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Reviews
No Hard Feelings (2023)
Awful - R for retching bad
This had a maximum of 30 minutes at the start that were worth watching and then disintegrated into a horribly bad movie with pointless dialogue and an obvious ending. Some of the dialogues were soooooo slow, you could see they were desperate to get the running time up. And how is this R rated? Because J-Law runs around naked? Most of the jokes were lame and overused (premature ejaculation and masturbation - is that really the best you can do??) and not "mature" at all. All of the funny scenes you would have seen in the trailer already - and they were not even that great. Jennifer Lawrence's acting was decent, but the rest of the cast is B movie trash, maybe apart from Matthew Broderick. But you are really grasping at straws if he is the 2nd best actor in a movie, I am sorry. The all time benchmark for this movie should be - in my view - American Pie. Yup, not an Oscar-worthy masterpiece, but good fun with lots of original ideas and decent actors. I had hopes this would be an acceptable rip off or at least a bad copy - but it ended up being a boring and pointless mess that I started to fast forward more and more. 3 out of 10 (I feel sorry for J Law - hopefully this did not end your acting career).
Reptile (2023)
decent enough
I was not holding my breath given the terrible track record Netflix has with movies, but this one was surprisingly watchable. Not a world class thriller, do not get me wrong, but good enough to keep you entertained. Yes, arguably a bit too cardboard with some of the shady characters and cops it throws at you early on, and a average ending, but decent acting by some of the leads and at least a couple of storylines that kept me guessing almost all the way. Del Toro is excellent as always, his character had enough depth, and his acting made the movie. Silverstone was good too, and I particularly enjoyed Eric Bogosian. I thought he was excellent in Billions, and here again his acting is great. Some of the other cops did not quite reach the same level, and I have seen Timberlake act better than this (maybe they should have cast Ryan Philippe to reunite him with his movie mum from Lincoln Lawyer, Frances Fisher). Anyway, I think it is better than most stuff coming out of the Netflix studio pipe, so would recommend to give it a go if you like cop movies and thrillers.
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)
Cruise keeps delivering - worth a trip to the theatre
Another fun MI movie. By now the odds were they produce a dud eventually, but Cruise delivers the goods again. The first remains my favourite, but this is in the running for one of the best in the series. The opening sequence is great and provides a great backstory, and the train scene is one of the longest action sequences in movie history that kept me glued to the screen. But arguably the film could have been cut to two hours to make it an all time classic. The car chase was too long, and there are a few "let's explain this all in great detail and very slowly so that even the dumbest one can keep up" dialogues that slowed the movie down more than needed. And do we need Cruise's language skills in every movie now? Also, more Brian de Palma style "look after the dying lady scenes in slow mo" than we needed and a desert scene that was completely redundant (ironically like the one in John Wick 4). Plus some of the characters and their actions are highly questionable and become increasingly illogical. But we are not here for a perfect story, we are here for the action, and MI7 delivers and leaves the latest John Wick in the dust. Well done to Cruise and the team, in my view worth a trip to the theatre.
Extraction 2 (2023)
Not as good as the first
Unfortunately a weak sequel. Chris Hemsworth is great, and tries to make the most out of it. It also had a few decent action scenes, but the story is very weak and the digital effects look like out of a cheap TV movie - thou shall not fear deep fakes if that is the best they can do with millions of dollars...
The first movie was already a Rambo/Commando type mission but this time any last bit of realism is left behind. What father would lock his kids into a cell if he controls the country? How about a villa with guards instead? And why are Georgian drug dealers also trained as special forces? How do you get an army plus weapons into Austria? Did they just declare a few rocket launchers at the border? The second miss of the Russo brothers after Grey man, which also stank. 5/10. I was hoping for more, but Netflix delivered again in line with its low standards for movies.
The Gray Man (2022)
a slightly better attempt but...
Still not good enough, Netflix. This has (once again) subpar actors, shoddy writing and bad casting. Ryan Gosling was the sole exception. The lead female was terrible, the Asian CIA agent was even worse and the CIA bad guy played like he had just finished his first semester of acting class. And Chris Evans still looked and felt like dream son-in-law material even after his torture scene, unfortunately. He is a good actor, but miscast here. And Billy Bob just mailed it in. Where are Lucy Liu, Michael B Williams, Javier Bardem and Charlize Theron when you need them? Rather than getting all the tax credits, try proper casting next time, Netflix.
Nevertheless, it was an okay movie until the Prague scene. But that was ... completely over the top! What tram driver keeps going after multiple times being shot at and the tram hitting cars left right and centre? And it looked like the tram was speeding at 100 mph. What? Is this a Shinkanzen or a tram, writers? Completely ridiculous.
Mission Impossible can be over the top as well at times, I admit (hanging by your finger tips outside the door on a flying airplane), but usually they still try to create a semi-realistic environment. Not the case here. There are a million swat teams ready to shoot up a whole European city without blinking? Yeah, right. Happens all the time, folks.
The McGuffin was also a complete joke. Apparently the device will encrypt itself if copied. Well, how about just holding a cell phone on record while you watch it? Give me a break, writers...is that the best you could come up with.
In summary, I am sorry, in my view another Netflix miss. Extraction remains the exception to the rule. Dark clouds on the horizon, if that is how you spend your money, Netflix. Maybe buy Warner Bros to save yourself? They re-launched Batman for the ... what ... 5th time? And created another decent action flick.
Scream (2022)
Horror franchises cannot age gracefully
The opening scene was okay, then it went downhill quickly. The last 20 minutes are absolutely terrible, atrocious writing. It felt like someone incapable of speaking coherently trying to explain the ending of the original to you.
And then they topped it off with a completely unnecessary Once upon a time in Hollywood rip off. Did Tarantino get some writing credits?
But look, that is what typically happens to horror franchises after number 3 or 4. Not sure how I thought this one was going to be different, I should have known better.
In summary: a horror franchise still can't age gracefully - much like the leads in this flick.
"You are not fooling anybody, sweetheart!"
The Old Guard (2020)
Terrible mess - worst soundtrack in decades
Poor Netflix. All the cash they are throwing at movies and - with a few exceptions - only trash comes out. After the decent Extraction I was dumb enough to give Netflix another chance. Unfortunately they failed spectacularly again. All the budget was probably spent on Charlize and then they had to employ complete hacks for the screenplay and, as others have mentioned, for the terrible music. This is what a soundtrack sounds like if some old dude decides that he wants to use music that the younger generation should like. Ugh. Hard to stomach.
To be fair the movie started out okay but then you have to endure 80min of cringeworthy dialogue and ridiculous sub plots before having some action again at the end. Some of the more laughable and cringeworthy scenes; Marines that recognise a Rodin. Comic book evil Pharma CEO wants to torture people for money. Ex-CIA agent does everything to save the world because he is a sobbing widower. The lady at the bottom of the ocean in a box comes back (how??)
And then a "subtle" set up at the end for a sequel. I hope that it will die in the torturous hands of the Merrick CEO on the heap of trash that you keep on cultivating, my dear Netflix. Thank God Charlize is already out. That is probably why she became mortal again. She does not want to go near this rubbish anymore. Netflix: please, pretty please, please go back to the online video store you once were and/or focus on tv series. These movies are a waste of your capital and more importantly a waste of talented actors. A Terrible mess after the first 20min - and the worst soundtrack in decades
Who Am I - Kein System ist sicher (2014)
Great hacker movie - in the tradition of 23
This is a great hacker flick. It reminded me of 23, another German movie about hackers, although 23 was set 30 years earlier and is based on a true story. I am sure the writers were a bit inspired by 23, as a lot of plot elements and characters are somewhat similar. That should not take anything away from Who Am I, though, it is a great movie in its own right, with great acting for the most part (the actress playing the Danish cop was a bit flat) and some nail-biting suspense and great twists. In any case, I recommend this movie and - if you like it - I recommend you watch 23 as well.
Undone (2020)
Puts a smile on your face
This might not be the most dramatic or moving surf docu (like kissed by god or momentum generation) nor the best big wave surf movie (riding giants) but if you like surfing - do watch it. Laura's personality and the great editing and music make this a worthwhile watch. I especially enjoyed some more background on the right in WA. Good length too, rather than trying to stretch it out to 90 or 100min. Hats off to Laura both for the surfing and the movie producing skills.
Annihilation (2018)
The human race is the cancer
Just finished Annihilation. Enjoyable movie, great acting, suspense ... but not a masterpiece IMO. Probably more intriguing than the film itself is the interpretation of the ending and debating what the film wants to convey.
Here is my 2 cents (noting that I have not read the book): I believe human race is meant to be the cancer, not the shimmer. The shimmer actually tries to eliminate the cancer, with slow but steady therapy, restoring the beauty and equilibrium of nature in a slightly mutated way. However it can only do it very slowly and while it tries to heal planet earth the cancer cells - humans - are relentless in their attacks. Team after team is sent in to destroy the shimmer. It is not a coincidence that it is a military operation. Destruction is the end goal here, winning back control over the one area humans are not able to control because nature has reclaimed it and kept it free of cancerous cells.
But at some point the shimmer realises that it is a lost cause to kill off the cancer cells. There are so many... and they keep on coming back. So it decides that reprogramming the cancer cells is the only way to win the battle long term. Lena and Kane are the first two to be reprogrammed. Kane admits that he is no longer human and we can also see the shimmer in Lena s eyes.
I ll leave it to you to decide whether aliens or God are trying to save the planet from the human race with the shimmer in my interpretation but of course the Lena and Kane combo suggests it is a bit biblical. So far the shimmer has not arrived in real life - but the destruction of our planet is arguably happening, unfortunately.
Maybe my interpretation is flawed - but I enjoyed thinking it through. Watch the movie and decide yourself, it is definitely a mentally stimulating watch.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
Boring and misogynistic
This was a real disappointment. QT has completely lost his magic. Rick in this movie is the perfect analogy. He can still do it (as in the scene with the little girl) but despite his acting skills he mainly produces rubbish with his best work far behind him. Same with QT: That scene with the girl is great, as is the scene when Cliff visits the ranch. The rest is forgettable and boring with the exception of the over the top violence at the end and the unnecessary disrespect to Bruce Lee. But not only is the movie boring and way too long, it also has a misogynistic tone that is only amplified by the fact that Tarantino worked with Weinstein on numerous movies. I might be able to overlook the foot fetish and the fact that Margot Robbie is only allowed to look good in 60ties outfits in this movie. But the fact that Cliff is clearly portrait as the hero of the film despite murdering his wife (purely for being annoying) and mutilating two hippie girls in an unnecessarily gruesome way really left me thinking that QT needs to sort out his mental problems with women. Cliff is also happy to get blown by someone 30 years younger, as long as it is legal. Yuck. If only women were like Cliff's dog, submissive and quiet (almost no lines for Sharon Tate, the little girl does not mind Rick mistreating her for the sake of good acting) until the master let's them off the leash. That seems to be the message of this movie. Smart asses might point out that "it was like this in the sixties and therefore it is an accurate portrait". But that excuse would only work if there was some compassion and sympathetic portrayal of women in the movie as well. Sadly, there is none. You might point to Sharon Tate, but hey, guess what, she is the happiest when she sees herself looking dumb and awkward on the floor as a sex object for Dean Martin. And if this all was not enough proof of misogyny QT reinforces it by casting a guy that assaulted a woman at a film festival a few years ago. Shame on all the movie critics who overlook this and only talk about great acting, camerawork and movie references. Boring and misogynistic. 3/10
Taken (2008)
7.9 ... you must be kidding
This movie sucks!
But how could one know... 7.9 on IMDb...PR money spent on fake reviews? Rotten Tomatoes 57%.. WTF... the critics are bribed as well these days, apparently (see also RT Rating of Avatar).
But hey, at least I learnt a lot while watching TAKEN (If you are one of the idiots rating 7 or above, please note the sarcasm):
1) 17 year old girls run around like toddlers 2) If you are about to be kidnapped, DO NOT LOCK THE DOOR, DO NOT CALL THE POLICE. Just hide under the bed and wait for it to happen. If they cannot find you in the first instance please say something. 3) If your daughter is kidnapped, threaten to kill the kidnapper. (Straight out of the negotiators handbook). 4) It is not safe outside the US. You cannot lock an apartment in Paris. Especially one in a posh neighborhood (codes at the entrance, anyone? Luc Besson must have spent some time in Paris???). 5) Women trafficker prefer rich tourists. Nobody notices their disappearances. 6) If your Stepfather is rich you can still save money by sharing a cab with a complete stranger overseas. 7) Be polite with a blond girl and she will want to go to bed with you. 8) Virgins are worth saving, the others deserve to be raped and killed