nogodnomasters Reviews

Unfrosted (2024)

Trat PoP

[5/10 · 8 May 2024]

This film is written, directed ,and stars Jerry Seinfeld as Bob Cabana who works at Kellogg. He makes himself responsible for slogan and naming products. The company is in a race with Post to create a toaster pastry. It is told as a series of jokes that include food mascots which were actually cartoons. The production brings in a lot of familiar faces, many in minor roles. It spoofs "Oppenheimer," The Right Stuff" and the January sixth riot and occupation of the Capitol. Some of the humor is made up jokes about things that will actually happen. Milk men are made to look like organized crime.

Guide: No sex or nudity. Amy Schumer.drops a quick F-word during the end dance/credits.

Sweet Dreams (I) (2024)

Misery Doesn't care how you look

[2/10 · 6 May 2024]

This is a feel-good movie about the recovery of alcoholics who have screwed up their own lives and everyone that they touch. Morris (Johnny Knoxville) is a video director who ruined his life through drinking. He doesn't remember what happens when he drinks. He is now separated from his daughter. He has entered a program where the director admits it doesn't work. The occupants realize that they are selfish placing themselves above everyone else. This is their first step to recovery. Morris ends up coaching their amateur softball team must win to get the money to save the facility yada yada yada.

The plot was boring. Kate Upton's cameo only shows us how bad she is at acting. They created characters that tried too hard to be characters.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Stranger in the Woods (I) (2024)

Sex in the Forest

[2/10 · 5 May 2024]

A group of friends goes on vacation with Olivia (Holly Kenney) after a failed attempted suicide following the death of her boyfriend Cole. Olivia claims she was attacked and no one believes her. She was discovered by Sam (Brendin Brown) a childhood friend and Theresa (Paris Nicole). The vacation also includes Liam (Devon Stewart) who is Theresa's boyfriends and Brandon (Radek Antczak) her "work husband" who has a crush on her. And her dog Koda who she needs for support. They rent a cabin from San's creepy half-brother Clayton (Teddy Spencer) who carries a side ram. He hunts, traps, and does taxidermy. He is half-witted and has anger management issues. Olivia becomes upset when her dog goes missing. Things are not right with Clayton and it becomes uncomfortable.

The movie was slow and the "twist" wasn't climatic and seemed pointless to the dull film. It could have benefited from engaging dialogue.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Abigail (2024)

Just a kid

[9/10 · 1 May 2024]

A group of a half dozen criminals working for Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito) kidnap Abigail (Alisha Weir) and hold her hostage in a remote mansion. They keep their real names a secret so character introduction is done by Joey (Melissa Barrera) doing reads on people. Joey is the medic in the group whose looks is inspired by Ally Sheedy in "The Breakfast Club." Joey cares for "Tiny Dancer." Her identity is unknown. Joey is shaken up when she says, "I'm sorry about what's going to happen to you." Frank (Dan Stevens ) discovers she is the daughter of Kristoff Lazaar ( Matthew Goode ) who is spoken about as a Keyser Soze. The group becomes creeped out stops drinking and stands guard for "Vazdez" the legendary assassin who works for Lazaar. In true horror fashion, the call is coming from inside the house.

This is similar to home break-in films where the criminals must fear the residents. This one was done very well. I enjoyed the majority of the characters and the acting was good for a horror film.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Asphalt City (2023)

Not even with all the toys and training

[4/10 · 29 April 2024]

Ollie Cross (Tye Sheridan) is a rookie EMY in New York City. He is tossed into the fire working the night shift at a scene with multiple shootings and a hostile crowd. He is paired with Gene Rutkovsky (Sean Penn) a seasoned EMT who worked during 9-11. He learns to prioritize patients. Cross lives cheaply in Chinatown, saving money and studying for MCATS. The actions of the high-pressure jobs of the EMTs are scrutinized as there are hearings and suspensions for all kinds of misdeeds. Cross discovers that his partners through their experience not only play God, but judge, jury, and executioner. He finds the job difficult as well as the hazing aspect.

The story gives us a peek into the stress that NYC EMTs have in doing their task. The acting was great, but the characters were not relatable.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity (Raquel Nave)

Late Night with the Devil (2023)

Mr. Wiggles

[5/10 · 28 April 2024]

Jack Delroy (David Dastmalchian) a Chicago radio host becomes a late-night host in New York on UBC up against Johnny Carson. His ratings have dwindled since he aired in 1972. His last gasp to save the show is sweeps week 1977, beginning with their Halloween special. Jack has lined up some paranormal stars including a skeptic Carmichael Haig (Ian Bliss) who is made to look like famous skeptic James Randi and includes his money challenge. Christou (Fayssal Bazzi) is the first guest who does a very bad audience read. He is followed by Haig who points out what he did. Dr. June Ross-Mitchell (Laura Gordon) a love interest of Delroy brings on her patient Lilly (Ingrid Torelli) a shortened name of Lilith. Lilly was part of a Satanic cult whose leader looked like Anton Levy. They set fire to themselves when confronted by the police. Lilly survives but has a demon inside she calls Mr. Wiggles. At this point the film finally gets interesting.

The film has issues. The opening is "as read." It is a documentary style from 1972-1977. Then it is "found footage" of the show. It does enough to look like a period talk show with the various camera angles and banter between Delray and the band leader (Rhys Auteri). It has situational humor that would work on the show but didn't come across well in the film.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Breathe (I) (2024)

I know your husband

[2/10 · 27 April 2024]

It is 2039 and the Earth has reached the "tipping point." Oxygen has been depleted from a stated 27% (20.7%?) to 2%. Darius (Common) managed to construct a refuge in his home in Brooklyn. It is self-sustaining with solar panels. Since hydrogen was an issue, I surmise the oxygen is provided by the electrolysis of water. When Darius' father dies, he leaves to bury him and never returns. The film would be extremely boring with just Mom (Jennifer Hudson) and daughter (Quvenzhané Wallis) creating family drama. A group arrives from Philadelphia and wants in. They claim their oxygen generator is on the fritz and need to "look" at theirs. This escalates.

The characters were not well developed. The plot was okay, but if you're going to lock people up, I prefer a film with John Goodman and questionable aliens. Production was tedious.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Arthur the King (2024)

Another sports Cinderella story with a dog

[4/10 · 27 April 2024]

Michael Light (Mark Wahlberg) competes in World Championship Racing which I just discovered is a thing. It opens up by showing us another loss in a string of losses. Three years later he continues to train while his wife (Juliet Rylance) retires to take care of the baby. They live in a house with a pool and I have no idea what they do for money. He wants to race again and manages to get a team together and a partial sponsor. They gave the other people back stories to make this a rag-tag team. While racing in the Dominican Republic, they take a shortcut through the jungle while biking. Lost, a stray street dog managed to lead them.

I am tired of watching sport Cinderella. Bad News Bears type of stories for things that are not real sports. I can't wait for the Canadians to feature a curling team film. Didn't they make one on the Jamaican Bobsled team? Having said that, I didn't get gushy over a sick dog. Wahlberg's loyalty to the dog was a pure ham acting scene. Others might like it. I see this as a film Mark will want to forget. Family night film.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.

Dayo (2024)

We are all outsiders

[4/10 · 26 April 2024]

Elsa (Rica Gonzales) is a dancer/prostitute at a Manila nightclub. She has worked there since a young girl to help support her Aunt and family. Elsa grows tired of her job and her family that is ungrateful that she sells her body for him, especially her aunt's husband who spies on her in the shower and makes advances. She grabs a bus to La Union where she lives an idea life on the beach with Kakai (Audrey Avila) her bestie. She manages to score a waitress job where she meets Eddy, who happens to be friends with Fredo, who is Kakai's boyfriend. Unknown to either of them, they deal drugs. Elsa's past catches up to when she meets a former dissatisfied customer.

The film has lots of sex and nudity. It also had long drawn out scenes on the beach without much going on. Watched the film with subtitles.

Guide: 1 F-word Sex and nudity (Audrey Avila,Rica Gonzales)

Fallout (2024– )

Time is the ultimate apex predator

[10/10 · 25 April 2024]

The film opens in 1958 when LA is suddenly nuked. It then jumps 279 years later. There exists an idyllic society that lives in carefully planned vaults. Vault 33 looks like it was inspired from the underground society in the cult classic "A Boy and His Dog." It appears to pay homage to the film by showing a poster of a film titled, "A Man and His Dog." Cooper Howard (Walton Goggins) was a cowboy star during the Red Scare era. He survives years later as a ghoul. Outside raiders disrupt the lives of those in the vault. Lucy MacLean (Ella Purnell) becomes our naive protagonist as she leaves the safety of the vault to come the surface in search of her kidnapped father. Along the way she meets Maximus (Aaron Moten) a soldier of the brotherhood. They have similar goals and combine resources.

This was a fun series regardless of all the science issues. This should be sci-fi fantasy. It leaves at a point that promises for a revenge filled second season.

Guide: F-word, sex, and nudity (but not too much)

Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)

There will be less mouths to feed.

[5/10 · 22 April 2024]

Atticus Noble (Ed Skrein) is brought back to life and has a scar, hence the title. It also sets up for the same identical climax as the first part. The first hour retells the story of part one and reintroduces the characters. Kora (Sofia Boutella) played the role of the trusted Rasputin in the assassination of the royal family and she was the one that murders Princess Anastasia or Issa (Stella Grace Fitzgerald ). Like "Battle Beyond the Stars" our fighters are promised a home and a meal. The medieval village on the moon Veldt prepares for battle against a seasoned group of futuristic soldiers.

This is badly written, like a seventh grader writes fan fiction.

Byte (2024)

Now is the Only Thing that is real.

[4/10 · 22 April 2024]

Four Kent State students get together at Halloween. Jett (Marshall Vargas) sometimes sounds like Jack, Jeb, and Joe, downloads an app that promises to turn a person into a werewolf for $25.00. A package with instruction arrives at his door within moments. Jett and his three friends drive out to the cemetery during the full moon as only Jett completes the instructions. If he didn't turn into a werewolf and eat his cat, it wouldn't be a film.

The film had a lot of dull scenes and dialogue. The acting was bad with Bill Schroeder as Professor Rader was amateurish. Worth passing over.

Guide: No f-words, sex, or nudity.

The Star City Murders (2024)

High School?

[1/10 · 22 April 2024]

Star City Muders is a murder mystery without any suspects or clues until the very end. Detective Frank Brody (Heath Centazzo) is a melancholy man who lost his partner. He is assigned Detective Sue Bullock (Michelle Lukes) as his new partner and doesn't want a partner. He works with his ex-wife Late Smith (Amy Motta). They discover a body with the face missing which leads to a series of "Mulder" murders.

The acting and dialogue leave much to be desired. This was not a great script. Too many scenes where people who can't deliver are moving their lips. Not worth the time spent.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Spartacus (2010–2013)

Blood and Sand

[7/10 · 21 April 2024]

The season is inspired by the life of Spartacus (Andy Whitfield) who led the third slave rebellion. The amount of historical facts in any episode can be contained in a sentence. Crixus (Manu Bennett) and Doctore (Peter Mensah) are historical characters while the rest of the slaves are dramatic additions. The motives of Spartacus are speculative and the film makes his cause noble. What was not historical was the relative importance Rome played in defeating Spartacus. The insertion of Julius Caesar into the film was like adding aliens to an Indian Jones movie. Caesar played zero role in Spartacus and certainly, his anal rape was all fictional. The conflicting aspects are Spartacus' fate were masterfully combined. The drama and back stabbing were great. The script provides the reasons for Spartacus's motivation and actions.

Every episode contains sex. Nudity and swearing. It has nudity simply to maintain a viewing audience and in nearly all cases it served no purpose. In that regard, it was sad to see Viva Bianca leave as she was a goddess. In many cases, it looked like the women wore g-strings with hair attached.

Guide: F-word, sex, rape, nudity.

Immaculate (2024)

Head Cases and Runaways

[2/10 · 21 April 2024]

Sister Cecilia (Sydney Sweeny) travels from Michigan to Italy to join the Our Lady fo Sorrow convent which provides hospice care for dying nuns. The film opens with a nun attempting an escape, only to meet doom. Cecilia is not big an speaking Italian so you get an interpreter. The convent was built upon the catacombs of St. Stephen and they are forbidden to enter. We discover Cecilia drowned and her heart stopped for seven minutes and she believes she was revived for a purpose. At 16 minutes into the film Sydney Sweemy takes a vow of chastity. She hears some crying and enters a room that holds one of the nails of the cross (still not rusted away). Later she discovers she is pregnant, a sign from God. At this point, the film turns stupid.

I was engrossed by all the different things we were shown but never adequately tied together. The film was either poorly edited or scripted. They did not have a concept on how to bring a plot together. Still waiting for Sweeny to have that break-out film.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.

DogMan (2023)

The Dog Whisperer

[7/10 · 20 April 2024]

Douglas Munrow (Caleb Landry Jones) tells his life story to a police psychologist (Jojo T. Gibbs). He is in a wheelchair and in drag as the cops pick him up going down the highway with a semi-trailer filled with dogs. His dad (Clemens Schick) raised fighting dogs and starved and misused them. Doug crossed his father and ended up in the cage with the dogs. They bonded. His interests became theater and make-up. His life led him to perform as a drag queen who used his dogs as his private army with them being able to obey complex commands.

The film held my interest as one wonders what the dogs could do next. Dog owners suspect their dogs know what they are telling them.

Guide: One brief F-word (WTF). No sex or nudity.

Werewolf Cabal (2022)

No More Spells

[1/10 · 18 April 2024]

The film opens with the LAPD questioning Russo (Hans Hernk) about what happened to LA resident Michael Kiefer (Derek Nelson) while he was in a small English village. Russo relates a tale of everything that happened to Kieffer although he didn't show up on the scene until late. Kieffer inherits a cottage from his biological mother who gave him up for adoption at age 1. He shares the inheritance with his brother Eric who everyone in town claims is dead. Charlotte Devere (Antonia Whillans) a housekeeper seems to come with the place. A werewolf was seen in the opening scene. It does not show up again for another hour. The film consists of little action moving from one poorly scripted conversation to another. Dani Thompson shows up in the film, which made me believe it was going to pick up. But she was in it for just one scene. It was boring and badly done. The overall idea was good, but the execution and script were terrible. Jon-Paul Gates was a horrible actor.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Civil War (2024)

I will give you Canadian dollars

[6/10 · 17 April 2024]

States have succeeded under the third term of a fascist President who has disbanded the FBI. States that have left include Texas, Florida, California, and Oregon all for different reasons. Only Texas and California have seemed to banded together to form the Western Forces. Lee Smith (Kirsten Dunst) is a photo journalist who is on her way to Washington in hopes of interviewing the President before the Western Forces arrive to kill him. The group allows Jessie (Cailee Spaeny) to tag along against Lee's better judgement. She aspires to be a photo journalist and has no issue with putting herself in harm's way to get a shot.

I thought this was a real Civil War film and not the fake one being waged on Twitter. It lacked overt political content like a Ewe Boll film, but the message was clear. I saw the acting as good, but overall the plot lacked credibility and zombies.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Knox Goes Away (2023)

Strange Tatics

[7/10 · 17 April 2024]

The film is a drama about a paid assassin. John Know (Michael Keaton) discovers his dementia is not going away and soon he will lose all of his marbles in a few weeks. He is making his final arrangements to liquid his estate which consists of jewels, cash, and paintings. After he accidentally shoots his partner (Ray McKinnon) he has decided this is his last job as he explains what happened to his boss (Al Pacino). His estranged son ( James Marsden) shows up and needs his help to cover up a murder.

John is able to help his son during his moments of clarity as he creates a list of things to do, something that required perfect timing. What is it and can he pull it off?

It is a well acted drama that takes some good turns, but not twisty.

Guide: F-word. Implied sex. No nudity.

Shaky Shivers (2022)

You should floss more

[6/10 · 16 April 2024]

Shakey Shivers is a comedy horror film set in the 1990s. Karen (VyVy Nguyen) and Lucy (Brooke Markham) are best friends, seven years out of high school working at the Friendly Freeze ice cream parlor in the Pacific Northwest. Bob (Herschel Sparber) is the friendly owner. A nature lady (Erin Daniels) comes into the store after closing and asks for food, willing to swap a pine cone. Lucy makes fun of the woman and gets bitten by her hand puppet while the woman casts a werewolf curse on Lucy. Karen and Lucy drive out to the abandoned Camp Happy Bear where she requests that Karen shoot her when she turns into a werewolf during the full moon. Fellow worker Eric (Jimmy Bellinger) surprises the girls wearing a wolf mask only to get shot in the face.

The film was silly funny. It is not big on special effects, but the characters are all likable.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Mea Culpa (2024)

Which Bill do you want to pay?

[4/10 · 16 April 2024]

Mea Harper (Kelly Rowland) is a successful attorney who goes to couples marriage counseling with her husband Kal (Sean Sagar). Cal lost his job through substance abuse. She suspects him of having an affair with Jenna (Arianna Barron). Kal is close to his mother (Kerry O'Malley) who favors Jenna and also plays the cancer card. Kal's brother Ray (Nick Sagar) is a prosecuting attorney. His wife (Shannon Thornton) is good friends with Mea. Ray plans to run for mayor and is using his current prosecution of local Chicago artist Zyair Malloy (Trevante Rhodes) as a poster boy in a murder trial where there is no body, just blood, bone, and DNA. Zyair requests Mea represent him. He is a player, and it is not long before Mea discovers she is being played.

Tyler Perry films are like Will Ferrell films. I like them better when they are not in them. The problem with the script is that they tried to hide too much. You need to leave a trail of clues that increase in worth as the film progresses. This one comes together too fast before you can digest what is happening. And the camera man would cut off the top of heads. I did like the "Hot Buttered Soul."

Guide: No f-words. Sex and nudity.

Hellhounds (2024)

The Silver Bullets

[4/10 · 15 April 2024]

Alias (Nathaniel Burns) is a Hellhound Biker, one of the few that are left. Their numbers were diminished by the Silver Bullets bike gang. Mia Kauffman (Dana Kippel) is a bounty hunter after Dave Carroll (Daniel Link) who is a bad guy. Dave is hiding in a place called the Scrap Yard which is a desert home to drifters, outlaws, and coyotes. Lucella (Eva Hamilton) is the leader of the werewolves whose numbers are few. She recently turned Kevin (Cameron Kotecki). The yard is also home of D. B. Cooper (Dan Weisgerber) who lives out of an RV.

The film was low budget and the plot was not tight. It was not well scripted or acted.

Guide; F-word, sex, and nudity (Eva Hamilton, Gabby D Barbosa, + uncredited pole dancers)

Sleeping Dogs (2024)

I don't Remember

[6/10 · 15 April 2024]

Roy Freeman (Russell Crowe) is a retired detective with Alzheimer's. He writes notes to himself that we see plastered all over his abode. He liked his drink and was involved in a drunk driving accident which got him removed from the force. He is taking experimental drugs and has electrodes stimulating his brain as his memory slowly returns. Isaac Samuel (Pacharo Mzembe) is on death row and his date is coming up. He claims he is innocent despite the signed confession. He calls on Roy, who investigated the case along with Jimmy Remis (Tommy Flanagan) to help out. Roy, for some reason, has his police case files at home. He starts to investigate as all roads seen to lead to Laura Baines (Karen Gillan). A key witness suddenly dies.

This was an okay crime drama. It is a subdued Russell Crowe. Nice ending. It was one I expected, but had no idea how it would ever get to that point.

Guide: F-word.. Sex. No nudity.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)

I'm no Stranger to Danger

[3/10 · 14 April 2024]

Possible plot spoilers.

A lizard, a moth, and an ape transformer walk into the hollow Earth... King Kong lives in the hollow earth while Godzilla protects mankind against dragons and giant crabs regardless of the collateral damage. Meanwhile, Kong has a toothache. Jia (Kaylee Hottle) is the last Iwi alive as Kong is the last of his kind alive which is stressed too much so we know it isn't so. There is a lot of fighting going on between the CGI creatures, too much in fact as it grew boring. The basic plot is an ice Tiamut threatens the world. Kong and Godzilla team up with a moth to save the world in an extremely long battle because no one seems to be able to die. This is a kid's film.

One Life (2023)

And I like Swimming

[9/10 · 14 April 2024]

This is a true story that tugs at the heartstrings. It is told as a flashback from 1987. It concerns the Herculean effort that Nicolas Winton (Anthony Hopkins/Johnny Flynn) took in 1938 to save the lives of refugees in Prague at the onset of the Nazi invasion. The film shows how he overcame numerous obstacles relying on the goodness of the common people. He wanted to save the children first in hopes of reuniting them with their family at a later date. Each child needed a stamp VISA, a sponsor, and a fifty pound fee. Winton managed to save 669 children in all, but weeps for those he could not save as he never heard from any of them.

Helena Bonham Carter gave us an excellent portrayal of Nicky's mother. A slow even pace.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.