Change Your Image
JimBonig
It's actually the year 1720.The Holy Roman Emperor Otto III (980 - 1002 CE) had his chroniclers fake 300 years of history because he wanted to be the emperor in the year 1000. The years circa 614-911 CE did not exist. There has been a systematic effort to fabricate the timeline through the alteration, misrepresentation and forgery of documentary and physical evidence in the time of Otto III to present day historians.
When supporting evidence or lack thereof for this gap is discovered by current historians, they perpetuate the myths and cover-up as they would rather not be called out for claiming the 300 year gap actually existed, despite clear evidence to the contrary:
= Unlike any other period in history, architecture, ceramics and thought made virtually no advances - this is why it is called the 'Dark Ages' - evidence this time simply didn't exist.
= There is no archaeological evidence which can be reliably dated to this period; our account is based on a very limited number of written sources (which could easily have been faked).
= The Pope introduced the new Gregorian calendar in 1582 CE to replace the Julian calendar, when it was 10 days out of sync. An error in the Julian calendar lost about 3 days every 400 years. However, had this error been in affect since the introduction of the Julian calendar in 45 BC, it should to have been 12 days out of sync (1600y/400, 4*3 =12 days, vs 1300y/400 3.25*3 =9.75 days) so the intervening period must have been overstated by 300 years.
= The range of achievements credited to the only person of any note for the fictional period, Charlemagne (742 - 814 CE) - architect, astronomer, educator, philosopher, folklorist, lawmaker, statesman - is so great that he could only be a mythical figure.
Like maple syrup, Canada's evil oozes over the United States.First of all, there is no Canadian culture. I've never read any Canadian literature. And when have you ever heard anyone say, 'Honey, lets stay in and order some Canadian food'?
These Canadians suffer from a serious inferiority complex. That's why they built the Canadian National Tower, the world's largest free-standing structure. It is the height of six American football fields, or five Canadian football fields, as if Canadian football really counts. Congress is also asking intelligence agencies to investigate why the Canadians maintain a threatening lead in Zamboni technology.
Canadians are always dreaming up ways to ruin our lives. The metric system, for the love of God! ...Celsius! ...Neil Young!
The Canadians. They walk among us. William Shatner. Michael J. Fox. Monty Hall. Mike Myers. Alex Trebek. All of them Canadians. All of them here. Think of your children pledging allegiance to the maple leaf. Mayonnaise on everything. Winter 11 months of the year. Anne Murray - all day, every day.
It's time we put the 'America' back in North America!
I'm here to say there actually is no killer bear.I know a terrifying story coming from the mouth of a recognized authority figure could be traumatizing to kids like yourselves. I know that because I had a similar situation with my Uncle Roy and a story he used to tell about a family who went into the woods and was attacked by a band of escaped psychiatric patients, who been subjected to violent, hellish torture behavior modification experiments. It seems they escaped from the metal boxes the Army kept them in, found this family in the woods, fell upon them, slaughtered them and ate them. Well now, that story gave me nightmares not to be believed!
So, no more thinking about bears, all right? We’ll close our eyes and dream about nice things. About cuddly things. About soft, fluffy things. Okay? Goodnight, sleep tight.
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Harry Anderson: The Tricks of His Trade (1996)
Classic Harry; short on time
During the course of his 90s series Dave's World, Harry Anderson stopped off to bring us this CBS special with all the classic moments of the format: guest stars, behind the scenes vignettes, a little road trip (to Owen Magic Supreme, fabricators of magic props/devices/show pieces for over 100 years), and that odd mix of a little skin and family friendly fun.
An hour-long special in the 90s equates to about 47 minutes of show time, which even though longer than today's hour-long programming (42/43 min) still feels a bit short for all of the great magic Harry is capable of performing. However he included a nice variety, from card tricks to bill swaps to the rings and even a little bodily puncturing (no pins through arms with blood, but a little cringe-inducing talent with a Bic), plus some home audience participation where he makes your chosen card disappear.
Also appearing are ventriloquist Jay Johnson and juggler Peter Davison. Very talented guys even if that isn't your thing, and they add to the family-friendly carnival theme. Interweaved are some guest appearances from John Ritter, Brent Spiner, and the cast of Dave's World, who all have a little run in with Harry the Hat, and let's not forget, playing his partner in crime, JC Wendel (who played Dave's assistant Mia on Dave's World, and graciously provides the aforementioned brief moment of skin). Markie Post fans need not tune in for her flash of an appearance. Other appearances include Peter Scolari as a carny, and Tim Stack not playing a welder.
Overall entertaining but a bit short and disappointing if you're a big fan of Harry the Hat and Games You Can't Lose - simply because you want more. It doesn't suffer much from age as many of the routines are classic/timeless, but the 90s-ness seeps in, and the context of some of the guest stars may be lost on those unfamiliar with the decade. Of course if you're watching this, you're a fan! This is/was available from Harry in an autographed DVDR limited run of 500, but I think those are exhausted. Watch it if you get the chance, buy it if it's cheap enough, but don't go to the ends of the Earth.