TheCrazyCatGuy Reviews

Peacemaker (2022– )

Peace Sells...and I'm Buying!

[10/10 · 27 January 2022]

And staying with the Megadeth motif, the fqcktqrds with the negative reviews should "Wake Up Dead".

The show has to be the very, VERY BEST show I've seen in 10 years! Why? TV-MA + Metal! I rarely will watch any shows that aren't rated TV-MA.

But more importantly...METAL--we got hair metal, glam metal, heavy metal, and even POWER METAL! Crossing my fingers for some Helloween from their "Keeper of the Seven Keys" albums!

NOTE: I FIRMLY expect "Peace Sells" from Megadeth to be played in this series!

Hemlock Grove (2013–2015)

Hey! Let's Get Stinking Drunk and Make a TV Series...

[9/10 · 10 August 2021]

-Eli Roth- "I got 3 cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a box of tropes," Eli Roth said.

-A Director- "Sounds good, Eli, my brutha! I got a box of moldy books and DVD's."

-Producer pops can- "Let's rock-n-roll!" ------------

...and 2 empty cases later...-burrrrp-

-Eli Roth slurs his words- "We missing anything?

-Director tries to stand up and falls back on couch- "Uhhh...a stage hand I know is dropping off a kitchen sink later."

-Producer- "Crap-crap-crap! We forgot -burp- to add some Japanese anime. Glad we got another case of beer left!"

-Eli Roth blinks and shuffles around in remains of book box- "Look at this--Shakespeare's 'Titus Andronicus'! Give me a beer! We've GOT to add this!" ------------- Ridiculous, outrageously stupid sex scenes that would make Skininmax blush? Chheeeck!!

Good gore? Bad gore? Cheesy gore? Of course, homey!

Masterpeice? MASTERPIECE! A TRUE MASTERPIECE!

And the Lord God sayeth, "Let Us make that idiot writing this review watch Hemlock Grove and give him some cool revelations."

And They did!😎

The Last Dragon (1985)

The BEST Soundtrack EVER! Before rap sucked...

[10/10 · 12 September 2020]

I was fortunate enough to see this in the theater!

I randomly went on an OCD quest to find a copy of this movie after seeing some other MA flick with my ex-GF.

She thought I was loopy, and I had to FIRMLY explain to her that this movie has one of the GREATEST SOUNDTRACKS EVER...EVER!

In fact, I maniacally explained to her that I even memorized lines from the film like I did Robocop (1987)--I memorized EVERY action line by Robocop. She gave me that "Stranger-Danger look."

As an aside, I played the soundtrack on Foobar while writing this. Oh, dear God, thank your for a time when rap music and funk didn't suck!

"The Glow" - Perfect use of rap music integrated in a track, and the last time rap music was good. RIP good rap music (e.g.: The Sugarhill Gang, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, anything before RunDMC and NWA).

"The Last Dragon" - I'm getting chills listening to it right now. OMG, this is one of the BEST SONGS EVER!

Uhh....where was I? Damn ADD. Oh, yeah, I EXCITEDLY played the copy I had, sung with the lyrics of "The Last Dragon," got up and did some dancing---went HOGWILD!

Afterwards, with some Tourette's jerks, I asked her what she thought. "One of the best movies ever, right?" After some wide-eyed blinking and long pause, she said, "Uh, yeah, it was OK. The music is pretty good." YEARGH!

Now that I think about it...perhaps this was one of the reasons she tried to induce me to commit suicide to collect $100,000 from a life insurance policy (TRUE STORY).

Becky (II) (2020)

I 😻 You, Becky!

[8/10 · 22 July 2020]

You were woooonndddddeeerrrffull, Becky! Me 😻 you long time! Your psychotic, angry penchant for blood-drenched violence would make Jason Voorhees proud (he and I actually duked it out over you-OUCH)!

You certainly gave the saying "taking the whole 12 inches" a new meaning!

I know it's a little early, but I want to marry you, Becky! I'm sure we can find a state where its legal. If not, I can wait! 👍

I'm stocking up on your fave instruments of carnage. Pencils with sharpener-CHECK! Dozens of broken wooden rulers-CHECK! I don't have an ATV, but I have a riding lawn mower that will make your heart swoon.

For extra fun, I have a Stihl chainsaw that I'm renaming "Becky" and putting extra hearts on it! You'll love it!

Please consider my offer! 🙏

PS: Is it OK if Jason tags along? He's strong as an ox!

Justice League Dark: Apokolips War (2020 Video)

King Shark Is Shark!🦈

[10/10 · 6 May 2020]

Do you really need to know more? Of course, because King Shark Is Shark!🦈

Oh, let's submit a request to DC:

🗣📣 "I want gratuitous, bloody violence with apocalyptic mayhem and people being eaten...and profanity....good nasty stuff!

DC says, "Homie, we got you covered! CHECK!"

This movie put pep in my step. If you are down, this movie will erase that frown! Do yourself a favor and ignore the pedantic, self-serving reviews.

Follow Raven's advice and "F@wK this!" and get ready to ride!

The Punisher (2017–2019)

Jon IS the Punisher

[10/10 · 17 November 2017]

I've never been a great fan of the Punisher as Marvel likes to screw up context--mixing him with superheroes. That's not the Punisher. The Punisher was Garth Ennis's Punisher. Jon's Punisher is the Punisher.

-----------

Jon, buddy, no one does the Punisher like you! You make us FEEL the Punisher because it's like you're not acting. In everything I've seen you in, the delivery flows completely naturally. A simple example is when you're doing the "drinking coffee" shtick. It's flawless in it's simplicity because it appears so natural--completely unrehearsed. That's a simple example, but typical of your acting.

When it comes time to deliver the "reckoning," you do it brutally and with that emotional distance, a causal "taking out the trash." You make us believe the Punisher is real, is really peed off, and won't ever get over the family was killed. But the punishing is...cathartic.

Anyhow, good job! As an aside, I've always thought The Walking Dead went down the crapper after you left.

-------------

I recommend the Punisher even if you have no clue who he is. My wife likes the Marvel movies, but loathes the various Netflix Marvel series. She likes Jon, though, and likes the Punisher.

As far as I'm concerned, Netflix has redeemed itself for the craptastic Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, Luke Cage, and (shudders) The Defender--four of the whiniest shows on TV, excepting The Walking Dead, of course...it's king of the blubbering and whining.

American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore (2014)

Some Pretty Decent FX

[5/10 · 19 October 2015]

Sure the movie is boring as p.i.s.s, and the dismemberment gets cookie-cutter over time (pun intended), but the movie had me watching the FX gore closely to see the goods. It reminded me of the good 'ole 80's, and when I assisted with two college horror films.

SPOILERS BELOW: This movie is essentially nothing more than an FX demo reel, and its not too bad. I was impressed with the body casts for the legs and arms, and I know it took some serious time to fill up the torso with guts just to yank them out. Making sure the skin peels worked HAD to have taken some time.

The FX cuts loose (pun intended) in a downhill manner when they start doing the sawing and chop-chop on one chick's face. The bad editing for the bad head disfigurement made me want to bang my head to keep from chuckling.

Is it shocking? Give me a break. Download some recent videos from the ISIS/ISIL loons if you want shocking. This is pure gore FX entertainment the family can enjoy, and while watching, you can let little Timmy or Clarice know that they're going to "give an arm and a leg" if needed to clean their room.

Melancholie der Engel (2009)

The Only Thing Offensive in This Movie is the Incessant Blathering

[1/10 · 5 November 2014]

I've used IMDb since it started and never made an account, but after watching this over hyped sham, I had to say some thing to spare future viewers from this load of pseudo-pretentious offal.

NOTE: SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW....not that it matters as the only thing spoiled is the time wasted to watch this tripe.

This is the type of movie when some crack head director with dreams of nihilist angst tries to bore to death anyone foolish enough to endure two hours and thirty-eight minutes of cerebral pain, utter random nonsense, and stupidity.

Other reviewers talk about the animal deaths and get all "faux squeamish" in a contrived attempt to puke some "artistic license" to this turd. Yeah, right. Only a PETA goop would find this offensive, but I must say forcing one to watch this would be better than water boarding them. Actually, instead of water boarding, this movie should be used to force confessions from "terrorists." The o-so-shocking violent sex scenes had me chuckling. They are so bad, they give bad porn a bad name. A simple tube search for BDSM movies will provide the REAL enlightenment.

They way the editor jumped from one babbling monologue to another in an attempt to legitimize the moral (or lack of) struggles made me think he was on crack...or was just wanting to get this dung heap finished! IMPORTANT: There is NOTHING redeeming about this movie. Endless pseudo-psychological blathering, poor effects, laughable violent sex scenes, and characters, that halfway through, will have you screaming for Jason Voorhees to show up and hack-n-slash them all to oblivion! If I was given the choice of mashing my toes with a ball-peen hammer or watching this slobbering drivel, I'd be grabbing the nearest hammer! Avoid...AVOID...at all costs!