This looks like two movies cut together. It makes absolutely no sense. I don't understand the story at all - I guess that they wanted to end the film with a punchline but they just punched themselves in the face, but the connection between the chapters are not present either. How do we jump from Tibet to the USA? Who is killing the folks? And why? And what does it have to do with the cult sect? It looks like the there was a slasher horror movie unfinished in the drawer, and a sci-fi mystery move in another drawer, and the company just asked randomly someone to cut together a movie. I don't recommend you to watch it.
Reviews
22 Reviews
No One Will Save You
(2023)
I felt constantly scared of the movie ... not making any sense. And I was right.
26 September 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This movie fails big time in three departments: the premise, the storyline and the originality.
Yeah, it also does not make any sense too.
First, the originality. This film is a kind of a mixture and rip-off of basically two movies: M. Night Shyamalan's "Signs" and Spielberg's War of the Worlds. Especially "Signs". I love both movies, although both received a rating below 7 (aka little above average).
I could also implicate here "The Fifth Wave" which is a quite silly and forgettable movie of this kind - albeit done with a lot more money and a laughable storyline. That movie is currently at 5.2 stars.
IMHO, Brian Duffield's movie is not a match for the above two or three. There is no character development, there is no story, there are no dialogues. There are some acceptable CGIs and some good jump scares, so I don't expect more than a final rating of 4 to 5, once the dust is settled around this film.
Because I am a brainy moviegoer, I am only able to give 4 for this effort.
The Pros: Strong performance from Kaitlyn Dever, some good jump scares, funny alien language.
The Neutral: I personally also believe that intelligent life from another planet should be more similar to a human being than to a sea urchin, and I have no problem with this either in this movie.
The Bad: Having said that, the creatures are cliché, a kind of mixture from the Signs and the War of the Worlds. There was no obviously effort to create something unique, beyond the spider-alien and the tiptoe walking.
Then there is that sea urchin like disgusting mini monster regurgitated from the depths of the aliens. What is the real role of those? I mean, to control humans? Through their pharynx? When already these aliens can control any object around them? Even the thinking of a person? And why does this sea urchin looks like a spider walking inside your Adam's apple?
I also find it hilarious that in most movies, the aliens which come to dominate Earth are neither dressed nor have any object attached to do their job. They communicated with the spaceship vocally (although they did not have ears) and with jerking arm gestures. I mean, seriously?
OK, I don't judge, you can say that they don't need to hide any body parts and they are so evolved that they can control objects and people with their brains.
But at least some protective suit against work accidents? Because this little girl not only managed to kill her bestie but she also killed the fig-headed alien by stabbing it accidentally, and then killed the giant Final Boss with a lighter, and killed even her doppelganger (BTW, what was this doppelganger for and why did she try to kill the original? Or all original people were replaced, was it the genius plan???)
And altogether, what was the main reason behind their visit? To fool around a bit? To implant a wormy potato in the pharynx of most, but to keep happy a girl who is exiled from the community for killing her BFF? And then to fly over and see how happy those people are? But before that, the aliens destroy and hurt and try to kill? So, these are were really confusing.
But let's say that these all are just fine. Aliens are a bit careless, a bit playful and a bit inconsequent. Let's say, they decide their plan on the flow. And sometimes they fall from rooftops and see stars spinning around their heads (this was the only funny moment).
But the premise of the movie is utterly dumb!
There is this young lady, seemingly quite happy, living a lonely yet tidy life. She just hates to go to the city/village, because everyone hates her. Then she also lost her mum recently.
I mean, if I have killed my best friend who happens to be the daughter of the policeman, and I am hated by the whole village, and then I lose my mom, what makes me still stay? I bet, 99,9% of mums would have already moved with their daughter to another part of the US to avoid being a target, because the young girl could not even go to school any more.
Then she now lives alone in a nice mansion, happily. Everything is tidy, inside and outside. She is well groomed, and learning to dance alone. She has some hobbies, everything is clean and well taken care of... even the lawn, the pond.
This behavior is very typical for those who kill accidentally their best friends, who lose their mom and live alone in exile. Or is it her inheritance? Some millions in her bank account? But in both cases, why does not she sell the property to move to another place to start a new life?
Altogether, I appreciate the effort that was put into the wrong script, and that is why I offer 4 stars.
Yeah, it also does not make any sense too.
First, the originality. This film is a kind of a mixture and rip-off of basically two movies: M. Night Shyamalan's "Signs" and Spielberg's War of the Worlds. Especially "Signs". I love both movies, although both received a rating below 7 (aka little above average).
I could also implicate here "The Fifth Wave" which is a quite silly and forgettable movie of this kind - albeit done with a lot more money and a laughable storyline. That movie is currently at 5.2 stars.
IMHO, Brian Duffield's movie is not a match for the above two or three. There is no character development, there is no story, there are no dialogues. There are some acceptable CGIs and some good jump scares, so I don't expect more than a final rating of 4 to 5, once the dust is settled around this film.
Because I am a brainy moviegoer, I am only able to give 4 for this effort.
The Pros: Strong performance from Kaitlyn Dever, some good jump scares, funny alien language.
The Neutral: I personally also believe that intelligent life from another planet should be more similar to a human being than to a sea urchin, and I have no problem with this either in this movie.
The Bad: Having said that, the creatures are cliché, a kind of mixture from the Signs and the War of the Worlds. There was no obviously effort to create something unique, beyond the spider-alien and the tiptoe walking.
Then there is that sea urchin like disgusting mini monster regurgitated from the depths of the aliens. What is the real role of those? I mean, to control humans? Through their pharynx? When already these aliens can control any object around them? Even the thinking of a person? And why does this sea urchin looks like a spider walking inside your Adam's apple?
I also find it hilarious that in most movies, the aliens which come to dominate Earth are neither dressed nor have any object attached to do their job. They communicated with the spaceship vocally (although they did not have ears) and with jerking arm gestures. I mean, seriously?
OK, I don't judge, you can say that they don't need to hide any body parts and they are so evolved that they can control objects and people with their brains.
But at least some protective suit against work accidents? Because this little girl not only managed to kill her bestie but she also killed the fig-headed alien by stabbing it accidentally, and then killed the giant Final Boss with a lighter, and killed even her doppelganger (BTW, what was this doppelganger for and why did she try to kill the original? Or all original people were replaced, was it the genius plan???)
And altogether, what was the main reason behind their visit? To fool around a bit? To implant a wormy potato in the pharynx of most, but to keep happy a girl who is exiled from the community for killing her BFF? And then to fly over and see how happy those people are? But before that, the aliens destroy and hurt and try to kill? So, these are were really confusing.
But let's say that these all are just fine. Aliens are a bit careless, a bit playful and a bit inconsequent. Let's say, they decide their plan on the flow. And sometimes they fall from rooftops and see stars spinning around their heads (this was the only funny moment).
But the premise of the movie is utterly dumb!
There is this young lady, seemingly quite happy, living a lonely yet tidy life. She just hates to go to the city/village, because everyone hates her. Then she also lost her mum recently.
I mean, if I have killed my best friend who happens to be the daughter of the policeman, and I am hated by the whole village, and then I lose my mom, what makes me still stay? I bet, 99,9% of mums would have already moved with their daughter to another part of the US to avoid being a target, because the young girl could not even go to school any more.
Then she now lives alone in a nice mansion, happily. Everything is tidy, inside and outside. She is well groomed, and learning to dance alone. She has some hobbies, everything is clean and well taken care of... even the lawn, the pond.
This behavior is very typical for those who kill accidentally their best friends, who lose their mom and live alone in exile. Or is it her inheritance? Some millions in her bank account? But in both cases, why does not she sell the property to move to another place to start a new life?
Altogether, I appreciate the effort that was put into the wrong script, and that is why I offer 4 stars.
The Lighthouse
(I) (2019)
The two actors should have enjoyed filming - yet they did not
5 March 2023
After 1500 reviews, I do not want to be the 1501st that tells the same thing: this cinematographic experience was a l'art pour l'art movie without the aim of entertaining the public. Oh yes, you won't be entertained. But still, you will love it.
So this is the kind of art that I was missing: loving something but not being enchanted by it. It is in fact about two devils (Defoe and Pattinson) who are fighting for the ownership of hell on earth. They want to own this hell which is a small island with a lighthouse, but in fact, this hell owned them before.
So don't expect that you'll understand the story of this movie for the first time. I am not sure if this movie can be or should be understood. Yet, it has a profound message that won't let you sleep for a while.
The whole movie makes me remember an old movie and its remake: Sleuth. The first Sleuth movie was from 1972 - in that version Laurence Olivier played the role of the old guy and Michael Caine was the youngster; while in the 2007 remake, Michael Caine was the old timer and Jude Law was the youngster.
For a handful of reasons, The Lighthouse has some deep parallelism with the Sleuth movies. If I hadn't red the behind the scenes stories, I would have assumed that Daniel Defoe and Robert Pattinson had a great time together on stage. But they did not. It was not because of any disliking each other. It was because of the hellish island which started to own them...
So this is the kind of art that I was missing: loving something but not being enchanted by it. It is in fact about two devils (Defoe and Pattinson) who are fighting for the ownership of hell on earth. They want to own this hell which is a small island with a lighthouse, but in fact, this hell owned them before.
So don't expect that you'll understand the story of this movie for the first time. I am not sure if this movie can be or should be understood. Yet, it has a profound message that won't let you sleep for a while.
The whole movie makes me remember an old movie and its remake: Sleuth. The first Sleuth movie was from 1972 - in that version Laurence Olivier played the role of the old guy and Michael Caine was the youngster; while in the 2007 remake, Michael Caine was the old timer and Jude Law was the youngster.
For a handful of reasons, The Lighthouse has some deep parallelism with the Sleuth movies. If I hadn't red the behind the scenes stories, I would have assumed that Daniel Defoe and Robert Pattinson had a great time together on stage. But they did not. It was not because of any disliking each other. It was because of the hellish island which started to own them...
Hellraiser
(1987)
Such a waste of celluloid
3 February 2023
I honestly don't get what is so fancy about this movie. It is a weak a bad adaptation of the horror novella of Clive Barker. In 1979 we witnessed the movie Alien. In 1984, the Terminator. So, there is no reason for making a movie in 1987 looking like as if it was filmed with techniques from 1940. Just go and see the endless list of goofs. This movie is full of errors, blunders, and the preps are so plastic, so cheap that it just makes me laugh at it. Sorry, the bad script is just surpassed by the horrible acting. The suspension and horror is not there. There are many disgusting scenes, but those are laughable for me, not scary. The story is very confusing, and the boyfriend of Kirsty is such a weak actor... I mean, he sees the horror in a ramshackle house and not even the slightest looks concerned. OK, sorry, this was a waste of time for me.
Us
(II) (2019)
From where are those 6.8 stars? This is a pile of rubbish!
12 August 2022
I just cannot understand what I was watching. This is typically the movie that allows for a spectacular teaser trailer but the whole movie is one of the worst I ever could see till the end. I did not understand anything, even why those red coat characters shout like some drunk aliens. And why the evil Lupita is speaking so weirdly? And remind me again, what are these evil copies? Where are they from? Who made them? What?
The only thing I can imagine is there was like an original movie twice as long as this and then most of it was cut out in the editing room. Otherwise this Director is a complete train wreck.
The only thing I can imagine is there was like an original movie twice as long as this and then most of it was cut out in the editing room. Otherwise this Director is a complete train wreck.
Dry Pain
29 January 2022
The Tomorrow War
(2021)
A Confusing and Dumb Movie
20 August 2021
Warning: Spoilers
What a pity and waste of ideas! A movie that falls apart instantly under the heavy burden of dumbness. Blunders all over. A ridiculous way to waste celluloid.
Honestly: how much better this movie could be without the war in the future, instead, doing everything in the present.
Let's start with this elephant in the room: 30 years from now, mankind will have been decimated. Only a few left. They don't even have weapons enough. They lose territory, civilization collapsed, nothing remains.
But they instead of focusing on new weapons, they resolve the impossible: time travel. Because resolving time-travel is much more easier than anything else.
This time travel was so ridiculously solved that it only makes me cry. A room where lights open on the wall and people start to fly up? Seriously?
Is the average movie-goer so dumb these days that everything goes?
Then the future solders forcefully send a handful of absolutely unprepared "normal" citizens with ridiculously useless guns to the future, where: 1) these monsters already have killed 8 billion people just like that (much more prepared solders); 2) they are mostly immune to and protected against handguns.
How low this movie can be?
Now, let's see the job of this makeshift task force: To secure a research facility in a completely devastated and dead city. Seriously? What were those researchers doing alone in the completely killed city??? What were they doing without food, electricity, supplies, surrounded by monsters? Why weren't they rescued beforehand by the much more prepared future soldiers? So, the lady scientist instruct the time-traveled soldiers to bring the blue ampules from the facility to the HQ.
Those are not blue and not ampules! Those were transparent polypropylene 14 mL Falcon tubes with blue screw caps. If she is a real lady scientist, she should know that.
The is makeshift crew then brings this serum on them - in the middle of the complete annihilation of the city by carpet-bombing. How convenient! The future of mankind depends on those "ampules", so time travel is created for unprepared citizens to do the job that not even future army could do - and then the future army just bombs them with napalm. Why not to order the destruction of what is left, including the hard-transported past time makeshift commando! How intelligent this movie is!
Chris Pratt and Co. Are able to run away from the heavy explosions that just happen a few meters from them, but the superfast and heat/water/explosion/bulllet/toxin resistant monsters die like flies in the autumn. What an IDIOT MOVIE!
Then the lady scientist during one night resolves the question of the toxin. She did not even need those tubes rescued, as she draws blood directly from the queen (a reference to Aliens).
She even admits that it is a one man's job. So, if she was able during one single night alone to find the weapon against the monsters, why did they create time travel??? What is this movie about, sorry? Did the writers smoke something before coming up with the plot?
Finally, the story ends with the alien spaceshift.
These monsters were kept in a fluid-filled membrane bag. They were not awaken when the ship crash-landed, but awoke when Pratt and Co. Enter there. If those were so horrendous creatures, why weren't they kept under a fortress??? Why would these other aliens travel with the terrible monsters in their back, secured only with a membrane?
There is not a single second in this movie that makes any sense. What a big shame!
Honestly: how much better this movie could be without the war in the future, instead, doing everything in the present.
Let's start with this elephant in the room: 30 years from now, mankind will have been decimated. Only a few left. They don't even have weapons enough. They lose territory, civilization collapsed, nothing remains.
But they instead of focusing on new weapons, they resolve the impossible: time travel. Because resolving time-travel is much more easier than anything else.
This time travel was so ridiculously solved that it only makes me cry. A room where lights open on the wall and people start to fly up? Seriously?
Is the average movie-goer so dumb these days that everything goes?
Then the future solders forcefully send a handful of absolutely unprepared "normal" citizens with ridiculously useless guns to the future, where: 1) these monsters already have killed 8 billion people just like that (much more prepared solders); 2) they are mostly immune to and protected against handguns.
How low this movie can be?
Now, let's see the job of this makeshift task force: To secure a research facility in a completely devastated and dead city. Seriously? What were those researchers doing alone in the completely killed city??? What were they doing without food, electricity, supplies, surrounded by monsters? Why weren't they rescued beforehand by the much more prepared future soldiers? So, the lady scientist instruct the time-traveled soldiers to bring the blue ampules from the facility to the HQ.
Those are not blue and not ampules! Those were transparent polypropylene 14 mL Falcon tubes with blue screw caps. If she is a real lady scientist, she should know that.
The is makeshift crew then brings this serum on them - in the middle of the complete annihilation of the city by carpet-bombing. How convenient! The future of mankind depends on those "ampules", so time travel is created for unprepared citizens to do the job that not even future army could do - and then the future army just bombs them with napalm. Why not to order the destruction of what is left, including the hard-transported past time makeshift commando! How intelligent this movie is!
Chris Pratt and Co. Are able to run away from the heavy explosions that just happen a few meters from them, but the superfast and heat/water/explosion/bulllet/toxin resistant monsters die like flies in the autumn. What an IDIOT MOVIE!
Then the lady scientist during one night resolves the question of the toxin. She did not even need those tubes rescued, as she draws blood directly from the queen (a reference to Aliens).
She even admits that it is a one man's job. So, if she was able during one single night alone to find the weapon against the monsters, why did they create time travel??? What is this movie about, sorry? Did the writers smoke something before coming up with the plot?
Finally, the story ends with the alien spaceshift.
These monsters were kept in a fluid-filled membrane bag. They were not awaken when the ship crash-landed, but awoke when Pratt and Co. Enter there. If those were so horrendous creatures, why weren't they kept under a fortress??? Why would these other aliens travel with the terrible monsters in their back, secured only with a membrane?
There is not a single second in this movie that makes any sense. What a big shame!
Presumed Innocent
(1990)
Eating after burying
10 September 2020
The 9-year old son just enters with clean hands into the kitchen happily, right after burying his goldfish in the garden, and starts to eat with those hands that dug the dead fish in. And he is joyful.
What an interesting movie it is.
What an interesting movie it is.
Terminator: Dark Fate
(2019)
I stopped watching this in the middle
15 February 2020
And it happens rarely. Very rarely. Probably the last time I did that was when I walked out from the movie Basic Instinct 2, because it was so bad.
Now this.
I really do not understand the point. Hollywood wanted to please whom with this? No normal people who liked the first 2 parts could bear this horrendous motion picture. The rest of the parts were even more horrible. Hollywood is so extremely dumb, they believe this is the type of movie we all want.
No, we want movies with brain and heart! Such as Camp Ivy, such as Alien and Aliens, such as Terminator 1 and 2, such as The Game, such as the Lord of the Rings... Anything that has heart and soul, and without major plotholes, without horrible editing, without totally violating the law of the universe. Thank you
No, we want movies with brain and heart! Such as Camp Ivy, such as Alien and Aliens, such as Terminator 1 and 2, such as The Game, such as the Lord of the Rings... Anything that has heart and soul, and without major plotholes, without horrible editing, without totally violating the law of the universe. Thank you
Crown Vic
(2019)
The art of reality
22 January 2020
I gave 8 stars because this is a movie that shows how life is just a mere agony of survival in the suburbs, and for those who ride the "black and white", nothing is black and white. More like hundred shades of gray.
Thomas Jane's acting could have been more dramatic, but he was cool, calm and collected. Maybe this was on purpose? His "sidekick" was a very good protagonist, and I see him flourishing and receiving nominations in the future.
All in all, this movie shows the reality. Not better, not worse, not overly dramatized, just a pure straight in your face style!
This move does not judge anyone. Cops wont judge you either. And you cannot judge any character of this movie.
Because the bullet judges all of us.
The Mist
(2007)
You will learn whether dead can dance
21 January 2020
This is one of the best motion pictures, based on a Stephen King book. In fact, I never understood why King's movies are so horrendously screen-written, but this is a refreshing exception.
Anyhow, this movie is about an unwanted alien invasion, but in real, it is about us, humans. This is a pure human drama put in a scifi settings, and we will learn a lot about how stupid human are. Oh yes, this movie is about the swamp monster of the human soul, with incredibly good acting, super scripts, and some brutal syfy vision. Tension, gore, and horror of the human soul.
One of my favorite movies.
6 Underground
(2019)
Just does not make any sense
16 January 2020
I just don't understand this movie. Bad acting, bad lines, tons of cliches. The most pathetic part was that magnetic submarine stuff. When did 1 have the chance to make them? How is that those magnets picked up bad people but not good people? Was it a bad people magnet? And why did those magnets work only where we had the camera? So how's that first the magnets worked on the deck, then our heroes went down to the kitchen where things were absolutely calm, cool and collected, then switched on the magnets again and jee, the magnets now affected the kitchen.
Hmmm.
Don't watch this movie above IQ 50.
The King of the Kickboxers
(1990)
A lovely B-category movie with the taste of the 80's but painful to watch
26 December 2019
Ad Astra
(2019)
A beautifully packed empty box
19 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
If I have to put in order Interstellar, the Martian and Ad Astra in terms of quality cinematography and how they touched my heart, Interstellar and Martian would end up in the first place in a draw.
Ad Astra would miss even the third place.
There is no story here. The story told has no meaning. What was the reason for the presence of Donald Sutherland in the movie??? And Tommy Lee Jones could have killed himself long before. Why waiting till son arrives? This story is a complete mess. And this Neptune discharge thing. What? What was this again?
Sorry, I am not buying this.
Beautiful CGI, yes. The rest of the story and the short appearance of unimportant characters make this movie one of the worst blockbusters of the year.
Haunt
(I) (2019)
Scream, blood, gore
28 November 2019
Well, it's not the perfect first-date movie, as it may happen that your beloved would hold you in her arms when you are sucking your thumb crying. :-)
Well, I gave 7* because I think, the actual rating of 6.3 is too low, but I also fell 7* is a bit of exaggeration.
What I was missing: more understanding of the story, less dumbdumb villains, less plotholes.
But who knows, you'll see a sequel or a prequel and you will have the chance to learn more about the Devil, the Witch, the Clown, the Ghost and the Zombie. :-)
For a horror movie, this is quite decent, refreshing, well-done!
Men in Black: International
(2019)
Boring hi-tech brain death
8 November 2019
I give 4 stars because we see here some high-tech CGI.
But what is this movie about? Is it made for a bunch of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder people who don't pay attention to anything that happens in the movie so they don't care, and who cannot stand more than 3 seconds without any superfast action?
If someone next time picks up a good movie to make a sequel, please, do us a favor and incorporate:
1) character development,
2) likeable personas,
3) just a tiny bit meaningful storyline,
4) at least some little humor that allows us laughing.
Because this movie has none of these.
Anna
(II) (2019)
It is not the movie... It is about the anacronistic details
21 October 2019
Modern cars everywhere in a movie supposed to portray a poor communist country 35-30 years ago. It starts with the opening scene: it says: Moscow, 1985. Then at the 57th second, a Lada car is followed somewhere in a Moscow avenue, but in the other lane, there is a 2018 release Mercedes passing by! WHAAAAT?
Then the spy lady's car is smashed by a recent Mercedes all terrain G class.
C'mon, Luc Besson only has 60, but already shows symptoms of dementia?
World's Greatest Food Markets
(2014– )
New York, Mexico, India??? Seriously?
10 June 2019
This is an excellent and very earthbound stuff. No fooling around, it shows the truth about the world! Great!
But, I mean, the title of the episodes are countries, except for the first episode. If it was not a US-centered docu it would say USA instead of New York. Or, it should spell the forthcoming foreign cities instead of the country names.
Finally, how come that it was filmed 5 years ago but only now aired?
Beyond Skyline
(2017)
Not only the little girl grows without eathing, but her clothes too! LOL!
3 June 2019
Jee, what a dumb movie! Looks like different people at different points of spacetime added and took some ideas, and it became some horrendously stupid sequel. Something horribly went wrong!
The little girl who had her eyes go transiently red to scare us and to add to the confusion, grows by the minute. That is okay, some babies grow 3 years overnight. BUT HOW THE HELL ON EARTH she got her yellow cloths of a 4-5 year old in the morning, in the rainforest, when they went to sleep, she was like 15-month-old, and she was covered with a brown tissue.
The rest of the brainless, meaningless, pointless story would be 4 stars, the CGI would be 10 stars, but the story is -10 stars. So altogether: (-17+4+10)/3=-1 stars.
Worthless to watch.
xXx: Return of Xander Cage
(2017)
Seeding the Sadness in Sequel
12 May 2017
I could not believe what I was seeing. How could Vin Diesel and Samuel L. Jackson give their names to this... I don't know how to characterize this bad surprise, letdown, horrible waste of time. Why sequels are to reduce prequels into oblivion? How could I explain to my sons why I liked xXx 15 years ago? Did Vin Diesel need this money so desperately? I don't think so. I cite Wikipedia: Critical response On the review aggregator site Rotten Tomatoes, the film has an approval rating of 43% based on 112 reviews, and an average rating of 4.8/10. The site's critical consensus reads, "xXx: Return of Xander Cage should satisfy fans of the first two installments, but its preponderance of set pieces can't quite make up for a tired storyline that fails to take the franchise – or action fans – anywhere new." So this means that I am satisfied by this sequel. Hahaha. Thank you, RT.
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