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Ambulance (2022)
This is not even a movie
It feels like it's an unfinished student project.
The "good" thing about it to show up Michael Bay - he is not a film director, just an opportunist.
This could've been spun as an action flick, or a phycological thriller, or even as a romance. This "movie" is none of that, just some cuts glued together.
The bad thing is that Jake G is falling down. Why is he picking up these garbage? This is another Scandinavian remake with him in it, both failed miserably, see Guilty.
And now I have to make up one hundred and thirty one characters in order to post this review. And thirty more. This is exhausting.
1923 (2022)
Ravishing and Lashing
This review was supposed to be easy because this "show" is utter rubbish. But I don't know where to start.
From the end - the Duel. Really? In 1923, on a cruise boat? Where did swords come from? They have them just in case somebody wants to duel?
Ravishing and Lashing! Most of is it unneeded nor believable. I mean lashing. Why would girls in that school sing "God Save The King", the school looks and smells Catholic? I though the whole show was designed to be anti-English. And anti-French and anti-Canadian. Basically you should be Irish American, or perhaps just Irish to be in the good books. Or a Native Indian who can kill left, right and centre and still be a good guy/girl. Priests ride like cowboys, but no gear. I guess Somebody provides.
The African adventurers had it all - elephants, lions, guineas, ravishing, leopards, sharks, Flying Dutchman (twice). And at every stage they, ie, a bone-headed American, come across really nasty, cowardly English, and teach them a lesson!
The CGIs are brilliant! They must've used the very latest AI! They are even better than my kids' drawings we found in the attic. When they were 5 years old.
And then there is accents. That was so much fun I may watch session 2 just for that!
But the cash counter in Sherigan(?) household keeps chiming, and it is important we all make sure that it keeps going :-)
Reptile (2023)
I might've missed something ...
I might've missed something, hence 4. Otherwise it's solid **
As a saving grace there is a white/translucent glove very early on on the crime scene, noticed by del Toro's character (and amazingly by nobody else). And then there is a another similar glove at the very end of the movie.
Some connection there? May be but to be honest I don't really care to rewind to try to resolve that , and also other "clues". There were some, all random, they may or may not connect. Well, they don't.
Nothing works - the backstory? The whole lot of law officers, from different departments, are just non-stop partying, drinking and dancing?
BdT was not as good as other reviews imply. Actually he was one of the worst bits, at least per minute. And tbh his range of facial expressions is comparable with that of Daniel Craig, ie, one.
Whether purposefully or not the film borrowed lots from other ones, and the list is long - Chinatown, True Detective, Nocturnal Animals, and the whole lot of others. Admittedly it is almost impossible to make such movie without back references, it just does not have to be this bad .
I've watched it till the end but honestly , I do not know how it ended. By that time I did not care. It's a waste, and a shame.
Spy Ops (2023)
I have to admit ...
I have to admit that I have started watching this series because I knew it was going to be rubbish. That's mostly going by a myriad of docu-nonsense about police investigations, army operations, organized criminal gangs, etc.
So I was not expecting much. I definitely was not expecting that it would take approximately 14 minutes to turn it off!
There was a mention on US Army in one of the reviews. All state armies are incompetent, some less perhaps. But if I fart loudly enough I'm pretty sure them super marines will call an air support which, given that Tom Cruise has retired (hopefully), will annihilate a target, ie, probably a cow farm, probably in a different country.
But that's funny bit. The unfunny bit is an admission that Bin Laden, al Qaeda and Taleban where actively monitored before 9/11. We knew that but it was annoying that one of the guys was almost boasting about it. Ands yet they have still managed 9/11, and then some! How that incompetence compares with that of an Army!
Also, they had $3mio yet couldn't hire a proper helicopter. Or perhaps they didn't need to, except for padding time in the "docu". Love comments like "not sure if we can make it" and "turn back". And pilots, obviously non-Americans, have obviously no clue how to fly that machine over those mountains.
Who Killed Jill Dando? (2023)
Waste of time
Literally! Police, film makers, etc didn't do themselves any favours with this one.
One minute it's a "professional hit", the next minute/episode it's not.
Somebody said that crimpings on a casing are typical in Eastern Europe. How come? Who said that? Was he/she interviewed?
What about that "reliable" informant Mr James who apparently lied to get competition off the street. And it took them months (their words) to dismiss his info? Really?
There were three suspects at the very start of the investigation, and none tracked down.
Serbian connection was dismissed due to no info from "security services"? They said that twice. Did police actually do anything about that? Because it seems that it's the only case with some motive. Unless, of course...
Surely, the fiancé must've known that Jill was going to her home that morning to collect those faxes. Yet "they" say that only one person knew - the agent. Btw, both of them, and some other close ones, were dismissed at a stroke of a pen. At least in the film.
There is no insight into Jill Dando's private life apart from her own words that she is what you see, no skeletons, etc. Perhaps.. Yet somebody knew where she would be that morning, or gone to the great length to get to her.
Police were under a lot of pressure of course. Still, as incompetent as in any spoof detective movie. Years wasted.. don't waste your hours, nothing new to see there.
1883 (2021)
What rubbish!
Not a single stereotype is missed and reversed in so offending way that should've been kept as they was in 1920s.
Every single "strategic" or "tactical" decision made by so called "leaders" might as well had been made by a 1960s AI. "Run", "Shoot", "North", "West", "South". "Kill", "Kill".
I guess 1880s was a dangerous place in WW but as long as you can speak in a low grovelling voice , have 2-3 guns that never miss, stare into infinity with eyes nearly closed, you should be ok. And obviously killing left right and centre. Also you should have a fastest horse that cannot outrun any other horse when it really matters.
And then that Silly Cow the Yellow Hair - smiling for 3 hours, ff-ing her way through for another three hours and then cannot stop dying for another two hours.
And what was Billy Bad Santa doing there?
Tulsa King (2022)
It's a Sly show.
Italian mobster walks into town. Everybody instantly fall in love with him, some literary, even twice.
The first couple of episodes provide some comedy value even though make little sense. After that it both diminish, and then go into negatives.
Don't know where to start...
Feeble attempts to cover social and racial issues.
A bike gang makes a living off "balloons" when there is an "unaffiliated" marijuana shop just around the corner?
Main character killed 2 people in 75 years, and then about 75 in 10 minutes?
And action scenes, esp the final shootout. All bodies disappear just like that which is funny because couple of episodes earlier a mobster, with some "experience", complains that it took hours to clean up one body :-)
It's a Sly show. But it also shows Sly as done, gone. Why not be remembered for good stuff, why taking part in this nonsense?
Narco-saints (2022)
Two too many
I just cannot give less, because there are shows way worse than this.
Nothing is good here: dialog, I guess not help by translation; combat - even I can do better; shooting - even my grandma can do better; stoic good guys and evil-laughing bad guy - that is completely original, at least the bit that it carries on for ~ 5 hours.
And even more disappointing is that that there is nothing good to see here - not a single funny moment, or at least one notable martial arts bit, a shoot out, an intimate moment... none! Well, at least I now know where Suriname is :-)
The these are the remaining 34 characters. What nonsense.
The Tax Collector (2020)
nauseating
Just like many many other movies it starts well. After that (half-way?) you'd find hard it not to throw up. It's almost like it's two different movies, may be three even.
The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
Cannot go above 5
This one has no substance of any sort, there are perhaps 2 jokes in it, and 2 references to some other funny stuff. Gorgeous ladies though if we are still allowed to comment on that.
Bottom line - Bing is Bing, forever!
I'm having a hard time commenting on Bruce Willis in this movie, and not only for the recent news. He has done some great stuff!
El Camino Christmas (2017)
This could've been a classic
It's good when it's good and then turns trivial. Damn shame, waste of good talent and a good start. Starts as a classic "black comedy", with all the characters defined, then creates a promise of something, at some higher level, then just slides back to "normal". Disappointing but I'd still recommend it.
Showtrial (2021)
Who wrote this garbage?
Who speaks like that? I've stopped in the middle of ep 2. The story itself might be ok but dialogues which are actually more like monologues are mind-cringing.
The World's End (2013)
Lots of laughs!
I admit this is not an 8-star movie but it gave me few laughs on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Few one-liners, silly "action" sequences - it was fun! Good actors, and Pierce Brosnan too.
This is not an objective review, not far off though :-)
Vigil (2021)
Nothing makes sense
Even if you (somehow) ignore Navy, Police, MI5, Russians, normal life-related inaccuracies it STLL does not make any sense! There is not a single 5 minute sequence of action or/and dialogue that is logical.
Session 2 is even worse - it's just a collection of words, airplanes and acronyms but NOT drones. And then there is a reference to geeks as "basement" Nice.
The Fall (2013)
I wish it was better, even just watchable
An Anderson character who's supposed to be checking on local police picks up a random guy off the street and "invites" him to her room in a "posh" hotel. On her first day, and in front of other police officers. That must've cemented her credibility.
An Anderson character shouts out to a policeman (by name, no less, on her 2nd day) that there has been another murder. And he jumps up, pick up a fairly thick file from his desk and runs out with her. File of what? How to drive a car?
She actually says "Is your car here?". Why? Where else would it be? How does she know he has a car? And if it's a murder there must be other ways of getting there.
And a super-careful baddie walks around naked in victim's house. And then another baddie, who's just been caught with illegal guns and ammo, threatens detective with "I know where you live"
Poor, "lazy" writing, and acting is not that good either.
Clickbait (2021)
Not a spoiler but not far off :-(
Starts well, carries on ok for a while, starts going downhill and then completely falls off a cliff at the end. In that it succeeded spectacularly. Complete waste of a good premise, and my time.
Bajo cero (2021)
Not good :-(
Despite a lot of effort from actors, it just does not work. The starting premise is ok, sort of, nothing new. But then, by the minute, it becomes less and less plausible.
Out of Sight (1998)
20+ years on ...
Still rubbish. However, we have learnt that some "actors" just cannot act, others may learn (just); and that not every film and/or script is going to work just because it's penned and directed by people how are generally good in penning and directing. I can live with this movie, but really do not understand those 10s, 9s, 8s, 7s marks.