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konstantinavalentina
Reviews
The Guardians of Justice (2022)
So bad, it's like they were doing it on purpose
The budget appears non-existent, but, with artists, we could be looking at something that was really expensive, and made to look as cheap and low budget as possible.
Whatever this is, it's pretty bad.
I also don't understand how many of the actors listed have decades of credits to each of their names, but, the film is THIS bad? I feel like this was either a charity lark for most of them, or, they got suckered into a project that might've sounded cool, but, was all paper and no application.
I feel a little bit like everyone was shipped a cardboard box full of props and costumes, then told to self-film alone during covid lockdown, then all of it was stitched together with some dodgey animation fillers, voice-overs and what's basically video-spackle to fill-in all the cracks.
Some people might like this effect.
It's a little similar to Kung Fury from 2015, but, worse, and not in the so-bad-it's-actually-good kind of way like Kung Fury was..
Glasshouse (2021)
Grim Future Dystopian Homesteader Plague-Punk
Seems everything is some kind of somethingpunk these days; Cyberpunk, Steampunk, Spacepunk ... etc., so, I'm labeling this the above.
I liked it. I loved it.
It may not be for all audiences because it's a bit slow, but, it's a slow strung with gnawing tension.
It's a little reminiscent of Z for Zachariah (2015), but with a darker, spookier feeling that more's unsettling than things are already obviously unsettling, as well as that ongoing tension of expectation for awful things happening any moment now.
I, personally, felt the film was rather phenomenal, and well worth the watch.
Blade Runner: Black Lotus (2021)
Poor to start ... but, a tick better if one waits.
There's lots to criticize about this title.
1. It released at the same as Arcane. Arcane makes this look like a project a school kid put together.
2. LA hasn't changed since the 1982 live action movie, despite a few decades passing in the time line. Same buildings, same ads on buildings, same geisha blimp, same neon shaft umbrellas. It's a city trapped in amber.
3. The choice in animation style, and character movement leaves much to be desired. The writing, is meh, and uninspired.
4. The first film left us with questions, and the second live action film gave us an air of mystery and suspense about who or what the main character was. We don't really have any of that here.
5. The choice in music and musical style is questionable and also a departure from the films. The musical style of the Blade Runner universe is as much a part of the environment flavor and storytelling.
6. Replicants don't heal, I guess, because that annoying band aid across the nose of the main character never ever comes off.
7. This show doesn't do much to build any attachment or investment to any of the characters. It's meh.
All in all, I've sat through worse. The first 2 or 3 episodes are, perhaps, the worst. The action, direction, and pace of the show seems to pick up at least a bit after that, and it's something to tick off some minutes that's better than ... staring at facebook?
Lost Relics of the Knights Templar (2020)
Um, NO.
We have things, but, we're not going to get them authenticated anywhere, by anyone with any credibility, because trust us.
This isn't History. Stuffy and Chuckles are not even watchable as people. There's something WRONG with both of those guys. The show would be satisfying if police arrested them both for some shady stuff they've totally done, and the rest of the series focuses on actual factual historians documenting, and describing what's what out of their junk collections.
... but, it's not that, so, um, no.
The Last Thing Mary Saw (2021)
Phenomenal, minimalist, creepy story-telling
If you liked The Witch from 2015, and you don't mind a slow, creeping art-film with actual symbolism, meaning, and some proper writing, You may enjoy this.
Those unfamiliar with the concept of thinking about what a director might be trying to say, or engaging in active interpretation of symbolism and story telling devices will probably fall asleep because this film isn't for people that aren't film geeks.
Secret Space UFOs: Rise of the TR3B (2021)
Same desperate nonsense, different viddy.
You can get all the CGI woo woo, and potato cam videos of satellites after dusk reflecting sunlight off their solar panels and disappearing as they fall into Earth's shadow, plus blurry camera bokeh filmed with triangle aperture so oooo spooky triangle lights ... on youtubes for free.
All these people want you to buy their books, videos, or other swag at UFO conventions, and the willingness of easily duped masses to part with cash for stories about flying saucers is well documented.