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Reviews
Civil War (2024)
One hour and 49 minutes of AS IF.
Like many reviewers, I was intrigued by the subject matter but came in knowing little about this movie. I came away not knowing much more. First off, the absolute implausibility of this movie, the 'as if' moments, just wow. I hate movies where people act like no humans would act. I'll excuse that these journalist/photographers used actual film cameras (I think the movie is supposed to be in our near future), but what was the purpose of all those photographs?? They never offloaded them to any news organization, they just kept shooting and shooting with no offered goal or intention. And one of the 3 main characters didn't even have any gear, he just exposed himself to near-death experiences over and over for no apparent reason.
The acting was real disappointing, no one seemed very interested in their roles (even usually reliable Dunst seemed to phone it in). And some of the ridiculous story lines, ugh. Then of course the old standard scene where the bad guys with guns have our protagonists cornered, and out of nowhere another character comes flying at them in a vehicle (totally unheard and unnoticed by the bad guys), and of course it HITS the 2 bad guys and misses everyone else. Just dumb stuff like that throughout.
And finally, who was who? Were the Western Forces the good guys, or bad? You never knew what was going on. I'll admit, going in I was no fan of Garlands' 'Men', which I thought was great until a HORRIBLE stupid ridiculous ending. Guess no more Garland for me...
Rust Creek (2018)
50 years of movie viewing, finally came upon the worst ever!
I've been watching movies since childhood, and often the phrase "that was the worst movie ever" gets tossed around. I can honestly say, I have finally found THE ONE. I could tell 10 minutes in that this was going to be a real turd but curiosity got the best of me and I watched the whole thing. Wow.
The acting is abysmal; no offense to the actors, they seemed to try, but this was high school drama class at best. And the script that they had to work with; implausible, improbable, constant 'as if' moments, just really dumb and ridiculous. There was one scene in the police department where the lighting appeared to be by flashlights.
So unless you too are looking for the definitive worst movie that you have ever seen, this is your baby. The other reviews, in particular those above 5, have to be friends and family of the film makers or bots, there's no way any sentient being gave this movie positive marks. It really is THAT BAD.
Martyrs (2008)
Other than good acting, no redeemable qualities.
I really shudder to think about what sort of people watch this movie and then give it 10 stars, let alone anything above 5 stars. I guess these people consider themselves some sort of art aficionados, or stable geniuses. I love expressionism in films, and watching difficult subjects and stories. This movie goes far beyond anything that any normal person would tolerate watching, for any reason whatsoever.
We know that it's only a movie, it's not real violence. But who can enjoy watching the depicting of young ladies being beaten, punched, kicked, slapped, choked, for the entire second half of the film? The climax of skinning an alive human being, so carefully filmed and costumed, this is appealing to people? This is 'art'??
It didn't even make sense because the premise, according to mademoiselle, is to see their eyes at the end of their life but while they're still alive. Then why did the one captive have that metal eye cover nailed to her head? How would they see her eyes? Just stupid, and even the two actresses both said they'd never work with this director again.
Well, for those of you that enjoyed this movie, hopefully there's a movie out there for you depicting puppies being tossed into a wood chipper! Now there's some art for you art-smarties...
A Murder at the End of the World (2023)
Starts great, deteriorates fast
Like so many before me have said, "I really wanted to like this", and for the first episode, you really do. But man, the pretentiousness and self-loving of itself beginning in episode two, just overwhelming yuck. And so full of 'as if' moments that you find yourself cringing and proclaiming out loud, 'no way that would happen! Many have applauded the shows' writer, and I'll agree, the first episode sets the stage for what could/should be a great series. But it all flies out the window starting in that second episode. Even the great Clive Owen isn't enough to lift this from ridiculousness. Oh well, back to Netflix.
The Death of Dick Long (2019)
The movie that seems to take all night to get through
Man does this thing DRAG. Scenes of dialogue that seemed to go on forever, and not move the story but a teeny bit. It was as though they were making it up as it goes. The ladies in the film exhibited some true acting chops, the guys not so much; their dialogue mostly 'dude slang' and very annoying.
And of course, the controversial premise, UGH. Some reviewers that gave this movie high marks attribute their love of the movie to the underlying reason of death that is revealed midway through. Well, I definitely would not want to spend anytime with those people! Not only is there nothing funny about the deed itself, there was no funny dialogue in this movie. I have to assume this was the writer and director's first movie; try, try, try again...
Heart of Champions (2021)
Really poor attempt at a heart warming sports drama
This is a very formulaic film, and I should have known that going in (I didn't, because it's the first 'rowing movie' I'd ever heard of, thought this may have a different spin). Of course, it has to be interspersed with college-kid drama, love, and ridiculous set-up situations (girl hates boy, boy is a hurt soul, girl loves boy madly, ad nausea, replete with the requisite steamy snowing scenes, steamy raining scenes, etc.).
Michael Shannon is usually always great, but he was very stiff here, which for me, rendered him a less believable character. The other actors did a good job; Ludwig is a real rising star for sure, the other boys mostly forgettable and the girls, ugh; pure annoyance.
But for me, the big letdown here is the end. Naturally, a sports film pits the lowly underdogs against the revered and unbeatable favorites. No spoilers here, but the most ridiculous thing happens during the final showdown that could not possibly make a difference to the outcome of the race, and yet it does, big time. It is SO absolutely stupid that you immediately feel insulted for having your intelligence assailed. For me, this movie went from a 6 to a 2, but I'll compromise at 3 for Ludwig and the guy who played his father performances.
Bacurau (2019)
Excellent off the beaten path movie
I decided to record this movie based on the brief description that mentioned 'towns people band together vs mercenaries as unknown drones fly above'. That was just too weird to ignore. Plus, it was a foreign film (subtitled), which I love.
This movie is wonderful; the character development, the sights and sounds, the quirky unexplained details that have you rewatching various scenes to try and understand. The evil cruelty and the resulting vengeance. The story that you cannot follow or understand, until you're supposed to as per the writer.
I'll admit, I was ready to turn it off after about 30 minutes; it was interesting, but didn't seem to live up to its description. Then, it just sort of takes off, and you just don't want it to end. You REALLY care about the characters, you REALLY hate the bad guys, and the scenery and weirdness is just a constant throughout. Fat old people wandering around nude? Yup. Bad news politician coming round spewing corruption? Got it. Totally realistic small town feel? Indeed. Yes, the violence/gore gets a tad intense, but it's so worth it.
My only fault with the film is that the ending was a bit predictable, the sort of thing you could see coming and hoped would twist and turn. But, the end was nonetheless very satisfying. Great film!!!
47 Meters Down (2017)
Seriously, don't waste your time
I don't mind the occasional 'bad' movie, as long as it has some redeeming quality. But this turd burglar of a movie has absolutely nothing going for it. The characters are bland and of no interest, the story is WAY too typical and predictable, and the underwater action is rare and nonsensical. There are so many 'as if' moments in this thing that it's as if the whole movie was written by a 9 year old. Of course, I kept watching because I can never quit a movie, and boy do I regret that, what a waste of 90 minutes. The ending is so preposterous that I really wanted to throw my remote through the screen.
The Big Bang (2010)
Really good movie, ignore the negatives
I've never been a big Banderas fan; yes, he's dreamy good looking but he really is not much of an 'actor'. However his role in this movie suits him PERFECTLY. All the characters were extremely well cast. The story stands up, the cinematography was luscious, and it has SAM ELLIOT. The whole bit with collider was odd, but seemed well informed and believable. The ending was a bit over the top, but that small amount of the film was totally acceptable after the sex, crime and violence of this noir-styled film.
I usually don't watch anything that rates under a 6 on IMDB, this one was a surprisingly low 5.4, and so I am thrilled I gave it a chance. AND, I will likely now lower my high standards for what films I view, based upon this excellent 5.4 movie, that had SAM ELLIOTT in it!
6 Days (2017)
Excellent film covering a difficult subject
This movie was very impressive, ever so much to an outsider like me, that never heard of this crisis happening in the first place. The movie was well paced, balanced, and kept you in the know as to where things were going on, when, and by whom. There was plenty of tension, as a hostage crisis is in all actuality likely to generate. The acting was top notch by all, and the directing was superb.
My main beef with the film is that while Abbie Cornish was getting top (or at least very high) billing, she was hardly on screen at all, despite her character getting a glowing credit at the end. My other beef is that the actual climax was very dark and hard to see what was going on. For example, I had no idea that a hostage was killed during the siege until later in the the film when that was mentioned.
This was gritty, realistic, tense, and really interesting to watch, I highly recommend.
Ida Red (2021)
Pure drivel; decent acting but RIDICULOUS half-baked story
I rarely leave reviews with spoilers, but I'm afraid this movie requires it. First off, a full 2 HOURS was WAY too long. They stretched and added scenes that had no added value to the film. Example: a man enters a home to kill two brothers. He instantly kills one but can't find the other, instead he finds an innocent bystander. Rather than instantly kill her and find the missing man (or flee after the loud gun shots), he does this agonizingly horrible dance with the terrified girl for what seemed an eternity before finally shooting her dead. So stupid.
Same man needs to kill a man/victim in a hospital that presumably would be guarded by police following a violent robbery. Not only no police, but no hospital personnel NOR SURVEILLANCE cameras; he just walks into the room and kills the man, undaunted.
Rather than list all the ridiculous blunders, I'll cut to the end. The bad guys get the money, then instead of hiding out or leaving, they go to where ALL the cops are and start a shoot-out, one of them planning to just die anyway (what??). Then, the mother they were trying to get out of prison, for which they failed, is suddenly and inexplicably just released to an attorney, NO EXPLANATION.
This movie is one serious turd burglar, hope you don't waste your time like I did.
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)
Abysmal
I know, I'm not the right audience for this film. But it was getting decent reviews, and I sort of liked the premise, so I tried it. Wow, what garbage. Forget the annoying characters and the near CONSTANT and ridiculous dialogue, the movie is just really poorly made and shoved together. No consistency whatsoever; now the girl is covered in blood, now she has none. In one really incredulous scene, a girl is hiding outside in the darkness of the dead of night. She then walks inside the house, and sun is flooding through the windows, it has suddenly become morning. All in 5 seconds.
And if you're trying to figure out what's going on in the dark that is 80% the movie, don't bother, nothing makes any sense. Are those golf balls she found while for some reason scrounging through board games? And the one golf ball, it actually has something hidden in it? How did she know, and what was in it? What did she hand Emma a short time later? I guess you're just supposed to know those things on your own since there is no explanation, nor can you see because it is always too dark to make things out for the 2 seconds they're on screen.
I love women, and I love women directors. But this lady has no clue and really should watch more movies. Sad but true.
Infinity Pool (2023)
A giant pile of mess; simply awful
Junior Cronenberg may be an apple that didn't roll too far from the tree, but he has a LONG way to go to do anything near his famous father. David C had far less tech and tools in his heyday but did a lot more in his movies. He had a flare to be gross, but not sickeningly disgustingly filthy gross like junior here.
I cannot believe this film has (at present) a 6.1 aggregate rating with all the bad (accurate) reviews. And those few positive reviewers must be friends or family because no one else could have seen good in this movie. I'm amazed Skaarsgard would stoop to this low, I get it for Goth as she seems to relish in B movie slop.
Even with the bad reviews, I was still curious with Cronenberg attached. Wise watchers out there, DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. I had to shower afterward. Why people pump loads of money into this drek is far beyond me.
Men (2022)
Total bait and switch
I typically avoid movies that are 'written and directed' by the same person; rarely do they pan out. But this is Garland, who also did Ex Machina, an excellent film. Wow, this thing was anything but.
First off, I'm tired of bait and switch in movies; it starts in reality with real characters, good acting, beautiful scenery, and some bit of oddity. You get sucked in. Then, it starts to get goofy with plenty of "ah, that would never happen", or, "that character wouldn't say that". Then, it totally devolves into disgusting gross bloody sickening surrealistic nightmare mess.
I'm 66, been watching movies all my life, I've seen plenty of violence and weirdness. But this is bloody grossness for no reason that I could discern. Naturally, someone that liked this movie will say that I didn't get it, and they're right. Why to I have to try an psycho-analyze a movie to feel good about having seen it? And why not allude to the disgusting 3rd act in the description of the movie?
I was embarrassed watching the gross-out blood bath men-birthing end, hoping that my wife didn't wander into the room and see me actually watching this dreck. What a waste of time and money. PS, instead of 1 star, I'm going 2 to account for Rory Kinnear's great acting. Buckley's acting should negate that, but...
Barbarian (2022)
A really inaccurate title for a really bad film
Like all movies, you have to know if you're dealing with full on fantasy where there are no rules and anything can happen, as if by magic, or if you're watching an actual story depicting real life people in real life situations where rules ABOUND. This movie reels you in as though it's the latter, when in fact it is the former.
The first third is good, compelling mystery/drama; you don't know what's going on really, but you are content going along for the ride. Then comes the fantasy that humans could survive in caves dug deep into the earth, below a home, in a modern city. Seemingly thousands of feet of caves and cave tunnels. And of course, the chief protagonist 'mother' is of incredible strength and ability, despite living deep in the earth with nothing more than a TV that seems to never stop playing a VHS tape.
I can forgive the movie for the whole other story that they crowbar into this thing, but not where the movie goes once he's in. We are to believe that someone can jump off a building, then several seconds later someone else can jump from the same spot, and yet land before the first jumper in order to cushion their fall? Fantasy, and bad fantasy at that. You can skip this one... (I'd have gone one star, but Skarsgard is pretty good so it gets two).
Serbuan maut 2: Berandal (2014)
Best action movie ever, and without the blustery Hollywood stars
This is, of course, a sequel to a very good film Raid: Redemption. Redemption was very good too and worth a watch before seeing this one. But Redemption is a puppy, Raid 2 is a 200 pound pit bull.
There are scenes in this movie that simply have to be rewatched, sometimes several times, to fully appreciate the efforts of the actors, the cinematographer, the director, the stunt coordinator, the make-up, etc. And there are various action scenes that are SO IN TENSE that you literally find yourself gripping the arm of your chair to hold on.
Of course, now Hollywood is weighing in and doing their own version next year (2023) with big names like the Hemsworths. Trust me, Raid 2 from Indonesia and directed by Garth Evans is the only film necessary for this story. Don't miss it!! And note: not for the squeamish!!!
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)
Meh at best
Like other reviewers have noted, this was rumored to be some spectacular movie by a guy who seems to churn out a movie every few months. I looked forward to seeing it; I admit, despite his ego, I am a fan. But this movie was so stupid, so impossible, so ridiculous, that not only is it not a great thing coming from Cage, it's actually among his most mediocre.
I don't understand the rave reviews for this movie. Cage has done SO much better. There are cringe-worthy 'as if' scenes in this, such as him having the knock-out sticker on his hand that affects him in a way that is intended for comic relief only; totally not believable.
But oh well, give up 2 hours if you want to see a very non-remarkable Nic Cage film.
The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)
Not a horror film at all, rather a HORRIBLE film
How can Hollywood spend money at this sort of drivel?? If you accuse me of 'not getting' the movie, I'll own it. The acting was intentionally stiff and unpleasant and very unrealistic. The soundtrack devolved into startling and ugly noises, bangs, blips, sour notes, etc.
And the ending, after sitting through this train wreck for 2 hours? The most mind numbingly stupid and disgusting and depressing thing possible, for absolutely no good reason.
I thought this was going to be a serious movie, but it's not long before you realize that this is a silly 'that boy has magic' story that totally ruins it. If you still feel like watching this movie, go out and watch a cat getting run over by a car instead, it'll be a lot more uplifting.
Eden Lake (2008)
Absolute muck, avoid at all costs
The first half of this movie is great: good set up, good acting (Fassbender and Reilly, excellent), compelling story. Then, when the main characters fail to heed an obvious sign that they should change plans immediately, they instead antagonize the situation and throw caution to the wind, just asking for the kind of trouble that they end up getting.
Of course, the ending is by far one of the worst ever put to film. You know how some movies leave you feeling upbeat at the end, or thought provoked? This one leaves you sad and depressed. I CANNOT believe all the positive reviews, all I can say is there's some really sick people out there that could possibly enjoy child torture and murder...
Dýrið (2021)
Lamb say Baaaaa; Me say Boooooo.
Typically I love this genre of film. This movie though can't really fit a genre; it's no horror, it's not pure drama, it's just weird for weird's sake. This review assumes that you have seen the movie and are looking for other opinions (as did I):
- No one questions that a sheep delivers a half human half lamb baby; shouldn't they at least talk about how that happened, and if it could happen again? Other than to point out the obvious, the brother had no questions either (the obvious being, was it Aardvark or whatever his name was, the one that shagged the sheep in the first place?).
- The creature at the end. How did it get a gun, and how did it learn to accurately fire it?
- The very end. Noomi stands for a minute looking distraught, fade to black. Does she have an idea of what happened, or is she now just going to live out her days not knowing?
I'm all for an unclear ending, leaving the viewer to decide what's the what. But this one left to many wide open questions for us to discern what this was all about. Another reviewer likened it to Christ's story; born in a manger, yada yada, but no explanation for the creature at the end with the military trained shooting skills. This one baaaaad news...
Extinction (2018)
Don't give up on it, honest
This thing starts bad, real bad. The acting is mostly cringe-worthy, the two little girls make you want to never have children, ugh. And Michael Pena in the lead role, that almost kept me away in the first place. His early scenes so bad that I actually did quit this movie once, but picked it up again, and glad I did.
The effects and CGI are remarkably well done for what otherwise appears to be a low budget film (they certainly spent pennies for actors). There are an awful lot of 'as if' moments, where the impossible becomes second nature. But overall, the story ends up revealing a very wise thought, call it a plot twist if you must. Getting rid of the two annoying kids would have made this better, but they were central to several plot devices.
Svart krabba (2022)
Total stink bomb
Can't believe anyone rated this 5 or higher. This movie is one preposterous ridiculous lunacy moment after the next. Really just bizarre that professionals would have committed to this atrocity. And to make matters worse, we do not get the satisfaction of knowing any answers to the MANY questions this film raises. What a waste of time for any human that is not brain dead.
Life Below Zero (2013)
The show content good, editing BAD BAD BAD
It's a fun and addictive show to watch, despite that some of the characters are quite annoying (the overflowing narcissism from Andy Bassich, who thinks he is Christ returned, ugh, and Sue the 'every moment here is total peril' drama queen, a bit much, etc.). However, it is still fun to check in with them and see what they're up to.
The problem with this show is the guys/gals that think this needs to be edited like a Ridley Scott thriller. Constant shots with the camera attached to the characters weapon/tool/tree/etc. For that special POV shot. And dunking a Go-Pro underwater as though the scene is live and real, not being made up for editing. And EVERY scene change, we have to see the screen informing us (again, and again, and again) of how many miles from the Arctic Circle we are, and the name of the camp.
This show could be really good if they presented it in a more documentary type format, 'just the facts', but apparently the show is not about life in the arctic wilderness, rather its about how to be really groovy editors that are definitely in the wrong line of cinematic work.
Man Down (2015)
Best and most accurate depiction of PTSD and the ugliness of war ever.
One reviewer of this movie titled his review: "A bit of a downer", giving it a mere 4 stars. Clearly, that reviewer has never been nor had any family involved in war. This was the most important and powerful movie on the subject that I have ever seen, and as a father of a soldier killed in Afghanistan, I have seen them all.
It is true that this movie wobbles a bit, starting out. Midway through, I couldn't decide why it was bouncing around 3 separate timelines; I actually considered not finishing, and I thank God that I stuck with it.
It's impossible to really define this movie without ruining for the next viewer, almost like The Sixth Sense. All I can say is watch the whole movie, it's not that long, and come the third act, the whole movie comes together and you are absolutely devastated (another reviewer described it as '..a sledge hammer to the chest..'). As soon as I realized what was going on, and witnessing the most amazing performance by Shia LaBeouf ever, I started to sob, which then gave way to full on heavy waterworks. And let's not forget, this movie may be a fictional telling, but it's a REAL STORY that plays out all the time with our returned, PTSD stricken (and ignored) brave US soldiers. This movie should be mandatory viewing for high school seniors.
This movie, admittedly clunky in a few earlier moments, is a triumph, and has become among the best and most moving movies I have ever seen. That's coming from a 65 year old movie buff.
The Righteous Gemstones (2019)
Danny McBride WAY over rated.
Ok, I get it, this show is for pure shock value. Uber-disgusting scenes all in the name of grand comedy. But it just simply is funny only a small percentage of the time, and only when the humor is slapstick or intelligent dialogue; there are plenty of semi-smile moments while watching, but almost zero LOL's. The whole thing with 'Kelvins' squad of body builders is not only unfunny, it is so boring that you find yourself fast-forwarding through those scenes.
I think McBride has talent. I also think that many of the '10' scores on this site are plants; there's no way this show deserves an aggregate 8.4 score. For me, the best part of the show is being able to look at Cassidy Freeman. Who plays Jessie Gemstones' wife Amber. She is hotter than a freshly fired pistol, that one... Meanwhile, she it totally miscast in this one.