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juliusdownes
Reviews
Masters of Horror: The V Word (2006)
A waste of time
I've been dipping into the Masters of Horror series and watching those whose synopsis seems particularly interesting. Unfortunately, this has not only been the worst episode I've seen of the series but one of the worst pieces of fiction I have encountered for some time.
The first half of the episode was slow and uninteresting, the second half was stupid and boring. The motivation for visiting the funeral home makes no real sense, all the time spent highlighting the video game element of the story was not required and served no purpose. The characters were so thin and pointless I didn't care about any of them anyway.
I won't analyse it any further as it's just not worth the time. I would not recommend this to anyone, it gives nothing.
That's Your Funeral (1972)
Non-stop non-hilarity.
I just bought and watched the German DVD (which does include the English audio as well) and I must say I'm disappointed. I love many British comedies from this period in both their series and movie versions although I had never seen this one before. Unfortunately I found it a terrible mess, and worse than that - it did not make me laugh, or smile, once. I'm not sure if I was expecting standard or black humour but in my honest opinion this contained neither. What did I get? 65 minutes of story telling based around a non-sensical plot regarding a "sort of" mix up* between a corpse, a wax-work of the corpse and a coffin containing hashish cigarettes smuggled into the country by the rival firm. Why do I say 65 minutes, well this is where the movie feels like it has ended, with the cremation of the hashish cigarettes and arrival of the police. We then have another 15 minutes vaguely related to a secret formula for a fizzy drinks recipe which the deceased had secreted upon his person and should have been cremated with the body...
*I say "sort of" because the characters themselves create the mix up, or don't try to revolve it. The strange thing is that vague plot points come and go without anyone noticing them only to be picked up by chance by someone later and forgotten again. Also the motivation of "the badies" is completely unfathomable, they are classy hippy drug smuggling funeral directors.
I'm not sure what the series was like but this film makes me think they wanted to make a comedy but were too scared to put in any jokes in case they offended somebody. I also wonder why the film appears to be popular enough to be released in Germany but not over here, perhaps during the dubbing they actually introduced some jokes and made it a funny film?
Perry Mason: The Case of the Fan Dancer's Horse (1957)
Worst so far, IMHO.
The last couple of weeks I started watching the box set of the complete Season 1 Perry Mason. Most episodes have been average to excellent but I watched this episode with my mum and we were completely bemused by it. There is a lot going on in the story but not much tying it together, what does tie it together often does not make sense either. The craziest part appears to be that the "Lois Fenton" who Perry is defending in court has been set up by the police / prosecution who are hiding the other "Lois Fenton" (I can't remember which way round it's supposed to be), they are knowingly lying to court that she has been correctly identified and the police had even arranged a fake identification as part of the ruse. Why they would do this is unknown and why it doesn't raise more eyebrows is even stranger still.
Folly to Be Wise (1952)
Slow, tedious and not funny.
I absolutely love a lot of old British comedies, including earlier black and white ones. For example School for Scoundrels, Green Man, St Trinians, early Carry Ons, Norman Wisdom, Make Mine Mink, etc. Some of them aren't as funny as we would expect nowadays but still have a certain charm. I found this movie "Folly to be Wise" the absolutely dreadful as far as film making or comedy goes. The whole affair was akin to pulling teeth and it took me three sitting to get through the movie. The plot comes from nowhere and goes nowhere, the are characterless characters and the whole affair is underpinned by an absence of comedy. Alistair Sim is a good actor, even if not a favourite of mine, and George Cole makes an early appearance.
Spoiler - Basically the premise of the movie is - Sims set up a panel of people who do a show for the local troops whereby the audience members who have previously sent in questions get them answered by the menagerie of semi-intelligent people before the audience. A lady, who is getting to thinking she is too clever to marry a "dumb" soldier asks whether it's worth getting married. This causes a bit of a fracas between the panels members and is a bit of sore point as there is an affair going on (although it doesn't imply it's being consummated) and the people are often unpleasant to each other. At the end, following a speech by the "dumb" soldier - they decide that you learn about life by living it and not reading books and - happy ending alert - she decides to marry the "dumb" soldier.
The Wicker Man (2006)
This movie gets worse the more you think about it.
I watched this last night and I've been progressively feeling more frustrated since then that I have to put my thoughts to paper even though I don't think mere words can express the pain this film has put my mind through. Basically the film makes no sense, it has very little plot and is not consistent with itself, there are lots of strange or stupid things that happen in the movie that have nothing to do with the plot either directly or indirectly but appear to have been put in to give the movie a few shocks. Here are some problems with this film: 1) Entire start of movie where mother and child are burnt out in car but bodies are then missing and car cannot be identified has nothing to do with the movie. 2) The "fact" that the letter he receives from the island is not postmarked has no relevance. 3) Everything and anything to do with bees and his allergy to bees has nothing to do with the plot and is completely pointless. 4) The motivational tape he buys at the start and later looses/has stolen on the island is irrelevant filler. 5) All of Edward's flashbacks / dreams of things that "have not happened" are padding to make the movie look more interesting. 6) Introductions of random characters like "two blind crones" who then do nothing in the movie. 7) Everything to do with the flooded underground crypt which he gets trapped in, the rescued 20 seconds later has no point. 8) Why Edward does not consider the child his girlfriend had shortly after she left him could be his, but when she tells him that it is "his" he doesn't quibble. 9) They lured him to the island because their crops failed but the elaborate plan to lure him there was started 5 years before their crops failed. 10) The island being ruled by women with passive mute men as their breeding servants. Why are the men so passive, why are their multiple people who look the same. Genetic experimentation? Who knows. 11) No details are given of the islander's beliefs to explain what they do other than it's something from old Britain to explain the Wicker Man at the end. 12) Why Willow keeps changing from looking a little bit sorrowful to gleefully happy at Edward burning to death at the end. 13) The acting is generally terrible, although this may be a problem with the direction and lack of character to actually act.
The Haunted House of Horror (1969)
A mixed bag
I watched this movie not expecting much and still think I was short-changed somehow. The film is well photographed and although it sometimes appears to keep changing the time of day between shots in the same scene, the overall art direction is good. The film is never dull to look at with good use of camera, colour, angle and lighting. The music, except that awful pub song at the start, is at least good and sometimes better. I wasn't expecting great acting either but it's generally adequate even though the actors have nothing really to work with - this leads me onto the main problem... The plot, or lack of, as the characters appear to be going through the paces with no internal motivation whatsoever for anything they do, nor does there appear to be any logic to explain or give meaning to other events which occur either. Unfortunately, after a while I was hoping that the killer would just get on with it so I could put this disc away and watch the next movie in the pile. 3.5 stars, I would not recommend this movie for general entertainment.