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Reviews
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Total and utter tosh
Having decided to watch this movie for the first time after 53 years I feel I have just lost 149 minutes of my life (I know now why I avoided it). Kubrick should have stuck with kicking the hell out of the homeless in subways. I watched this in 4k and the only think clear was the quality of the 4k transfer which was immaculate (hence 2 stars). Now I'm an intelligent guy and have watched hundreds of movies but I have to say this movie is just behind Tenet as to being the most anti-climatic load of tripe I have ever watched, it made absolutely no sense, and please to all the Kubrick sycophants, don't try to convince me otherwise. The section following the "collision" with the monolith approaching Jupiter was more painfully boring than the intermission. If you are thinking of watching this movie, my advice is move along your dvd shelf to something more interesting and entertaining.
The Firm (2012)
Dreadful Ending
I can't believe I just wasted 22 episodes time of my life for a show that abruptly ends with no conclusion whatsoever and is then cancelled. I saw the original film which was great. This show also had potential however like many network tv shows anything further than 10 episodes spreads it too thin with lots of silly plot twists and turns and this show was no different. Luckly very good actors just about kept it going with the exception of the so called mob and russian actors. I bet the real Mob families are cringing watching this especially the Muralto's which reminded me of the film Bugsy Malone many years ago with children playing all the lead roles. I don't really know what else to say as it didn't even end on a cliff hanger (except for Mitch practicing his Parkour jumps) it went absolutely nowhere in the end. It's no wonder Josh Lucas was extremely dissapointed in this series (quote).
Jesus (2020)
Same old make believe, give me Darwin anyday
If you believe in it they you'll enjoy it. If not then, well there you go.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
Utterly boring and went nowhere
I have to say out of all the QT movies this has to be the most boring with a pointless plot. Credit has to go to the dog who held his own among some huge stars. A few attempts at humour which failed miserably. Al Pacino, well what on earth was he doing, apart from looking like he was desperate (in the 2 minutes screen time he had) to scream like he usually does, the salary probably kept him quiet though. What was really good was the sense of being in the sixties which was done really well with much attention to detail. The chemestry between Pitt and DeCaprio was non existent and you never ever got the feeling they were an actor and a stunt man, it just didn't work in the plot. You knew there was going to be a violent ending like every other QT movie but half eaten by an American Pit Bull, half beaten to death,stabbed, hit with a flame thrower and almost drown you would think the screaming girl would have stopped screaming long before it totally got on your nerves. A movie never to be seen again in my opinion.
Guilt (2016)
Absolutely dreadful American Crap
Although the storyline had promise the acting from the American actresses is awful. Since when did we have a prosecutor investigating a case in the UK, we don't. To add balance even the British actors are awful. I stomached 5 episodes and skipped to episode 10 it was so bad. Trust me if you are British and a fan of good proper British drama avoid this rubbish. The worse thing is the dreadful cat wailing singing as each episode winds up with a recap as US dramas seem to like.
Succession (2018)
Where is it all going ?
Now I have to say I love this show..well at least I loved Series 1 and had very high hopes for season 2. We're at episode 7 and I still cant seem to work out or see where it is all at. It appears to be one episode split into 9 parts and has not really moved on from the end of season 1 except the pursuit of a new company to keep them afloat. All the family hate each other with a bitter distrust which is fine and adds to the suspense but the characters are not going anywhere. Kendal after his accident, why on earth did we re-visit (or visit the victims house) which added nothing to the plot. I had high hopes that Kendal would reach his all time low and then start to re-establish himself as potential CEO but he just dumbs around each episode like a wounded sheep. My surprise is Greg who I though after starting off as a general punchbag would wise up and establish himself as a good player only to find at episode 7 all he has done is get a haircut. What was the point of hiding critical documents only to burn them at the demand of Tom the bully. Was he too stupid to make copies. Roman, well what can you say about Roman. Shiv (my fave) is about the only one keeping it all going. He character which is well established moves along in total frustration. I like the fact that she is beginning to wake up and smell the roses over what is going on (with Rhea's meddling) and perhaps start to unite the brothers. Hopefully Season 3 (if there is one) will re-establish its momentum. Overall a brill tv series.
Dunkirk (2017)
Woefully disappointing
Looking at most of the other reviews I must have watched a different movie. I expected a lot from this movie from the build up and hype, especially given the story line. If you are expecting something along the lines of SPR then forget it. For a start this movie should have been a U certificate as there is absolutely nothing in it that would justify a 12a or even a 12 certificate. All that would constitute a rating above a U (Graphic scenes of violence, Gore element, Nudity and profane language) there was none. The whole film was empty of any feeling of fear or danger of what it was like being involved in the evacuation of Dunkirk. At no point do you get even a bit emotional during the movie and at the end you are left thinking Oh Well.. shall we go and get a pizza. I sat alongside a couple of people in their 80's who's only tears were the price of the tickets. They simply said 'It was nothing like that...much worse). This really was a movie about one man and his boat setting out in his frightfully perfect suit and tie in an effort to rescue the whole of 300,000 stranded servicemen. One dogfight involving 6 planes shown from different perspectives (which was not only boring but confusing) throughout the movie, two ships sinking..again shown multiple times from different perspectives and a few queues of soldiers in perfectly clean uniforms (bearing in mind they are escaping after months of combat) as if they were waiting for the canteen to open. When a 'straffe' occurred they all ducked as if ducking from the rain. The worse thing was you were left with the impression that only half a dozen local fishing boats went over because thats all you see arriving at the beach. Tom Hardy in the roll of a spitfire pilot was a total waste of an A list actor and as for the acting debut of Harry Stiles...well give me a break, stick to singing I would say. Mark Rylance is superb as ever and Kenneth Brannagh..well you know Kenneth.. Rah Rah Yah Yah and all that, a proper gentleman he was organizing the hospital ship. Strangely no German soldiers...in a WWII war film, give me a break please. The biggest laugh, all said and done and the half a dozen boats had rescued all 300,000 (which you didn't see) they were welcomed home by the dutiful English lady with a Cup of Tea more less saying 'There There Boys better luck next time. This movie given Nolan's previous work had so much potential and totally missed the opportunity. I give it 2 for the sound effects, which were also awful but better than the movie.
Misconduct (2016)
Absolutely Awful
Now I am a huge fan of Anthony Hopkins and Al Pacino. I have also been a great fan of Julia Stiles due to my love of the Bourne franchise. This movie however is absolutely awful and there was nothing either of these actors could have done to have made it better. The plot is terrible and the whole flow of the movie is dreadfully let down by poor amateur production, screenplay and direction. In the right hands and with the same actors it could have been such a good movie.
Ben-Hur (2016)
Not a Patch.... (Spoiler alert)
There are two kinds of review that can be given for this movie - one is if you have seen the 59 version and another if you haven't. If you haven't seen the 59 version this movie is an entertaining sword and sandals bash-up with a decent chariot race at the end, and everything will...well kind of flow throughout the movie.
If you have seen the 59 Charlton Heston movie then you will obviously make comparisons and if like me will be very disappointed. There is barely any preamble up to the point of the visiting Tribune being injured during the entrance to Jerusalem so the 'Royal' standing of JB-H in Judea is not really established nor is the whole family relationship(s). JB-H did not marry Esther (as is depicted in 2016 version). The whole 59 story is I think evenly split by his hunt for his mother and sister (seriously lacking in 2016 version) and revenge over Masala. In the 2016 version JB-H and Ester both on a horse, I could have swore both had a pair of slim cut levi's on and in the very last scene JB-H and Masala (who didn't die in this film but just lost a leg) were wearing what could be described as very trendy Archie Foal 3/4 hoodies. The whole episode on the slave ship at sea was poor. JB-H did however get an upgrade from number 41 to 61. You knew then when the Ships sadistic General murdered the slave next to JB-H that we were not going to see him save the General when the ship sank and re-establish himself as a Chariot Master in Rome after saving the General from drowning.
Morgan Freeman..give me a break for goodness sake must have been really short of dosh at this time, he just did not fit and was dressed like a 70's nightclub rapper. Ester looked fine in her Laura Ashley outfits and Monsoon Accessorize jewellery. There was criticism in other reviews about the depiction of Jesus and I can totally agree, why do they always have to make him talk and spoil it, also why do they always go for a handsome actor who is 6ft 4in tall(who really knows what he looked like), and the nice little chat on the cross was cheesy.
After the chariot race the movie was dreadfully rushed and in an instant after a few high fives between Masala and JB-H, Mother and Sister recovering instantly from leprosy (lets ignore the butchering of Uncle in the beginning) they all just hugged a hobbling Masala and forgave each other. The chariot race was very impressive up to the point where JB-H was riding like a toboggan then it got a bit silly.
The funniest bit for me though was the night before the big race when JB-H took what looked like a pair of huge buffalo sheers to his hair only to appear the next morning with a trim and shave that looked like he had paid double at Vidal Sassoon. The best bit was the stray (CGI) horse during the chariot race who jumped into the crowd thinking "I've had enough of this movie I'm off"
If you haven't seen the 1959 version then I strongly urge you to do so, even 57 years ago you will see the difference in what I mean.
This version is not one you will rush to view twice.
Revenge (2011)
Don't, don't, don't watch this utter rubbish
Please..if you are thinking of sitting through 50 hours of this tosh think again. It is the most stupid and ridiculous plot and acting (almost as bad as Scandal) there has ever been. The biggest laugh is when whats-his face who owns the pub on the docks becomes a policeman overnight and arrests his sister as though she was just some street punk,I was just about hanging in there but that did it for me. Total and utter rubbish. I know its is a soap but none of the actors are at all convincing. I have to confess I have not watched it up to its present episode because it is just so bad. I have however struggled through several seasons in the hope it would improve but it is never going to do that.
Game of Thrones (2011)
Absolutely riveting
Peter Dinklage and Charles Dance...absolutely brilliant, My boys kept on at me to watch this show for a few years so I obliged by sitting down and watching episode 1 of Season 1. A week later I had got through to the end of Season 4. I am just about to watch Season 5. I have to say this has been one of the best TV shows I have ever watched. I cant emphasis enough the brilliant acting of Peter Dinklage who for me absolutely steals every scene..with the exception on occasions of Charles Dance. The CGI is fantastic and the action sequences are excellent. It took me a while to fathom out who was who with all the Names/Houses etc but once I got my head around them it was brilliant.
Scandal (2012)
Absolutely the worst acting ever
My wife and I have persevered with this show because by halfway through S2 we decided it was absolutely the most overacted and unconvincing characters ever in a soap. From then on we watched for the amusement factor (in between Game of Thrones and True Detectives... decent dramas) and to sit and make fun of it. Kerry Washington has to be just about the most overrated and worst actress on the planet with her stupid faces she pulls and her ridiculous walk with a massive empty handbag. Huck is about as bad as a baby pug and the rest of them may as well just give up acting. Olivia's father in the show once he opened his gob you just wanted to put your boot in it as you know he wasn't going to shut up for about 10 minutes while the camera flashes to Olvia Pope like she was struggling on the toilet. Please if you are considering watching this utter tripe don't waste 60 hours of your life that you will never get back. Please don't commission a Season 6..please spare us the embarrassment.
Evidence (2013)
Simply an awful film
May contain a spoiler in reference to one character. I can say in all honesty this is one of the worst, most predictable films I have ever seen. I am not a fan of 'found footage' or 'first person' type movies but thought I would give this one a go and I can see now why I don't like them. The acting is terrible,the pace is slow, the storyline is dire and is no more than a poor first attempt at a group of students movie. I feel like I have just been robbed of about 90 minutes of my life I shall never get back. Do yourself a favour, instead of watching this movie go into the bathroom and one by one pull your toe nails out it will be more enjoyable and far less painful. I have never heard of any of the actors but one or two look famiiar and lets hope they move onto something more intelligent. What else I cant understand is why do they have the pathologist aged about 20, incredibly overweight and stood eating a burger and drinking a can of drink having obviously just missed a crucial item of evidence. Pathologists are highly skilled and intelligent people in the real world. I suppose I should remind myself it isn't the real world.