Change Your Image
mockfilmreviews
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Welcome to Happiness (2015)
An sweetly odd tale.
So many of life's lessons can be attributed to children's literature. Authors from Dr. Seuss to Shel Silverstein shaped the way young minds perceived the world and prepared them for what lie ahead. Welcome To Happiness, the debut film from writer/director Oliver Thompson, spins a fanatical tale in a similar vein. Aimed at the grown-ups we've ripened into, this clever comedy draws upon the "whys" we inevitably ask ourselves as we press on through to adulthood.
Dropping the viewer directly into the world he built, Thomson keeps a close rein on the goings on and rules set forth by his script, only answering so much before adding on more mysteries. The opening scene sets the tone of the film, quirky and playful yet not lacking real raw emotion...
Ich seh, Ich seh (2014)
A disturbing ride.
Goodnight Mommy has been on my radar fro quite some time. Enthralled by the trailer, I went so far as to post it on the site. Now out for rental and streaming, I finally sat down and experience the film for myself. Be advised. It's a rough one (Like, sit in "silence for a moment after" rough).
Goodnight Mommy is a German/Austrian thriller revolving around precocious twin boys Lukas and Elias who live with their Mutter (Mother in German. You learned something new today.), a television hostess who has just returned to their isolated country home after getting plastic surgery. With her face wrapped in bandages and her demeanor a bit out of sorts, the boy begin to questing whether the woman in their home is actually their mother.
Already an innovative concept, Goodnight Mommy takes it's time with with the story, allowing for questions and character plots to linger and build. Being known for spoiling a few plots through spotting early clues, I had an inkling of where this was headed. But even with my gut instincts at play, other theories were conjured as the film crescendos on. I won't tell you if I was right or wrong, but I will say I was completely satisfied with the panic inducing finale.
Turbo Kid (2015)
A nostalgic blood and guts adventure for the kid in all of us.
Nostalgia projects have become a hot commodity in today's filming ventures. With successful crowd funded projects such as Kung Fury bubbling our childhood memories back to into our consciousness, it is inevitable that more of these films are going to be made. With that, Turbo Kid seems ripe for this niche genre.
A new indie offering from the Great White North, Turbo Kid takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where strange characters rule the landscape in search of water and supplies. The Kid (played by Munro Chambers) is a teenager who has spent a good deal of his life alone in this barren wasteland. Keeping to himself and scavenging for items to trade, not to mention adding to his collection toys and memorabilia such as View Masters, Turbo Man comics and near fossilized chewing gum. Keeping to himself, he lives in a kid-like mindset until meeting an eccentric pixie- dream girl named Apple (played with a sweet wide-eyed innocence by Laurence Leboeuf).
Things seem to be going well for the two until they run-a-foul of Zeus (Micheal Ironside doing what he does best), the leader of a ruthless gang of evil-doers who take joy in processing their victims into drinkable water. Taken by surprise, Apple is kidnapped as Kid is forced to seek refuge in an old aircraft which holds the remains of the actual Turbo Man, the real-life hero of his comics. Dawning his idol's uniform, as well as his Power Glove Laser Cannon (which turns its victims into a raining mist of goop), Kid goes on to face Zues' gang and rescue his friend. With the help of a fellow captive, an arm wrestling cowboy named Frederic, the three escape the clutches of Zeus' gang only to have to face them in a final blood-soaked showdown.
Trying not to be too spoiler heavy, I've decided to stop there. The story is the typical heroes' journey, so I'm not telling you anything new here. Instead, let's get into the meat and potatoes of this interesting little flick. Presented almost as a kid's adventure one might see in 80's Hollywood fair, Turbo Kid takes a few of the more beloved tropes and puts a gory tongue-in-cheek spin on them. Not pulling any punches, this movie isn't shy about getting bloody with a plethora of practical and digital effects. Don't be mistaken, this is a nostalgic kid's flick for the adults. A spoof in many respects, but without being completely overt about it.—
Autómata (2014)
Interesting idea that's too boring to care about.
Now, lets get down to it, Boppers. What did I get out of Automata (2014)? Whew. Let me start by throwing out one bias towards the film that could swing this review in it's favor... or reverse the verdict all together. It took me about three sittings to watch this film mostly because it was late at night when I started it. That being said, my lord is it a slow start. I tried to get into this movie. I really did. Especially, because of my fondness for Isaac Asimov and his take on modern robotics. But this was a touch too much. And certainly not of Asimov standards.
Slow is not the word for this film. Dragging with a hint of dramatized over importance seems a better term. It took a long time in a very boring world to get to the interesting plot points which took place in an even more boring backdrop. Now, I am all for intellectual think pieces with smart payoffs. but this was trying my patience. I actually yearned for a few more explosions and mindless chase sequences. Something to keep me awake, until the mildly interesting third act.
As to not sound bitter and give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt (having worked in film, I know it's not easy), I think the film looked great. Shot well. Cut well. The special effects were tight. The acting... first let me say, I am a fan of Antonio Banderas. He pulled his weight. With the film resting mostly on his shoulders, he came off like a pro. Doing what he could with what he was given. That brings me to one Ms. Melanie Griffith. Having had her moment in the sun on past films, I wont't be too critical. But to cast her as a roboticist? Really? I won't go any further into the matter, but you get the point.
The Scribbler (2014)
An interesting little head trip.
I found this flick while screening random trailers online and boy howdy did it peak my interest. The Scribbler (2014) from the trailer is the sort of film that makes you want to see it simply because you're not quite sure what the hell it was you just watched, and you want some more. (Also, I will watch anything with Garret Dillahunt. The man's great in everything.) Then you see the cast (Katie Cassidy, Garret Dillahunt, Michelle Trachtenberg, Michael Imperioli, Eliza Dushku, Gina Gershon, and Sasha Grey) and you say to yourself "This movie will either be the next thing I drive my friends crazy to watch or I will want to forget it ever happened." So, how did I like this movie? Keep reading, slacker.
Based on the graphic novel created by Dan Schaffer (who also adapted the screenplay), The Scribbler is as follows, Suki (Katie Cassidy), a young woman who suffers from multiple personality disorder, has been using a treatment called The Siamese Burn to kill off her multiples one at a time. It's a trippy form of electro shock which can be self administered with a portable version of the machine. ('Cause that's a good idea.) After much improvement, Suki is placed in a living facility for recovering mental patients who can live on their own while under observation. There she is met by a menagerie of interesting female characters each with an interesting quirk. Suki also starts up a "friendly" relationship with the buildings resident Lothario, Hogan (Garret Dillahunt). Cured from his condition, Hogan decided to stay longer so he could swoon the ladies who come in and out of the facility, until that is, that they begin falling to their deaths one by one. Taken in for questioning, Suki begins to struggle with her most puzzling multiple, The Scribbler. A personality that communicates only through writing, The Scribbler begins to act erratically cryptic, forcing Suki to wrestle with the idea that her last treatment could possibly erase her real personality leaving The Scribbler to take over. There is a ton more but I don't want to give away too much. (And if I tried to explain it my ears might start to smoke.)
Black Christmas (1974)
Great X-Mas horror.
This weeks entry is something special. For starters it is directed by none other than the genius behind one of the most beloved Christmas classics in the history of Christmas classics, A Christmas Story (1983). Yes, the man himself, Mr. Bob Clark. I bet you're thinking to yourself, "Self, I bet the movie this week is going to be a sweet, fun filled romp that will transport me back to when Christmas was chock full of magic and wonder." Well, you'd be wrong. Instead, The Mock Films Blog is proud to present the one, the only (unless you include the lack luster remake from 2006) Black Christmas (1974).
Why, you may ask, did I choose a horror film for this joyous holiday season? Well, honestly, if we can call Die Hard (1988) a Christmas movie then we can do the same for this one. (Merry Christmas. On with the blog.) The film revolves around a group of happy-go-drinky sorority sisters getting ready for Christmas break. Little do the naive ladies know, someone other than Santa will be paying them a visit this year.
What makes this film so great is that it's as funny as it is scary. Clark puts his signature subtle humor that we saw in A Christmas Story and applies it to this much earlier work. Margot Kidder as the loose cannon is really amusing, along with the booze hound house mother played by Marian Waldman. But for all of its goofiness, the scares are just as strong. From the creepy POV of the killer wandering through the house unnoticed, the disturbingly graphic prank calls made to the sisters, to the solid gore effects,this is a nasty little jump scare flick. Although, it might be a rough watch for those who are bummed out easily during the holidays (go watch A Christmas Story marathon. Bob Clark thought of you too).—
Movie 43 (2013)
Easy to hate, but has it's moments. Like two, maybe.
I'm going to admit that today is a lazy day and after watching the film up for discussion I have decided to make this one short and sweet. O.K.? O.K. Fine.
For a while now, I have been hearing about this Razzie Bait of a film called Movie 43 (2013) and finally felt it my duty to see why people hated it so much. With a cast of international A through D listers, who have been known to churn out both Oscar winning performances as well as garbage (I'm looking at you Halle Berry), to big name directors such as Peter Farrelly, James Gunn, and Brett Ratner, what's not to love. Quite a bit it seems. It tries to play like Kentucky Fried Movie, Amazon Women on the Moon or in today's parlance, an hour and thirty-four minutes of surfing Funny Or Die minus the comedic timing. Although, I'm not completely against this film. The ideas are there and funny moments eek out from time to time. I guess the real question is would you want to watch this if they took away the star power? Eh. Maybe.
The Hebrew Hammer (2003)
You might have to see it for yourself.
When I was a young buck fresh out of film school, hungry for a chance to do anything in the field, I was hired on my second real movie gig as a an Art PA to build and dress sets. Given the script on the day I was hired, I couldn't believe the pitch told to me in the moments following me reading the title. The evil son of Santa Claus named Damien kills Santa in order to monopolize the holiday season by putting an end to Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. The only hope of saving the day is Mordechai Jefferson Carver aka The Hebrew Hammer, the hardest hitting heeb this side of the Tel Aviv (not my words) and his allies at The Jewish Justice League and The Kwanzaa Liberation Front. You dig!
Made as a spoof of the Blackspoitation films of the 70's, The Hebrew Hammer is basically the Jewish Shaft. Part man. Part street. 100% kosher. With offensively un-PC jokes aimed at everyone regardless of race, religion or creed, the film is nothing, if not fair, to everyone that it might offend. (and you may just be offended. You're an adult, suck it up!) But that aside, the concept of the film is a solid one. Only held back by it's low budget, but I can tell you from being there, we did the best with we could with what we had and it mostly worked... mostly.
Dredd (2012)
One of the most entertaining comic book adaptations ever.
I'm writing this review with a slight ulterior motive in mind. My intentions will soon be revealed. Please be patient.
It was a warm September day in the year 2012. Having the day off from work, I decided that it was time to break a rule that I set in place years prior, I was going to see a movie... ALONE! Before then, I scoffed at those lonely folks sitting silently in a theater, not able to scrounge up even a modest acquaintance to accompany them to the cinema. But as time goes by, people change. Tastes change. Beliefs change. And it was on this very day that, I am glad to admit, I grew as a person. Or at least as a film lover.
I arrived early, bought my favorite snacks, chose a center seat, not too far, not to close, and got ready to do nothing more than give my full attention to the feature presentation. With nobody there to ask a question about the film or an ear to whisper a witty quip to mid-picture, I was about to have a true movie going experience. And I could not have picked a better movie.
Based on the comic series Judge Dredd, Dredd (2012) stars Karl Urban (Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 2002, Star Trek 2009) in the title role of judge, jury, and executioner in a violence ridden city in the post apocalyptic future. Judges, as they are called, perform swift and deadly justice in order to keep the overcrowded populace from getting out of hand. The landscape of the picture feels both confined and vast, as citizens are housed in Mega Towers, giant slum apartment building, that make up smaller communities, each with their own criminal element.
Put in charge of a psychic rookie judge (Olivia Thirlby) on her first day, Dredd and his new partner are called upon to investigate a group of murders in one of the Mega Towers. An obvious gang hit, the judges go after the local drug lord of the tower, Ma-Ma, played sadistically perfect by Lena Headey (Game of Thrones 2011). But she won't go down that easy. Hacking the building security system, she locks our heroes in and announces a bounty on whoever brings them to her.
Arachnophobia (1990)
Not bad. Not great.
Netflix has been throwing a slew of films into the streaming ethos lately that I remember loving in my youth (I'm in my thirties as i write this so you do the math) and I aim to see how they hold up against my preteen memories. I chose this flick because I remember it being a big deal and everyone went to see it in my neighborhood. Arachnophobia (1990) was hardly the Jaws (1975) of my generation, but being produced by Steven Spielberg helps put the picture in the wheelhouse. Does it hold up? We shall see.
Dr. Ross Jennings (Daniels), a general practitioner, wine enthusiast, and (you guessed it) arachnophobic, moves his city family to the a small town of Canaima, California to take over when the town's doctor retires from his practice. But his idyllic plans are sidetracked when a new species of spider makes its way from South America to the small community. Breeding with domesticated house arachnids, a new breed of seemingly harmless spiders are unleashed on the town. When the sweet but stern matriarch dies mysteriously, Jennings is blamed for her death due to misdiagnosis. Shunned by the town, Jennings begins to investigate the odd deaths of several other residents and soon discovers that the one thing he fears most is taking over Canaima. With the help of the local pest control expert (played memorably by John Goodman), Jennings tries to stop the eight-legged plague before it's too late.
Now, I remember liking this film very much when I was a lad, but I don't remember it taking so long to get to the punch. This film drags during the first act, trying to set up a lot of back-story. Not the worst thing in the world but it does get tiresome. The script is well written and could have easily gone towards the schlocky end of the spectrum but manages to keep the premise as highbrow as it can for the subject matter they where dealing with. I liked it, but a few edits could have kept this piece a bit tighter.
St. Vincent (2014)
Everything you love about Bill Murray and then some.
Normally, I try to start a review with a slow build to what my true feelings about a movie actually are. This will not be one of those reviews. Do yourself a favor, as soon as you read the rest of this, turn off whatever device you're using to read it on and watch St. Vincent (2014) directed by Theodore Melfi. I cannot recommend this film enough (seriously, I bet there's bound to be a Redbox near by.)
Bill Murray plays Vincent, a drinking, smoking, gambling schlub with a snide comment for every occasion. After a minor run in with his new neighbor Maggie (McCarthy), a divorced lab tech working long hours to support her young son Oliver (played perfectly by Jaeden Lieberher), Vincent gets stuck watching Oliver when he gets locked out. Realizing there is a way to make a quick buck, Vincent offers to babysit after school so Maggie can go to work. I'm going to stop right there. To go on would do this film a disservice. You'll just have to see it for yourself.
So, what makes this flick so great? Hmmm. Where to start? Bill Murray (need I say more? Yeah, maybe I should.) is amazing as usual. The man has not lost that touch which made him so beloved to us over the years, he's only made it sharper (I could go on for hours.). Next up on the roster is Melissa McCarthy. To be honest, I have been a fan of hers for years. But I'll admit the goofy shtick was beginning to get old. But in this she's back to that sweet realistic character who you can't help but root for (we missed ya, kid.).
I Know That Voice (2013)
I fun documentary about who voices your favorite cartoons.
I hate to say it but I've never been one who watches documentaries. I mean, yes, I enjoy them, though I don't generally seek them out . In this politically heated world that we live in, to be honest, at then end of a long day I'm not in the mindset to watch one of the (what feels like a million) docs out there about how big business is slowly feeding me genetically modified corn syrup that will make me become a gluten mutant of some kind, or whatever the hot button topic of the week is. Don't get me wrong, there's a need for such films and they are important in educating the masses, but like I said, sometimes it's not what you need at the end of a rough day. Then, ever so often, you find a topic that screams 'watch me.' And I have found that documentary my friends.
I Know That Voice (2013) takes a gander at a subject that many of us never give much credence to. No, it's not about how the auto industry is using the tears killer whales to power inefficient hybrids. This film takes a personal look at what it means to be an actor who is never actually seen on screen. I speak of the voice over artists who use their gift of gab to create and bring to life some of the most iconic characters in the world of entertainment. Produced by John DiMaggio (the alcohol fueled robot Bender from the popular series Futurama), this film feels like a labor of love and what unfolds is wonderful.
The movie explains the history of voice artists from the beginning of talkies until present day, peppering in a slew of interviews from some of the most popular talent out there. Weaving a tale of both the struggles and the love of the business, I Know That Voice keeps you interested from start to finish as the actors known for being silly animated characters, show you a side of the process which makes the viewer appreciate what was once looked at as child's fair. Throughout, you meet everyone from Sponge Bob to Roger Rabbit. And these are truly actors, damn fine ones at that.
I Am Santa Claus (2014)
Heartfelt and interesting.
I have to admit, when I decided to start the Decembextravaganza! I had a gap in the third week. Straining to find a unique offering in the endless archives of overdone Christmas films, I finally struck gold when I heard a special edition of the Hollywood Babble On Podcast where Kevin Smith interviews director Tommy Avallone and professional wrestler/Christmas enthusiast Mick Foley. What followed was a conversation that lifted me out of the holiday funk that I've carried for many years. I listened as three grown men discussed what it was like to visit Santa as a kid and the magic it instills both in ourselves but also, what it means to the men who keep that magic alive, real bearded Santas.
I Am Santa Claus (2014) takes a behind the sleigh look (mind the pun) at what it takes to become the embodiment of Christmas for wide eyed children every year. Not normally being one for documentaries, I went on nothing more than what had transpired during the interview. And I have to admit, this film is great. If there is an emotion to be felt you will feel it here. Following a one year period in the lives of five Santas as they go through the normal everyday ups and downs, I Am Santa Claus allows the viewer to grow attached to each of its greatly varied subjects on a very emotional level. Included in the festivities is Mick Foley, who decides to follow suit and walk in the big black boots himself.—
Scrooged (1988)
A holiday classic, that's a classic all it's own.
Scrooged (1988), directed by Richard Donner, takes a darkly funny poke at the classic Dicken's tale of the curmudgeonly miser Scrooge from A Christmas Carol. The hilarious as usual Bill Murray takes on the titular role who is updated to a cutthroat T.V. producer named Frank Cross. A selfish prick who will stop at nothing to make a profit. Unable to see the wicked path he has started down, Frank is visited by the ghost his mentor Lew Hayward (Forsythe), a philandering, dirtbag producer who taught Frank everything he knows (or knew). Seeing the error of his terrible decisions only after his death on a golf course, Lew tries to set Frank on the right path.
What follows is more than just your three ghosts of Christmas, oh no, this flick turns them specters up to eleven my friends. With the likes of David Johanson as a grimy cigar chewing New York cabby aka Ghost of Christmas Past and Carol Kane as the adorably abusive Ghost of Christmas Present, the direction the story moves towards is both familiar enough to evoke sentimentality as well as bring the viewer to a manic and darkly funny place. The new spins on the old favorites hit all of the marks and even for the time the film was released it doesn't feel dated. Although, turn on the closed captioning for the Carol Kane scenes, her dialogue goes by high pitched and fast.
The 'Burbs (1989)
Makes you miss funny Tom Hanks.
Alright kids, time to jump into the Wayback Machine and watch a blast from the past. We are going back to a time before Tom Hanks was only seen as Oscar gold and wasn't afraid to go for the gut laugh. If you don't know of this time that I speak then ask your dad and watch this weeks slice of late eighties fun called The 'Burbs. This film is reminiscent of so many films of that time. Weird, off the wall flicks that seem like a stoner fantasy but for some reason, the kismet was there and they work. They shouldn't, but they do.
Driected by Joe Dante (Oh, you know we are going to visit the Gremlins, both 1 and 2, at a later date), The 'Burbs takes all of the old tropes of nosy neighbors and builds a slapstick horror around it. Ray Peterson (Hanks) is off from work and becomes obsessed with the strange new neighbors, the Klopecks, with a fair amount of goading from his friends (played hilariously by Rick Ducommun and Mock Films Blog alum Bruce Dern). With little or nothing to do with their free time, the three buddies spy on the eccentric activities of the new residents, like digging up their own yard in the dead of night or the odd noises emanating from their basement. As the strange behavior continues next door, one of the members of the block disappears mysteriously, adding to the speculation from Ray and his cohorts that the Klopecks may be a family of serial killers. What follows is a well crafted, keep you guessing mystery which brings genuine laughs to the audience.—
Godzilla (2014)
Not a perfect Godzilla, but not bad one either.
Alright kids, this time around I am going toe to toe with the King of all Monsters himself, Godzilla. Now I'll wait for that slight pause as you wonder if it's the shiny new reboot or the Matthew Broderick iguana movie from the 90's
if you're still not sure then you didn't read the year at the top of the screen before you began this journey, shame on you
Oh, I'm sorry. I just can't stay mad at you. Now back to our movie.
This is a difficult film to review without giving away a slew of spoiler info but I'll do my damnedest to not ruin it. Here goes, a massive accident at a Japanese nuclear power plant causes the quarantine of both the plant and the neighboring community. Joe Brody (played by verbosely well by Bryan Cranston), a supervisor at the plant, loses his wife when the reactor blows (It's in the trailer so I'm going to call 'no spoiler' on this one). Obsessed with this possibly being more than a mere meltdown, he spends the next fifteen years uncovering what he can about the quarantine zone and what the government is hiding there.
After being arrested for trespassing in the quarantine zone, he is bailed out by his son Ford, a Lieutenant in the U.S. Navy. Fed up with his father's quest for the truth he decides to head back home to San Francisco to be with his wife (Elizabeth Olen) and son. During a layover in Hawaii, Ford comes face to face with what his father feared most
now see, a spoiler would be great right about now but I'm not going to do it. Let's just say the ball starts rolling and this movie introduces the Godzilla element we all remember from the rubber-suited monster flicks of yester year
Song of the Sea (2014)
A children's film for adults. But kids will like it too.
Before aspirations of going into some facet of the film industry, I had the desire to be an animator. The thought of having complete control over a boundless world was a thrill to me. But the difficulty level of such an endeavor proved to be a bit daunting, leaving those more tenacious than myself to forge ahead. And be glad they did. If not for the few with a true love (and talent) for displaying their imagination on screen for all to watch, we would have missed out on so many worthwhile stories. It's a gift that most never appreciate in terms of the time and effort which goes into making a full length feature (Let alone a 5 minute short). We look at animation as cartoons to plop our kids in front of to make them quiet. But they're so much more than a child's medium and deserve our respect, both the project itself, but also their creators. That said, I give you Song Of The Sea (2014).
A young girl named Saoirse discovers that she can change into a seal. With the help of her older brother, Ben, they embark on an adventure that could save the world and shed a light on what befell their mother the night Saoirse was born.
That's the short version. To tell more might be doing you a disservice. That, and I could not tell this story a tenth as well as the creators of this film do. Song Of The Sea was one of those animated features that got buried under the mountain of big studio bells and whistles kid fodder that, although fun, give higher brow pictures an unfair rep as being just 'kid's stuff'. Brought to us by Tomm Moore, the director behind The Secret Of Kells (2009), Song Of The Sea adds to the strong resume Moore is building. I enjoyed both of those films thoroughly, but don't expect your usual animated fair. There are stories to tell and don't necessarily come second to the visuals, which are a subtle mix of mainstream animation and smooth-lined Celtic inspired artwork. A style which reflects it's dedication to the culture that gave it life.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
Creepy overdone garbage.
I will preface this review with a confession of sorts. I am a tad geeky when it comes to certain pop culture properties. With that, I find it sad when a film tries to get witty with the writing and origins of characters that where just fine the way they were. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) has become the latest victim in a long line of travesties where a property is given over to those who have no clue how to handle it. Not that TMNT is Shakespeare mind you, but what was done here can been seen as nothing short of mind boggling.
First off, this film was craptacularly bad. I mean, really bad. We are talking like if Ang Lee's Hulk (2003) had sex with the Super Mario Bros. Movie (1993), had a child, fed it sugar, gave it sharp objects and told it to go play in a crowded city park. The script is completely off the rails and takes the genesis of our titular heroes to places that are so ludicrous that I makes the Ninja Turtles original origin story (as ridiculous as it may be) seem plausible. Now, if you decide to take this movie on, be warned, you could fall down any one of a thousand plot holes along the way. I may even break my "No Spoiler" rule for this one, because honestly, at this point, who cares.
Why this movie is garbage:
-The Turtles and Master Splinter are nothing sort of terrifying. The rat, once cutely badass, now looks like a monster. A literal monster. The turtles are no better. (We miss you Jim Henson.) Who thought children would like this? Oh, yeah. Michael Bay produced it. Question answered.
-They learn Ninjitsu from a book. A BOOK! Seriously?
-April O'Neil is more of a conspiracy nut than a reporter who helped to raise the Turtles and Splinter in a lab with her father and an evil scientist. She even recorded her time with them with a video camera that has Bluetooth in big letters across the side of it. (I'm going to nit pick this, 'cause f*$& this movie.) Bluetooth wasn't even a thing when she was a child.
-Shredder is basically a cumbersome knife show robot-man.
-The Foot Clan (Remember, they're Ninjas) have a small army worth of guns. But don't worry, the Turtles are "Bullet Proof." These ballsey writers actually have Raphael say it in the movie at one point. Although, they can crack their shells if they get kicked too hard. What the what!
-The Turtles also seem to be able to travel by sliding everywhere on their shells like a Slip and Slide. Because, you know, that's how turtles get around. Duh.
-They even made a Turtle Van. Because nothing says 'hiding in the shadows' like a disco ball and green neon trim.—
Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014)
Best Batman movie with nearly no Batman since 'The Dark Knight Rises.'
This week I have decided to go a bit off script on my review. Pulling from a genre that many non- comic book readers oft dare not tread. Sure, comic book movies have seen a clear boost in mainstream audience attendance with Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight Trilogy (with which I have a love/hate relationship. Another day my friends) and the brilliant way Marvel has chosen to unfurl their gang of interconnecting hero stories as an ever expanding universe. Today, however, I've decided to give credit where credit is due and give DC their day in the sun.
For all their shortcomings DC properties have had in terms of their live-action films, as successful as they are, where they truly shine is with their straight to DVD animated features. While, not all of the titles that have been produced over the years have been top notch, to count them out as kids stuff is simply unfair. Starting years ago with Batman: The Animated Series (1992-1995), DC has put out some well written and superbly produced stories that could give their live-action brethren a run for their money. With that, I give you Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014).
Not for the youngsters, this is a gritty flick with some intense violence and language. So be warned.
The story is simple enough. The Riddler is at it again and this time as stolen sensitive intel from a secret government organization run by Amanda Waller (a role reprised by the wonderful CCH Pounder), a woman obsessed with keeping America safe without the help of super heroes. Now locked away in Arkham Asylum with the rest of Batman's rouges gallery, Riddler has a flash drive with the information stashed in his cane, which is locked up tight in Arkham's storage lockup. Employing a group called The Suicide Squad to break in and get back the data, Waller teams up a group of super villains equipped with explosives in their necks as incentive to get the job done. Now, some of these criminals are not the A-Listers one might expect from a Batman movie, but not to worry, familiar faces abound throughout.
Cuban Fury (2014)
A date movie men can enjoy.
Normally, I am not the kind of man who would sit down to watch a film about dancing (unless, of course, given carte blanche to ridicule said film by my better half), but I had a feeling about the Salsa Comedy Cuban Fury (2014). With a cast consisting of some of the best the boys across the pond have to offer in Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead 2004), Chris O'Dowd (Bridesmaids 2011), and the ever compelling Ian McShane (Deadwood). Drop in the adorable Rashida Jones (Parks and Recreation) and you have a very solid cast who are masters at comic timing. I first became aware of this movie a few months ago watching trailers one afternoon on my computer. Looked funny, never heard about it again, then it popped up on Netflix Streaming. One boring afternoon, my best gal and I sat down to give it a gander and had a really great time with it.
The story revolves around Bruce (played well by Frost), a former youth Salsa dance champion, who quit after a scarring event made him turn in his dance shoes. Now working as an industrial machine designer, he goes unnoticed by his co-workers. With the exception of Drew (a great turn as the heel for O'Dowd, often known for playing nice guys), the smarmy, fast talker of the office who has made a game out of humiliating Bruce every chance he gets. Never having any motivation to fight back before, enter Julia (Jones), the new head of their department and Salsa dance enthusiast. With both men seeking her affection, Bruce realizes that his only hope for love is to get back on the dance floor.
Chef (2014)
Another brilliantly solid film from Favreau.
There is the idea that two kinds of motion pictures exist: Films and Movies. Films make you think. Movies make you turn your mind off and enjoy. Now, these are broad terms to put them in, but for the sake length I hope you can forgive me. My point being, there is a place for both mediums in the cinematic pantheon, but being proficient at creating both thought provoking and shoot em' up is not every director's forte. It's not often a director manages to take on significantly varying projects and find success in the process. Thankfully, John Favreau is a member of this echelon of filmmakers. Whether a light Indie comedy or a flashy summer blockbuster, Favreau makes it look easy. For this go around, he has chosen to keep it small with Chef (2014).
Stifled creatively by his boss, which leads to a bad review going viral on Twitter, once renown chef Carl Casper (Favreau) finds his career at a stand still. Scrambling to find another job, he becomes neglectful of his young son (played wonderfully by Emjay Anthony). Following the advice of his ex- wife (Vargara), Carl starts a food truck with his buddy Martin (Leguizamo), where he can be free to create dishes that matter again, while mending the father/son bond.—
John Wick (2014)
The coolest 'beat 'em up' in years.
Hearing nothing but good things about the sleeper action film John Wick (2014), I figured the high praise was enough give this one a go. Let me start by saying, nothing in this movie disappoints. The premise is ridiculous, the flick knows it's off the rails, and what makes it work is that it simply does not care what you think. The people behind the revenge picture might as well have added a disclaimer that reads: "Sit down. Shut up. Enjoy." And with that being said, (Holy Body Count!) was this a non-stop Funfest. (Even my Lady liked it. That's saying something.)
John Wick (Reeves) starts off as a sympathetically stoic widower having a tough time dealing with the loss of his ailing wife (Moynahan). Keeping to himself, very little is given about his back-story, other than he has a sweet ass car and an adorable new puppy. At times the opening feels like they were going for the sappy levels we succumbed to in the gut wrenchingly somber intro of Up (2009). But that all comes to a screeching halt once the son of a Russian mob boss (Allen) takes an unhealthy interest in Wick's car while filling up at a gas station (Word to the wise, don't mess with another man's ride.). After breaking into his home and stealing (amongst other horrific acts) the beloved vehicle, much (MUCH) more is of Wick's past life slowly simmers to the surface and eventually leads to an all out boil-over of who this relatively quiet man truly was. And it just keeps getting better from there.
This movie was drag out, blood and guts, slam-bam (add more silly terms at your leisure) from the end of Act One on and it doesn't let up until the final shot. Normally, this can be tedious and ineffective, but the world that opens up to the viewer is so well crafted that it leaves the audience clamoring for more. The supporting cast is amazing as well, dropping familiar faces into this gumbo of awesome at a steady, but not over saturated, pace. Rough, gritty, and self aware of it's coo-coo bananas plot, the filmmakers put together a production that comes with a slick polish all the while throwing everything they could at the screen without apology. I haven't seen a movie this confident in a crazy premise since Jason Statham ran amok in Crank (2006)
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
A near perfect action movie
In the not so distant past, Mock Films Blog put up a trailer for a film set in the not too distant future, Mad Max: Fury Road (2015). Feel free to go check it out. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) (NR)- Official Trailer I'll wait—Welcome back. Up to speed? Excellent.
In the post apocalyptic wastelands of the near future, tribes of savage men are ruled by sociopathic tyrants. Gas and water have become the new currency. Control of either means power as vehicles mean life. Max Rockatansky (Tom Hardy), an ex-cop haunted by the loss of his family, wanders the desolate earth struggling to survive. After being captured by a cultish dictator named Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne) and his followers, Max is dragged along as the villains chase down Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron, who owns this picture), a transport driver who has turned on Immortan Joe. Then, well, it all got a bit blurry from there. This movie is an unrelenting, unapologetic, fireball spewing, big budget work of art. Not usually the words one would use when explaining art, I know, but it will all make sense soon enough.
As I began to write this review for the critically acclaimed Max Max: Fury Road, I was met with a twinge of writer's block. It had nothing to do with getting the words down. It came from trying to process the theatrical experience I partook in hours earlier. Just as I felt my mind was made up about this film, the recollection of a small detail or a well written B character added more heat to the five alarm chili that is Fury Road. One would think when most of your movie is a car chase, it might get a tad tiresome. Not with George Miller at the helm. Creator of the original three films, he has not missed a step, rather Miller is flat out sprinting (Fun Fact: He also directed Babe: Pig in the City (1998). Yeah, the adorable pig sequel). To conceive and pull off this level of action at seventy years old; this might be the coolest man alive—
The Babadook (2014)
Female driven Horror with deeper meaning.
Every now and again we stumble across a new and innovative looking film trailer that pricks up our senses, giving us hope that there are still original ideas left in the over troped world of cinema. Trailers, which bring us that feeling which my lucky generation had during the Indie era of filmmaking. Where a story didn't fit a mold that was set years before by the cookie cutter flicks which became the standard. New concepts tackling bigger issues than man saves damsel in distress or god forbid another B.S. horror villain that will spews out the next big franchise. Many moons ago I came across one such trailer (as many on the internet did) called The Babadook (2014). "What the hell is a Babdook?" was an utterance heard anytime I recommended it to family or friends. "Just watch," was always my reply. And with that, let's hop in the Wayback machine and check out a trailer posted many months ago: All caught up. Wonderful. Let's get into it then.
The Babadook, directed by first time feature writer/director Jennifer Kent, tells the story of a single mother named Amelia (played disconcertingly perfect by Essie Davis) who is coming to grips with both the death of her husband as well as the trying needs of her only son Samuel (Noah Wiseman in an unnervingly strong performance), who, after finding a strange pop-up book, believes an evil entity named The Babadook has become more than just a character from the macabre bedtime tale. After strange occurrences around her home coupled with Samuel's increasingly erratic behavior continue, Amelia begins to break. Disturbed by her Samuel's obsession with protecting her from the (possibly) imaginary being, Amelia lapses into a mental state which questions whether there is something wrong with her weapon building son or have her own limit of stress driven her over the edge of sanity.
Ant-Man (2015)
Marvel takes a big chance with a small character.
In the final stage of Phase 2, Marvel comes out swinging with the hero least likely: Ant-Man. This title made the general population not in the comics-know snicker at how silly a hero called Ant- Man (2015) sounded. But to the naysayers, I must protest. Least you forget the laughter bellowed through the internet as we were told that Vin Diesel would play a sentient tree or that Bradley Cooper would be voicing an anthropomorphized raccoon (which Rocket denies being, of course)? "Marvel has lost it!" we cried as our beloved heroes were becoming ridiculous. But in retrospect, it was a genius play by the filmmakers and our hearts were Marvel's once more. And Ant-Man is no exception.
When a newly paroled burglar Scott Lang (Rudd being unknowingly charming as hell) needs money to gain visitation rights to see his daughter, reclusive scientist Dr. Hank Pym (Douglas, having a blast on screen) hires Scott for a heist that could save the world. Given a top secret suit, capable of shrinking the wearer to the size of an insect while retaining the strength of a full grown person. Oh yeah, and he controls ants. OK. It's a bit much to take in.
Like most all Marvel releases, Ant-Man keeps that tradition of page to screen sharpness and awe with both it's brilliant cast and tight link to the rest of the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe. You're welcome.). Paul Rudd brings a lightness to the character that is hard not to like.—