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Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
Made with no soul or understanding.
So, let's do another Jurassic movie. Let's make the creatures bigger, let's have more of them. Let's do away with any sense of reality at all. Story? Plot? Doesn't matter. All we need is dinosaurs various running riot, eating and trampling everyone in their wake. Anything else is superfluous.
And there you have it - Jurassic World: Dominion.
From the opening scene you don't buy into the creatures, the characters or any of the situations they get themselves into. In short it's a near two and a half hour bore-athon. The real shame is that actors who created characters the audience cared about signed up for this over-bloated nonsense.
Dear moviemakers:
The story is the star of the show NOT the CGI. Please learn.
The Bay (2012)
disjointed
It's found footage, meets docu/mockumentary meets news coverage yada yada. You know, it's not terrible at all but what it is though is disjointed. What should have been done better is the clips should have been linked together far more effectively than it is. Instead it bounces around from found footage clip to news clip and back again in an almost haphazard way. I'd also criticise the lighting throughout and I know that it's not meant to be perfect as it is portraying amateur material but it does get annoying after a while. That said, there was a story there to be told and eventually it does wind it's way forward towards the ending. Do the humans survive or are we all going to die? Watch for yourself, I'm not saying.
The Corridor (2010)
The science of diminishing returns
If you'd asked me how many stars I'd rate this about a half an hour in then I'd have been considering seven. Sadly as it meandered into mid movie it slides into a six, then five and finally four. The opening premise is a tragic event, then five friends reconnect to resolve what had happened in the past so off they go to the woods where something mysterious appears. Soon after we get a bit of violence and gore and we are ready for take off......only it doesn't. Admittedly it did not go where I feared it might with the whole thing being a dream or imagining from a psychiatric patient but the chosen ending just comes across as plain stupid. Final act had me feeling that it was a waste of time putting it on in the first place. Shame.
Swimming Pool (2003)
Is it slow, is it clever?
Went into this purely as Mark Kermode mentioned it as being really good. The pace of the movie barely moves from that of a slow walk through the countryside but somehow does tweak at the viewer's sense of curiosity as to the ultimate direction of the movie. The main actors certainly played a part in maintaining that interest which could easily have been lost in the hands of lesser talents. Rampling plays an author who heads of to a tranquil setting to write her latest book but when she gets there we see her peace interrupted by the arrival of the owners younger daughter. The drama increases while the pace remains genteel until the final act reveals all.
Godsend (2004)
Avoidable disappointments abound
Despite the scathing evisceration of Godsend it really isn't as bad as many allude. I think the issue is not so much the movie but the perception of it. I suspect many like myself watched and felt that it could and should so easily have been better and that has led a mindset that this fairly average fare actually feels much worse. Most will believe that they could have taken a look at the script and plot, scratched swathes of it out and rewritten it better themselves. I know I did. The ending in particular is all wrong in that it resolves nothing. Maybe it was hoped that a sequel could be made had this been successful, who knows.
Nope (2022)
Rubbish alien
First couple of minutes ere interesting this then followed by half hour of boredom getting to know the characters then the story unfolds with one of the weakest ass aliens in cinematic history. There's a backstory running intermittently thru the movie which is frankly more interesting than the main alien plotline. Won't be giving this a second viewing at any time.
Coldwater (2013)
Flawed but a good effort.
This gets a lot right figuring into the equation it wouldn't have had a huge budget. The story could have been told slightly better as it is a bit disjointed but it is still told with enough force to keep the interest going to the end.
What Keeps You Alive (2018)
frustratingly flawed
Lots to like about this. The actors do a decent job, all the peripheral stuff like photography etc are as you would hope. The premise of the movie is a well worn path but still has scope for exploration. The main issue with this though is the high improbability of some of the situations the characters get into. When the victim is left with such obvious chances to escape or turn the tables on their nemesis it simply defies belief that she makes such terrible decisions.
Borstal (2017)
Oh great a middle class borstal
The quietest most orderly borstal I've ever come across. Appears to have a total of about ten inmates divided into two sets of characters. There's the ruffians always spoiling for trouble and the proper speaking good guys. The staff are generally all sergeant major types, barking out their orders. Not forgetting a big showdown between factions which ended by the baddy leader being....pushed.
Need to try harder than this.
Men (2022)
What could have been
As many have eluded to, it is very much in the "weird conclusion" stable and some clarity in the meaning of it all would have been appreciated. Or maybe the whole point is to proffer our own interpretation. So while many have been left disappointed with the final act it certainly is not a 1/10 terrible movie as many have rated it. Indeed until the weirdness showed itself late on it was quite effectively offering mystery, intrigue and suspense. I have my understanding as to what was ultimately being portrayed, I suggest you get your own.
Blood Mountain (2017)
Hey here's a found footage movie
Absolute mess. Problem with these found footage things is that by nature there's always going to be a mountain of shaky camera scenes. Don't know about you but it does my head in watching it.
The Haunted (2018)
everyone loves a final twist
Ok so a young carer spends the night in an old house looking after an old guy with dementia. Then we have spooky goings on with ghosts (or girl with white face) appearing here and there. So our heroine goes running around the house (by now with lights not working) and up and down the dark stairs she runs.....and runs.....and runs.....and runs. Then the end comes and wouldn't you know it there's a twist. To be honest, some of the story works ok but a lot does not - including the ending.
Central Park (2017)
wasted opportunity
Nutter at large at night in Central Park. Bunch of teenagers go for a romantic stroll and then stuff happens. Them's the basics. Actually you've got a plot to explore with that but this is poorly put together. I suspect the budget is partially to blame for the lacklustre way it plays out but sad to say some of the acting ain't all that either. One piece of advice given the ending left room for a potential follow up......please, DON'T.
Dartmoor Killing (2015)
Missed opportunity
Two women trekking through Dartmoor hills. Just that alone gives plenty of scope for many a story. Throw in a mysterious stranger who unexpectedly turns up early on and you're off and running. What they've come up with from there was overly convoluted where simplicity would have sufficed. The acting itself was a good standard but they just had to overwrite the whole plot. This leads to the ending becoming quite unsatisfactory. Shame really.
Stag Hunt (2015)
unfunny comedy or unhorrific horror. You choose.
Made in the style of Dog Soldiers but fails to come anywhere near to it. The script is out of a 14 year old boys classroom and the beast is over mysterious for too long. Didn't even make full use of a Scottish wilderness which can be awesome on its own. Characters on the verge of death are within minutes sitting around having long conversations. I've seen worse but that alone does not constitute a success.
Exhibit A (2007)
Difficult subject handled well.
Yes its a found footage movie. The footage of a family doing ordinary family stuff is of course dull as ditchwater to the rest of the world but bear with it as it does at least come across as genuine. The actors do a decent job in giving it a family feel and the footage itself is well constructed to show a gradual demise of someone whose world is about to come crashing down.
Redwood (2017)
not as bad as some make out
Look if you go for this then don't expect a masterpiece but its no 1/10 shot either. It does have a plot and with a bit more professionalism all round could have been reasonably effective.
Grandmother's House (1988)
Mixed up.
There is a decent premise in here somewhere but this plays out in ways that are utterly ludicrous. As the plot develops and spins into something else it becomes disjointed and the lack of emotion on display at critical moments lends itself to unbelievability.
Sick Boy (2012)
Decent enough premise, but....
Ok, you got a "sick boy" locked in a downstairs bedroom but we don't know what is wrong with him. Well there' nothing wrong with that basic premise for a horror movie. The problem with this is the actions of the babysitter and later on both her and the boyfriend, What they did simply isn't believable which is a shame because they could have made this work. Some of the scenes once sick boy is let loose are a bit of fun so it's not as dead a loss as some make out.
The Darkness (2016)
good for a laugh
There could have been a story here but it is so poorly constructed you can only watch this for how bad it got. Even the title is wrong. The Darkness? That the best they could do? The plot was nothing to do with the dark. Just shows a lack of invention from the get go.
Marauders (2016)
a dull as ditchwater mess
Actually the opening scenes (a bank robbery) caught my interest and were well done but beyond this it became all too convoluted and downright messy. The "twists" added nothing and interest wanes so quickly that by half way through you just want to know how it ends to be done with the whole thing.
Dead End (2003)
different genre
Adventure, horror, mystery, thriller?
No its not. Black comedy it should come under. Can't take this seriously, not with the acting, script they have here.
The King's Man (2021)
Utter nonsense.
Well it is though. Overblown action (or should I say "dance") scenes, unfunny attempted humour. Aww it's just utter nonsense, can't put it better than that.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Sufficient addition
I was ambiguous regarding viewing this one but decided on it due to decent reviews. I find I concur with the majority in giving it a thumbs up. Very much a family movie and really quite Spielbergian in its delivery. As I said, go but take the family along.
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)
goes on and on
......with a relentless monotony. Like an everlasting gobstopper it just seems to last forever. The only saving grace is that in the quieter moments of the movie the acting is quite natural but when it goes crazy that goes out of the window.