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Reviews
Doctor Who: The Devil's Chord (2024)
Mixed bag
It had its moments, but a bit disappointing overall. Problems: Beatles, especially Paul really didn't look much like the people they were playing. The plot seemed a bit disjointed. There really wasn't enough research into the era, which led to some anachronisms; the big one was the women's clothing - this was supposed to be set in 1963, but the miniskirt didn't surface until 1966. (X-men and the Man From Uncle film made the same mistake!). The men's clothes were better. I can't say I'm a big fan of turning it into a musical. Overall, it could have been better than it was without a lot of extra work.
Death on the Nile (2022)
Pace? What pace?
For me, the basic problem with this film is not the acting, which might be categorised as "average", it's the pacing, or rather the lack of it. Branagh is normally not a bad director, but this? It's supposed to be a murder mystery but it's almost an hour into the film before the first body makes an appearance - a bit like King Kong when the eponymous ape takes an eternity to appear! There is also a seemingly irrelevant preamble about how Poirot got injured in the First World War and had to grow a moustache to hide the scars. I haven't read the book but I don't think that was in the book. In summary, not really worth the effort.
Scoob! (2020)
Compared with the live action versions?
I really didn't think they could take the two live action versions of Scooby-Do and make an even worse film. Boy, how wrong I was. Let's see: (1) the first 2 films discarded the whole culture of the TV cartoon series (the monster was the butler, Scooby only cares about food, Shaggy is a coward etc.). Well, they've stayed with this. So what do we have instead. A sci-fi cliché spaceship, a narcissistic superhero, Dick Dastardly (really?!), Fred lusting after a police officer, dinosaurs, Scooby on a hoverboard, prehistoric cavemen, dining with Simon Cowell, oh and Scooby seems to speak entirely comprehensible English. You won't believe the unmasking of the villain. No spoiler alert for this, it's so bad you just have to see it for yourself. Unbelievable.
Invasion Roswell (2013)
Low budget, lower acting, rock bottom script
I guess we expect SciFi (Sorry – I CANNOT call it "SyFy") channel's offerings to be low budget, which means unimpressive SFX/CGI, and this is no exception. They have to work to a budget, so we have to accept that the effects won't look like Star Wars or Jurassic Park. However, what I can't forgive is acting that ranges from indifferent (Greg Evigan and Denise Crosby) to low grade prep school drama group amateur (pretty much the rest of the cast). Worse, the script was a joke. I think it was the late great Sam Goldwyn who once said of a script he was presented with "I could eat alphabetti spaghetti and puke a better script than this". Had he said this of this script, he would have been being kind to them. That just about sums up this film!
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
Give this one a WIDE berth!
The first Charlie's Angels film had a certain charm; it was all a bit over the top, but in a "tongue in cheek" cartoony way. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle managed somehow to take a modest idea and turn it into an unbelievably bad film. Bosley, for some reason has become black. I have always been a big admirer of the late great Bernie Mac, but why? PC? Run out of ideas to be different? One can only speculate! There are, in reality, only 3 reasons to watch this farrago: Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu and Drew Barrymore. They are all gorgeous, but even this is not enough of a reason to watch this fiasco. Give this one a WIDE berth!
Blood Predator (2007)
Worst film ever made
This simply has to be the worst film ever made. Why? No plot, no script, no direction, no acting, the worst CGI monsters you are ever likely to see wouldn't convince a four year old that they were real, let alone an adult. Move over "Plan 9 from Outer Space", your title as worst ever move has just been hijacked! You have to ask the question, why did they bother? At least Plan 9 was bad enough to achieve some kind of cult status, and had a "star" in Bela Lugosi. This film had nothing. And
all these comments are based on the bits of the film I could bear to watch! It was way too excruciating to view every minute! If this one comes round on cable, go out, make a coffee, clean your navel out with a screwdriver anything has to be better that watching this!
The Hive (2008)
Indifferent acting, bad camera-work, lame plot. Give it a miss
The acting in this movie is mostly indifferent. Is this sci-fi? They have to be kidding (ants that crawl fast enough to catch running humans, and even give an SUV a run for its money)! Couple this pretty lame plot with some of the worst camera-work ever to be seen on TV or in the cinema, and you have the movie in a nutshell. Ultra close ups to the point where you can't work out what's going on (though you can see every blemish in the actors skin), wobbly cameras, to name but a few. The CGI ants are below average, and the final dénouement about the cause of everything just leaps from the improbable to the downright silly. Monty Python would have been proud of the ending! Give this a miss! Two stars (just because Elizabeth Healey is pretty).