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Columbo: Undercover (1994)
Columbo in name only
There is no 'Columbo' in this episode of Columbo. It could be any detective. It's taken from the 87th precinct books written by Ed McBain. If you are a McBain fan, then you might want to watch but there is no Columbo flare to this.
It's just a missed opportunity. It's a bit like 'Time To Die', another book adaptation used for a Columbo movie. It just replaces the detective from the book with Columbo as a drop-in.
I'm not sure what executive decisions were made at the time for this to be released.
So having that behind us, the movie isn't bad by any means. Essentially a type of treasure hunt movie. It lacks most of the charm you get in a Columbo episode but as a bit of a detective story it's still ok.
Columbo: No Time to Die (1992)
Could be any detective. Not really a Columbo at all
What makes Columbo Columbo is completely absent from this one. The formula is tossed out. This isn't about a murder. We don't know 'who' the criminal is to start. There is no report between the perpetrator and Columbo.
Instead we have a race against time and while we see Columbo as a whip-smart detective it really could have been anyone. It could have been Magnum PI. Or Dragnet. Or anything.
The episode is devoid of all the charm that makes Peter Falk in the role of Columbo such a joy to watch.
Is this the worst Columbo ? I don't know. What I know is that my rating sort of splits the difference. As a Columbo this would be a 2 and as a generic 'detective' movie I'd have given it a 4 so I give it a 3.
Velma: The Brains of the Operation (2023)
The show reaches its inevitable disappointing ending
I'm blown away that 2% of the viewers found this series redeemable.
It takes an entire season to deliver the same punch as the original did in a single episode. Were you hoping for character arcs converging on the character personalities you know? Well, you can abandon any hope of that.
A few funny sight-gags is really about all this episode (and honestly the series) really had going for it.
I watched it through just to see if the show was going to come even close to moving the character arcs forward and it really doesn't. So this begs the question: Why even use the Scooby Doo IP for this show? Could this not have been done with fully original characters? Or was that the only way it could get the green light? I'm really wondering how this show got made in the first place.
It's a shame because doing a new 'spin' on the franchise would be pretty good. Even an 'adult' version would be fine. This isn't it though. It's what a 12 year old _thinks_ is adult or edgy. There is no subtlety here.
Velma: The Sins of the Fathers and Some of the Mothers (2023)
If you are hoping the show redeems itself, you can abandon hope here
No spoilers: The show is just poorly written. Tired jokes. I think this episode makes it the most obvious that they didn't need to tie this to the Scooby Doo IP at all.
All the humor here is supposed to be 'biting' and 'adult' but it's like the Zima of adult drinks. It's what a child thinks adult humor would be.
The joke pool here is extremely shallow and they go to the same stock over and over again.
The best part of this episode (and maybe the show in general) are some of the visual gags. Some of those are pretty amusing, but again, it would have been about the same if it was using the Scooby IP or not. This show should have just done its own thing and not tried to tie anything to an existing IP.
Battleship (2012)
You go in knowing it's going to be bad, but it's offensively bad
The bad: The plot. The acting. The plot holes are dreadful. The 'love' story is awful. The movie starts predictably and only goes downhill from there. Honestly, I sort of wish I didn't know it was based on the game. Once you know that and see those flying pegs and the search in a 'grid pattern' it becomes comically stupid.
Also bad: The 'soccer' game near the beginning was sad and predictable.
Unforgivable: The love interest's father is 'the big boss' in charge of the naval fleet. Some of the goofy "fun" nature of this movie seems like it is from a script from the 1980s instead of the 2000s. "Watch the rag-tag group of heroes come together" vibe.
Also bad: The music selection is a total bro-frat-party vibe. That's not a good thing. I'm pretty sure most of the most of the tunes played in the pivotal moments are from the 1980s. Just examine some of the songs and artists on this soundtrack: Blue Sued Shoes, Hard as a Rock (AC/DC), ZZ Top, Billy Squier and the song in every military movie - Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
The good: There is still some good in this movie. Rhianna did a decent job in her acting debut. Also, Gregory Gadson (Lt Mick) was great. Every scene with him was pretty solid. Doesn't hurt that he has actual military experience.
Also good: The scene of the convenience store break in was pretty on point reproduction of a real life event that had me legit laughing.
Finally, the better than good: The SFX and VFX in this movie are genuinely superb. Even watching this movie years later, most of the video effects and CGI hold up amazingly well. The alien ships look like mechanical waterbugs. It's actually pretty cool. The armor they have for the aliens is also pretty amazing looking. The transitions between CGI and actual effects are done smoothly. The missiles and other weapons have nice sound and visual fx.
Skip this movie: Just re-watch flicks from the 1980s. Watch Top Gun or something. Top Gun you get volleyball instead of soccer. You get decent acting and a better plot. And the soundtrack is year-appropriate (except perhaps the Everly Brothers schtick).
Farscape: Jeremiah Crichton (1999)
Trying to get into Farscape, this episode isn't helping
The trope used is just so cringe-worthy. The 'men' have something to do and the 'women' mostly wring their hands. Crichton starts off by acting like a big baby for no discernible reason and hardly changes. I've enjoyed several episodes ok, but nothing is really gripping yet. I quick google search for 'When does farscape get good' says Ep19 of Season 1. So I'm willing to slog through a bit, but boy does this episode make me want to pack it in.