Change Your Image
pippin_evil_genius
Reviews
The Dark Tower (2017)
A Dull, Mundane Mess That Slaughters A Beloved Story
As far as fantasy series go, Dark Tower is my second favorite. (Lord of the Rings is the first, of course.) Stephen King's magnum opus is a wonder to behold with rich lore, fascinatingly complex characters and a plot that was far ahead of its time. Unlike this lazy film, the books are engrossing and draw inspiration from vast sources ranging from King Crimson to JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings and Sergio Leone's The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
The books read like an epic poem, with Stephen King drawing influence from famous poetry such as Robert Browning's 'Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came,' and TS Elliot's 'The Wastelands.' He even went as far as naming the third book, The Wastelands. The novels are wonderful and tell a truly incredible tale full of love, hate, betrayal and a classic good versus evil.
It's a dark fantasy story with exceptionally adult themes and graphic violence. The story is also long. The books take place over 4,200 pages and over one million two hundred thousand words. With story elements ranging from time travel, world travel, paradoxes, Arthurian legend and the multiverse theory, the series was named as unadaptable for film. And unfortunately, it looks like the skeptics were correct.
The Dark Tower is unadaptable for a film. The books are too dense, and the story and lore are too complicated to roll out in just a few hours. If the series was given the Game of Thrones treatment by a major TV studio such as HBO or Netflix, then we would be sitting on something undeniably special. Interestingly enough, HBO actually had the rights for the series back in 2010; they gave up the show due to the complexity of the plot and budget fears. The next year they went on to successfully adapt Game of Thrones which set a new bar for production cost
the fact that HBO was too scared to adapt Dark Tower, but was willing to try Game of Thrones says legions about how difficult of a series this is to tackle.
A decade in the making, Dark Tower has finally arrived and it's a disappointing mess on par with last year's adaptation of the classic series, Berserk. (Maybe not that bad, but it's pretty darn close) The film carries the title, "The Dark Tower," and it features characters that are named Roland, Jake and the elusive Man in Black, but nearly everything else about the series has been brutally slaughtered, altered or just forgotten. Sai King might have told Nikolaj Arcel that he has remembered the face of his father, but with a score of 34 on metacritic and a disastrous 16% on Rotten Tomatoes, it's clear that Nikolaj Arcel and Sony Pictures are agents of the Crimson King.
From the very beginning of the film, things are a complete mess. In terms of editing, writing and overall direction, very little makes sense. The film never bothers to explain where places are, or why things are happening, or who certain characters are. Unless you have read the books, then I imagine you will be pretty lost on what is going on. If you have read the books, which you really should, then you'll be shaking your head and laughing in disbelief as you watch beloved story lines get thrashed into oblivion.
The film doesn't focus on the protagonist in the books, Roland. Instead it focuses on his spiritual son, Jake; and don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore Jake. He's one of my favorite literary characters. But when you're adapting a very established universe, it's probably not a smart decision to change who the protagonist is. Jake is a great character, but he can't carry the story in the same way that Roland can. There's very little focus on the entire plot. There were strong rumors of a troubled development and numerous reshoots, and unfortunately that is extremely apparent in this film. Scenes drag out for far too long or too little, and the film fails to elaborate on necessary plot points, and instead dwells on the unnecessary which unfortunately, falls into the realm of the cliché. (Of course Jake is bullied)
The dialogue is laughably bad and some of the side characters, which are not in the books, have some horrendous acting chops. Jake's friend and Arra are negative standouts. I have a problem with them introducing new one dimensional characters over classic ones from the books. I don't know what the logic was behind that, but I disapprove.
Contrary to the bad acting of the ensemble, the two leads do a superb job with what they are given. Elba shines as Roland. It's unfortunate that he's written so poorly and stuck in this film instead of a better adaptation. He carries the gravitas of a gunslinger, and it's incredibly sad that he's forced to perform in some terrible scenes. One scene with his father was cringe worthy. McConaughey was my ideal choice for the Man in Black. And despite some horrendous dialogue ("Have a nice apocalypse!"), he manages to be excellent. It's such a shame that two stellar castings are overshadowed by complete nonsense the studio inflicted.
The film was made with a modest budget of sixty million. This is exceptionally small for a fantasy film, which means the director and writers had to make the best of every scene
but instead they put in at least three chase scenes and random CGI monsters that no doubt took up millions of the budget. Those unnecessary scenes could have been used to expanded the story instead.
The Dark Tower is a disappointing mess that barely resembles the excellent source material. I strongly recommend the novels to you if you have not read them. I'm hoping this film flunks, and that we'll get a better adaption in a couple years. Until then, we can only wait.
Rock of Ages (2012)
Not Even Tom Cruise Can Save This One
I went to see this movie with my female counterpart a few weeks ago. I was against doing so, but she seemed like she really wanted to go, and thus our date night began.
I hadn't seen the "hit" Broadway musical, and had not heard of the two leads before seeing this movie. So you could say, that I walked in with an open mind.
All I can say after seeing this film is, "Wow." And not in a good way. The only redeeming factor of this film is Tom Cruise, who as always put his all into every role he's in. He becomes the rock god Stacee Jaxx, and makes a very convincing character. And boy, can he sing.
Everything else in the movie is complete garbage. The musical covers all sound the same, and are pointlessly integrated to what the film makers call a story. The story itself is bland, obnoxious, and pointless. None of the characters except Cruise are likable, and the two leads sound like they can only sing songs for American Idol, and both fail at acting.
The movie also drags on and on. Slow pacing to a film can be good, but when the movie is as uninteresting as Rock of Ages, you feel like leaving the theater early.
Throw on top of the plot an awful love story, and you have an ugly cherry finishing off this disaster of a sundae.
Don't see it unless you like fake rock n' roll music. Too many ballads, no plot, bad acting, horrible script. Tom Cruise was great, but not even he can save a film this bad.
Avatar (2009)
Avatar: Once in a lifetime film making
James Cameron is one of the best directors of all time. He is what you may call an Auteur. If you aren't aware of this, then you probably are not a movie person. James Cameron wrote and directed Terminator, Aliens, Terminator 2, and Titanic. That last one I'm not a fan of, but he won Best Director, Picture, and it became the highest grossing film of all time. $1.2 billion dollars.
Avatar is his latest film, it is a movie that has been in the works since 1994. After a decade of being in the works, you would expect it to be a good movie. But the real question is it any good? It is the most expensive film ever made. The budget was $500,000,000 so you'll be wondering if all that money was put to good use, and if you should spend $11.00 to see the film in 3-D. Should you or should you not?
The answer is that you should. Avatar is a monumental success. It is a film unlike anything you have ever seen. It uses special effects to a level that you have never seen, and that's not a bad thing.
The story to Avatar revolves around Jake Sully, a paraplegic ex-marine who is sent unwillingly to a hostile planet known as Pandora. While on this planet he finds himself caught in the middle of a war between the planet's indigenous people known as the Na'vi, and his own race. He must decide whether he should fight for what he knows is right or help his own people destroy Pandora as they destroyed earth. I don't want to spoil anything in the story, so I'll refrain from saying anything else. To put it simple, the whole movie was the prime example of a colonialism work.
The cast in Avatar is strong. Sam Worthington (Terminator: Salvation) stars as Jake Sully. He does a fantastic job, but the real credit in the film has to go to Zoe Saldana (Star Trek) for playing the native Neytiri. She creates most of the emotion in the entire film. She preforms fantastically and I also have to mention that she is also really attractive as a blue woman. (True fact.) Some people have complained about Stephen Lang (Public Enemies) as the antagonist of the film. But he actually pulls off a very believable and cruel performance. All the actors in the film are great. But the real actors are the ones that are the digital Na'vi. These actors are the ones that create the film. I think that this movie is proof that special effects don't have to be of just robots killing and blowing stuff up. (Even though that's in this movie.) This movie shows that special effects can be used to take us to places that we never even dreamed of.
Other films have used special effects like this. (Lord of the Rings, King Kong, Pirates of the Caribbean, District 9) But none of them have gone as far as this movie has. This movie takes you to a whole new level of film making that you can't even imagine. You almost want to call this movie insane, because of how different and unique it is. You really have never seen anything like this, and that's a very good thing. What I really enjoyed about this film, was how it is a breath of fresh air. You don't see that very often. The only other films to do that this year for me were District 9 and Fantastic Mr. Fox. But Avatar is far more different and unique than these other movies.
One thing that I always enjoy about a James Cameron film is his sense of innovation. Avatar is the most innovative movie I've seen in years. It is so different from anything else that you have seen. It is a movie a film that you literally cannot describe. This is a see to believe film. You'll have to see the movie to believe that it's as good as I'm telling you. Avatar is a once in a lifetime film. You will not get another chance to see a movie like this one.
James Cameron creates not only a visually beautiful race of people, but also a culture that is so beautiful. The Na'vi in Avatar felt very Native American to me. Everything from how they dress to the musical score is very unique, and made me think of Native Americans. The film was almost like a reenactment of our history, with the Native Americans being driven out of their home land. It's all very believable. It's all very sad as well; and it moves you. I sympathize with the Na'vi as they fight for their lives and their home.
I am not a fan of 3D. I think it is over used, and ultimately lessens the movie experience. Avatar however, is not like that. The 3D in Avatar is extraordinary. Little bugs on the screen fly right past you, leaves fall from trees towards you, and the battles are astronomical. You really feel like you're there, and forget that this is a movie. The cinematography is actually enhanced by the 3D which is a rare thing. The wide flying camera shots make you feel like you're flying with the film, it is fantastic.
Avatar is a difficult movie to review because it is so innovative. It blows away almost all sci-fi epics out there, and is a must see. See Avatar. It is well worth full-price, and it is the best picture of the year. The only movie that comes to being as good as Avatar is District 9. Avatar however, I will say is better because Avatar has heart. A truly fantastic movie. Avatar is one of the most beautiful movies ever made, it is James Cameron's masterpiece, and it should not be missed.
WALL·E (2008)
The best Sci-Fi movie I have ever seen. Easily.
In 2003 I was amazed by Andrew Stanton and his motion picture, Finding Nemo. Since then, Finding Nemo has been hailed by some as the greatest animated movie ever created. And with good reason. Finding Nemo is a film of pure genius. However, the film may have some serious competition. Andrew Stanton's new movie, Wall-E is a movie unlike anything you've ever seen before.
I was able to go to see Wall-E at it's midnight showing last Thursday, and the movie left me completely blown away. This film is very different from any other movie you will ever see. It's also very different from any Pixar movie you've seen. The strange thing is, it may be Pixar's greatest movie. Wall-E is simple, touching, and very well done.
As you might already know, Wall-E takes place over 700 years in the future. To be exact, the year is 2815 A.D. According to Pixar, Earth will be abandoned due to too much pollution and garbage. Leaving all of the earths clean up in the hands of the machine named: Wall-E. However, Wall-E is lonely. After all, he's been alone for years and years. It seems his only friend is a small cockroach that follows him around. Life for Wall-E is slow, and boring... However, it is very funny and entertaining for the audience. One day the humans send another robot named EVE into Wall-E's life. When Wall-E sees EVE he instantly falls in love with her, and begins to kind of stalk her.
After certain events, Eve is taken away from earth by the humans, and Wall-E embarks on a truly unforgettable adventure. Where he meets dozens of robots, humans, and truly finds happiness. Wall-E is taken to the Axiom, the ship where the humans spend their lives, instead of living on Earth, they live on the Axiom.
I would write more on the story, but I really wouldn't want to spoil it for anyone who reads this. Just know this, the actual film of Wall-E is nothing like the trailers and TV Spots. I walked in expecting a happy movie, with no despair, or sorrow. But in reality Wall-E is one of the most touching movies I have ever seen. There were at least three times in the movie where I almost cried. Which for me is INCREDIBLY difficult to do.
For the concerned parents, (I don't know why you'd be concerned about a Pixar movie that's rated G)Wall-E maybe boring for younger children. My three year old almost fell asleep. The movie might be harder to understand for some, and the movie can be pretty dramatic at some parts. A child began to cry at one point in the movie. It's truly Pixar's most dramatic film yet.
I don't know why, but I seem to be having trouble writing this review for Wall-E. It might be because I was so emotionally drained after every time I saw this movie.
I've already seen it three times, and plan to go again this Wednesday. Trust me on this one. Wall-E is definitely worth paying to see on the big screen. The animation is superb, the characters are lovable and some you hate. The movie will suck you into a different dimension, and you'll probably end up staying after the credits.
In conclusion, Wall-E is a superb movie. It's full of amazing characters, including Wall-E. Who is one of the most lovable and adorable characters created. This movie is truly Oscar worthy. It's easily the best Sci-Fi I have ever seen. (I've seen A LOT of Science Fiction movies.) And I recommend it for anyone.
An easy 10/10
Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII (2006)
What happened?
Over the years Final Fantasy has come out with a series of instant classics. The biggest one is known as Final Fantasy VII. Which was released nine years ago in 1997.
Well, one day Square Enix decided to release a sequel. NINE YEARS LATER! That's worse than the Star Wars sequels.
Dirge of Cerberus is a poorly done version of Devil May Cry. A version of Devil May Cry with crappy controls and a camera that will make you very, very mad. You'll spend more time fighting the camera instead of actually playing the game. But what playing? Gameplay is often interuppted to show you a pointless cut-scene of a character shooting a guy. Or a bridge breaking. But why? No one cares about these characters. Especially since Cloud is barely even in the story. Vincet doesn't make half as cool as a character as he did in the original Final Fantasy VII.
But not all is bad about this game. The game allows you customize your own gun adding it scopes, and accessories and such. That's pretty fun to play around with... and that's about it.
The graphics look great, I have to give Square credit for such great graphics, the opening cut scene is motion picture quality, and the characters make real facial expressions. But then again Square-Enix always has the best quality.
The story to the game is rather blah. It's about a underground army that has mutants and can make people disappear and put them in acid. The army is SO secret that only three people in the entire world knew about it, and didn't say a thing. It's gets pretty boring. However, the ending to the game is rather satisfying, and I can say many fans will be happy to see the conclusion in the Final Fantasy VII Trilogy... OR you could get very unsatisfied and want to shoot some one.
A rent would do before a buy, and people looking for a REAL Final Fantasy should play Final Fantasy XII, or X, or VII.
I'll give a solid six out of ten.
6/10
Wanda to kyozô (2005)
Truly Remarkable
This game is one of the greatest games ever made because of how well it was done.
The game's plot puts you as a wanderer who takes a girl to the forbidden land to give her back her stolen soul. But to do this you must go and slay the Colossus. Who roam in the land. I'm not going to lie to you, this game is hard. For example it took over an hour to beat the last Colossus.
There aren't a lot of creatures in this game. It's you, you're horse Agro, a dead girl, and sixteen Colossus that roam. Another great but interesting thing about this game is how you never really communicate with Agro, but you somehow form a bond with him since he's really all that you have.
The graphics may not be the best and sometimes seem a little glitchy, but Artistically this game is unmatched. It really is fun to explore ruins to a lost civilization and wonder why it is that the world in the game is the way it is...
The music is truly the best soundtrack ever put into a game, it has all real instruments which is great for a video game. This soundtrack sounds that of a film! I praise it!
The overall of this game is incredible and that's why I will always support Shadow of the Colossus.
10/10
Kingdom Hearts (2002)
Only in our hearts may we find the true light...
Kingdom Hearts makes one good rival for the master pieces of Final Fantasy, and Lunar 2:Eternal Blue Complete.(PS1) There are many reasons but there are some bad thing sin the game.
The reason is that square has combined FF with Disney to create a whole new story. How the game starts is with you on your island (There's also a prologue) trying to build a raft.
Who would've thought the idea of building a raft sets you on a quest two save the heart of your love, and save your friends heart befor3e it gets swallowed by darkness? I wouldn't have.
But let me tell you, the quick pace battle system is really fun, and easy to get into. However, the battles maybe a challenge, since the cameraing is so bad.
You visit over six Disney worlds including Tarzans Jungle, Wonderland, and even Monstro. The story and the game isn't that long, and the game takes about eighteen hours to beat. But it's still enjoyable.
\/MAJOR SPOILERS\/~ The characters are great. Disney and Square really out did themselves working on Leon, and Sora. The villain Actually turns out to be Malifacient. (Sleeping Beauty) And the true villain is the mysterious Ansem.
~ The music in the game is actually not as bad as you would expect. Every world you visit the music changes, so you don't get that annoyed with the same battle song.
The graphics are very impressive for a Disney game. The beginning and ending clips will take your breath away as you watch these highly detailed clips.
Sadly, there aren't as many mini-games as there are in FF VII. (PS1) But there are acouple. And they're pretty good they go from tree surfing, to hitting weird blops to get secret items.
The game lets you create items like your Ultimate weapon. But you need a lot of certain items. And then you can make them.
One disappointing thing is that there is only three shops in the whole game. But they get new items every world. The shops let you buy many things. There is an Item shop, an accessory shop, and a Gummi Ship shop.
There are tons of items in the game. Including classic items from FF like Ethers, Hi-Potions, X-Potions, etc. Then the game has it's own unique items. Such as Fire Arts, Torn Pages, Black goo. The list is much longer but I can't remember many...
The game's weapons are really cool and clever. You can only get two weapons in the game. A wooden sword and the Keyblade. However, you can put different KeyChains on the Keyblade to change it's form. (In other words there is actually 22 weapons.) Your good friends Donald Duck, and Goofy... Goofy are able to get several Weapons including they're own Ultimate Weapons.
Unlike traditional RPG you don't have a world map. Well, actually you do. But it's not the way you think it would be. The map shows all the worlds you can go to, and the number of enemies in it. Then you select the world you want to go to, and you fly in your ship to it.
You can buy upgrades to your ship at the gummi shop. The upgrades let you use radar, transformation, and even rocket boosters.
The leveling up system is very clever and simple. But you can only reach level 100. And your HP can only reach up to 99.
The game let's you equip your abilities. And they go from Strike Raid, to Arsarcanum. The game even has abilities that aren't even for battle. Such as the ability to glide. (Shared ability)
You can equip special abilities to everyone. Such as High Jump, which let's everyone jump really high. There's also Mermaid kick. Which let's you swim super fast under water. (Very handy at Atlantica.)
And after you beat the game if you got all keyholes, and Dalmatians then you get to watch the secret ending which leads into a KH2. Overall, KH deserves a full 10/10.
KH 2 comes out March 2006!