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Dune: Part Two (2024)
12 quid Dune (Scottish accent)
FFS It's still not over...
How much nerd cash will this turkey franchise rake in before it gets to the end?
So far that's 24 quid spunked on visual wallpaper, some of it nice looking and sounding but for that price I could go to a couple of major art exhibitions by the likes of Leonardo da Vinci or David Hockney. This film has no substance, in fact from the moment the new characters make their appearance it loses any intensity it had and becomes a camp-fest akin to the latter Star Wars and Star Trek films.
I felt 100% duped that not one media review didn't complain that the film does not end, it sets it up for more of the same. Brown envelopes on the sticky seats I bet.
All of Us Strangers (2023)
Nobstalgia
This film has created a new genre, which should be uncreated ASAFP.
Paul Mescal should have played the lead role. The other guy was truly awful.
This is what happens when you swallow the 'therapy is the road to...' way of thinking. Even the dead parents are to blame.
I was expecting at the end for a jump cut to some famous comedian saying how funny it was to watch us watch this crap for the last hour and whatever. But no. The Power of Love as the fade out song is to be taken literally. An awful song to end an awful film.
It's too late for me, I wasted my tenner. But it's not too late for you. Go and see another film. ANY other film.
Beau Is Afraid (2023)
Whispering into our souls ;)
That was one of the slogans for an advert before the film started, so I knew it was going to be funny.
Like a good pair of walking boots I've left making a review of Beau Is Afraid until the film has broken in. In my case I saw the film about a month after it came out and then again a week later. The first viewing was wild, as was the first viewing of Midsommar because so many films are just wallpaper and so to have any kind of moment that surprises or goes further than you expected is a rare treat. I laughed where I was supposed to and probably a few times where I wasn't supposed to but so what, there's never hardly anyone in the cinema for the films I want to watch. They're all in the next screen watching the homo-erotic action flicks or theme park shockers, eating nachos in the dark like battery hens.
The story is anarchic, with a pinch of pop psychology that resembles the late 60's French films of Godard, etc. Meaning, you know you don't get it all as it's happening but it's going through the chaos that's fun.
On first viewing I did find the film getting slow and therefore a bit boring near the end but that's Americans for you, if they don't murder you with their guns they FEEL they need to explain ad nauseum how they are the victims. However, on second viewing it tightened up a bit and rolled on, similar to the way I saw Once Upon A Time In Hollywood which also seemed to drag 2/3 way through but not so much on subsequent viewings.
Visually this film is cartoonish in that it is very interesting to look at but at the same time not particularly cinematic. There is a lot to take in though, which I think is what adds to the comedy/ tragedy/ comedy? The original music I have to say I hardly noticed whereas the music in Midsommar (by the same composer) was very arresting and standout.
I'm lucky because I've always been Democratic about films; I just watch them and either like or don't like them. Sometimes I'm influenced by hype or infamy but that usually ends in disappointment. Beau Is Afraid did not disappoint and gave me some very happy memories.
Past Lives (2023)
Worse than Twilight
Truly I didn't think it could ever happen but they've done it with this movie. They finally made a love story that is worse than Twilight - Elizabeth Witts.
I couldn't say it any better than that. I can add that the three main actors are rubbish and the script and direction is pish.
I heard what this film was about and thought of about 20 different things in a minute that were better and more authentic than everything that happened in this turkey. Talk about lazy, this film yawns its way through, boring us with its obvious, baby steps that end up making an episode of Neighbours look like Bergman.
Glass Onion (2022)
Wrapped so tight it chokes itself
What would have been more interesting would be more time spent around the Glass Onion bar and how their lives took shape.
Instead the fly-by cartoon life stories of these larger than life professionals doesn't seem to engage anywhere near as much as the family dynamic of Knives Out. I suppose it's too unbelievable for a group of friends who see each other at a bar to all end up being so successful and still in touch. More sci-fi nerd stuff than black comedy.
Call me conditioned but I prefer the look of old money over new. These films that try to imagine what goes on in the houses of tech billionaires are always boring and never funny.
Uncut Gems (2019)
Pass the skullcap for the Safdies
I wouldn't want to knock anybody who creates for a living. However, there is always a song, a film, a TV programme that just comes off as so badly done you wonder how it even made it above ground. This (Uncut Gems) is one of those.
It reminds me of the films starring DMX. Remember those? Not very good but with a dollop of stress/ pressure/ tension for the protagonist to grapple with during the runtime.
Now I understand why the press for this film has been focused on Adam Sandler's acting performance because there is really nothing else to recall. The soundtrack is straight from a Sega Megadrive game. The cinematography is so bad I've never seen NYC look so bland. Apart from the Julia character, the other actors involved actually look bored playing their parts.
So, as for turning up each day for the shoot, pointing the camera at the right thing and editing it down to a barely digestible form, bravo to the Safdies. But couldn't you free up your two slots in the creative world for someone else and dedicate yourselves to a more important role? I hear they have fatbergs the size of zeppelins in the New York sewers...
Gisaengchung (2019)
Nice fun hijacked by the limousine liberals
If this film was on the BBC (no adverts) one night I would think it was good fun, well acted, slightly satirical and light as a meringue. Therefore I'd give it 8/10 if asked.
However, this film has been held aloft like Simba by all concerned within the entertainment industry as the 'thing' you need to love and that makes a rebel without a case like me peg my nose.
The Lighthouse (2019)
8 good things 2 bad/ evil
1 Cinematography
The Lighthouse is amazing to look at. Every frame could be a photograph in it's own right and not just any photograph, but probably the best one you have ever seen. The monochrome is so rich sometimes you think it must have switched to animation, so perfect are the forms on display. As is the lighting, which unashamedly pushes for the perfect image every time.
2 Willem Dafoe
Completely inhabited the role of the old-timer seadog, bad tempered and half mad. Fantastic acting, complimented by unique dialogue and a visual look that just makes you believe Willem Dafoe is that lighthouse keeper.
3 Thoughts
While watching this film and straight after, it seemed like there was one or more subtexts and it is interesting trying to keep hold of the strands, as some slipped away but others beg questions:
Is Tom Howard a terrible alkie, that's why he refuses a drink at first, but when he gets into it, is it that which will make things take a turn for the worse? Admittedly that strand didn't go the distance
Is Tom Howard gay? The breaking of the mermaid doll in two, separating the woman from the fish.
Are Tom Wake and Tom Howard really the same man? The rumour that Tom Wake done away with his lighthouse partner years ago (as we see Tom Howard pull up a severed head in the lobster cage) Is that what Tom Howard is about to do?
4 Speech
As in The Witch, the filmmaker uses antique dialect to great effect, on one hand we totally understand what's being spoken but on the other there's also an alien quality which helps the period being depicted more believable. It gives you the same pleasure as keeping up with the subtitles in a foreign film except the language is your own.
5 Sound
That foghorn sound at the beginning is edited around so beautifully and was shaking the seats of the cinema. The full force of the wind and rain could almost be felt it was so wild. Also the sounds inside lighthouse, the floorboards, the creaks etc all enhanced the feeling that this is not a place for peace and quiet.
6 Weather
Wind and rain, rain in particular has never been so evocatively shown. The sense of being battered by the elements was pictured so well. I wish from now on, all weather reports just show clips of The Lighthouse for rain and wind.
7 Thingy
8 Thingy II
1 Directionless
Near the end of the film there were perhaps one too many nods to There will be blood. Also there seemed to be a few unrelated, creamy black & white MTV style setups that were a bit too loosely stitched on.
2 Robert Pattinson
For the camera's sake is the reason this actor got the role. He looks the part and probably had the look the filmmakers wanted but his talent looked shallow next to Willem Dafoe's.
The Irishman (2019)
The silence and the regret
You probably already know that this film is adapted from a book. The events, some effecting twentieth century American history are all faithfully retold like you'd expect from an elderly person telling their life's stories to none other than the FBI; you have to take some of it with a pinch of salt.
Where the film director really takes over the storytelling is during the last half hour, where the main character is acutely aware he is alone and it is too late to change. The silence and the regret make viewing his existence very sad, but there is no sympathy.
Sombre and indifferent is the emotional tone by the end, probably realistic to those closely related to people who've spent a portion of their lives hurting others.
Joker (2019)
My bird loved it even more than me, but she is mental
The depiction of early 1980's urban squalor is really well done and helps the story of neglect and unpleasantness come to the fore. Locations, lighting and colour palette all enhance the storytelling, along with the many close ups of the protagonist to create an intense and dizzying cinema experience.
The story builds to what is not surprising but still a shocking climax and made me think of urban legends of that time; most notably a man who shot himself live on television. That and the broke culture of the 1970s/ 80s with rubbish piling up in the streets, the dead being stored in cattle sheds because gravediggers were on strike, people having to live intermittently by candlelight because electricity was being rationed and the involuntary three day working week, all, if not literally but evocatively find their way into this film as the cranks that make the pressure more plausible.
Sorry We Missed You (2019)
sorry i watched you
We seem to have given Ken Loach films a free pass. If they are about current social problems/ concerns then they automatically qualify as brilliant and the cinematic experience is completely overlooked. If you can watch this film as cinema first, social commentary second then it is clearly a woefully crafted project.
This film does not compliment the story it is trying to tell. Some of the actors are noticeably shaky in their roles, as they were in I, Daniel Blake and there is also a few glaring gaps in the mise en scene. I admire some of Ken Loach's films very much; I thought Looking for Eric was a great film and not dissimilar to SWMY, except the cast was far richer and the pacing much more engrossing.
It's no good garnering praise for cinema because of what it is trying to do. Praise should be reserved for cinema that actually succeeds in transporting the viewer into that world and unfortunately SWMY kept reminding me with it's drops in quality that I was watching a pretty bad film.
The Day Shall Come (2019)
The day has come when Chris Morris is wide of the mark
Something is wrong with this film. It feels weak in all departments: cinematography, acting, writing, sound, pacing. It's as if the cast and crew were all democratic in their willingness to not show their talents. By the hour mark, it became clear this film was gasping for breath and last half hour felt like a runner paralysed down one side lurching toward the finish line.
I don't think it's a bad assumption to expect humour from a Chris Morris project, with Jesse Armstrong writing as well. However, even the occasional clever turn of phrase didn't press the right buttons to stop this viewer from realizing this is a rubbish film
The very end also didn't sit right. One day, Chris Morris will give a talk at the BFI or on FilmFour about his mostly successful career, whereas the actors from TDSC might not have a career by then because their performances are nothing to write home about and that is simply because they were not given anything but scraps to work with.
Moonlight (2016)
Bruce Willis & Cybil Shepherd reprise for the 21st C
Black history month, (insult number 1: for 11 months nobody cares) where people of all colours; silver, brunette, strawberry blonde petition to pay reverence to black cultural history which is really just USA-centric. I don't really see any awareness paid to Brazil or even the Caribbean for this month long homage which plays out in most areas as Othello being staged in theatres and this year, the TV premiere of Moonlight.
The academy award for best picture has gone to quite forgettable films over the last few years: the shape of water, green book and moonlight. So perhaps the hype bestowed on Moonlight serves to it's detriment for a curious film watcher like myself.
The idea that a story about two men who sort of like each other romantically is nothing new and has been executed in film far better than Moonlight many times, over many years. I felt this film was afraid of itself and so left lots of gaps that should have been filled in because the gaps were not pregnant pauses where the viewer's mind is percolating ideas etc. They were just tumbleweed gaps of nothingness, even coldness. My analogy would be doing a crossword but leaving blank the ones you don't know. How could it be possible that anyone else would compliment your crossword skills if you leave lots of it blank.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
A film about mutual respect
Rick and Cliff are friends. They are always nice to each other. They don't argue, patronize or resent each other. When we see them separately, they handle themselves well, dignified. When together, there is a tenderness that is best shown as being supportive.
This, for me is the ingredient that gives the end of the film such an uplift. Many watchers of this film have commented how they stuck with it and were rewarded by the last quarter. That could lead you to conclude that it's the final scenes that evoke the uplifting feeling I mentioned, which would be quite reductive and perverse, wouldn't it?
So it's about the beautiful friendship and how nice it is to see two people interact with each other in that unassuming, largely unspoken way.
Yesterday (2019)
In spite of the Beatles, will anyone remember this film?
This film failed on so many levels, yet still had me holding back tears quite a few times during. The reasons it was nowhere near a good film are:
a) the acting is terrible. The main fella is a nobhead who used to be in
EastEnders (a rubbish soap opera), it also has Ed Sheeran, patron saint of
losers playing himself.
b) It is never funny. Richard Curtis films usually have a few funny lines or
scenarios but this one didn't.
c) It looks bland. Danny Boyle usually offers some visual style but again, not
here.
However, the leitmotif of reintroducing the Beatles' music to a world that never remembered them was a powerful weapon. Every time a new Beatles song was presented in the film, it was as if that was the first time anyone had heard them and of course they were overwhelmed by how great they sounded.
The Beatles were the most important phenomenon in popular culture of the 20th century and by tapping into that force, this film has it's moments of magic but overall is a below average attempt, riding on the coat tails of something truly special.
Midsommar (2019)
Average Boyfriends Beware
When this film ended and the credits rolled, I said to myself "This is boss". I had glanced at a few comments about Midsommar prior to watching and I heard some baloney about third act blah blah blah and they were totally wide of the mark. This film runs along very nicely and is pitched just right.
If I were to wet my finger and hold it to the breeze I would say Midsommar is the feminist movie to die for (see what I did there?). The costumes are aching to be copied by fast fashion, the set designs are intriguing and add a level of strangeness, the music by Bobby Krlic, aka The Haxan Cloak is very very good, reminding me of Karlheinz Stockhausen, Bjork and other (the best ones really) composers.
Isn't it funny how so many English, Irish, British actors have to put on crappy American accents to have a chance of a career in film and isn't it even funnier how they keep landing the roles over their American, Canadian counterparts. 51st state my eye.
It (2017)
With a silent SH
I don't like horror films myself, I don't mind the Hammer films of the 1960's and 70's for their DIY charm and how they filmed during the daytime but turned the brightness down to make it look like night.
Generally though, horror films are the visual heavy metal to me: not the kind of thing you would choose to pay attention to and if you're one of those who genuinely like it as a genre, then you must have a screw loose.
It (with a silent SH) is like most 21st century horror films, all jumps and bursts of noise. More of a visual ride at the theme park than anything remotely scary and awful. This version loses even more of Stephen King's dialogue by setting it in the 1980's and that is a mistake. The only intrigue to Stephen King adaptations is the snippets of dialogue that ring true. What else can I say, this film is bullsh...
The Greasy Strangler (2016)
It's all about the ropes
What a treat it is that this film sits on my shelf, next to Vertigo & There Will Be Blood. Greasy Strangler riffs on so little, but manages to produce a film that is repetitive to the point of memorable. Every day since watching it, I have to call someone a BS artist.
The pleasure of first watching this film I can compare to the first time I watched Happiness (Todd Solondz) Just when you think it's going a bit too far, it surpasses your guesses and goes further still. Detractors will say it's easy to be disgusting but let them write a script, film it, edit it and get it out there in cinemas and shops. Well done, those who made Greasy Strangler.
A companion piece could be the story of how Elijah Wood and Ben Wheatley became producers for this film. I imagine the script, greasy, slipping through their letterboxes and as they read, they look around their houses, wondering if someone is playing a joke on them.
The Lovely Bones (2009)
A Beauty
I watched The Lovely Bones for the second time last night. The first time I saw it was a few years ago and I remember my internal, one-liner review from then: Peter Jackson, (I can't stand LOTR films) you've found the right subject matter to showcase your visual talent. This time around, maybe I'm getting soft, but how gripping this film is from start to finish. Many films you can easily take a break from or let your mind drift but I found this film totally captivating, to the point where I felt some sort of connection between it's mood and vague emotions from my own childhood.
The music was also excellent, the early pieces particularly. I was noticing the later pieces were not as good but then the part where Tim Buckley's Song To The Siren, covered by This Mortal Coil came on and I was an indoor sprinkler. By the way, I'm a bloke; football fan, steak & chips etc etc. However, I love this film because it's essence is the girl's experience, so it seems hopeful and pure. So many films depicting murder, particularly of a young person follow the arc of grief and sadness with an eventual glimmer of hope or justice. This film was told from the perspective of the girl, and death was not the end so just for that The Lovely Bones is a revelation.
Alien: Covenant (2017)
What have I become?
Here in the UK, this film was slagged off before it even came out. Prometheus hurt a lot of us; spiritually, financially, cramp from sitting in the cinema bored stiff for 2.5 hours. So much to my surprise, when me bird suggested we go and see Alien Covenant I reluctantly accompanied her and enjoyed the film as much as was possible.
Yes, some of the same devices from previous Alien films are used in this one, but it works somehow. Where Prometheus struggled to hold form, Alien Covenant uses the old set-ups to squeeze a bit of tension and propulsion out of the story, so by the end it was futile to resist that you had just been entertained.
This is not an Ingmar Bergman film and will not impress you for the rest of your life but it is good, much better than the toilet media made out and worth a viddy, whether you like Alien or not.
Ghost in the Shell (2017)
Scarlett Johansson walks like a man
The cityscapes and holographic images in this film are quite good and thankfully, are used throughout. However, the cast is small, there are very few extras so it seems a little empty and the two-hander, dialogue-driven scenes you could easily skip or sleep through.
The special effects are OK, as is the storyline but nothing better than average. Scarlett Johansson, in an attempt to look serious and determined ends up strutting around with a bit of a butch walk, which is funny but testament to the lack of detail given to the human aspect of this film.
Robocop 1987 wipes the floor with this.
Das weiße Band - Eine deutsche Kindergeschichte (2009)
I love you Michael Hanneke
One of the great pleasures of watching a film for the first time is the bubbling of thoughts and ideas going through your mind about where this will all lead and of what meaning is being imbued. The White Ribbon is magnificent in that it keeps this constant inner dialogue alive throughout. By not over-explaining events you end up having a beautifully filmed and edited slice of life at it's most interesting. In life it often takes a period of time until you become fully aware of events and people's involvement in them and it's nourishing to know that your own instincts keep working behind the scenes to help understand things for the future. I love the way The White Ribbon doesn't tie up all loose ends, and although I have only seen it once, I have thought about watching it again many times.
My only disagreement with other 10/10 reviewers is the knife and fork linkage to Nazis. I think by inferring that the children of the film will be adults by the time of WW2 is clumsy and pointless. Michael Hanneke has on a few occasions held up the mirror that young people are not all harmless, lovable creatures and that innate fear by adults of this proposition is a much scarier vision than anything WW2 can conjure. It seems the English-speaking world are sick with the idea that nothing could ever be as bad as a Nazi. Hanneke knows better and so do I.
Captain Fantastic (2016)
Another Sundance turkey made by numbers
I'm English, so I assume the same idea is concurrent in America as it is here, according to TV programming: that the only way to avoid being a consumer-docile internet cabbage is to live in the woods like a little tribe of Rambos. Captain Fantastic had glimmers of interest, notably the scene where Vigo's sister's two sons are portrayed as moody for no reason and intellectually challenged compared to the wild children's boundless capacity for memorizing and balanced attitude.
However, I knew halfway through this film there would have to be a resolution of some kind; that being Vigo & co realizing there are many great things in civilized society and civilized society (we the paralyzed viewers) can learn a lot from the early rising, clean eating supra-family.
Overall, a brainless exercise in guilt tripping.
Get Out (2017)
Get out of the cinema and git a refund
This film was sadly lacking in every way: the story was thin and relied on cheesy 'explanation' set ups to try and condense some sense from the slightly drunk narrative. The dialogue was spare and dull; I didn't hear a single laugh in the half full cinema I saw this turkey. Also, the acting was in keeping with the story & script: awful. Daniel Kaluuya has always appeared in good things (Psychoville, Black Mirror) but he can't save what ends up being a film as intense as 'Scary Movie' without any laughs.
Get Out has been described as a genre-busting film but I found it to be a Sundance version of that. When I say Sundance, I mean a cheaply made film shot in the northern US states, usually in winter or fall, (autumn for us Anglos)with a dialogue driven narrative and therefore nothing of cinematographic interest nor musical.
My idea of a genre-busting film would be Shaun Of The Dead: it uses the genre of horror to drive the narrative but still has a very good script, distinctive characters and an equal blend of audio & visual highlights.
Get Out feels like a boring group of people made a film and then kidded everyone they were cool.