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Allied (2016)
Coulda been a contender
Hate to give one star to a movie I enjoyed watching, but there was so much that was far fetched that it was hard to take seriously. The German soldiers in Casablanca seemed to get their sharpshooter medals from the storm troopers in Star Wars. But why was a Canadian special forces operative sent in to kill the German Ambassador in French Morocco? FRENCH MOROCCO?! An awfuly risky operation for a low, no zero, value target. Was the Ambassador doing some heavy water experiments in the desert?
Watching our hero's lesbian sister with her lover made me wonder if the writers ever heard of Alan Turing. In what year was this movie set?
Spies tend to get firing squads. Since when does a spouse have the responsibility of being the executioner? Without trial. And threatened with death if he fails to carry it out? Seriously?! The British were a bit successful in turning some German agents to their side, making them much more useful than corpses. Given that Marrianne was pressured with the life of her daughter and clearly more on the Allied side at this point only an idiot would fail to see the ease, and value, in turning her. Thankfully the real British in the real war weren't idiots. Wish the writers didn't think we were.
I know I sound like a hypocrite for saying I enjoyed the movie. Mea culpa. It was interesting, action packed and compelling, but when you strain credulity this far you've earned your one star.
The Twilight Zone: Six Degrees of Freedom (2019)
Rod Serling is rolling over in his grave.
While there were some astute negative reviews I am stunned to see so many positive reviews including a comparison to the original, and BRILLIANT, Twilight Zone. (Actually I am stunned to see ANY positive reviews.) This was tedious and plodding and it was only my own masochism that kept me in it to the end. It was the "Twilight Zone" after all and sometimes the ending was worth the price of admission. I won't give away the hackneyed ending for if you are not heeding my warning you have only yourself to blame.
The "astronauts" seem less like the highly trained professionals we know them to be and more like a bunch of college freshman who won a contest to go to Mars. The dialogue was excruciating and making this an hour long snooze fest was a crime against humanity. The late Rod Serling is listed on this page as one of the authors and I don't believe he had anything to do with this abortion, nor should one speak ill of the dead. If this started out as something from his fertile mind his heirs should sue who ever transformed this into a pitiful facsimile of science fiction for defamation. I gave it one star because negative (for stealing away an hour of one's valuable time) was not an option.
Resident Alien (2021)
Bingeable
It's like a good book you can't put down. Binged the whole thing like it was a bag of potato chips. Would have given it 10 stars except for the fact that when the writers do something incredibly stupid it's like a pebble in the shoe. There were a couple of minor things that are too pit nit picky to mention but the one real head shaker was this: why in the world would Max want to help Harry after he broke into his bedroom at night and tried to strangle him to death, followed by an attempt to kill him with a saw to the brain??!!! Science fiction can be far fetched, but it has to be credible. That was not.
Outer Banks (2020)
Hate myself for liking this.
Binge watched. It was like a good book you can't put down, except for the "good" part. Hate that I enjoyed it, and it was riveting, but subtract 6 stars if you refuse to suspend belief as the plot holes are mind bending. The kids are dumb and the cops are dumber. Maybe it's the writers. Some examples (in no particular order):
1) Three eye witnesses to Peterkin's murder. Two against one, but the one is believed despite the fact that Rafe's alibi can easily be disproved. Not that the cops bother to check it out, or do a gunshot residue test on his hands. There is a fourth. Not sure if the cops cared.
2) The SBI agent is suspicious of Ward. Does nothing. Doesn't check his claim that Sarah is bipolar (and of course, no one check's Rafe's alibi).
3) Why weren't the kids repeatedly screaming "Rafe did it!" instead of "J. B. is innocent!"?
4) What the hell is the "SBI"?
5) Lana knows Ward "killed" Big John. Cops don't care. Or J. B. doesn't bother to mention it (apologies if he did and I missed it) which is even more incredible.
6) Pope listens in on Gavin. No one thinks to record it.
7) Rafe is released from prison on Ward's word. Cops know at this point that he is a proven liar and that Rafe's prints are on the bullets and should know Wheezie can end his alibi.
8) Shoupe accuses Pope of illegal wiretapping. One person consent for wiretapping is legal in N. C..
9) Yelling "MURDERER!" at a guy you have redhanded on tape is the dumbest thing in the show. And it had stiff competition.
10) N. C. must have very poor forensics if nothing was recoverable from that tape.
11) Why did the cop risk her career and freedom to get J. B. killed when everyone believed he was headed for the death penalty anyway?
12) Multiple witnesses to Gavin's murder. Gavin goes missing. Adding 2 plus 2 is certainly a challenge for Shoupe. Oh, and there is only one person with motive. And why wasn't his wife at the station demanding answers and screaming bloody murder?
13) Sarah is shot. Massive blood loss. Flatlines. Hobbles around for a bit, but then is right as rain.
14) J. B. bitten by alligator. No hospital. No stitches. Hobbles for a bit, then right as rain.
15) Cops don't bother to look for Ward's remains after boat explodes. Never heard of scuba gear.
16) How did Ward know where the gold was?
17) Why did J. J. dawdle when dropping off his dad? Let him carry his own groceries. For Christ's sake, time was of the essence!
18) Renfield is out on the ground. They have his taser. He's outnumbered. Anyone think of tasing him and going back in the house? Even if the crippled lady is armed, not the biggest risk they would take.
19) Kelce calls J. B. a murderer long after he was exonerated. Don't kooks get the news?
20) Two witnesses to Rafe's attempted murder of Sarah. Do Sarah and Topper care? Then again, the cops in this show probably wouldn't anyway.
21) Open a cache of weapons on the ship. Take none.
22) Who has a laundry chute leading to the outdoors? Or is that a pet door in the laundry room?
23) What kind of moth can survive for over a century sealed in a cross? Even if the shroud were food, long time to go without water or oxygen.
24) I'm sure they'll explain this next series, but why the hell would Big John let his son think him dead? He sure really could have used help.
25) Did the Bahamian police learn to shoot at the same place as the stormtroopers in Star Wars?
RED 2 (2013)
great action if you're not into thinking
Maybe I'm picky, but I like movies to make some kind of sense. Getting past the question of why everyone wanted Moses dead, and what the hell was the Frog's motivation, why the hell would Bailey stay locked up pretending to be crazy when he had the means to escape in his shoe? And how did he know that after 30 plus years Moses would spring him so he could enjoy his golden years in great wealth while getting revenge on a couple of million people with whom he had no grudge? But if you find breaking into the Kremlin through a Papa John's believable, then this movie is for you.
Star Trek: Picard (2020)
Subtract one star if you are a Star Trek fan.
Sci Fi stories can be far fetched. They can't be ludicrous. Here we have a bizarre plot centered on the Romulan attempt to destroy all android life. After a deadly revolt of androids (now called "synths") on Mars, the Federation bans synth production and Picard's fight to save the Androids is a battle against the Feds and the Romulans. Although Romulan responsibility is implied, exactly how they caused the revolt is never explained, though it is possible that I slept through that part, which is understandable if you watch this dreck. Since the story is not convoluted enough they add sub plots that add nothing to the story such as the Romulan sun going nova and Star Fleet divided over whether or not they should help, which they kind of do, though after seeing the armada the Romulans can put together I'm not sure why they would need help. Also not sure what the hell was going on with the Borg cube. They made it looked like Seven was going to bring it to Picard's rescue but that went nowhere, though I guess it's purpose was to help pad this out to the ten excruciating episodes. Which would also explain the Jedi battles on the cube (Yoda should sue) and the massacre of Borg and ex-Borgs.
So Picard and his merry band of misfits, which is sadly missing a cowardly lion, go on their quest to save a planet of androids all built from one positronic neuron from Data in yet another instance where making sense was no impediment to the story. Too many examples to mention them all, but here are just a few: one of Data's android children is killed by being stabbed in the eye; one of our heroes is a cold blooded killer, which no one seems to care about; one of our band uses a sword in a battle against phasers (Luke Skywalker should sue); pizza making hippies living in the woods, Riker and Troi, have a young daughter though they should be her grandparents (maybe Betazeds don't have menopause or it's an in vitro thing); and they also had a son who died, ostensibly, but needlessly, to make a a point about the value of synths. To add to the death of an unknown character, and since some of the movies felt the need to kill off a beloved one (Spock, Kirk, Data) why not up the ante and kill a few more here: Hugh, Data (again) and Picard (temporarily, like Spock). And then there's Icheb. Not just killed but horrifically tortured first. If Mengele like treatment is entertainment for you, skip this and tune in to some slasher movies.
The perfect complement to this drawn out and terrible story are cartoonish characters, such as the rugged cigar chomping pilot and Star Fleet exile (Han Solo should sue) but especially the evil murderous Romulan who must be an homage to Cruella DeVille.
As far as the actors who are too long in the tooth for this stuff, and to paraphrase Mel Brooks, this should be subtitled: "The Search for More Money". As for me, I think I'll go watch some episodes of Star Trek TOS to cleanse my intellectual palate.
Alta mar (2019)
Almost great
It is difficult to give one rating because there are really two separate and different stories, with seasons 1 and 2 comprising one and season three the other. To seasons 1-2 I would give 9 stars. The twists and turns and unexpected ending were fantastic. It loses one star because of some minor, yet glaring, errors. I know I'm a nit picker but the writers should know that gold is really heavy, They carry around a case of it like it were filled with cotton balls. They should also know that a wooden box is not going to hide the smell of a decomposing body. And, although he did have an assault charge hanging over him, I can't figure out why the doctor, who was terrified of going to prison, or worse, would murder Carlos in front of a gazillion witnesses. Also the ghost at the end kind of negated the common sense of Eva and Nicholas, though maybe that was kind of cool.
Second story, season three, was great until the last episode. It was so bad that it ruined all the good stuff that came before it (went from 9 stars to one). Leaving aside the fact that they never thought to replace the doctor, and the chase scenes where the person being pursued escapes by walking briskly (and I was disappointed no one thought to use the secret passages we learned about in the first seasons), in what universe does one respond to a ship full of sick people with a battleship sent to sink it? Have they never heard of quarantine? Nicholas had radioed that he had a medical emergency. He didn't say he was carrying a virus of mass destruction. Do you sink a ship full of people with the flu? He never even said it was viral. If it were bacterial they could have sent over some antibiotics. Did anyone realize that the lifeboats could also be sunk.? And they had plenty of time to radio, before the radio room was conveniently destroyed, to send a message that they had a mini Mengele working on a cure and all he needed was a few more minutes. But this story could not possibly have any credibility with a covid aware audience when the doctor using the blood of one immune person and a couple of beakers and test tubes made dozens of serum doses to eliminate the virus. Fabio must have felt silly going through all that trouble trying to find a virus so dangerous that one doctor could end the threat with the ingenuity and supplies last seen by the Professor on Gilligan's island.
Away (2020)
Fails as sci-fi/ Fails as drama
I love good sci-fi. Love good drama too. This was neither. The choice of commander is Emma Green, a mother of a teenage daughter with a husband who has a genetic issue that can lead to strokes. It's a three year mission. Is the astronaut pool so shallow that she was the best choice? The reviewers who laud this for breaking a glass ceiling are missing the point. When we had the draft, men with families were never the first choice. And when her husband had a stroke, surprise, surprise, she decided to continue the mission when she had the option to return. Then when it is too late to turn back, she realizes that her teenage daughter could really use her mother (surprise again), and whines about the choice she had made. There is an awful lot of crying in this show - most self inflicted or inflicted on loved ones. But the entire world must be hard pressed to find good astronauts as the Indian representative was sent up despite having tested positive for Epstein-Barr, which ground control informed the crew of after he got sick en route to Mars. Anyone remember Apollo 13 when astronaut Mattingly was scrubbed because he had been exposed to the measles?
To add to the bad science that many other reviewers have pointed out, I have to wonder about the angst over the seedlings wilted because of the water situation. Didn't the world renowned botanist think to bring seeds to plant on Mars? I haven't finished the series, so maybe, but if so, why the mourning over the dead plants, and why would the commander put herself at risk to save one plant with her own water supply? I also never heard of astronauts having body parts sloughed off in space. And not having the supply ship landed well before they were set to arrive was ridiculous and the answer that they were afraid it would be covered by dust just not credible. One of a series of contrived disasters for dramatic affect.
To the reviewers who criticize the science fiction fans for panning the film because it did not have hairy chested laser battles and mega explosions, good sci-fi can be done, and appreciated, without those things. I could also have appreciated this as a drama about families if it were not maudlin, hackneyed, and as predictable as it was contrived. (Adjectives that apply to the situations on the ship as well.) Surely I was not the only one waiting for Alex's inevitable motor bike accident. And the dynamic of world class astronauts, ostensibly the best their countries had to offer behaving like junior high school students on a playground was painful to watch.
It might have been more watchable if it were not so damned tedious as well. The fact that I got this far into the series is a testament to my optimism that I might yet find some saving grace or maybe just covid induced boredom.
Horse Girl (2020)
Truly Awful
This is what a movie looks like when it substitutes gawd awful for clever. Don't waste your time.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Zero stars
I am stunned by all of the positive reviews. This is in the running for one of the worst movies of all time. Leaving aside the technical failures such as it being enamored of over the top, excessive, and quite awful, special effects, the plot was miserable. Batman decides Superman must die?! Why? Because he's so powerful that he could become dangerous? Then when he finds out that their mothers had the same first name, he now calls him friend and rushes to his defense??!! And Luthor creates a Kryptonian monster using his own blood??!! I'm still trying to figure out how Batman even survived the beating he received from Superman. (Also trying to figure out why Luthor's signature bald head was given to him in prison, and Batman's voice changing when he dons the costume is silly .) Writing, directing, editing - all bottom of the barell.
Having grown up with DC wherein Superman and Batman were friends and allies only made this worse, but even without that I am astounded at how many positive reviews this abortion received.
Scorpion: Who Let the Dog Out ('Cause Now It's Stuck in a Cistern) (2017)
Good Series, God Awful Episode
Stunned to see Walter's Rube Goldberg float the dog up the cistern solution. He is looking at the dog through a grate and it never occurs to him that he could cut through the grate to get the dog out? Attach it to a car and yank it out? No, but he can seal it up water tight and float up the near drowning dog.
Timeless: The War to End All Wars (2018)
Appalling!!
Am I the only fan of this show (actually, now, former fan) who is outraged? Lucy murders a wounded American soldier while he begged for his life so as to not blow her cover with Emma. I watched in horror while she blew away an innocent kid AS HE PLEADED WITH HER! Was her cover worth his life? Would she have murdered Wyatt if needed to protect her cover? Rufus? Apparently her cover was not worth the life of the Curies for whom she was even willing to sacrifice her own life. And her excuse that Emma would have shot him anyway is disgusting - why not use the rifle to shoot Emma? And then why did Emma not shoot the Curies? They actually saw the time ship! And why was this kid a threat to them in the first place? Just because he saw some medical equipment he did not understand? And even if he concluded they were time travelers (which he certainly would not), who would believe him? Marie Curie would have been a far more credible witness. And whom could he tell anyway? He was wounded and not going anywhere. Do you mean to tell me that Lucy could not make that argument without revealing that she was not on board with Rittenhouse? Do you have to make your bones like in the Mafia to be in Rittenhouse? Kill the kid and not the Curies (a far bigger threat) is a contradiction born of writing so abysmal that this is the last episode I will stomach, not to mention that it is no longer possible to root for the cold blooded killer who is supposed to be our heroine.
One star because zero was not an option.
Timeless (2016)
Timeless - A Wasted Opportunity
I so much wanted to like this show, I even forgave the bad writing in the first season such as Garcia Flynn going back in time to kill Rittenhouse then failing that and trying to kill his son, but not realizing that he could simply go further back and kill the elder Rittenhouse as a child. (I even forgave the team when they went to 1927 France and couldn't be bothered to take a brief excursion across the border to Munich and shoot Hitler.) I could go on about the bad writing and bad science fiction in the first season, but I did accept them because who doesn't love time travel stories? Hell, I even overlooked the fact the Time Tunnel of the 60's involved travel to ancient foreign lands where everyone spoke English.
But I just watched in horror the first episode of season two. Lucy, our heroine, our favorite time traveler, whom we all love, murders a wounded American soldier, a kid, begging for his life! Why? To prove to Emma that she is on Rittenhouse's side?! Would she have shot Wyatt if needed to preserve her cover?! And really, she couldn't argue that she could be on their side without committing an unnecessary cold blooded murder? How could he even have possibly been a threat? Do you think seeing medical equipment he didn't understand would make him conclude they were time travelers? And if so, were they actually worried anyone would believe him? And where was he going anyway? He was wounded. Why didn't Lucy just shoot Emma, whom she was trying to stop anyway?
But if that's not bad enough, having murdered this kid, Lucy would not allow the murder of the Curies who have actually seen the time machine itself!! What??!! She actually risks, not only her cover, but her life to save two women she admires, but has no compunction about killing an innocent American soldier while he begs her not to shoot!!! (Well, she did apologize before snuffing him.) Didn't anyone on this show see the obvious and disgusting contradiction?!
Not sure if it's the fact that I can no longer root for Lucy or the abysmally bad writing, but I am done with this show.