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cyberdeck2000
Reviews
Late Phases (2014)
A bad copycat of Silver Bullet
I read all these reviews waxing poetic about how this movie is better than or has elements of Silver Bullet and The Dog Soldiers. It has some of the feel of The Dog Soldiers and is about half as good. It could even be described as a lame almost copycat of Silver Bullet, without an engaging lead, with mostly boring supporting actors and an underdeveloped plot with holes. The first huge plot hole just stopped me in my tracks. Then there's the lead character. He and the audience know that there's a werewolf. We had the storyline going in, the lead had really, childishly obvious signs that even a blind man could see and he believes them without a seconds hesitation. It's like Silver Bullet, if you pulled out the steps of developing the story. There is not one second of suspension of disbelief for me. The lead character is played as an unlikable jerk and there is nothing beyond a passing attempt to build empathy for him or most of the cast. So when things happen to any of the characters, there's no impact or interest in them.
On the upside, it had a couple of interesting scenes. The werewolves were cute, which was kind of weird. The dog was brave. Finally, it had at least one interesting plot twist.
A good movie to sit with friends, drink and make nasty comments about the makers of the film. Or more probably, find other topics and talk over the film because it's mostly not worth spending time on.
The Dead Inside (2013)
I'm very surprised this movie has such a low rating, it's good.
I've watched this video twice now and it is almost as good as Night of the Living Dead. I might even rate it the same, but I've watched a lot of zombie movies and I'm jaded and critical.
The actors were good. There was tension and a few jump in your seat moments. The requisite gore was there. It built empathy for the characters. The dialog was realistic and didn't have me sitting there saying what's wrong with these people like a lot of zombie movies do. It's better than the remake of Dawn of the Dead, so if you like that, you'd like this.
I'd recommend it for anyone looking for a good zombie flick.
As Above, So Below (2014)
Harry Potter meets Indiana Jones meets the catacombs of Paris
I'm going to start by pointing out I'm an American. I do that because my first comment has to do with the Americans making denigrating or nasty comments about the lead actresses character and the skills they find so unbelievable.
I speak to people around the world on a regular basis and generally end up feeling like Americans are illiterate, unmotivated morons with an inferiority complex. That pretty much sums up my view of our international politics and the generic mindset of my fellow citizens.
Why do I say that, I talk to these foreigners and routinely, they speak 3-5 languages and can struggle their way through a few more. Anyone that takes foreign language courses is told that in Europe it is common for people to speak at minimum 2 languages and OFTEN more. But a well educated British character was trashed by the reviewers that I read on this site for pretty much being well educated. To my fellow Americans, get over it. We suck at accepting others, we suck at education and generally we urinate (they wouldn't let me use the better word for this) on the rest of the world. Americans and our government treat the rest of the world like we are making up for having a 2 inch penis. I personally resent that because I don't even have a penis.
Now, my review. It was an okay movie, I laughed when they got to the part of the plot that talked about the clues. If you watch, you'll get what I mean, or maybe not. It didn't scare me and I'm a pushover for freaking out at scary movies. It did engage my attention to some extent but it needed more tension than I felt they brought to it with that script. It was a decent one time viewing type movie.
Moms' Night Out (2014)
Boring, waste of an hour and a half
Okay, so, I'm not religious. Despite that, the preachy parts of the film were fine. They were put in at appropriate times and the messages were all good ones. If you follow Eckhart Tolle or Jon Kabat Zinn you'd find similar if not the same ones with no need to be a Christian.
The movie sucks. The lead female is a hot mess for the first 4/5 of the movie. If you seek a portrayal of how to be a bad mother, here it is.
It's not the least bit funny. The story is not engaging. The characters are mostly just boring, right along with the story line.
The idiocy of two of the scenes where they tried to be funny using violence didn't just fall short, they never even left the ground. I think I managed to smile once at something, but it blurred into the dull, grinding blandness that this movie epitomizes.
Divergent (2014)
A decent, engaging movie with stupid holes
Warning spoiler Warning spoiler Warning spoiler.
End of spoiler warnings.
The positive. We humans are freaking morons who make decisions based on emotions. This movie is the same. It caught and kept my attention even when I was making sarcastic comments at the plot holes. It is a viable path that society could take and in some ways already does. I like the action, the zip line someone reviewing bitched about, fit perfectly as a way to celebrate, let loose and as per the faction ideation, take risks, accept a challenge and get a rush.
The negative. First one is minor but irked me, I'm female. According to studies men won't notice this so this is for any person that cares to care about details. A woman who cannot look into a mirror for more than a few seconds would not be able to apply the eyeliner, mascara and lipstick that the lead wears at the beginning. Also, neither would her mother. That suspended my suspended disbelief upfront. Was this the vanity and contract of the lead, or the stupidity of the director??? Second objection, women are not that stupid. You look at a screen and see hundreds or thousands of people you want to rescue about to die and go untie your boyfriend, really?? It doesn't fit the character who left her family to pursue what she needed. She has ethics and she's smart. That move was the writer catering to the chick flick crowd. Pitiful. Third, dude evolved and grew up. His abusive father wants a ride, kick him in the head. The third one is subjective, it could be he was being the better man. But I have an abusive family that just got away with legally killing our mother, so not too sympathetic to abusers right now. I'll work on being a better person when I get over wishing someone would right that particular and prevalent wrong. But it won't happen for the foreseeable future.
If they had left the lead looking plain, as her supposed starting position dictated and, if they had added a minute of her finding the bf BEFORE seeing all the people about to die, I'd have given this an 8 or maybe higher. The urgency was already there and the diversion stopped me cold.
Despite that, the movie is engaging. The settings were interesting and the acting was good. The action and dialog were balanced for the most part and so it should appeal to those who want to have their minds engaged as well as those looking for diversion. The ending sets this up for a few different potential sequels that I can think of. It's good enough that I'd watch them.
13 Eerie (2013)
Surprisingly well done
I'm so used to B movies with bad plots, bad acting and bad makeup that I was blown away by this film. It's scary, tense and kept my attention. It's not perfect, it had some ridiculous elements that I think might have been meant to provide humor and the romantic element was not developed enough for how they played it. It fell flat in that regard, but they were just a few minutes here and there.
If you like movies that have you tensing up, rooting for the actors and cringing at the gore, you'll like this film. The gore is plentiful, realistic and gross.
The female lead character was resourceful, imaginative and ballsy. The actress (Katharine Isabelle)did a really good job and so did most of the others. Brendan Fehr, an actor I liked from his TV days was also excellent in portraying his character. Actually, all of the 'students' made a good showing, believable and I found myself rooting for them as the movie progressed.
A zombie movie that kept my attention at least as much as World War Z and on what I expect was a much smaller budget.
Crawl or Die (2014)
OMG, so bad, so so so bad
I read the top few reviews and gave this mess a shot. If you are a horny boy with a broken game box, no other thing on TV and have never seen a girl in a swimsuit, you might enjoy 5 minutes of this over the course of the film. It is plot less, joyless, boring, tedious and just plain stupid.
Premise, last surviving fertile woman is taken to a new planet. Crack team is supposed to protect her at all costs for the sake of the continuation of humanity. Okay, fine, endless versions of this but even the Scifi Channel has better offerings. It starts bad, gets worse, bottoms for a while. Then it bounces up to almost interesting for a few minutes before tunneling to get below zero for interest, intelligence or a reason for being. Whoever wrote this seriously needs to not write anything ever again.
In this unrealistic (suspension of disbelief is not even a dream) and preposterous plot hole, with the (I can't think of a description bad enough) wardrobe on the women, panting and squirming. Crawl or die is one of the worst films I have ever sat through. Being one of those unfortunate people who always has to see the end, I have a blinding headache to show for my curiosity.
The lead actress did her job in her ridiculous outfit and was at least competent. That in no way helped make this mess anything but a sad waste of my time.
The Last Days on Mars (2013)
I almost didn't watch this because of the reviews, glad I did.
I'm very confused here. As I said, I almost didn't watch this because of the nasty, although entertaining, reviews. Then I saw one that gave a glimmer of a positive response to the film. For my part, I find most films lacking in endless categories and I can find flaws in this film as well. But it is a solidly watchable and engaging film. A review compared this to 'Ghosts of Mars', a film I have seen and that I found watchable, but somewhat ridiculous. If I were to score it, I'd give it a 3-4. This film is a 6, maybe even a 7. It is a similar premise, but done more believably and well enough that I would like to know more. It had a premise similar to that 'Alien' franchises prequel that came out a little while ago, as well.
The movie kept my attention, was well paced throughout most of the film and the characters seemed well developed and engaging. It left questions that fit the storyline and leave room for a sequel that, I for one would, try to watch.
My only dislike of this is from a personal slant and that is that I would love a movie that does not have the seemingly requisite coward in it. I am so sick of that. You'd think that if someone is sent into space and has been poked, prodded, tested and retested; that the freaking tests would include determining if there is such a critical weakness present.
I would recommend this film.
Zombie Town (2007)
Crap
A waste of film that should never have made it past the cutting room floor. Or even better, it should not have made it past the first person reading it.
1. It's sad if there really are the number of evolutionary dead ends implied by these crappy films that really inhabit this country.
2. No matter how inbred, ill-bred or just plain stupid; if a person was that badly injured, they would have been taken to a hospital, not a jail.
3. I live in a town where the police have a large share of complete slime, but even here, the police can prioritize a dog being attacked and a multiple murder with an injured man on the ground.
4. The zombie scenes are amateurish and (the worst insult for a scary movie) boring.
5. This review is after the first 33 minutes of this useless waste of ... pretty much anything I can think of.
Do people making these films have any pride? How about self respect? Brain cells? I gave it a 2 because as bad as it is, I've seen worse. The glut of complete garbage actually boosted this film from the -1 it deserves.