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anubhavparsh
Reviews
Mary Kom (2014)
forehead punching
In the beginning of the film , a disclaimer claiming no animals were hurt during the making of this film is displayed. A 'no Priyanka Chopra was hurt ' also seemed apt after two hours of watching boxers carefully avoiding punching her face, so she could go shoot expensive music videos with international artists afterwards. In a role tailor made for someone else, PC essays the role of an ironic boxer who doesn't know how to throw a punch and gets pregnant at inconvenient moments . Right after she tells her husband she's pregnant(using prega news..This movie is a goldmine for pregnancy related product placement), he exclaims 'goal! This is the best goal I've ever scored' . yes. . that happens . Anyway, this metaphor is to remind us that he is in fact a footballer for a local club , lest we forget during all the Priyanka Chopra happening on screen . He is played by slightly north eastern looking guy who's not actually north eastern. He too plays an ironic footballer who doesn't know how to kick a ball .. Set in a mythical version of Manipur where people speak exclusively in perfect Hindi and not Manipuri and important characters look like Bollywood actors . The only north easterners you'll see are the sidekicks of important characters or the sidekicks of sidekicks or people sitting in buses. Of course there are profound lines like "thanks for applying 'iodex' on my cramp, i don't know how i lived without it all my life "and " i've decided i'm going to use 'sugar free'in my tea from now onwards " so that people know what to buy after the movie . In the second half, after another boring interchangeable fight sequence, a commentator announces this has been the most interesting fight he's seen in his 30 year career . The only emotion this evokes is pity for possibly a very boring career. There's also a recurring character , Sasha. Icy, cold and calculative and other synonyms describing coldness (yes, she's Russian..duh) , she's a bitch basically. Described as a fearsome boxer she almost exclusively punches PC on her forehead. This film might be credited for introducing the never before seen 'forehead punch' into shitty boxing movie terminology. Notable is stern but heart of gold coach played by a bald guy who can be inserted in any boxing movie ever made and not seem out of place . p.s- if you're planning to nap, don't do it towards the end as the national anthem makes an appearance leading to the sudden realisation that we're Indian
Finding Fanny (2014)
It's not about a butt
finding fanny (Spoiler Alert !)
It's not about a butt-
If you went into the theatre expecting a movie about a group of people engaged in a quest to find a butt, you will be disappointed.. Turns out it's about finding a person named after butts. As expected, the two good things about the movie are Naseeruddin Shah and Pankaj Kapur. Naseeruddin plays a guy who loved a woman 46 years ago but got no reply when he wrote her a letter asking her hand in marriage. He is also an earnest man who's earnestness often seems to border on autism. On finding out that the letter was never delivered, he along with a rag tag bunch of eccentric individuals essential in every road trip movie embark on a quest(I would've sued the postal department first) to find fanny....still sounds sexual. Shah almost singlehandedly carries the film on his droopy shoulders. Pankaj Kapur on the other hand plays a highly non autistic person who likes to look at female body parts when no one is looking at him. But he's pretty awesome and also singlehandedly carries the film . So I guess what I'm trying to say is they both singlehandedly carry the movie ... ? Anyway ..he also dies btw . But in a cool 'I got shot in the head while two people were playing with a gun in the front seat of a car when the gun went off putting a bullet in my forehead but nobody realised it and i fell out of the car a bit later as the door was open and landed in a large river body and nobody really noticed that either' way.2 other people and a cat also die btw. Dimple Kapadia's butt essays the role of the love interest of Pankaj Kapur prior to that. Also, as expected, Arjun Kapoor plays 'guy with beard or stubble'. Something Abhishek Bachchan had mastered until people discovered other people with beards. Kapoor is 'Savio De Gama', a name I only remember cos it reminded me of Paresh Rawals iconic 'kiske mama ki gun hai ?' . Anyway, he has had the hots for Deepika Padukone for a long while.. why, you ask ? It's cos they're the only two people in their age bracket in the movie. So it's natural. That's why. Why hasn't he ever spoken of his feelings? Cos he's a man.. with a beard. Also seen is Ranveer Singh, who is on screen for about 20 seconds. Which is just the right amount of Ranveer Singh for any movie. All in all, it's a slow movie , but it does teach us that we need to pursue love before its too late, and that 46 years is the right amount of time you need to get over someone, and that letters are not a reliable form of communication and postmen suck.
P.s- Will he find her, will they end up together, you ask? Nope . She's dead. A cat also dies somewhere in between .