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The Gentlemen (2019)
Gangsta Love Actually
OK so the plot is cool. The dialogue is cool. It is all entertaining enough : the characters are well formed and the action is fast paced. One of Ritchie strengths is that he doesn't hold back on the side characters. Even the non key players are well rounded and intruiging.
What let's this movie down, in one word, is Grant. I disagree with other comments. His performance is not inspired nor spot on. It is 'East end gangster character 101'.
Growing a goatee and saying a few naughty words doth not a convincing East End character make and adopting a stereotypical effeminate lisp and making a few risqué bottom jokes doth not a convincing homosrxual character make. Grant assumes both.
A shame as his role is pivotal. Had it been played differently then the film could well have been recieved differently.
Escape Plan (2013)
Parody - Entertaining but ultimately a load of Pants
19 February 2014
Hmmm. You know the plot already. Plus points : easy to watch, easy to follow, action packed, the violence and a few naughty words aside this is relatively accessible to all, Stallone & Arnie playing off each other, entertaining. Negative points : plot holes you could drive a truck through (a shortage of black armour faced guards is suddenly replaced with a veritable mob of them suddenly appearing to literally throw themselves on Arnies guns), questionable acting (when Vinnie Jones notices something on the monitors is he querying what he is seeing or is he having a hard time on the toilet), terrible dialogue, predictable ending. Basically this is 'The Expendables' in a glass box. Probably a lot of fun to make, OK to watch, but ultimately instantly forgettable.
Sparks (2013)
Can you smell something?
11 June 2014
It is the stench of a truly terrible movie.
I watched this and was so moved by it's naffness that, when I took a look on IMDb to find who the guilty parties were and I saw how this had a much higher rating than it merited I was so shocked I took the trouble to dust off my IMDb user to post a review and help redress the balance.
Why is it such a turkey? Bad acting, bad dialogue, boring, terrible plot, incomprehensible storyline, poor effects, poor casting, boring, unbelievable, emotionally dead, naff action scenes, poorly choreographed fight scenes, predictable on every level, boring and boring.
Arguably any (or all) of the above could be thrown at this film and they would stick.
Like the Watchmen, Philip Marlow, and the extra's from Sin City all got in a lift, pressed basement, then the lift malfunctioned and they all fell to their doom resulting in a mashed up indecipherable mess at the bottom of the shaft.
Watching this means losing 90 minutes of your life that you will never get back. You have been warned.
UHF (1989)
Didn't Get It
30 June 2014
OK so over fifteen pages of out of the park reviews. er Why? Maybe this movie just doesn't age well or something. I am a fan of Mr Yankovic, he is witty and his parodies are, usually, quite clever. I am a fan of stoopid humor (AirPlane, Police Squad, Top Secret the list goes on). But although I had high hopes for this film I really just didn't like it. Maybe it's the poor acting (er, nope), maybe its the poor plot (er, nope) - the thought of a leftfield chancer getting his mitts on a TV station is actually a great sounding plot. I think that the problem is that every significant single pun/joke/plot device coming can be spotted about a mile off. Unlike some of the other reviewers on here then I managed to watch the entire film through without laughing out loud once. Yes admittedly I did crack a smile once or twice, but this was far outweighed by the fact that I was also forced to wince a good few times. Watch it certainly. But don't expect too much. The visual equivalent of pulling a Christmas Cracker.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
This is not the film you are looking for
Ok to use a gridiron analogy. It is the 4th quarter. Its first and inches and you only have to move the ball forward a small bit to score an almighty touchdown and win the game outright. No question. Simple. And just to be clear. The ball is Star Wars.
Easy. But we just have to explain a bit first. We want to fill in the unanswered questions about Reys backstory. Explain her heritage and so on. Okay. Oh and we want to fill in other characters backstories too. Enrich them. And we want to clarify a few things that have been done before. And, because its Star Wars we want to show how inventive we are and throw in some completely new characters and plot devices at the same time. At the same time we want to contain quite a few throwbacks, have a few nods to the old Star Wars heritage. For the fans. And we want a love story. Preferably unrequited. After all we so want the film to have meaning. Oh and we want it to be shocking, unpredictable and twisty. And we want it all to be cinematic. A grand visual exiting epic.
So, by trying to do so much then unfortunately what was potentially the easiest win in history becomes an unbridled confusing bit of a mess really.
I overlooked the plot holes in the original trilogy. I forgave Binkgate and, arguably the introduction of the most annoying Star Wars character ever. I eventually forgave the travesty that was Episode II : Kevin, Perry and Anakin Go Large. I defended the endless revisiting and remastering/tinkering of the originals. I even embraced the Disneyfication of Star Wars. I enjoyed the Force Awakens and The Last Jedi and am loving the Mandalorian despite baby Yoda) so was fully prepared for a bit of schmaltz. I would have given them that. But what I won't forgive is this fumble. This mish mash. This is Star Wars. Not high brow entertainment. It is the ultimate pop corn fodder. But I never ever, in my wildest dreams, would have thought that I would find Star Wars emotionless and boring. But it was. Despite all the cinematic gold and heritage that could be drawn upon (save for the unintended comedy moment where Chewie turns into Zoidberg from Futurama 'Whumpwhumpwhump') this is ninety minutes of cookie cutter unchallenging watching. I could wax lyrical about all the faults I found and the few things I actually did like (yes there were some : the C£PO mind wiping alien, the nonchalant little nod from Kylo Ren when he pulls off his wonderful slight of hand) but I won't as safe to say that regardless of this negative review then you need to see it anyway as it closes the book on a cinematic universe, but try not to get too angry watching it.
The Big Short (2015)
The Jury's Out on this one..
Clever and accomplished. Well scripted and acted. A story well told. But. If you don't conceive or have an interest in the workings of the financial markets this might be a long dry watch with heavy subject matter. And if you do conceive the workings of the financial markets and have an interest then the subject matter is a tad lightweight. Never going beyond "A beginners guide to ABS...". So what is the target audience. By straddling the fence between documentary and entertainment it never succeeds in being a statement for either genre. Well made and, sort of entertaining, but this is ultimately a very missable film. No must see here.
Daddy's Home (2015)
Funnier than expected but no classic
This film is not going to win any awards. It is not groundbreaking, it is not particularly moving nor emotionally charged. It is not consistently a barrage of righteous humor. It is not a complex and thought provoking plot. But what it is, is dependable, and surprisingly entertaining. The theme is simple ; Step Dad (Ferrell) and Bio Dad (Wahlburg) alpha male it up against each other for the affections of their children. A simple enough concept that is just rinsed and repeated throughout the film to varying effect. It has the chemistry the two leads established in 'The Other Guys'in spades. Its not quite as crass, or funny, as 'Stepbrothers'. Its not quite as clever in its humor as 'Anchorman'. Instead its a mish mash of all three. A funny consistent easy movie that is simple to follow, inoffensive, and scores big laugh out loud moments two or three times. The two "dads" are ably supported by the other actors in the film : the fertility doctor, Ferrells boss & the handyman. But the film never challenges in its humor nor its plot. It is very predictable on all fronts. The only real question is why they are tussling over the opinions of those annoying spoilt kids in the first place. But definitely worth a watch.
Creed (2015)
Creed
Rocky is a landmark film. A great. The series slowly declined, trading gritty characters and dialogue for hollow blockbuster shenanigans. The films in the series gradually got worse, culminating in V which was basically pants. Rocky Balboa saw a return to form in my opinion. Once again putting character and setting for spectacle. I was hoping that Creed would do the same. To follow the rejuvenation that took place with Balboa.
Sadly not. In my opinion this sits midway between the two. It dips into the world of believable characterisation and plot but ultimately keeps the Hollywood schmaltz in spades. I deliberately read nothing about this film before seeing it but could have predicted it anyway. As it rolled out on screen everything was predictable and a tad bland. And the main protagonist, Creed, had none of the natural charm and charisma of Rocky. There are occasional sparks of chemistry between Balboa and Creed but nothing to write home about, and nothing to keep you interested for the duration of the film. Toward the end I wasn't particularly rooting for or against Creed. I just wanted the proceedings to draw to a close.
The Revenant (2015)
Yawn
3 for the cinematography. 1 for the film itself. A big boring yawn of seen it all before. Basically 2 hours of dicaprio stumbling about in the snow and sucking his dirty fingers.
Tom Hardy, save from turning into Yosamite Sam toward the end with his over the top western frontiersman drawl, is great as the baddie. But the trailer shows all the best bits of the film. The bear attack is brutal. The dead horse (nick the idea from Star Wars) is interesting. But essentially its all the stuff that happens in-between that is the killer. Boring. Pretty but boring. By the end you just do not care if the the main character actually ploughs through his ordeal and gets his much justified revenge or not. You just want the film to end.
Ex Machina (2014)
A Great Film
I knew nothing of this film bare a rough idea of the general subject matter.
It is a great watch. Solid acting performances from all involved (interestingly both male leads are played by actors that went on to feature in the Force Awakens but this could not be further away from that Blockbuster genre of movie) and a clever simple story that unfolds and twists unpredictably.
In the case of this movie then less is definitely more. A single set. A few characters. Simple plot. Intelligent dialogue. A very worthy and thought provoking film.
Entertainment (2015)
Awful
OK I get how this is supposed to be anti entertainment. I get how this is supposed to be an artsy thought provoking watch. I get that this is supposed to be a dark and uncomfortable portrayal of one mans slow descent into vague mental illness. I just don't get it. It simply doesn't work. The acting is good, the film contains believable seedy characters and the setting is appropriate. Just the whole thing is sooo slow and, frankly, boring. Endless montages of the anti hero sitting mute on a bed. Endless slow shots of characters looking at each other. Mute. As a viewer you are left to infer and fill in the blanks to ascertain what is going on. The trouble is you can't be bothered to. The film and the protagonist is so unlikeable and proceedings are so slow and boring you just have no interest. True, I watched till the end. But that says more about me as a viewer than it does the film. I just wanted some form of closure, or at least some sort of justification for actually watching. I was sadly disappointed. Just more of the same slow pointless tut till proceedings crawl to an end. Even worse than Terence Malik's awful Tree of Life film. And that really is saying something. I would avoid.
The Ridiculous 6 (2015)
This film is just not funny
This doesn't work. Even as an ironic "don't expect too much and just sit back and dumb down" watch. Simply not funny. Not particularly offensive or crass or anything. Just meh. And really not amusing in any way. I watched the entire shebang. Eventually just as a box ticking exercise. To say I have seen it (and to warn others). But it didn't evoke one laugh. What "jokes" there are (and I use the term loosely) can be spotted a mile off. Anyone involved in this should just hang their heads in shame and donate any acting fees received to charity. There is a reason that this was a Netflix Exclusive and I think that reason is because no other outlet was fool enough to even touch it.