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Reviews
Blame! (2017)
Phenomenal !
I stumbled upon this having never seen the original series and knowing nothing of its history. It was simply presented to me upon logging into Netflix as a new original. In fact I thought I was watching the first episode of a multi-part deal but it turned out to be a whole movie ... and I am so glad I stayed up late to finish it.
Quite simply Blame! has the best art I have ever seen in anime, topping even that of another recent favorite, Knights of Sidonia. I don't know what to call the computer assisted methods they use (digital rotoscoping?) to add such realism to the art -- while still having it look hand drawn -- but it's amazing.
The story was instantly engaging and the action was spectacular. The fight scene physics were chaotic but believable in context. There were a couple of spooky scenes that put a chill in me and that's when I knew I was hooked. I congratulate all involved in this project for creating a masterpiece. Bravo!
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
HAM and CHEESE !
Oh my. This movie was so phenomenally bad that I can't even think of an adjective negative enough to describe it. This is the kind of thing that "straight to video" couldn't have salvaged; that it actually had a theatrical release is staggering. I was expecting this "film" to be bad, but the true scope of its horribleness is beyond comprehension or anticipation. It is truly and magnificently wretched. Dungeons & Dragons makes _Conan the Destroyer_ seem like Hamlet in comparison.
The acting generally falls into two categories: mediocre actors who probably did the best they could with the material and normally good actors (Thora Birch, Jeremy Irons) who should be ashamed of themselves. Birch's dialogue is delivered woodenly as if she just wants the shoot to be over. As for Irons ((are those his real teeth?!? well, he is British)), his lines are spat out with such over-the-top absurdity it seemed he was exacting some sort of revenge on the producers. His snarling, rasping, phlegm-soaked performance left me thinking maybe he was blackmailed into doing this project. The only bright spots were the performance of Zoe McLellan as Marina and a very distinguished cameo by former Doctor Who maestro Tom Baker as Halvarth the Elf. Don't even get me started on the Marlon Wayans character -- I believe he single-handedly destroyed several generations' worth of progress defeating racial stereotyping in Hollywood. I hope he got a nasty letter from the NAACP.
Hammy dialogue atop a ridiculous storyline made for an unwatchable mess. The classic Dungeons & Dragons theme is the "dungeon crawl" hack-and-slay and a movie with this brand name to live up to should have capitalized on that. Instead we are treated to some convoluted plot about empresses and mage-councils and an oppressed population we never see.
Unlike some of the other reviewers here, I found the sets, props, costuming, and effects to be adequate for a B-movie, and even good at times considering this is really a C- or D-movie. All those thematic elements are lost behind the atrocious script and acting, however.
D'ya know how sometimes you want to experience something for yourself so you can decide on your own if it's as awful as people say? Don't do that with this movie. I promise that you'll spend the rest of your life trying to get those two hours back. It's not even worth downloading a pirated copy. If you must punish yourself somehow, try smashing your face into the wall a few times; ultimately that will be less painful.