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Reviews
The House That Jack Built (2018)
The Film that Jack Made
Pretentious
Weird
There's weird and there's weird.
That opening conversation between Matt and Uma for example.. I mean who talks like that to a stranger helping them out? I'd want to cave her face in too and I'm not a serial killer. So rude!
I just don't get LVT movies. I like the weird and sublime, I love David Lynch. So if this is your bag and you like the direction maybe it's for you.
I however have 2 hours of my life I'm not getting back that I'd rather spend my time doing something that doesn't make me want to bash my own brain in
Mrs Wilson (2018)
Ruth Wilson Kills It
Worth watching for the amazingly talented and beautiful Ruth Wilson at her very best! This is such an almighty tall tale, when I saw it was a "true story" or "based on real events" I had my doubts! And then just before I watched episode 3 I learnt it was Ruth's actual grandmother she was playing! You see every kind of emotion on her face as her character learns more about the man she loved, and how blurred her reality actually was.
Ruth is AMAZE - she deserves a BAFTA or something! She totally outshines Keeley Hawes -who, it is rumoured, is the favourite, for all of her 8 mins in the Bodyguard. But like, whatever.
Apostle (2018)
Blah
Blah blah Dan Stevens blah YAWN. So long, so yawn, so ridiculous.
Hold the Dark (2018)
Absolute dross
If you have 2 hours spare, I'd suggest you sit and stare at a wall, patiently wait for some grass to grow , or perhaps paint a wall and watch it dry.
This movie is a mess.
Slow, boring, utterly nonsensical!
I'll be reconsidering my choice to sit through anything with any given Skarsgaard in that's for sure.
The only thing that could have saved this movie ( not even a Skaarsgard or Elvis' granddaughter) is the wolves, which although the main synopsis of the movie is about, seem to be forgotten along with any semblance of a plot.
Skyscraper (2018)
CGI
Okay so for one, how can so many reviewers give this movie anything over 5/10? I mean seriously? Ok ok so MAYBE the opening scene could be worthy of of a 4, but overall? I mean SERIOUSLY?!! I wonder if this audience sat through a different movie to me, because (other than opening 5 mins) this movie sucked! 90 mins of what I can only describe as an audio and visual assault on the senses. There was SO MUCH CGI I got what I like to refer as "CGI BLINDNESS" I don't know if anyone else is a sufferer? It's where there's SO much CGI happening on screen SO quickly you can't see anything beyond it. Somewhere amidst all the chaos a neuron between my eyes and my brain is not firing on all cylinders. I just can't distinguish what's happening with all the flashes and noise and a million reflections of The Rock in a tennis ball a mile in the sky. Who even knows what subliminal messages we are exposing ourselves to whilst all this computerised brainwashing ensues! Any sort of plot that existed in the movie - I'm not sure there was one- is overlooked by flashing lights and cgi nonsense. Also, I noted Dwayne Johnson must be rather accomplished at Parkour and not only does he sport a metal leg he obviously has grappling hooks for hands!
The best thing about this movie was seeing SIDNEY for the first time in 20years and I'm sure at some point the rock tells her "I'll be right back" which probably triggered some pretty heavy ptsd!
My suggestion is that prior to this movie you might want to replace snacks with anti migraine/epilepsy meds!
Le manoir (2017)
Laugh a minute horror
Somebody already mentioned this movie being of tucker and dale ilk, and I concur wholeheartedly. This movie made me lol from start to finish. I never knew the French could be so satire and dry, but they pulled it off here!
No it's not scary but there really are some almighty lols and the special effects/make up team were awesome with some gruesome visuals!! Def not life changing but an enjoyable ride with no lulls and some real comedy gems!
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Jurassic World - Fallen Asleep
DO BELIEVE THE HATERS! This is so crummy it's crazy! I'm not sure why they even bothered! If you loved the original Spielberg masterpiece, you might have high expectations for this movie. Let me be clear, these go up in smoke within the erupting volcano within the first half hour of the movie. I also found myself rooting for the various dinos (so many different breeds now they all blur into one) particularly poor Blue, the mass murdering pet of Chris Pratt in its previously dismal rebooting. As an animal lover it was hard to watch. Even if those animals are in this case fictional, and in real life extinct, like my cares given towards another Jurassic sequel.
Ghostland (2018)
Intense Psychological Head Spinner
This movie deserves a much higher overall score than 6, I'm so glad I read the user reviews!
Evidence of Martyrs direction is present in most scenes, along with the uneasy premise that some real bad shizz is gonna go down. This movie sucked me in, span my head 360degrees and cemented my irrational phobia of dolls. (Makes "Annabelle"s demon doll look like the telly tubbies in comparison!)
Thoroughly recommend for die hard horror genre lovers. Great acting by an unknown cast. Awesome thrills, psychologically consuming. Just watch it! The moment you think the film is ending after a huge plot twist , it sucks you in for another 40 Mins of terror!