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Audition (1999)
8/10
Why you never should get close to asians
15 September 2017
Audition got one of the best endings ever! If you like disturbing films watch this! If you don't like disturbing films then you should really consider not watching this film.

1. Jerk off to Asian porn for the last time. 2. Watch this great film all by yourself. 3. Watch the last scene. 4. Get the sweats and panic attacks whenever you see asians. 5. Cry by yourself.

If you watch this film you are never going to date asians again. 10/10
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Bee Movie (2007)
1/10
Don't watch this with your kids
24 May 2017
I attended this film with my granddaughter and was incredibly disappointed at its vision--and horrified that Seinfeld's ideas would affect my innocent, intelligent, egalitarian-minded granddaughter's thinking. Since when are honey worker bees male--and militant? Since when has the nuclear family existed in bee "culture"? A coming-of-age story about female bees would have made sense. Seinfeld has blatantly disregarded facts of nature, and has missed an opportunity to appreciate female insect "culture" and knowledge. Male coming-of-age stories are still the ones our culture thinks it wants to hear, even, apparently, if these are perversions of natural truth. Children's thinking, already influenced by a culture and world that definitely does not appreciate human women (and things "female") anywhere near as much as it privileges human men (and things "male"), will be further indoctrinated into patriarchal, nuclear family, militarist thinking by this new sort of Disneyfication of nature. Seinfeld's indifference in his rendering of bee life has missed the mark in so many ways.
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Banana (2010)
10/10
Cinematic masterpiece that you probably haven't heard of
24 May 2017
Once in a lifetime you'll come across a film that truly captures the history and cultural distinctions of the modern world the way a person can subjectively perceive it through our guided field of perspective. I have to admit, I had my doubts when I first learned of the movie. After all, Banana? Will this movie even be good? How ignorant was I to even have these thoughts. Little did I know I was about to indulge in what may have been the best 4 minutes of my life. The movie started out strong. The opening scenes enticed the audience with a captivating enigma. I was so taken aback from the next-generation animation that I almost didn't even realize the underlying symbolism in the ongoing scenes. It wasn't until my twenty sixth viewing of the movie where I finally got my bearings together and was able to focus on the gripping and labyrinthine stratagem. The underlying analogy for 19th century distopianism and the evangelical deviation of typical orthodoxy was enlightening to say the least. Just when I thought the movie could not get any better, the increasing conflict before the climax began. I could not believe the complexity of the story as the main protagonist, Banana, struggled with the everyday endeavors for a quintessential fruit such as the consistent up- hill altercation of the fight against misogyny and the fiscal synergy of opposing interplanetary dynamism's. There I was, gripping to my chair as the conflict of the movie began. I was so enticed by the movie that I felt as if I was both practically and relatively apart of the movie. This is a special kind of high that not even the strongest of drugs can give you. Was I part of the movie? Am I inside the movie right now? This movie will leave you questioning existential nihilism and the objective skepticism of our perceived valuation of anthropological existence. At this point in the film, I was fully intoxicated by the avant-garde animated art style. That's when the plot finally aggrandized and I was completely stupefied. You could have lived a thousand years of isolation trying to predict the plot twist and you would never even scratch the surface of what actually transpires in the movie. I was so bewildered that I actually had to pause the movie so that my existential crisis didn't dive too deep inside of myself. Even pausing the movie was surreal. It's almost as if life paused with the movie. I felt as though I had actually become a cinematic tangent quantum. The effects are still wearing off and I haven't been able to watch the movie in several years. I spent the following seven years afraid of what outside of my house actually looks like. Every single day and night I live in misery because I became fully aware that happiness is never achievable. I realized that human life has absolutely no meaning and that no matter what I ever do, it is of complete unimportance and in years from now, no recollection of my existence will prevail, meaning that if I died years ago, died now, or die sometime in the future it will not matter whatsoever to anyone. But, then again, the fact that I'm living doesn't matter either so I might as well stick around for awhile, living in complete isolation, condemned to a life of traumatic memories and a completely corrupted sub-conscience. Banana literally ruined my life. 10/10
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