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scott-goring
Reviews
The Tuxedo (2002)
Don't bother
I don't know why I'm bothering to write this review because the movie is over 3 yrs. old now and nobody is going to bother to look for it anymore. I just got it as a Christmas gift on DVD and I wanted to share my thoughts about it: man, does this movie really rot! It's a toss up as to whether this is Jackie Chan's worst Hollywood film or "Around the World in 80 Days." This must be slightly better because they gave Jackie the money to make the other one after this. I don't think he'll get buckets of money after "Around the World." There is no chemistry at all between Jackie and Jennifer Love Hewitt. I was so disappointed because Jackie and Jennifer are among my two favorite actors and I got absolutely no feeling at all off the screen from either of them. The action sequences are good enough but the comedy falls flat and the story is only mildly interesting. If you catch this on free cable you might want to watch if you are a fan of Jackie of Jennifer but please don't spend a penny to buy it.
Quatermass and the Pit (1967)
Far from "the pits"
Hammer Films was renowned for its forays into horror but some of it's science fiction films have held up pretty well over the years. The character of Quatermass - the scientist with the heart of coal and the nerves of steel - ranks with one of the most compelling science fiction characters ever created. I found this film years ago under its US VHS title, "Five Millions Years to Earth" and I was amazed by the intelligent writing and the deep thoughts it inspired in its audiences. Are earthlings descendants from Martian bugs? Would this have a negative impact on the religions of the world? "Quatermass and the Pit" won't have you peeking out from behind the couch or cowering under the covers but it will engage you intellectually and bring you some thrills and chills along the way. For a film done nearly 40 years ago, the special effects and the spaceship and the martians are all pretty well done and hold up even in today's overrated CGI world. Give this one a viewing and I guarantee that you'll want to watch it again soon after.
The Wicker Man (1973)
Think and Enjoy at the same time
There is an unusual quality about this film. It is a film that almost defiantly refuses to be pegged into any one genre and yet it welcomes viewers who would enjoy films of almost any genre. You can enjoy the police drama, the historical elements, the tests of religious beliefs, the music, the folk lore, and so on and so on. I don't know why The Wicker Man makes me uneasy. There's nothing to be afraid of but as you dig along with the clever copper you start to realize that something very unhealthy is unraveling here. The Wicker Man is not only overlooked, it is practically shunned by so many. Don't be put off by it's unusual appearances, take a look and be taken in.
Captain Clegg (1962)
Hammer made Horrors out of History, too
When I first saw this film when I was about 11, I thought it was going to be a historical film about pirates and rum runners. When those night creatures starting running along the marshes, I nearly jumped out of my seat - and that was in the 1st 5 minutes - and my seat was in my living room - and it was around 4 o'clock in the afternoon. To this day I wouldn't have been able to tell you what the story was in Night Creatures because all I could remember was the nightmares it gave me about those glowing skeletal creatures on horseback. With the release of the new DVD, now I know that there was a story about pirates and rum runners. Imagine that! Another terrific performance by Peter Cushing, looking positively sinister with his wet skunk hairdo. Lots of Hammer-style violence and class. I have always wondered why this was never released on VHS or DVD until now, it's an overlooked film. Maybe not a classic, but very good.
The Rockville Slayer (2004)
Son of Barney Fife
Sometimes it pays to have friends in the biz, sometimes it doesn't. My buddy works in a film distributor's office and got hold of a screener for a film called Unaware. After seeing it he called me and invited me to watch a film that would simply "rot my mind." He told me the director is notorious for faking reviews and whining to people who say they don't like his movies. The notes for Unaware said it was supposed to be about knowing who you really are. I was expecting something in the vein of Hitchcock. What I saw was something along the lines of Ed Wood, Jr. on a bad day. The story is really about some psycho who goes around skewering the usual set of cardboard characters in a small town that might have some secrets in its history. When the town's only hope rests on the narrow shoulders of a deputy who looks like he was cast as Barney Fife's twin, and whose played by some guy named, I swear, Circus, I knew there was no hope for either the town or for me. You have a whole cast full of nobodies and suddenly bad b-movie stock actors Robert Z'Dar and Linnea Quigley show up (and show their age) and you immediately know they have to be the bad guys. They get theirs in a simpleton shootout ending and then Barney Fife drives away and leaves town. One of the Fed cops is good looking but she can't act a bit. The red-herring psycho girl looked promising but she gets wasted too early. Joe Estevez proves yet again why the rest of his family shows up in A-movies and in television series and he does not. When it was all over I asked myself why do the make movies like this? What did we do to have this junk shown to us? Show this to agitated criminals and save on medication money.
So now they changed the name but they should have changed the movie. Do not waste a dime on this. See Hitchock's Frenzy instead. Or don't watch anything at all.