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sr_roughton
Reviews
Last Man Down (2021)
Wooden in every way
Last man down starts out looking like it might be a movie so bad it's good, but turns out being so bad it's painful.
If you're looking for a movie with terrible acting, full of cheesy one-liners, illogical actions and decisions made by every character, that often makes absolutely no sense and feels like all the scenes were written individually and then cramed together...then this is for you.
Our protagonist is John Wood, a seemingly unkillable man with terrible decision making and tactical skills, who is presumably trying to get himself killed, but without any success. He has some obsession with chopping wood and is even referred to as a woods man...but as he is isolated and society has collapse, only God knows what he's doing with all that wood. His accomplice is a woman named Maria, who, in her blood, holds the key to a cure to the mysterious and completely undefined illness that has run rampant through the global population.
As the bad guys need Maria so they can develop a cure for their own nefarious purposes, they need to take her alive, which comes in handy for her whenever she gets herself caught (she's not very smart so this happens a few times), but they seem to forget they need her alive and randomly shoot at her whenever she's on the run (everybody is bereft of intelligence in this movie...I guess the disease has wiped out everyone with an IQ greater than a potato 🤷♂️).
We get a few shootouts where only the protagonists can hit anything and some fight scenes that I can only guess were written by a 10 year old, fighting in this movie mainly consists of taking turns punching each other while the other person stands there and takes the punch, the guys in this movie are so big I can only assume they are physically unable to even try and dodge a punch.
Then we get to the end, or lack thereof, Maria gives herself up to save Wooden John and he vows to find her in part 2...which I can't imagine will ever see the light of day.
Only worth watching for the humour of the completely unnatural dialogue throughout.
Kidnapped (2021)
So bad it's good!
Terrible acting by all involved (except for Mr Pickles who is a class above the rest), and a ridiculously transparent plot that will leave you waiting for the twists that you figured out half an hour or so earlier.
Jessica Fletcher and Scooby Doo wouldn't have been out of place here with the heavy-handed clues and attempts at misdirection that wouldn't fool anyone.
The only thing that could have improved this masterpiece would have been if after all they hammy dramatic acting Mr Pickles came to life to thwart the villain. 🤣 Highly recommended!