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Reviews
Fair Play (2023)
Typical Netflix, Falling Short
Trying to be a slick, tense thriller this movie instead leaves you with a sickly, need a shower and wholly unfulfilled feeling. It tries in vein to invoke the ambivalence the grey areas in Paul Haggis's 2004 movie Crash did but ultimately fails for the simple reason that you have nothing but disdain for all involved.
The acting is fairly good with Ehrenreich and Dynevor giving decent performances whilst you feel for the talented Eddie Marsan having to play the dull character he was given. The score is a forgettable set of macabre drawn strings throughout that strangely fit the movie for what it was.
I definitely didn't understand the end. You're left with the feeling the director wanted you to think it was just but the despicable gaslighting, coercive behaviour and violence commited by both parties meant that such n ending was never going to sit right with anyone.
If you've nothing better to do then give it a go. 6.2.
Masterchef Goes Large: Episode #19.2 (2023)
The Hitler in the Room
All well and good as you'd expect apart from the authoritarian Aussie guy dressed in black telling people how long they have left and that they need to start plating up "NOW". Where did he come from and what's his actual point? Is he a reminder the BBC have turned into a single minded right wing Tory machine hell bent on squashing the aspirant?
I still believe there is too much cognitive bias when blind tasting isn't the norm but I guess personalities are just too precious even in cooking shows. Can't we just leave the personalities to Celebrity Master Chef? Oh no hang on, don't. All said and done Greg Wallace is still just as despicable though so, as you were.
MH370: The Plane That Disappeared (2023)
Utterlly Deplorable Chum
Jeff Wise and Florence de Changy need to either be tried or certified. Both take up huge amounts of air time with what can only be described as scandalous and completely ludicrous aspersions.
Wise's theory, even though proven 'impossible' by everyone with the knowledge needed, still rumbles on as a 'possibility' throughout the series. 'You can't fly the plane from below deck Jeff, shut up and move on.
De Changy borders on lunacy. Two US Awacs track the plane because it has walkie talkies and battery chargers on board and they don't want China to have them. So the Awacs either shoot it down (impossible due to them having no armaments) or their was 'some kind of air collision'. So an Awac 'kamikaze'd' into the plane and killed themselves and all the people on MH370? Pathetic.
Wise asks himself at the end if the investigation drove him 'mad'. He says it did. I'm going to stick my neck out and say no Jeff, you were already mad before it began.
Skip this rubbish and read up on Wiki. 1.4.
Ancient Apocalypse (2022)
A Factual Pizza Smothered in Speculative Pepperoni
Graham Hancock sways precariously from solid logic to wild assumption in what is a well shot, we'll edited and, in places, an informative if not slighlty long winded documentary of the argument on the date of the birth of human civilisation.
The series will take you all over the globe where stunning natural landscape shots paired with CGI will leave you visually in awe at times. It is however marred somewhat by Hancock himself, who all too often comes across as slighty crass, dismissive even condescending. Traits he accuses the archeological establishment of from the very first episode.
There are so many theories in this documentary where the lone facts that are meant to prop them up are simply not explained, supported or in many cases lack a single shred of evidence. That said, there are some extremely compelling pieces of information that suggest mainstream academia have indeed miscalculated the birth of civilisation and ancient data does show that humans did record the Younger Dryas, survived it, and even learned from it.
Intrigued? It's worth a watch if you have the time but you could also save yourself three hours and Google the latest papers on the Younger Dryas. It will however confirm one of Hancocks theories, ancient civilations all over the planet refer to that cataclysmic event with astonishing accuracy that was passed down to generations over an inconceivable amount of time. Quite astonishing. 6.8.
Glass Onion (2022)
Not Nearly As Sharp As Knives Out
Knives out was excellent, this was mediocre at best. There are so many holes in the plot it makes it difficult to truly appreciate.
I get, where as others don't, this is tongue in cheek and over dramatized. The costumes are dazzling and it's meant to have a huge dollop of absurdity. But the plot? Not the plot, that has to be air tight for a murder mystery of any genre.
I've purposely left my review spoiler free. The acting is good in parts although the casting and screenplay could have been better. The CGI is half decent and the score is passable.
As I mentioned though, I and my fourteen year old daughter spent over half an hour picking holes in the plot so, overall, don't expect a blockbuster. 6.4.
Don't Look Up (2021)
A Must
What do you want? Comedy? Satire? Tense? Emotion? Realism? Absurdity? Music? I have never seen a movie tie all of these together like this does, the only one I can think of is The Life Of Brian.
As a piece of entertainment this is one of the best two hours plus I've ever seen. It's inconceivable that people don't appreciate it for what it is. Every bit of it works, it's almost genius.
Apparently my review is too short so I'll confirm the acting is what you would expect from the line up, impeccable. If Armageddon and Deep Impact teamed up and had a child with Naked Gun it wouldn't be nearly as good as this.
Fatale (2020)
Not Worth A Swank
Like being served up a smorgasbord of scat, it's difficult to know where to start. None, and I mean absolutely none of the characters had any plausibility. The acting made my insides hurt at times, especially Healy who looked like he was cast for a laugh. The plot twists are as subtle as an epileptic snake and the whole movie feels like an eighties softcore thriller but much less interesting.
I have a rule to always check out a movies IMDB score and to never watch one under 6. I didn't check this one out prior to watching and I swear I will never make that mistake again.
Lake Placid (1999)
Way Better Than 5.7!
5.7 on IMDB is an absolute tragedy for this movie. Great actors, great script for a dark comedy, some super one liners, jump scenes and some nice twists along an easy to watch, tongue in cheek flick.
I think those who were expecting Jaws and got this (or didn't get this) scored it way below what it's worth.
Please don't let the score put you off, put your feet up, grab your poison and sit back and watch a very funny spoof of all the killer animal classics.
The Minimalists: Less Is Now (2021)
I Wanted to Be Minimalist but Poor took care of it First
Josh shows us his house, its a living space with art, tech, modern furniture and other stuff. I waited for him to move into a cave but he didn't, he just carried on talking about himself with his sidekick (can't remember his name so lets call him nobhead), an equally self indulged, 'look at me' chancer.
Utter garbage from the very depths of human waste.
The Ghost Writer (2010)
A Great Story Left Wanting
Such a disappointment. Littered with incincere acting, a questionable score and multiple amateurish timely interventions attempting to keep the story moving and the audience not guessing, this film was, unfortunately, one to forget.
How Ewan keeps himself employed in this business is testament to all but his acting abilities. That may upset a few but, in recent years, give me a decent lead role he's played.
You're left with no feelings toward any of the characters apart from the cleaner who tries in vain to sweep the shore debris from the patio on numerous occasions which seemed strangely relevant, but played absolutely no role in the plot.
Other issues apart from Ewan were the basic script and the terrible direction. The overall feel of the movie was muddled and how some of the acting even made it to reel is embarrassing. I wasn't sure if I was watching a take on a 70's 'decent plot B-movie' or even at times a dark comedy.
5.4, all for the plot itself.
The Invisible Man (2020)
Adequate If You Ignore the Gaping Holes
Starts out intense and psychological and ends as a slasher-style plop-fest. It's a tough one, quite ambivalent, the acting is decent throughout and there are indeed some very tense moments that should creep you out. But the plot holes, more holes that Blackburn, Lancashire and its not easy to look past them. His 'death', inexplicable, how he travels, unexplained, how he managers to be in every room all the time without bumping into anyone, unbelievable. The SFX are poor too, especially that light saber sound the suit seems to make when it 'glitches', where are the speakers on it?
All in all I got to the end so I must have been invested enough. Worth watching if, like me, you keep almost finishing Netflix. 6.7.
From Russia with Cash (2015)
Amateurish
Pretty ueless bit of investigative journalism. This is clearly not how property is bought with dirty money. The property, if viewed, would be by a 'company representative' where no real due-diligence checks on that company could be made and therefore the property would eventually be sold.
Singling out these bottom of the rung estate agents because they are the easiest targets and the only ones you could effectively record to make this documentary is absurd. The problem clearly lies at the top and the loopholes big business have created for all kinds of unethical reasons whilst politicians and officials do just enough about it so the brown envelopes keep appearing.
3/10 because I would never give someone who tries to unearth corruption a 0 no matter how inept.
Windfall (2022)
Not The Slightest Bit Hitchcock...
Very strange movie. Starts seemingly as a black comedy then gradually becomes less funny and peters out with a sensationally macabre and pointless ending.
To be fair to the three leads it was acted pretty well which kept my interest in their characters but so little was given away by the end it left me feeling nothing for any of them.
Apart from the font and design of the title, the opening credits and a score which sounded like someone who'd seen a Hitchcock movie once had hummed it to someone with a music program, it wasn't the slightest bit Hitchcock.
Dirty Grandpa (2016)
If pushing your bottom lip out with your tongue had a word, I'd say that...
Laughed not once, its one of the worst comedies I've ever seen and fails at every comedic turn. The shocking bits are not shocking because they've been done ten fold in many other better movies, the funny bits arn't funny because they're just really unfunny and you won't cringe at the bits you're meant to cringe at whilst cringing your way through the entire rest of the movie.
The film has zero identity as it bumbles it's way through the aweful script, a mish mash of boringly childish escapades whilst, and this is the wierdest bit, trying to somehow tie in a pathetically weak TV show style love story with droplets of sentiment and pearls of wisdom all at the same time.
To replicate the script, give your unfunniest friend a pen and tell them to rip off hangover but with a Grandpa in it. When they're done, highlight the best bits they've managed to come up with and edit them all out.
Generously terrible 1.2/10.
Bermuda Tentacles (2014)
Please Linda, just please, no.
I turned it on and turned it off as quickly as Linda had turned me on in that epic Terminator love scene all those years ago. I couldn't taint the memory of Sarah Connor or indeed Terminator even for two mintutes of this utter chum.
There Will Be Blood (2007)
Everything is an 8+, with DDL's Acting a 10.
Not many films tick every box so highly. Granted, there have been better stories, better scores etc in movies where other things have let them down (Lewis's acting in this however I'm not sure has ever been bettered, matched maybe but never bettered, it's that good).
Score, story, script, screenplay, cinematography and acting are all exceptional making this, in my opinion, an unmissable movie. 8.6.
The Invention of Lying (2009)
Yawnsville
Lots of people mentioning the 'sub plot' of the man in the sky becoming annoying and offensive. This was not a sub plot, it was the whole point of the movie that needed half an hour of boring back story to be relevant.
This is one of Gervais's five minute stand up sketches stretched out with some whimsical characters thrown in just so he can tell us all that he doesn't believe in god.
I didn't laugh once, had no interest in any of the characters and wanted to switch it off before the end.
How It Ends (2018)
I Don't Care How It Ends, Just Make It End
Typical low budget rubbish from Netflix. They should be paying me to watch this nonesense. The story is fairly unbelievable but even more unbelievable is the fact they managed to drag it out for almost two hours. I'm ashamed of myself for not turning it off.
Joker (2019)
Dark and Conflicting, Great Piece of Cinema
The tale of the rise of the legendary Joker see's Arthur Fleck as a mentally ill and ridiculed clown for hire, who's slow and painful demise is aided by some unfortunate and despicable events.
Brilliantly led by Pheonix (his dancing is phenomenally fitting), wonderfully shot and with a score that plays a massive part, this film is depressing, intruiging, shocking but also funny in places and will ultimately make you question parts of society we all know exist in reality.
It takes a village to raise a child.
Well worth a watch. 8.4.
Gisaengchung (2019)
Worth a Watch
Lots of reviews complain of a lack of realism and plenty of comments cover the 'intellegent' and 'clever' social aspect of the movie.
I think people lost something in translation somehow. This is a black comedy and it's a pretty funny one at that. Think Severance with slighly less gore and a sprinkling of Faulty Towers. The only peice that felt out of place for me was the ending which was much too sentimental to fit the movie (I think black comedies are notoriously hard to end fittingly anyway).
The 'class' thing plays a role in the movie simply to support it's outrageous plot. True, it surfaces in the end between Mr Park and Kim but it's never explored intellectually enough to hang your hat on.
An intriguing plot, plenty of good acting (Song Kang-Ho the pick), some good scripted banter that translated well and some very good cinematography. (I do have to say the one sex scene is actually quite graphic and ,although there is no nudity, is more akin to a Korean soft porn movie!)
Go into this film willing to take it at face value and you'll probably enjoy it. 7.6.
The Island (2005)
Couldn't watch the last 47 minutes....
Promised so much but some of the most over the top garbage I've seen in a long time. The story has more holes in it than a tramps plazzy bag.
The Duel (2016)
Could've been up there...
I won't dwell on semantics or give away spoilers. Simply put, this film has a half decent cast, Hemsworth and Harrelson the pick. The story is actually passable and although the standard retribution theme applies the plot does bear some originality. The score too is ample, a slow deep south twang takes you along with the macabre and uneasy feel of the movie and the beautiful but also, at times, somewhat lacklustre scenery. The slighlty above mediocrity ends with the dreadful direction of this film and it's below par cinematography (given not just the geography).
In short, with a deeper cast, some solid direction and a professional behind the lens this had the makings of a pretty decent movie given the storyline. Worth a watch if you're in a bored, non-critical mood.