judgewashington Reviews

Sugar (2024– )

Too complex and artsy

[4/10 · 7 May 2024]

If you started this series when the first episode dropped and have been following it weekly, hopefully you've taken detailed notes---if not, you'll be totally lost. It is infinitely more complex and convoluted than The Big Sleep, whose plot even author Raymond Chandler couldn't decipher when he first saw it on the screen. It doesn't help that the episodes are padded with old film noire movie clips, making things artsy and pretentious, and simply reminding you of better films than this one. Colin Farrell is decent as the detective, though somewhat miscast, with his Irish accent occasionally poking through. The villains and violence are cartoonish, and the fact that Sugar drives an old Corvette around LA and always wears a suit and tie even while being seriously beat up just adds to the artificiality. It's a curious show, but you might need hypnosis to recall the details of the plot later on.

The Zone of Interest (2023)

A missed opportunity

[4/10 · 24 April 2024]

The basic premise of this film is fascinating, but the technique is infuriatingly slow and dull. Rather than concentrate on the characters and the story, we're given intermittent artsy shots of stylized night photography that seems to have little to do with anything, as well as scenes that are disjointed and run on endlessly with little direction. The actors are all very good, though there is little character exposition or explanation as to how and why they are there. The garden photography is straight out of a National Geographic episode, hammering too hard the juxtaposition of beauty and unseen horror. I'm not entirely certainly why the film won an Oscar for best sound simply by always playing muted sounds of horror from the concentration camp in the background---it wasn't exactly complex to do. And what were all of those endless blank shots for?? Somehow, the hidden horrors of a death camp were made very dull.

The Regime (2024)

Awful!

[1/10 · 5 March 2024]

What on earth was everyone thinking when they got together to make this raving turkey?! There was a lot of talent involved, but none of it shows on the screen. Kate Winslet, normally good in most everything she does, is so bad here. The entire show is highly stylized and not very interesting, bordering on being boring and just plain weird. The satirical nature of the show falls flat, and, of course, everyone uses the "F" word regularly just to make the whole thing sound hip, when, in fact, it emphasizes how stupid the dialogue is. I sat dumbfounded for the first fifteen minutes, hoping that it would get better, and guess what....it got worse. Avoid at all costs.

The Night Agent (2023– )

Good luck finishing this dark dud

[5/10 · 9 September 2023]

This action-packed mystery drama is cartoonish and highly implausible at best, hindered by the fact that Gabriel Basso is no Daniel Craig or Matt Damon, but just a square-jawed hunk who can't act his way out of a paper bag. The writers, too, have added the F-Word ad infinitum into the dialogue, to the point that it no longer has any impact or means anything. I guess that it's supposed to make the conversations sound more hip, but it just makes the bad dialogue sound even worse. Better drink some strong coffee, too, as most of the action takes place at night and you'll probably nod off between rounds of gunfire. The series definitely overstays it's welcome at ten overly-long episodes---my hat is off to anyone who can finish it.

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Red, White & Royal Blue (2023)

Meh

[3/10 · 13 August 2023]

I suppose that, in this era of renewed homophobia, we should be grateful that Amazon Studios even dared to make a Gay romcom at all, which is perhaps the only reason to watch this fantasy love story that you've seen so many times before, only with straight characters. Other than that, it sinks to Hallmark standards with its cartoonish characters, predictably complicated family situations and hijinks, colorful FX locales, silly dialogue, and buffed hunks going barechested (and more) regularly. The sexual tittilation only mildly diverts attention from the poor writing and acting, as well it should. Still, on the plus side, it's a huge advance from the dreariness of The Boys In The Band, my first Gay film, where everyone was miserable and hated one another. This may bore you and make you feel like you're trapped in a trite, feel-good soap opera, but at least it won't assault you and make you feel bad about yourself.

The Undoing (2020)

Nicole Kidman looks like a wax figurine

[5/10 · 23 June 2023]

It's time to address the elephant in the room---Nicole Kidman has had so much cosmetic surgery that her face detracts from any acting that can possibly make it's way through it. It is so weirdly immobile and smooth, without a single crease, that's she can barely smile or show emotion. Does she actually find it appealing to look like an ageless Kewpie Doll in her 50s? Thank Heavens Barbara Stanwyck or Maggie Smith never had such silly vanity. It doesn't help that Nicole's still hanging on for dear life to that long, hennaed mane of permed hair that she's she's been wearing since the 90s. She's older than Gloria Swanson was when she did Sunset Boulevard, so it's time that she let all the cosmetics go and reclaim her face. I honestly couldn't get past the weirdness of her looks to even begin to analyze the series.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (2017–2023)

Coarse language that doesn't fit with the period

[5/10 · 17 May 2023]

The F, S, and MF words are spoken in rapid-fire succession throughout, as if people in the 50s/60s actually talked that way. They didn't! In fact, most people don't talk that way now. It's a sad reflection on the writers, who are attempting to update the dialogue with what they consider is modern speech. In fact, it's just lazy, sloppy writing that numbs and stupefies rather than engages. The F, S, and MF words are used so frequently here that they no longer have any impact and are only silly and gratuitous, making the dialogue laughable. I grew up in that period and nobody---NOBODY---talked that way.

Tár (2022)

More like cement than Tar!

[1/10 · 5 February 2023]

Are there two versions of this this film circulating? There must be, because the one I saw was excruciatingly long, rambling, unbelievably boring, and crammed with insignificant plot elements that are never resolved. There is scant direction and even less editing, with some shots running on and on until the camera apparently runs out of film. There's no other explanation! The movie starts with endless minutes of itsy-bitsy credits, then launches into a 15 minute interview that is the dullest documentary ever. No form of punishment can be worse than being forced to watch this torturous pill again.

Only Murders in the Building (2021– )

Tired and predictable passing for sleek and hip

[2/10 · 21 August 2022]

Let's see---a murder mystery that takes place in an ultra-wealthy, Dakota-like apartment building in New York, where the residents are folksier and quirkier than Mayberry, and where the three main characters can traipse through a supposed murder scene more casually than Columbo. Everything about this series is contrived and unbelievable, especially the fact that the leads all live effortlessly in apartments worth millions of dollars, while Martin Short's character claims to be dead broke. Huh?

Steve Martin is indeed talented, but he is now approaching George Burns territory. Martin Short, who has has made a career out of being exaggerated and silly, is excruciating here, mugging more than ever while attempting to be riotously funny. He isn't.

Also, someone needs to tell the script-writers that the gratuitous use of modern obscenities---including the ever-present F, MF, S, and BS words---doesn't make the older characters more hip and contemporary, but rather it makes them more painfully contrived and emphasizes the lack of meaningful dialogue.

Murder in Provence (2022– )

An all-British cast playing French?? Come on!

[2/10 · 12 June 2022]

What was everyone thinking to green-light a lavish French murder mystery that takes place in gorgeous Provence with an ALL BRITISH CAST?! It's mind-boggling. At first I thought that they were supposed to be Englishmen in France, but NO, they're all supposed to be French, addressed as Monsieur and Madame. Of course, nobody is speaking French or even attempting to do so; but rather they speak English with every degree of British accent available from refined to Cockney. If you can get past this large bump perhaps you can accept this as a decent series....but I couldn't. You have to swallow too much obvious disbelief just to get beyond the first five minutes. It's positively unreal.

Fire Island (I) (2022)

Seems like a bad time capsule from the 1970s

[2/10 · 9 June 2022]

If you've just awakened from a 45+ year coma and want a view into your Grandfather's Fire Island, this is the movie for you. The characters are latter-day stereotypes, promiscuous and cringeworthy, missing only 70's porn moustaches. The five "boys," protected by damaged mother-hen lesbian Margaret Cho (was Rosie O'Donnell unavailable?), jiggle about wearing as little as possible, and speak the "F" and "S" words in almost every sentence, attempting to disguise a complete lack of a literate script. The romantic leads have no chemistry whatever, and the sex scenes are surprisingly graphic for a light-hearted rom-com. Not a word is mentioned about engagement or marriage because, after all, Gay people couldn't do those things 45 years ago. Ultimately, this unfunny little movie conveys the worst relics of pre-AIDS culture while pretending to be a contemporary Gay comedy. We've long since moved on from material like this, which is now just embarrassing.

BTW, any correlation between this film and Pride and Prejudice is laughable.

Landscapers (2021)

Dull, boring, and confusing

[1/10 · 15 April 2022]

What a mess this was! The beginning is confusing, the style is pretentious and self-conscious, the dialogue is awful, and nothing improves from the first few minutes. Both David Thewlis and Olivia Colman have been better in other projects and hopefully this will sink from memory, if it hasn't been already. BTW, someone needs to tell Olivia Colman that, Oscar or not, giving a big toothy smile constantly does not constitute acting.

Julia (2022–2023)

Good acting, inaccurate use of obscenities in the dialogue

[7/10 · 8 April 2022]

Sarah Lancashire does a sufficient job in a role that has been well-worn by others and her performance can best be described as "caricature" rather than acting. One of my few complaints about the production, however, is that the "F" and "S" words are sprinkled throughout, as if people in the 60s routinely spoke that way. They didn't. It's not only inaccurate for the period, but signals a feeble attempt by the writers to bring the dialogue up to what they dimly feel are current standards. It's just sloppy, and seems terribly contrived.

House of Gucci (2021)

Meh

[3/10 · 26 February 2022]

In other hands, the rise and fall of the Gucci family would have been an interesting story, but not here. This film is interminably long, rambling, and dull, with many of the drawn-out family dynamics being uninvolving and disinteresting to the average viewer. The ending is well known and perhaps the only reason to endure this endless challenge. Incredibly, like many unrealistic Hollywood films from the distant '40s and '50s, Italian characters are portrayed by Americans and Englishmen, their dialogue unrealistically delivered in Pizza-Parlor accented English, not Italian. Most likely, this film has been ridiculed in Italy. The characterizations, which are mostly broad and laughable, owe a lot to prosthetics, Jared Leto taking great lengths to transform himself into a horrendous, paunchy Jeffery Tambor, ruining every scene he's in. Lady Gaga can only be judged as doing a decent job on an amateur scale, which is where her acting abilities lie. If anything, her makeup team deserves an Oscar for covering up her acres of tattoos. Be sure to drink lots of coffee to make it through this long, tiresome dud.

Lady of the Manor (2021)

Dreadful

[1/10 · 22 February 2022]

Cheap, amateurish, and filmed on a budget that couldn't have exceeded $500, with no production values whatever and awful acting. How they even got the B-List cast in this mess is beyond me. I've seen high school plays and home movies that were far better made than this embarrassment. Nobody involved should be putting this on their resume, unless they're looking to change professions.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel: Rumble on the Wonder Wheel (2022) Season 4, Episode 1

Disastrous start to Season 4

[2/10 · 19 February 2022]

Season 4 begins with absolutely no recap and no opening credits, which is a bit puzzling as Season 3 ended over 2 years ago. You're left desperately trying to remember where Season 3 left off, the characters, and the situations, all of which continue with no explanation. It also doesn't help that the first 10 minutes include what resembles a terribly unfunny pyschotic breakdown. The bloom is off this series. They should have stopped at Season 3. BTW, someone should have informed the writers that people didn't use the "F" word in every sentence back in the early 1960s...they just didn't.

The Gilded Age (2022– )

Julian Fellowes fared much better in England

[2/10 · 27 January 2022]

Everything about this series seems plastic and contrived. I adore Julian Fellowes, but his work is best done in England not in the United States, where American producers feel that overproduction makes everything better (it doesn't). The Gilded Age lacks all the charm, wit, and subtlety of Downton Abbey---the dialogue is too modern and PC, the CGI too obvious, the sets are too brightly lit (and look just like sets), the costumes are too immaculate, and many of the actresses have had a distracting amount of face-work (particularly Christine Baranski). Where's Dame Maggie Smith with her sagging jowls and her innate sense of superiority when you really need her? There's a Gay subplot that seems forced, and people of color are treated far more unrealistically than they were at the time. Overall, the series attempts to be historical while mirroring contemporary culture, making it both inaccurate and slightly ridiculous.

The Tender Bar (2021)

Overacting 101 in a muddled, rambling, miscast film

[2/10 · 9 January 2022]

Good luck in following the storyline in this muddled coming-of-age film. Director George Clooney keeps bouncing around in a 15 year period where the only one who grows older is the central figure, JR, whose adventures are rambling , incohesive, and not terribly interesting. Set in Long Island, everyone affects broad accents and mannerisms, Ben Affleck channeling Robert DeNiro and every other character in Goodfellas. Lily Rabe as the mother is even worse, with a loud, exaggerated New YAWWK accent, peculiar waist-length hair, and an unlined face that never ages. The entire film is a disjointed caricature that never jells.

The Lost Daughter (2021)

The Lost Two Hours!

[2/10 · 5 January 2022]

Watching paint dry has to be more exciting that this dull, confusing mess. Olivia Colman gives a complex performance, but so what---the story (if you can figure it out) is baffling and the other actors are either bizarre or cartoonish. Also, the direction is lumbering and amateurish, and the sluggish editing makes minutes pass like hours. Do yourself a big favor and pass on this one.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

It's not a movie, just the latest in a greedy franchise

[2/10 · 26 December 2021]

God, shoot me before I have to watch more of this Marvel crap! It's nothing but comic book characters against green-screen shots that cheapen real actions and numb you. Spider Man is not a thoughtful movie that begged to be made, but rather the latest entry in a mindless mega-franchise that's designed to shake ten bucks out of your pocket. If you watch it, they'll just make another and fleece you again.

The Power of the Dog (2021)

Beautiful, atmospheric, and soooooooo slow

[6/10 · 23 December 2021]

A deliberate, insightful film, quietly acted, with an ending that comes as no surprise and should have come 45 minutes earlier. Almost every scene could have been cut in half, and some eliminated completely. Take NoDoz and drink strong coffee to get through to the end. The fact that it's picking up a bunch of awards tells you something about the desperation of the pandemic.

Being the Ricardos (2021)

Nicole Kidman looks like she's been embalmed

[2/10 · 19 December 2021]

I don't remember Lucille Ball being Botoxed to death and looking like a piece of shiny wax fruit. Nicole Kidman looks like she's wearing a mask...it's a wonder that she can smile without her face cracking. A word to the wise....lay off the cosmetic surgery, Botox, and fillers. It makes you look so much worse.

Mistletoe Mixup (2021)

Beyond dreadful

[1/10 · 17 December 2021]

I simply cannot say enough bad about this film. To begin with the acting, script, and direction are laughable, miles below the Hallmark Cadillac standard for this sort of holiday dreck. Then, too, we have the story of a passive, easily persuadable young woman who welcomes being controlled by her two possessive suitor brothers as they fight over her and make decisions for her, each one a scary control freak. These dashing "young men" whom she can't seem to resist are both nearly 2 decades older than she is, Joey Lawrence (45) looking and sounding like a grizzled ex-con from Jersey. In fact, the four cast members of the Lawrence family resemble something out of a bad episode of the Sopranos, and they're individually and collectively awful. Worst of all is Donna Lawrence, who plays "Grandma" (but who is actually mother to cast members Joey, Matthew, and Andrew Lawrence), bewigged and bewildered, scarier looking than Norma Bates in the basement. I cannot unsee this monstrosity---it is is the worst thing that I've seen in decades.

Maid (2021)

Good, but much too long

[7/10 · 20 November 2021]

Excellent performances, but much too long and way too repetitive. Andie MacDowell gives an incredible performance, the best of her career. One observation: the "F" word is spoken literally every sentence, sloppily reinforcing stereotypes. It's laziness on the part of the writers and an absence of meaningful dialogue.

We Are Who We Are (2020)

A dreadful mess

[1/10 · 17 November 2021]

Rambling, dull, incoherent, boringly weird, and poorly done, filled with people who mistake rudeness for individuality. What was everyone thinking to greenlight this mess?