it is obviously painful for them as well.