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Reviews
Dirt Boy (2001)
Dirt Boy Needs to be Buried
I could only watch this up to about the 50 min mark before I started skipping ahead. This isn't a horror movie. I repeat: this is not a horror movie. It could be best described as a "dramatic thriller". The acting and characterizations are bad. The plot holes are huge. This movie is excruciatingly slow. If you're a fan of gore, look elsewhere cuz there's none here. If you're a fan of suspense, look elsewhere, there is none here. The suspense is lacking because no one in the movie is ever in any danger. I bought this from my local Mart for $5 with 7 other flicks and I can't decide if I hate this or Loaded of the eight films.
Room 33 (2009)
Boring Movie
If you're here looking for a review for this movie, you most likely saw it as a $5 movie pack at your local Mart. This movie lacks gore. It also lacks tension and suspense. It really is a boring movie. There are hot chicks to arouse attention. But since there isn't any nudity, viewer will lose interest quick. Many deaths are off-screen. The few on screen deaths feature the killer running toward people sticking jelly into the eyes of his victims. I am serious. It really does look as if the killer is sticking jelly into peoples' eyes.
Judging from a lot of the reviews, many people didn't learn what the secret of Room 33 was. I guess they were too bored or spent too much time fast forwarding to figure it out. And even if they did find out, would they care? No. This movie is unable to keep any viewer interested long enough to care.
Secrets of the Clown (2007)
How??
As of 8/12/2012, IMDb.com says this flick was made for $140,000. How is that possible? Somebody on IMDb.com must be pulling one helluva prank.
This movie was shot on a camcorder featuring the worst excuse for fake blood I've seen in a long time (red lipstick and ketchup). The acting was atrocious. No one could care about any of the characters. The pacing was terrible. The script was garbage. Everything about this movie was garbage.
Anyone who has heard about this flick probably saw it at their local Mart as a $5 movie pack and wants to know if it's worth it. It's only worth it if you're really bored and wanna waste your hard-earned cash. Others have bought it for the 80s horror flick Curtains.
It cost $140,000 to make this flick? Perhaps the director used $1000 to make this flick and decided to pocket $139,000.
Cold Weather (2010)
Everyone hated the "ending"!
I've read both positive and negative reviews for this movie. The one thing both negative and positive reviewers can agree upon is the ending is terrible. It just stops. That's it. There are theories on why the director decided to abruptly stop the movie: someone spilled coffee on the script and they only used the parts without coffee stains in the movie; the camera ran out of batteries; the director was asked for a permit to shoot a movie in Portland, and, when he couldn't produce one, he could no longer shoot in Portland and decided to make the movie with what he had already shot; etc.
Before the ending, I disliked: 1. Terrible dialogue that was plodding and tedious. I also disliked the acting. When the characters are merely sitting around mumbling to themselves, they seem believable. But when they have to show anger, fear, or tension, it's not believable.
2. Overly-long shots of nothing important: shots of people sleeping for 2 mins; 2 min shots of people eating in silence while the director stands 50 yards away; 5 min shots of people eating Swedish fish and mumbling; etc.
3. The fact that the first 40 minutes were useless in terms of plot and character development. And the abrupt disappearance of Carlos and Rachel in the third act.
When I watch a movie, I want to walk away seeing something unique: story, cinematography, directing, acting, music, special effects, etc. This is what I got from Cold Weather: a cautionary tale on how not to make a movie.
Peur(s) du noir (2007)
Prepare to Fall Asleep in the Dark
Jacques (the other poster who gave this a 1-star rating) is right. There is no entertainment value in this film whatsoever. When I get into horror fiction, I don't need to see a blonde girl screaming her head off as she runs from some monster. What I look for in a good horror story is unsettling atmosphere and good characterization. I got neither in this film anthology.
Look at the reviews for this film on the IMDb boards and they call this film "nauseatingly pretentious" and "artsy-fartsy". That's true. If you don't like pretentious or art-house films then do not waste your time with this anthology. The pacing in all these segments are slow. I don't think any of them are more than 15 minutes total but each felt three times longer.
Too many times I watched these segments and was literally and figuratively left in the dark. I'd wonder, "What just happened?", skip back to see, and still would be lost. The stories lack any pull that entrances the viewer and makes him want to see more. I fell asleep during all 4 times I watched this movie. No lie.
The makers of this movie forgot fear is an irrational emotion brought on by our own prejudices. As a result, we must emphasize emotionally with the characters and the situation they are in to be scared. But they tried to intellectualize fear--and did it in a way that came off as a tedious waste of time.
I cannot recommend this movie to anyone, even art-house fans. This movie is a waste of time unless you desperately need something to cure insomnia. Just so you know, this movie is in black and white, but subtitled in white, which made it difficult to read at times. That did not bother me. It's just the plodding pacing, lack of characterizations, and inconclusive endings that bothered me.