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The Meg (2018)
Cynical by the numbers corporate mess.
Months of anticipation had myself and friends really looking forward to this. We second guessed it'd be a B movie schlocker and were fine with that but we expected spectacle, tension and an entertaining bloodbath. What's delivered is a diluted, lacking, child-friendly, International, corporate by numbers, marketing exercise. Whoever gave Jason Stratham the direction to do his standard schtick of a lame Clint Eastwood drag impersonator just ruined the film. Didn't they view the daily rushes and say 'Hold on a minute..... this is completely off-key and out of balance to everyone else's performance in the film ". Stratham mumbles, pouts and behaves like he's in a completely different film to all around him, wooden, robotic, contrived and nowhere near convincing. He's proven with Crank, Lock Stock, Snatch even Spy he can carry an action film with smouldering sexuality, swagger, a croak in his voice and wit. Here he's out of his depth, with a B script he's as wooden as a first timer and out of synch with everyone. The first two shark attacks are reminiscent of the original Star trek Enterprise, were the actors run from one side of the tilted set to the other. When we do finally get to see Meg half an hour in, it's CGI and as convincing as the Pixar animation in Finding Nemo / A shark's tale. Ruby Rose is stylised as an animated CGI Manga character and alot of her appearances looked lake/artificial like a fake video game avatar. The music score is saccharine swooping violins cue-ing every manipulated emotional reaction. . Beach attack nowhere near the level of creativity of Jaws or even Jaws 2, which both managed genuine menace, horror, fear, shock and suspense. Here a puppy chihuahua and a chubby glutinous asian kid are the uninteresting choice of focus. The movie of course will make a mint. A fortune. Won't matter any negative word of mouth. It's just a little above step above from that dreadful sequel to the recent Piranha reboot Piranha 3DD.(2012) You can see the cynical boardroom marketing meetings of the Asian meets West blockbuster fusion as a double bubble killer box office lucrative return, in every cynical frame transparent there undisguised on the screen. It's a film 6 to 11 year olds will really love. It's made for the uncynical awe kids have at attempted spectacle. I'd have enjoyed it at that age too. But there's little involvement, character engagement, innovation or suspenseful build up of tension to be had. There's one jump scare that's well executed, to be had, a whale is outside the underwater HQ clearly visible and of some size. It's tapping on the corridor window and singing in relaxing whale song. Out of nowhere comes The Meg and chomps it in two bites and for the first and last time the audience ejects out of their seats and nervously laughs out their tension. One last thing, the interior set design of the corridors of the underwater research station look highly reminiscent of the cult 1980 SciFi movie Saturn 3 which is actually good thing and pleasing to the eye. Good choice of set design. When people start running down the corridors, you can't help but remember Farrah Fawcett and Kirk Douglas doing the same but they were in a better movie. Let the kids go see it. It was made for their summer holiday mild dose of fear treat. They'll enjoy it as pure surface without criticism and acceptance.