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Reviews
The Descent (2005)
Very disappointing
This film is one of my bigger film disappointments in recent memory. All logic thrown out the window, and replaced with fast cuts and cheap thrills. If you've seen a couple of good horror films you'll be seeing this heap of dung for what it is.
What sticks with me are the lines uttered by one of the heroines after momentarily spotting one of the monsters some miles down in the cave; "I think I saw a man down here. Maybe he can help us out." Yeah. Must have been a man. Miles down in an unaccessible cave. In pitch black darkness. Hiding from them. Making strange inhuman noises.
That's about the level of the dialog. Couple that with a few "shocks" like a bat swarm flying by, and fight scenes where you can't see what's going on, and you have an idea what this movie offers. I won't go into the logic of blind white humanoids miles down in a cave that hunt outdoors, as that's already been covered by other reviewers. However, if you do value logic in films, this one will surely disappoint.
3/10 (for a few moments of tension)
All Babes Want to Kill Me (2005)
Absolutely awful
First 1/10 I've ever given and a truly well deserved one at that. Horrid acting, story, concept and directing, this movie has nothing good going for it. I suffered through all the 82 minutes, and when the credits finally rolled I felt relieved that the whole thing was over, yet wished I hadn't spent so much time on such drivel. I was hoping to find some redeeming qualities but there was none. Then again, if you like humor that went extinct with the Neanderthals then this might just be the movie for you.
So - what's wrong with this film? The crippled dialog? The crappy script? The acting that ranges from extreme overacting to amateur level (and nothing in between)? The complete lack of laughs in a comedy? The complete lack of every other emotion?
Or all of the above? "All Babes Want To Kill Me" is a pain to watch.