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Hazbin Hotel (2019)
Terrible
Literally just like a slap in the face to whoever is watching it. But it feels like some of you like that kind of thing.
Writing is so flat and poorly done, made me cringe the entire time I watched. Even for just one episode. I am not exaggerating. There was a permanent scowl from just how bad everything was. If I tried to watch more I feel like it would have accelerated my aging 40 years. It FEELS like I'm watching an episode of that new Velma show. Like they're written by the same person about the same characters.
I mean there's more obvious criticisms like how this show handles the topic of abuse. How someone who fetishizes abuse helped with the abuse scenes and how the scenes feel like they're glorifying the abuse, etc.
But the biggest crime, in my opinion, is the character designs. They're WAY too busy and everyone is so lanky. Everything just ends up blending with each other and nothing stands out. Like when I'm looking at them I know they're supposed to be different characters but my brain just doesn't register it. Good character design sticks out. But in this case, its just Viv's awful art style that sticks out.
The busy designs just kinda feel like shes compensating for how poorly conceptualized the designs are. Like, they're bland and shes just adding more bows and ribbons on top of them to distract from it.
BTW idk if you guys saw but you should totally look up Viv's sausage party account. Thats her humor. Thats what she thinks is funny and interesting. Thats what watching this feels like.
In summary: find literally anything else to watch. Watching something completely mundane, like clouds or grass, is more enriching and stimulating than anything this show has to offer.
Grimm (2011)
Monroe Carried
While the show itself was pretty alright, I have to say, it wouldn't be the same without Monroe or the actor who played him.
Cops are... whatever. Not a fan of watching shows just about them. They're pretty boring and take things too seriously. Also, lawful people just irk me. Monroe and Rosalee more than make up for it, though. Every time they were on screen it made me smile.
The moral gray areas were uncomfortable sometimes, but Monroe always had a great take no matter what was going on or what ended up happening. I wish the characters would have listened to him more, since it felt like he was a lot more empathetic about situations than the others were. Like, sometimes there's no black and white, no good or bad, and he got that. When it came to ethics, he was the most ethical on the show.
I liked the actor who played Hank, and Hank's character, too. You could tell he was 100% into it whenever he was on screen. Specifically loved when he was visibly having a good time acting as the character.
Nick fell kinda flat compared to the other characters. He was funny sometimes, when you could tell the actor was having fun, but that wasn't too often. It felt like the director wanted him to be emotionless most of the time. That's not to the say Nick's actor wasn't good at emoting. The few times he got to he did a good job.
I think maybe the better part of this show was that it focused on dark faery tales. And that's not something you see often.
Also, pretty based to have characters making mistakes and then trying to do better after without people continuing to condemn them for it.
Anyway, I recommend seeing this show if you like fae or Grimm Faery Tales. Villain of the week shows can be pretty fun when you like the characters in them.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)
nah
Anything where April is a love interest is just super gross and weird, sorry.
Can people not like... make a new character that didn't use to be a literal adult to date the teenager turtles?
I like what Rise Of The TMNT did making her apart of the family. This love interest bs is just not it man.
Was going to give it a chance even though Seth Rogan was involved in it (bc I like the turtles a lot and change doesn't bother me too much, but I still hate Rogan and everything he touches turns into literal feces) but this was just a rehash 2012 turtles (which I LOATHE) and I stopped watching as soon as the implication of April being a love interest was established.
Guys, if you want to make a GOOD TMNT movie, show, whatever, follow what Rise did. They knew what they were doing.
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
A truthful review from someone being honest about this movie.
The only "good" part were the end credits. And it's because of the living tombstone's song.
If that doesn't tell you about the quality of this movie, I don't know what will.
My review has to have 500 more characters to post, so I'll just go ahead and break it down for you I guess. In the least spoiler-y way possible.
Whoever made this movie has no idea how to make a horror movie. Who is your audience? Children? Adults? It's not at all clear who this was aimed for and that's probably the biggest reason it fell flat.
Had it been a gory horror movie, maybe it would've been better. But since there are several scenes in the movie where it seems to be pandering to little kids, it feels like the whole movie is a big identity crisis.
Also the writing just sucks.
Allow me to clarify (I edited this in since I had some time to think about it later and talk to other people about it). A major character died. No funeral, no police investigation. The body wasn't hidden it was in a house, the MAIN CHARACTER'S house. Yet? No mention of it after? Just nothing, like it never happened.
On top of that, a major plot point is about the main character's brother. We find out who did it, but it was NEVER elaborated on. WHAT happened to him. WHY did it happen. WHERE is his body. Just nothing at all. It's like the writers forgot that was the literal main plot of their story. (It would have made much more sense to make the brother like... one of the animatronics... no idea why they didn't just do that. EASY solution to all of those questions.)
Then there's a scene where the cop is asking the main character about why he didn't lock a door. Instead of him saying "I did lock the door" or "I'm sorry I forgot to lock the door" he instead replies "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND". Wha? Huh? Then he walks the cop to a little creek, sits down, and goes on a giant boring exposition about his brother. HOW is this related to locking a door.
You wasted 10+ minutes of screen time retelling something we were shown at least 5 times by then, but had no clear response to the question he had been asked. So when you look at the WHOLE situation, the conversation went like this:
"why didn't you lock the door" "you don't understand, my brother is dead and here's how that happened". DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR OR DID YOU NOT? THIS ANSWERS NOTHING.
On top of all of this, no police investigation into the missing victims that are shown on screen dying. No mention of them after. Everything just resumes as normal.
WHY did Afton want the main character to work at the pizza place as a night guard after finding out he was the brother of the kid? WHY didn't the girl straight up tell the main character about her dad and instead "hinted at it". WHY did she have to hint. It's not like he was watching her. Nobody was. She could have just straight up said it.
By the way, she was supposed to be on duty, yet she stayed there the whole night with the main character. What about the rest of her route? Makes NO sense. How did she explain it to her coworkers when she was MIA for so long.
WHEN THE TAPE MESSES UP, WHY DID THE MAIN CHARACTER HIT THE TV? INSTEAD OF THE VHS PLAYER? Hitting the TV will do nothing to effect the tape messing up, come on guys.
WHY didn't the animatronics whip around quickly, like they did in the games? Why were they so slow the entire movie? All of the jump scares fell so flat because everything was too well lit and the animatronics moved too slow. Whats the point of a flashlight when everything's so well lit nobody even bothers to turn on a light to see.
Why are they scared of the Balloon Boy doll? You have to have CONTEXT for him to be scary. My mom, who barely knows about the FNAF series, watched the movie on her own and was completely baffled by why there were jump scares with the doll. It just. Looks like a doll. You have to know WHY it's scary for it to BE scary.
It's just not a movie made for anyone. Too bloody to be for kids, too boring for teens, too kiddish for adults. There are so many things in this movie that DON'T MAKE SENSE.
They don't even do a good job convincing you that he's poor, because there are government programs for people who need help with child care. Yet he is never shown reaching out about it and decides to just take his sister to work with him.
He also acts like the animatronics being alive is. Normal. He isnt freaking out about it. No reaction just. Huh? Oh. This is normal.
How did he know the kids were the ones from his dreams. Why did he just decide they were ghosts in his dream instead of just a dream. He looks at them and is just "OH! You're the missing kids!". What?
So people that are mad about people rating this movie poorly, understand that you can enjoy things and they can be fun, but that doesn't mean they can't be critiqued by people who expected the movie, that was inspired by a game, to be more like the game.
I wish I could give it a higher score for the puppets and for Matthew being in the movie, but there were no many negatives that it cancels out the positives.
That's my honest review. I'm not a "hater" I'm not someone who never played the games. I'm a person who likes horror and likes good horror media, and this was not that.
Thanks for reading.
Hereditary (2018)
Another Cult Cop-Out
This movie had a lot of potential, sadly the ending just doesn't do anything for me.
Had it been anything other than a cult cop-out I probably would've liked this movie, but the whole cult thing is so overdone. I would have loved a twist of the mother or son doing it without knowing, but for it to just be... a cult.... boring :/
I guessed it immediately when they introduced that creepy woman, she was too frantic and pushy and touchy, but I was still holding out hope for something more interesting since this movie is so well praised.... sad to see so much wasted potential for a genuinely interesting horror.
Alex Wolff and the actor who played the father carried this movie. Without them, it'd probably be a 2 out of 10.
Kid Cosmic (2021)
Palate Cleanser
Kid Cosmic, compared to a lot of cartoons aimed at kids, is a pretty refreshing take! It's got characters you care about, character development, and a memorable (if not a bit nostalgic) style to it.
Season two can get frustrating and even a little bit formulaic, hence why I deducted a few stars off the review, but was still able to illicit strong emotions in the scenes surrounding Kid and his dark past. Not many TV shows can make me tear up, but this one definitely succeeded in that.
If I could change anything, I'd probably make the series revolve a little more around Kid, just because he's got a lot of pain that I can relate to, but the cartoon wasn't made for me! So I understand why that's not the case.
Anyway, I like the fact that the show subverts expectations a lot, and changes made to the cast are VERY permanent. Not a lot of cartoons have lasting consequences like this one does. That reason alone sets it apart from a lot of other kids shows.
I like a lot of things Craig McCracken has done, and his work has influenced who I am since I grew up on his cartoons. I'm glad he's still creating them for the younger generation too!
Detentionaire (2011)
You can really tell it was made in Canada
The only thing surprising about this cartoon is how many offensive racial stereotypes they could fit in one kids show. And in 2012 no less.
I'd expect something like this to have been made in like 2002, 10 years prior, since that's more around the time it was seen as "socially acceptable" to include racism in kids cartoons.
Some of the characters are palatable and sort of interesting, but its all drowned out by how bad the animation is, how bad the humor is, and how bad the writing is.
Wasn't funny, wasn't done tastefully, and the white voice actors putting on a blackcent and trying to "act black" by using slang when voice acting Black characters really made me want to stop watching the show all-together. I didn't. I finished it. Unfortunately.
The only things that stood out to me were some of the personalities they gave to characters like Cam, Brandy, and Biffy. Everyone else was pretty 1 dimensional and not well rounded. Which is weird, considering even the main character doesn't stick out as much as the background characters I mentioned. He's just your blank slate to project yourself onto, which is typically done in bad anime, but here we are.
The mystery was probably the only thing that kept me watching, just because I wanted to find out what the end goal of all of it was. Disappointed to find out its just antisemitism. Lizard people secretly controlling the government and brain washing people. How creative. (that was sarcasm)
I don't think this is at all comparable to 6teen being that at least in 6teen they didn't portray their poc characters as extreme racial stereotypes to get out of actually having to create them a personality. Also 6teen was just pretty well written. The girl characters weren't just.... "girls".
Thats not to say I didn't like their take on Brandy. It's just that they cut her out a lot to have Tina be in the story and.... she was probably the MOST boring 1 dimensional character on the show. Lee being right after.
I skipped past all of their "romantic" scenes because it was so cringe and I just didn't care at ALL about either of them due to the horrible writing.
I don't recommend anyone watch it. It was already really racy when it was released in 2012, and has only gotten so much worse with age. It's technically watchable, but I would rather have the time I spent watching it back.
Honestly I recommend Stoked, which is made by the same company and has a similar style, but the animation is FAR superior. And the character's aren't anything super special, but at least they don't rely on racial stereotypes to flesh them out.
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2018)
Sure I might not like all the changes, but this show is AMAZING the way it is.
I grew up with TMNT cartoons and video games. My favorites were Mikey and Raph because Mikey was funny and Raph was brooding and dark and angry (which I relate to).
Watching this, I never expected so many changes. I was disappointed they made Raph the leader and changed his and all of their personalities.
THAT BEING SAID, after watching more than one episode, I've grown to appreciate this interpretation. I still don't quite like that Raph is leader and that hes more of a Knuckles than a Shadow type personality (talking Sonic here), but hes still an enjoyable character.
I don't like that Mikey isnt the designated funnyman anymore, but after watching a lot of the episodes, I see he's still funny, but he's more of the "childish" one of the group. Still goofy, but not the main joke teller.
THOUGH, I know they tried to make Leo much different than he was. He use to be the "normal" guy. The leader. The token good boy. Nobody really liked him much because his personality boiled down to "leader" and thats it. I appreciate the different take, I just wish he was still leader. There's no reason he can't be. It would give Raph a reason to be more brooding and wouldn't change his dynamic with the rest of the group. I know most people will watch the first episode and go "WHAT? THEY'RE MAKING HIM THE FUNNY ONE???" no. He's not funny. He tells jokes, but he's supposed to be the annoying one. The guy voice acting him plays the same character every time he voice acts a character. Everyone he plays is Randy Cunningham 2.0. It's not a BAD thing. It's just a....thing. So, while he tells jokes and he's clumsy, he isnt the designated funny man. Hes the "face man", the one who THINKS hes funny and THINKS he's cool but is really just a huge dork. Which I enjoy. Again, just wish they had kept him leader.
AS FOR DONATELLO. His character is FANTASTIC. I LOVE what they did to him. When I watched the live action movies and the TV show I never clicked with him. He was just the Smart Guy and thats it. In this series, he's a blunt, arrogant, stubborn, dead pan jerk and I LOVE that about him. He's so hilarious with how important he thinks he is. He's not a genius in this, just good with machines, and even then he still manages to mess everything up. For someone so smart, he really does fall in line with the rest of his brothers in doing silly things. They also really lean into the Middle Child bit and make him the one who gets picked on all the time. And for the self proclaimed "emotionless one" hes the only one who really has any complicated emotions about stuff. He's literally my favorite character in this series, and its nice to see this side of him.
I love what they did with Splinter, his entire personality shift to being more DAD like and still being like his old self. He's more of a risk taker. A guy who laughs at stuff but knows how to be serious. I like it. And he gets WAY more screen time this way being one of the main characters.
I LOVE APRIL!!!! They gave her so much personality and charm!!! She was so drab and boring in all the other series I watched, I never clicked with her. In this? I think it was a good idea making her younger. It's weird for an adult woman to be hanging out with a bunch of teenagers, even if they are turtles. This way she has an excuse to be friends with them. I like that shes strong, and funny, and she jumps into situations without thinking and ends up winning. I like that shes both the brains and brawn of everything shes apart of. I like that shes like an older sibling to the turtles. Shes a delight to watch and every time shes on screen she makes everything 10x better. I typically don't like the writing of some girls in media made for boys because they make the girls shallow and one dimensional. April in this show is honestly so well written.
On that topic, I love the writing. They make me love every second of the show. The humor is gold. The physical gags are amazing. THE ANIMATION!!!!! IS SO SURPRISINGLY BREATH TAKING!!!! The only thing holding back the show is the PG rating. If they had blood and a little more dark themes, it would definitely enhance the experience.
Not to mention, I adore all of the villains. Every single one of them. Especially Big Mama 😏
I think the only reason this show has a low rating is that people don't like change. They didn't watch but maybe half of the first episode and rated it low. They don't like the changes made to the turtles and they dont like that April is different either. I don't think change is a bad thing. If you can make it work, then I'm all for it. This show definitely makes it work!
The ONLY. And I mean ONLY changes I would make is I'd make Leo leader. I'd make Raph more broody and emo. And I'd let Mikey be the actual funny one again. He's clumsy, which I like. He does things he's not suppose to just for the fun of it, which I like. But he's missing a certain Mikey charm. The childishness is only one part of who he is. The other part is silly jokes and not knowing how to talk to people. I wish they could bring that part of him back.
The show is a little bit light hearted and never really has super serious themes, but when the story gets a bit serious the story and characters really shine. I wish there was more tension, more sadness. TMNT works well with those kinds of things. The only times you see the darker, more serious themes is with Donny. It's probably the reason I like him the most. They let him be a little more mature and have more mature thoughts. They let him feel actual pain. So in this world where all of the characters are more silly and goofy and happy-go-lucky, Donny is over here having to process some heavier, complex emotions.
I want to say though, I watched the first 5 minutes of the movie on netflix for this show. I can't wait to see it. There was actual blood, and cussing, and death all in the first few minutes. It really REALLY enhanced the viewing experience to see these darker themes. I think they should stick with it. The ratings might be a bit higher if they did!
Anyway, I'm giving this a 10/10 because I don't think change is a bad thing. Even with the point deductions from some personality changes I wasn't a huge fan of, the writing keeping me on my toes, the humor, the physical gags, and the EXQUISITE animation gave it so many extra bonus points. This show really is something great, and I would love to see it grow and see what happens with it!
Lost (2004)
actually awful (spoiler warning)
There are going to be a few spoilers in this, so don't read unless you really don't care. Which you shouldn't care because this show is atrocious.
The ending is not at all up to interpretation. It is just 100% christian centric bull. It's not catholic its not anything else, its christian centric. They have all this build up to Egypt and Science, and then end on the worst thing they could possibly think of. There is no wiggle room to think its anything else, because its not.
They even roped in Sayid, the only character to practice a completely different religion than catholicism or cristianity. They made him go along with all the christian themes and then leave in the christian way everyone goes. It's sickening.
For some reason they had him "move on" with Shannon as well? Even though he was madly in love with Nadia? So much so he made a point to saying that he had been searching for her for years and was a completely broken man when she died. To be honest, the only darker skinned POC people to even HAVE an ending in this show were married to/dating white people. Just Rose and Sayid. No Michael, no Walt, no Mr Ecko or his brother, but they made room for Shannon and Boone and Libby :))
(major spoiler warning) Not to mention when Sayid dies they have him willingly kill himself via bomb. How is this seen as ok? They take away his emotions in the last season, make him seem super distant and scary and like he's going to hurt everyone, and then have him go out in the most distasteful stereotypical way. I don't care how they try and justify it, its still him willingly killing himself by bomb.
Don't think I forgot about Michael and Walt, who just don't even show in the end. They're just gone, forgotten. For a show who made 2 entire major plot points about Walt, they really do just forget he exists and never explain what Ben or any of the others were talking about by saying Walt was special and could appear places he shouldn't.
Never explained why Miles and Hurley could talk to the dead, never even showed Mr. Eko in the end and I guess just forgot to explain why he even died in the first place???
The first few seasons were great, but that last season made me wish I'd never watched the show in the first place. My life would be a lot better if I could get all the time I wasted watching the show back.
By the way, so many problems would've been solved if Jack, Sawyer, Kate, and Juliet were just polyamourous. They've all pretty much slept with each other. The forced tension was just so unnecessary and stupid.
Doctors having to repeat themselves multiple times to everyone they talked to was annoying. The times they purposely had characters not explain things well so there'd be a misunderstanding was also annoying. And the fact everyone knew someone that was laying sick/dying in bed at home was just a reoccurring theme I got sick of fast.
And finally, who they had play Juliet was the most unconvincing actor in the whole show. I could never take her seriously. She was always sideways smirking even in serious situations when she was supposed to be angry or tearing up. I couldn't empathize with her at all and I was actually kinda glad when they killed her off. The way she died was super stupid too, but I guess it fit her character.
Evil Dead (2013)
Absolutely Awful
I sat here and watched every evil dead movie in the series and then the series itself. This movie in no way even resembles anything to do with the evil dead series. It was just made to be disgusting gore p0rn and felt like the creator of this film had no ideas, saw the first evil dead movie, and decided to have his own "take" on it as a cash grab since graphics have improved since the 80s. The first evil dead movie had story it had character and while it might've dragged on a bit, the characters were actually important to the story and what happened to them was important to the story. This is just... a horror movie using the evil dead name to get people to watch it. Honestly if you want to watch evil dead and see wonderful gore and have good writing and it actually stick to cannon, watch the evil dead series. It's actually SO good. Watching this after watching the series is like eating a well cooked steak and then taking a bite of a raw potato. Technically the potato is edible, but it'll taste like dirt. This movie is technically watchable, but its really awful in context of the evil dead series. ALSO it relies WAY too much on shock horror. The dead cat in the beginning. Her ripping her own hand off and it showing the tendons ripping one by one. Awful. A clear sign of a movie with sub par writing.
Jennifer's Body (2009)
Hot Take
People only hate this movie or think its "ok"
because the men are weak and the women are gay.
It's been over 10 years and I still get a laugh out of watching it. The graphics still hold up. The communication between characters is organic and feels real and centered in reality. There's a reason why you know the name of this movie and not the trash people try and compare it to. This is a good movie. Not just a good movie, a REALLY good movie. Ahead of it's time, even.
Bee Movie (2007)
The ASMR version on youtube is better
The ASMR version on youtube was actually funny if you can believe it. That's why I'm not giving this less than a 5.