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Halloween Ends (2022)
Poorly written and confusing.
You'd expect Michael Meyers and Lori Strode to be big parts of this movie, but they aren't. Lori pops in and out through the whole movie and Michael only gets 10-15 minutes at the most. Poorly written: full of plot holes, stereotypical characters, and far fetched scenarios. The supernatural forces don't make any sense either. Perfect example of characters jumping around illogically to fit the script. I'm not even completely sure when this movie takes place. It's time tagged early on as 2019, then it's mentioned 4 years later. So, 2023? I felt ripped off. Don't pay money to see it. And then it was finally over!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Good lord, it's BAD!
I thought TCM: The Next Generation was bad. This is much worse. There's not a good connection to the rest of the movies. Seems to be loosely based on or a re-imagining of what I was expecting. The gory effects are pretty good, not much else. Plot is very weak. Only two characters are half-way likable. I knew it was going to be bad going into this and wasn't disappointed.
My Perfect Landing (2020)
Weak!
My 5 year old daughter watched a few episodes and I watch with her for a while. It's a disaster. The gymnastics is the only redeeming quality, if you could call it that. Poor acting on top of a wobbly script made it almost unwatchable for me. The production value isn't horrible but also isn't good. Many actors feel miscast in their roles. The fake/forced drama was the last straw, I couldn't watch more than one episode.
The Sleepover (2020)
EH...
This movie suffers from the same as most Netflix movies. Weak script. The acting and production value are surprisingly okay. You can drive trucks through the plot holes, but it's entertaining enough to sit through on an evening with the family. My kids liked it pretty well, they are 5 and 8, and I was somewhat amused.
Jolt (2021)
Decent movie
Obviously a low-budget Netflix movie, the production made it feel artsy and slick. Lots of plot holes and small continuity issues didn't keep action from happening. The ending left exploration of a sequel possible, but unlikely.
Still, an entertaining movie worth watching.
Thunder Force (2021)
Another dud!
This is the most dull superhero movie I have ever seen. Melissa McCarthy needs to pick her roles more carefully. With Ghostbusters and now this dud under her belt, her star is dimming. She's not all to blame though, on top of weak writing, low budget, and a terrible performance by Octavia Spencer, she could only do so much. Melissa did her best, Bateman was entertaining, and Pom Klementieff stood out as having the most gusto for her role. Octavia continuously killed all the story's energy with every line of her near-monotone delivery of dialogue. Melissa can do much better and I hope so in her next movie. This one isn't worth seeing.
A Haunted House (2013)
No spoilers here, I didn't make it to the end.
Just saw this movie on Netflix. I'm glad I didn't have to pay for a ticket, or I would have wanted my money back. I was reminded of just how annoying Marlon Wayans and Nick Swardson can be in a low brow comedy.
It's primarily based on Paranormal Activity, which I haven't seen due to the fact I can't stand the first person/home video point of view filming. A haunted House just isn't funny anyway. I might have watched a little over half way through before I had seen enough to turn it off.
I can't recommend this to anybody. Total waist of time. Maybe some of the stoners will like it.
Transmorphers (2007)
This is the stuff Mystery Science Theater is made of.
I just saw this jewel on Netflix. Firstly, I agree with some of the reviews people have written. I gave three stars to this movie, which is generous to say the least. It has bad acting (overacting) , bad story and just about everything else in this movie is bad. I'll only list the biggest problems.
1. Budget was too low for this bold of a project. This is no Iron Sky, it also had a ridiculous storyline but had nearly perfect CGI that resulted in a slick final product. Transmorphers CGI looked like cartoons. Come to think of it, why didn't they try to make this as an animated movie? Based off the Transformers cartoon? Instead?
2. Producers TRIED to take this movie seriously. It could have redeemed itself if the director had given into the ridiculousness and went more tongue and cheek for a campy feel. They had an attractive female cast (per IMDb profiles) but failed to cash it on them. (Only one semi scantily clad woman around 1 hour in.) A little gratuitous nudity and sex could have improved things dramatically. It felt like a porno-WITHOUT the porn. AND Amy Webber was even it! Remember her from Son of The Beach? She's still HOT, could have had a reason to have some PG rated bikini scenes! BUT NO!!!!!!!
3. Lastly, people don't seem to be seeing this movie for what it was meant to be; a cheap cash maker, made to bring in some money off the popularity of Transformers. And it is what it is.
I found it bad, but watchable. Most entertaining when viewed with a group of people to help heckle it, and alcohol.
Bitten (2014)
Nothing special.
First, let me say that I never read any of the books this series was based on. I didn't even know it was based on a book until I read some of the reviews. And I only watched the first three episodes. That was all I could stand to watch.
Laura Vandervoort was the draw to watch the show. I liked her in Smallville and a few other things I have seen her in. I think she is a likable and decent actress. She was also the only recognizable actor in the cast and might have what it takes to carry a series. Watching Bitten was proof to me that no one can carry a crap script. All of the characters are poorly written. Everyone except for the lead( who I consider to be two dimensional ) is very one dimensional or are trying way too hard to be "Cool". Nobody seems genuine. The show is no better than a daytime soap opera.
So much melodrama. Such generic story telling. If you watch much supernatural movies or television, you will see exactly were this story is going. Most key character motivation is so vague that nothing makes sense. Not even any good nudity thanks to it being aired on Syfy, not that it would review any better. But, better writing and some extra star power could turn this show around.
Wasn't worth the time.
Bounty Killer (2013)
Funnest movie I've seen in a while!
What do you get when you roll up Death Race 2000, Kill Bill, Bunraku and throw in a little Death Proof? The answer is Bounty Killer.
Christian Pitre stars as the smoking hot, ass kicking super vixen, Mary Death.( She is the obvious star, even though she doesn't have top billing.) Her and her pal, Drifter, are Bounty Killers in a bloody war against the Yellow Ties.
Enough about the storyline. See the movie and watch with the enthusiasm I did, the first ten minutes will have you hooked. There is blood, gore, auto chases, shoot'em ups. The action is good, if not great. There is some CGI that's decent at times and corny at other times. The acting is fair to good. A great sound track. There are some small rolls with bigger names that are effective while not being not overpowering. And lastly, it all comes together into the awesomely campy mess that is this movie. I LOVED IT!!
I'm sure if Bounty Killers had made it to the theaters, critics would hate it but the public would love it too! BRING ON THE SEQUELS!!!!
Alter Egos (2012)
A pleasant surprise
This movie looks incredibly cheap and I'm sure it is, but don't let that ruin your experience. The characters come off as being likable and endearing. The comedy shows through even though there are no laugh out loud moments. The story is weak but at the same time, it's clever, witty and relies on the character development to carry it through.
The main character is dealing with issues everyone has thought of in real life in a satirized manner. His girl friend is cheating on him with his alter ego (there's the title). His friend (also a super hero) is on a mission to create a purpose for super heroes again since all super villains have been caught. Our main hero meets a hot motel clerk that, after some effort to talk to, seems to like him for who he really is. That's the most of what happens. I'm not going to ruin it.
No one is going to win any awards for this movie but I was surprised at how enjoyable it was and can recommend it to others.
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
This movie can't decide what it whats to be.
I watched this movie with a vague understanding of what it was already about. Unlike everyone else who either LOVED IT or HATED IT, I thought it was "EH." I can't say that I loved or hated it because the movie couldn't decide what it wanted to be.
It started out as a natural horror, in Hostel fashion. A tech crew was orchestrating factors to bring 5 young adults into what appeared to be a test enclosure, without the subjects knowing it and intent to kill them. This style was drawing me in and playing out well until real zombies came into play. Still not too far fetched for Resident Evil, but it hadn't shifted through all of its gears. Two of the subjects survive and discover someone had been orchestrating events and they break into the behind the scenes area.
Next gear was pure supernatural horror, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer style. All outlandish walks of creatures were being imprisoned by the tech crew. (Lots of obvious similarities to past horror franchises.) The storyline took a quick turn into an end of the world scenario with a need to appease gods with sacrifices in some sort of formulaic sequence.
The end was a let down for being such a humongous stretch from the beginning. I would have liked the movie more if it could have figured out what it wanted to be from the beginning and following that throughout. For instance, I like ice cream, but I have to be in the mood for it. Otherwise, I don't care for it.
People who want Natural Horror will like the first third of the movie. People wanting a zombie movie will like the middle. And Supernatural Horror lovers will like the ending. I find it hard to believe that anyone LOVES the entire movie. People like me will see the mishmash of the three types, the mismatch between, and just think "Eh, it's OK.- I guess."
The Final Destination (2009)
fast forward to the good parts
The first movie in this franchise was alright and the second was amusing in spite of already being predictable and tired. This movie is the same as them. Nearly exactly. I tried to watch it through but quickly found the same ingredients quickly thrown in my face; the premonition from the main character and subsequent dying of everyone else in the order as they did in the premonition. At some point, someone brought up the idea of trying to break the chain of death by being able to save one person. It didn't matter who had that idea as someone always does. I found the movie much more enjoyable to fast forward from death scene to death scene. I still got to see all of the ridiculous setups of what should have been condemned buildings and gross negligence leading to their demises. Don't forget about the vehicle going 100mph that no body saw until one of them gets ran over. Just as in all of the other movies. I only missed the blah, blah, blah in between. The plot was so predictable and tired that I didn't even cheer for anyone to live because I knew that they wouldn't. If you like the franchise, take a look but you may find yourself fast forwarding to get to the end. Also, I saw this movie out of order. I don't see that it made any difference.
Malibu High (1979)
Bad movie, and not in a good way.
When I watched this movie for the first and only time, I had no idea what I was in for. It was such a pile of crap that I had to write a review.
First of all, the cover completely misleads anyone who sees it into thinking this could be a comedy/feel good movie like Porky's. It's NOT! It's a story of a sad high school girl who turns to slutty ways to keep herself from flunking out, then gets herself a pimp to work for to earn her money to support her drug habits. She switches pimps to upgrade herself and eventually becomes a hit woman.
There is some nudity (not so great because Jill Lansing isn't attractive) and violence (tame by todays standards), no suspense, nobody with acting abilities, LOTS of bad acting, pretty much bad everything. Some of the awfulness is mildly laughable, but most is not. The most entertaining part is the Peoples Court theme song playing during the final chase sequence.
This would make a decent Mystery Science Theater movie and is only watchable if you have some other like minded people watching with you to help heckle.
Typical (bad) bad 70's movie.