fits-47019 Reviews

Ripley (2024)

Utter Waste.

[1/10 · 14 April 2024]

A tedious, stretched out remake no one asked for, with baffling production choices. I don't know how 'true' to the source material this version of Ripley is, but it is certainly different from the film version and not for the better. This is shot in black & white for no reason at all. Why this digital, CRISPY looking black & white? This does absolutely NOTHING to enhance the story. This is a solid F on all levels: Failure of casting (the entire ensemble feel so disjointed and out of place) failure of directing, poorly paced. Just rewatch the Matt Damon version and call it a day. This was not it.

Sugar (2024– )

Boring Nostalgia-bait failure of a show

[2/10 · 14 April 2024]

I completely understand how this was greenlit. On paper it sounds great, but in practice it's as if chat-gpt wrote a detective story using the Save the Cat template, incorporating all the 'elements' of old school noir but none of the charm or skill in execution. They try REALLY hard to make the lead likeable, having him 'save' many a stray, but it comes off so awkward and forced. Instead of clues, you get drugged out montages, flashbacks and fake outs. Instead of classic noir dialogue exchanges, you get these weird accusatory standoffs.

This looks like it cost a lot of money, it's a shame they didn't spend any of it on the actual writing of a story.

The cast does look great, so there's that at least...I guess.

The 355 (2022)

What the crap was this?!

[1/10 · 11 February 2022]

For having such a diverse international cast of stars, this movie is sooooo incredibly BLAND.

The plot is so paint-by-numbers, the 'twist' so unsurprising, and the ending so anticlimactic and BORING.

What a waste of a budget.

The King's Man (2021)

NOT worth the wait.

[3/10 · 11 February 2022]

Finally got to watch this after a damn near two year delay, this was just disappointing.

Nowhere near as good or as fun as the first two films. They would have been better off with a simpler story instead of trying to cram all these historic figures and events into it only to end on such a nonsensical 'plot twist.'

In from the Cold (2022)

Whatever the intention was...they FAILED.

[1/10 · 11 February 2022]

Was this show a sincere effort, a parody, or a troll on the audience?

I don't care, it just sucked. An unbelievably convoluted, confused, poorly written mess of a thing with terrible pacing and worse acting.

Invasion (2021–2024)

A Failure of Storytelling

[1/10 · 28 October 2021]

In three long episodes, they have accomplished nothing. An inordinate amount of time spent establishing an unnecessary amount of characters, who are all useless. All of 30 seconds spent on showing the 'invasion', 5 seconds showing the actual invaders, well, at least parts of them.

Tedious and frustrating waste of time.

America: The Motion Picture (2021)

Stupid Fun

[7/10 · 5 July 2021]

This might turn into a new holiday viewing tradition, like what Die Hard is to christmas, or It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is to Halloween.

The run time is a bit too long (because they tried to cram in every bit of nonsense they could) but still pretty hilarious, especially on the fourth of july.

The Tomorrow War (2021)

Surprisingly Fun Time

[7/10 · 5 July 2021]

The Tomorrow War is an unexpectedly good popcorn flick. Great pacing and acting, lots of tense action, heartfelt moments and one really hilarious 'rescue' scene that I didn't see coming.

As with 99% of stories that involve time travel, there are loopholes that leave more questions than answers, but nothing bad enough to detract from the overall enjoyment.

Physical (2021–2023)

Beautifully shot garbage

[2/10 · 5 July 2021]

Physical is TERRIBLE!

Comedy is supposed to be funny, right? Even 'dark' comedy? This was just sad and depressing.

Because I LOVE Rose Byrne, I struggled through two episodes, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I loathed the main characters and just didn't give a crap about the rest. The show started with the promise of something better down the line, but I just didn't have the strength to wait it out that long.

Great lead actress, costume design, sets and cinematography wasted on self obsessed, self absorbed, slow paced and painfully unfunny drivel.

Infinite (2021)

All Style, No Substance

[1/10 · 14 June 2021]

Lots of cool elements are undone by a half-assed plot and wooden acting. The hero is an emotionless brick while the villain is simultaneously a genius and a complete moron (the solution to his problem is literally in his hands the entire time!) Everyone else is utterly forgettable.

Army of the Dead (2021)

Army of the Dumb

[2/10 · 26 May 2021]

Zack Snyder is a GREAT action director.

Unfortunately, he is also exceedingly INCOMPETENT at plot/story.

Setups that lead nowhere, plot points and devices that are made to seem super important and then NEVER brought up again, and then, there are the plot holes.....

Plot holes on top of plot holes, like an outhouse on top of another outhouse, it's almost admirable how dumb this movie is...almost

Even then, there was still a sliver of a chance of them turning it around: Halfway through the movie, one of the characters very casually posits what would have been an AMAZING plot twist if they would have followed through with it, but they don't. They, much like original Romero style zombies, keep mindlessly lumbering on, making increasingly dumber decisions leading to a cliched setup for a sequel that nobody wants.

Great action set pieces, but not nearly enough to make you forgive how brainless the story is.

Saint Maud (2019)

Overhyped and falsely advertised

[4/10 · 8 February 2021]

Good cinematography and acting, but not scary or suspenseful at all. There is the initial establishment of a great sense of horror atmosphere and dread, but ultimately no pay off.

Psycho Goreman (2020)

Hilarious!

[9/10 · 8 February 2021]

Despite the little girl character being a terrible actor, Psycho Goreman is damn near a MASTERPIECE. Everyone else is great. The chemistry between the characters, the dialogue, the action scenes, the unexpectedly heartfelt moments in the midst of all the ridiculousness in the story makes for the best kind of janky, low budget tomfoolery there is. I have never laughed so hard at gruesome death and destruction.

The Reckoning (2020)

Decent production value wasted on bland nonsense

[2/10 · 8 February 2021]

A half assed, bland attempt at a revenge story. If you are going to do this type of thing, at least go for it. Be good or be over the top bad, just don't be this dull.

Shadow in the Cloud (2020)

Just dumb, no fun.

[2/10 · 8 February 2021]

They would have been better off doing a live action adaptation of bugs bunny vs the gremlin. That would have been less preposterous than the idea of bluffing your way onto an active duty air force bomber...with an infant...during wartime. Where they flying away from, or through enemy territory? Who knows? Who cares? Nothing matters.

Bliss (I) (2021)

A good story idea hampered by unnecessary sci-fi elements.

[2/10 · 8 February 2021]

They could have done so much more with so much less. The whole sci-fi part of the story was completely unnecessary as far as Owen Wilson's character and his relationships and figuring out what was real and what was imaginary in his life. They did not need this alternate 'matrix' type dimension to blur the lines between the characters being genius scientists/doctors/homeless people with mental issues. Also Hayek and Wilson have zero chemistry as love interests. The whole romance angle felt shoehorned in. They could have scraped half this movie and told a simpler, more impactful story of a man with a faulty brain trying to hold on to what he loves regardless of whether or not it is real.

Earwig and the Witch (2020 TV Movie)

A real SHAME to both Ghibli and the Miyazaki name!

[1/10 · 8 February 2021]

If I didn't know better, I would say this was not a Ghibli film, more like some other incompetent studio that ran out of money during production and cobbled together whatever they had into this piece of junk.

A half-assed 'story' with bland, lifeless 'characters' exacerbated by the inexplicable decision to abandon the beautiful trademark animation style for garbage level cgi. Very frustrating watch because there are hints of a much better tale here that just weren't fleshed out. Hopefully someone else tries again with more skill and care.

The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018)

Surprisingly Boring

[1/10 · 5 December 2018]

I never thought a film starring Jack Black and Cate Blanchette would be this boring! They have no chemistry together. Zero. The kids don't fare much better. I kept waiting for this thing to pick up but it just didn't. It was just evenly disappointing throughout.

The Night Comes for Us (2018)

I miss Gareth Evans

[6/10 · 12 November 2018]

Contrary to what you may have heard, sadly, this is NOT Raid 3, despite featuring most of the cast of that franchise. Therefore the inevitable comparisons only lead you to disappointment. The Night Comes for Us has all the insanity of the first raid movie, but none of the cinematic feel or plot coherence of the second. Compared to every other action movie this year, this is firmly at the top, but compared to the mastery of Raid 2, this is quite a letdown. You will still have a good time if you ignore the story and just focus on the action as I did (most of the fight scenes are topnotch) but in your heart and in the back of your mind, you will still be wishing Gareth Evans comes back to direct Raid 3.

A Discovery of Witches (2018–2022)

A much smarter, sexier and better acted version of Twilight

[8/10 · 22 October 2018]

A Discovery of Witches is such a pleasant surprise. I had zero expectations based on the akward looking promotional poster which reminded me of some tween romance nonsense in the vein of the twilight series. I watched the first episode thinking I would have some roast material, only to be quickly spellbound by it.

I don't know what luts or lenses or lighting they used for this, but it looks GORGEOUS. This is the best looking show I have seen since Hannibal. Great cinematography, great acting, and a story that just zips along where I have seen other attempts at something similar bog down and get stuck in slow paced, unnecessary melodarama.

I do have two small gripes with the show. One is all the worried phone scenes with the distant aunts, oh the nagging! (you'll know exactly what I mean when you see them) Maybe it was a budgetary issue (although as stated earlier, this thing does not look cheap at all!) but they could be doing more. It's a real waste of two fine actresses.

Secondly, we have yet to see most of the characters 'true forms' - it really doesn't deter from the enjoyment of the show, but I would still like to see the scarier side of things.

Great watch overall.

Titans (I) (2018– )

Pointless.

[1/10 · 13 October 2018]

Imagine if you bought a ferrari, only to completely gut it and replace all the parts and upholstery with those of a used honda civic. That is akin to what the people working on this show have done.

Except for the name,Titans has NOTHING to do with any iteration of the comics, or the cartoon. Why mislead people? They could have done this exact same show and called it something completely different, why attach the titans name to it if you're going to completely change the tone, look, origin and even the essential NATURE of the characters?

It's like a bunch of people who didn't know and didn't care enough to do basic research about the characters were forced to make this show. Why bother if you were going to show this much disdain?

Still, I would have overlooked all this if the show had been entertaining, but it is not! It's a convoluted mess of unconvincing characters in random situations with nothing plausible to hold it together. This is incompetent storytelling that the 'writers' are trying to pass off as mystery-building. There's no 'there' there.

A hard skip on this one.

Doctor Who: The Woman Who Fell to Earth (2018) Season 11, Episode 1

Underwhelming opening, but promising cliffhanger.

[5/10 · 9 October 2018]

This gets off to a very clunky start, which isn't that surprising given the necessity of introducing all the new characters. Decent cliffhanger at the end. The new doctor is far more likeable than I remember the old one being at the beginning of his run. I just hope it doesn't take too long for the charcters to get some chemistry going.

Animal World (2018)

Confoundingly Good movie that doesn't stick the landing.

[7/10 · 29 September 2018]

This should be an AWFUL film. It SHOULD, but it isn't. It's actually quite good!

The trailer and poster for this film are LIES. I was promised an insane ninja clown superhero fighting evil shape-shifting monsters in a futuristic cityscape, instead what I got was a 1.5 hour lesson on mathematical probability and game theory.

The plot is pure nonsense, Michael Douglas is in this for no reason whatsoever, oh, and the movie is 80% exposition! None of it should work at all, but Animal World is so visually clever and the performances from everyone not named Michael Douglas are so gripping that all the flaws and absurdities seem quite small and 'nit-picky' in comparison.

My one main gripe is right at the last minute, where they abandon what could have been a decent ending in favor of trying to set up a completely unnecessary sequel. Why?! It's like the underdog getting to the finish line in first place against all odds and then simply refusing to cross it.

Beast (III) (2017)

Beautiful and BORING.

[3/10 · 20 August 2018]

I came in with very high expectations given all the positive buzz about this film. I went away very disappointed. I guess they were going for "moody" and "atmospheric" but it was just boring and sloppily paced. It is beautifully shot though, and for that alone I would recommend it to budding dps/film school types, but do not believe the hype.

Cloak & Dagger (2018– )

A little worse than IRON FIST, Slightly better than INHUMANS!

[1/10 · 10 June 2018]

Are you a fan of the original comic? Looking for action and story as advertised? You won't find it here. Not true to the comic origin story AT ALL - Nothing that takes place here ever happened there. This is set in Louisiana for no reason, also roxxon is somehow involved when they never where in the comic. I understand changing things for convenience or to make the screenplay better, but here they do neither! Two episodes in, it's a dull, plodding, convoluted mess of a teen drama with nothing to move the story forward in an exciting way. The cinematography is good, which makes it only the second worst marvel tv property just ahead of inhumans and behind iron fist.