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kylethesonicexevictim
Reviews
King Candy (2015)
Full of heart
I really appreciate this film. It represents something that Hollywood lacks: Heart.
Sepe clearly really enjoys what he's doing here and cares about the end result. Despite the low budget, there's more talent and professionalism here than in many high-profile films.
Despite that, this movie does have some flaws due to the small budget. The acting is not excellent, but that's mostly due to the tiny amount of money available. They're most likely close friends of Sepe.
Besides that, everything else is very good. The plot is interesting to watch unfold, the cinematography is well done, and the script is written with meaning.
The Dark Knight (2008)
The Most Overrated Film Ever Made.
I don't understand the love for this film. There are better Batman films in existence. The cartoon from the 90's was better than this film. (then again, how do you top that masterpiece?) 1. Christian Bale was hilarious.
When you make you voice as deep as possible, it's pretty hard to take you seriously. Kevin Conroy (Batman from the cartoon) had found a perfect balance between intimidating and realistic for his voice for Batman. But Christian Bale? He's completely laughable when he's yelling at the Joker during the interrogation scene. He also did this weird thing with his lips where he forced them to stick out as much as possible. My point is, Batman is supposed o be intimidating ad awesome, but Bale tried to so hard to do just that he failed on a massive level.
2. Heath Ledger was not that good. At least in person.
The only points in the film where Ledger as the Joker was intimidating was in the scenes where he was film something on a camcorder. Those scenes were great. In every other scene, though, he's cheesy and stupid. That thing he does where he runs his fingers through hair and likes his lips? How can I look at that and say that was scary? Mark Hamill (Joker in the cartoon) was the perfect joker. All of his mannerisms and his speech patterns were what you'd expect form a psychopathic clown. In this film, he's just a psychopath.
3. Stupid decisions.
Why did nobody on the police department go to save Rachael while Batman was going after Harvey Dent? Why did the police let the Joker out of his cell "to make a phone call?" You'd think they'd have reason to keep him in the cell, maybe even in a straitjacket. Why did that police officer get in a fight with the Joker? The movie would have ended right if the Police Department wasn't full of morons. Why did Batman never kill the Joker? I'm pretty sure if you asked anyone else, they would say they'd be willing to if it would save hundreds of people. Batman just has this stupid moral code that keeps him from seeing the broader picture (I have the same issue with the comics and the cartoon) All-in-all, a lot of idiots making stupid decisions.
4. Everything else was okay.
The soundtrack was decent. The action scenes were decent. Everything else was just fine. But laughable acting, stupid plot conveniences, and so-so everything else is good enough to get #4 on the best films ever made? No. This movie is overwhelmingly under-average.
4/10
A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
Hilarious garbage and sinister manipulation
I thought this movie was hilarious. Unfortunately, on further research, I found this movie was one of many made by David DeCoteau, a Canadian-American director whose only principle seems to be to make films as cheaply and quickly as possible, making a wide variety of films, from slasher flicks, to PORN, to made-for-TV kid's films. However, he's clearly aware that he's a scumbag because he often uses a pseudonym. That's right- Mary Crawford is not even a woman.
So you have a film made by a person who only cares about what sells, and knows how much of a scumbag he is by hiding behind a mask.
This movie is hilarious, but out of principle, I can't recommend it.
Hocus Pocus (1993)
Oh God, No.
This film is comparable to Amy Schumer and Adam Sandler's careers.
The witches each have one character trait, and that's it. The main characters are bland generic 90's children with no personality, the attempts at humor are cringe-worthy and painful, and the series of events are so stupid that I could not even finish this to the end. But first, some story issues:
1. Why did the cat not warn the teenage boy to not light the candle? If he did, the entire movie would not have happened.
2. Why did the zombie chase the heroes at the start, but then helped them later? Was it because his mouth was sewn?
3. Why did the cat only talk to guide the heroes and be captain exposition? If he had spoken when they were talking to the parents, I'm pretty sure the parents would have taken them seriously.
There are several points in the film where the conflict would have ended if they had spent two seconds thinking before acting irrationally. For example:
1. Why didn't they hide the spell-book by burying it or hiding it under some floorboards? Seriously, the witches had to physically look for it, and it only became a beacon when someone physically opened it.
2. Why did they open the spell-book immediately instead of waiting until morning? "I know we're dealing with witches and who knows if we actually killed them, but let's just learn about black magic, I'm kind of curious."
3. Why didn't they surround themselves with salt as soon as they found out they could do that? Again, They take no precautions and act like they're invincible.
4 Why did the teenage boy drink the life-stealing potion instead of offering to the witch, waiting till she was low enough, then jumping up, grabbing his sister, throwing the vile to the ground, and playing tug-of-war until sunrise?
The "jokes" are about as forced as a crap. First, nearly all of them are written so the film can get a PG rating so the film can look "cool and adult," and as a result, you've got:
immature and uncomfortable sexual innuendo
immature and uncomfortable usage of "damn" and "hell"
and so on. Each one is so awkward and contrived that it feels like I'm watching a High-School production. The acting is laughable. Ever see an amateur production of Hamlet? That's the witches' performances. Ever seen awful child actors before? That's the heroes' performances.
All in all, pretty pathetic. There's also some awful green screen and stupid scenes before the conflict actually starts, but I won't delve into that.
If you're the kind of person that doesn't switch off their brain while watching a movie, I'd suggest you avoid this like the plague.
2/10