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Reviews
Ogniem i mieczem (1999)
Polish Master Hoffman puts the likes of Peter Jackson to shame, making THE most gorgeous definitive swashbuckling epic for a mere $8 million
Old master director Jerzy Hoffman makes $8 million look like Peter Jackson's $800 million, and then some. Lord of the Rings looks juvenile and cheap in comparison. The massive battles are more massive. The costumes, weaponry, armor, and horses are real and period-correct. The hack and slash sword fights look like sword fights, not superhero ballet, but are all the better for it.
Think of a sort of medieval "Three Musketeers", but bigger, brighter, and better, in the final days of knights, swords, lances, and chivalry. It is a tale of love, honor, passion, and two men's fight for a woman, to the backdrop of civil war that began in much the same way.
The year is 1647. The historical backdrop is what begins as a personal feud, when a Polish nobleman, Sheriff Chaplinsky, burns and loots his rival Ukrainian Cossack commander Bogdan Khmelnitsky's estate, whips his son from a prior marriage to within an inch of his life, and kidnaps and forcibly marries his lover and bride-to-be. It turns into civil war over equal rights for Ukrainian nobility. Khmelnitsky (played by the then-Minister of Culture of the Ukraine) is laughed out of a Polish courthouse, given an insultingly meager compensation for damages, and told that his woman is now her kidnapper's and rapist's legal wife, in the eyes of God and men. When he protests and calls for justice, he is asked if a Cossack doesn't have a sword to cut out his own justice, and almost killed. Unwittingly, the Polish protagonist saves him, when he sees the well-dressed proud man assaulted by a gang of lowlifes masquerading as Tartars.
Angry, slighted, shamed, bitter, and insulted, feeling that he has been denied the rights given to him by God and King, he heads out to the Sich, the Cossack's stronghold. There, he campaigns on a platform of Cossack rights to equal those of Polish nobility, is elected Warlord (hetman), and leads the wild, freedom-loving, and fiercely independent Orthodox Cossack host in rebellion against the Catholic Polish crown, which will ultimately end (off-screen) with the Ukraine's secession to the Russian Empire.
(just background historical info above; possibly some MILD SPOILERS below)
As this bloody war burns in the background, four Polish knights led by the protagonist, dashing young Hussar (heavy lancer) officer Jan Skrzetuski, and Ukrainian Colonel Bohun, perhaps the most daring and charming antagonist rogue of all cinema ever, fight their own private feud. At the center of the conflict is lovely Ukrainian maiden Helena, who although promised by her family to the dark and passionate Cossack Bohun, falls for and chooses our handsome Polish knight Jan. Bohun learns of this, and in a murderous rage slaughters her relatives, then pursues her across war-torn Ukraine. Between gorgeous massive battle scenes in excellent period costume, Jan and his sidekicks clash over and over with the tragically obsessed Bohun for Helena, find her, lose her, regain her, and are themselves imprisoned, released, escaped, and ransomed, in a film full of daring escapes, edge-of-your-seat duels, shootouts, and all manner of other swashbuckling staples, with even a bit of wholesome cross-dressing involved.
Our hero Jan is aided by his old friend and sometime rival Michal Wolodyjowski, called the Little Knight, the diminutive first sword of Poland. With them tags along morbidly obese, homeless, and impoverished cowardly drunkard, ex-knight, and experienced cheat old Pan Zagloba. Later, this company is joined by the aptly-named towering 7-foot walking anachronism Longinus Podbipieta, and aging oaf of a knight, sworn to celibacy until he chops off 3 men's heads in one swing (and he does). Armed with a gigantic ancient family two-hander passed from father to son since the Crusades, so heavy he alone can swing it, he wanders Poland and the Ukraine to fulfill his quest and finally marry. With them also is Jan's squire, a no-good thieving opportunist and coward who never lets anyone forget that, though now impoverished and forced to serve, he too comes from noble blood. Again and again, they run afoul of the reckless and fearless rogue Cossack Bohun, part knight and part brigand, harsh, hateful, depressive master of the banzai charge, ever fighting and winning hopeless battles, and laughing death in the face every step of the way.
Watch this motley crew fight, drink, swindle, and flee through a treacherous landscape of civil war, battles, sieges, duels, and skirmishes, overflowing with barbaric Cossacks, mercenary Tartars (Mongols), stalwart and merciless Polish knights, sadistic, self-serving, and rather homosexual Turkish beis (lords), dashing brigands, cowardly peasants, and rows of corpses hung on trees for no greater crime than being in the wrong place, with the wrong people, at the wrong time. There are even men dying on stakes, a lesbian pagan witch guarded by a blind sharpshooter that she keeps for a dog, and a long nude maiden bathing scene for the viewer's pleasure.
This is THE epic swashbuckling tale, the kind of film you remember 10 years after seeing it. A must watch, even if you've never been partial to the genre, and possibly your new favorite movie ever if you like this sort of stuff!
Suche impotenten Mann fürs Leben (2003)
Sappy but cute
A pleasant and warm romantic comedy... Not in the least derogatory to anyone and far less clichéd than any Meg Ryan film. Even for those who honestly and whole-heartedly hate this genre, there are much worse ways to spend an evening or a date.
I don't understand why it received such a dismal rating, and can only guess that it was either shown with a god-awful translation in some language, was mis-advertised and sold as something entirely different, or was attacked by some internet community of overly ardent activists.
Saw it, enjoyed it, found nothing wrong with it, don't regret the 1.5 hours spent. Yes, it is neither Batman, nor Titanic, nor pure art, and may not appeal to those seeking a blockbuster or something elegant and refined, but it did entertain. In my book, that means - job done.
Silent Partner (2005)
Not bad
No stupid bond-style humour. Decent depiction of Moscow, Russia (I ought to know, since I live here). Rather entertaining...
There were only two strange things to it: 1. the ending left everyone clueless as to what actually happened (although, as someone here mentioned, that might just be a lead-in into a sequel) 2. the main characters never bothered to mask themselves or even put on some sunglasses while on the streets, even when national television reported that they were wanted terrorists, and, strangely enough, no one bothered to recognize them (come to think of it, the streets of Moscow, the largest city on the continent, were, curiously enough, completely empty, except for one or two scenes) Probably nothing to call home about, unless you are fans of Moran or Reid, but there are certainly much worse ways to spend an evening. Beats James Bond movies....
Assa (1987)
Decent artsy love drama with mob complications
However, the ONLY reason that most Russians saw this movie is Viktor Tsoy, credited in the titles. Actually, it was more of a cameo appearance. Absolute rock legend Tsoy made this film's success, especially after his accidental and mysterious death soon after release.
For fans : his appearance within the film lasts about 30 seconds. However, there is a stunning piece of live concert footage playing in the background during the end credits.
The film IS quite decent, although the plot is rather confusing. Personally, however, I spent the entire movie waiting for Tsoy to appear, as he was credited as if he was in the main cast. In fact, his first appearance is AFTER the dramatic finale... And has little if anything to do with the plot. This may have something to do with the fact that, besides his brilliant music career, he got an actor of the year award for the film 'Igla' (The Needle).
Basically, his casting is a scam --- to get a star into the cast to draw young audiences. He participated to support the lead actor, a close friend.