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kowalski_91
What I do: any girl that moves... or not..., party hardy.
What I like: ...stuff?
Orientation: Straight... but for the right price...
Awards/Special Skills/etc.
-4th member of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force
-Awesomeness-icity
-Member of the blind white supremecists guild of Cambodia
-"Insert point here"
-Was Santa in first grade Christmas play
Words of advice: ...do... good...?
Reviews
Scorchy (1976)
And the Oscar goes to...
...Definitely not this flick. But having said that, this is one of the true examples of grindhouse at its finest. Connie Stevens plays Sgt. Jackie Parker, who likes to screw and screw around, more than she likes to do her job. But when she isn't getting her chimney swept, she does a pretty good job at being a cop. Her latest case involves a couple of international junk smugglers, transporting the goods through unsuspecting tourists. That's the who; now the how (they call me Busta-- Busta Rhymes): inside of "priceless" antiques, the junk is smuggled. So when the customer receives his or her fartifact, Philip (Connie's latest case) takes the purchase to be "cleaned," when in fact, the dope is simply extracted.
Anyway, Connie (when she's not modeling her newest "assets" in the lake or in the shower) manages to orchestrate the perfect plan. Because she's managed to acquire the friendship of Philip and his wife, he uses HER to smuggle his latest shipment of heroin when his regular guy falls ill. This works out perfectly, because she now knows the junk's every move.
After a lengthy (which is good, VERY good) chase involving a bike, a dune buggy, a train and a helicopter, Connie pops a cap in Philip's crown, and the credits roll.
The flick's one and only sex scene winds up with Connie's partner getting a harpoon in the back, while Philip's foes (who try to make out with the junk) tie up miss Stevens and leave her for dead.
Anyway, the reason I came across this gem is because it was on the Drive-In Network (Expresvu channel 333), and bought a 16mm print of it a few days later because it was THAT entertaining.
So if you come across it either on tape or (if it's even in existence) DVD, I HIGHLY recommend checking it out.
NINE hairy thumbs up.
Disco 9000 (1977)
One of the great blaxploitations. Period.
After Foxy Brown (and the later black-esquire Jackie Brown-- both starring Pam Grier), Disco 9000 ranks among the greatest blaxploitation films. Lucky enough to own a 16mm print, I was able to view this otherwise lost gem of a picture. I very much recommend this picture.
Fass Black is the owner of Disco 9000, and the record label, 9000. In his club, he only plays selections from his own label, and rightly so. After a pair of thugs want to muscle their own tracks into the disco, and Fass refuses, the pair send their jackboys off to do some dirty work. Fass is left to decide which is more important: his head or his pride.
9/10
The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)
Timeless period-piece!
An oxymoron, yes, but the words I speak are true. I recently purchased a 16mm print of this film, and I can honestly tell you that it was one of the greatest purchases in all of my fifteen years on this planet. A planet I can be proud to share with the late John Huston. I am not a very big fan of conventional westerns (save for spaghetti-westerns), but this film strays so far from the setup of any I've ever seen. This movie is hilarious, to put it mildly. The final scene (well, the carnage) will leave you cheering and screaming for more. Do yourself a favour and view, rent or purchase a copy of 'The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean.' You'll be glad you did.
Hannibal (2001)
Better than 'The Silence of the Lambs'
While I thoroughly enjoyed 'The Silence of the Lambs,' it is not fairly compared to 'Hannibal.' I am a huge fan of intelligent horror movies, and 'Hannibal' was definitely what I was looking for.
Two (?) years after Ridley Scott's Oscar winning 'Gladiator,' 'Hannibal' dominated the box office with an amazing $250M+ gross..... and horrible reviews. It seems that today, critics only like soft-hearted dramas, and warm and fuzzy children's' films; shunning any other genre like a child with broccoli. 'Hannibal,' apart from some explicit gore, and violent themes, was, for the most part, intelligent.
Although Jodie Foster was not casted in the sequel to the 1991 BEST PICTURE, 'Hannibal' was still an amazing accomplishment, and a landmark in the film industry. Julianne Moore gives a stellar performance as Special Agent Clarice Starling, despite the confining 'closet' size of her role (great analogy, eh?), and should have been up for a nomination. Anthony Hopkins is just as great as he always is, and always has been, and successfully portrays Lecter as the unnerving sociopath we have all grown to love.
'Hannibal''s only downfall was that it was un-decided in being either a horror or a drama. The use of 'scary music', and suspenseful scenes was lacking, and the use of distorted film was sometimes annoying.
Rent, nay, purchase this fine film (special collectors edition, not regular) ****/5
The Ring Two (2005)
Sewn together from every other movie out there.
The Exorcist VS.The Shining VS. The Omen VS. The Ring VS. A Nightmare on Elm Street VS. Hide and Seek VS. Child's Play VS. Dawsons Creek VS. Scream VS. Superman VS. Miracle on 34th St.
The Exorcist (Possesed Child) The Shining (The water-door scene) The Omen (Creepy senior telling Naomi Watts to kill the child) The Ring (The original concept) A Nightmare on Elm Street (The bathtub scene **water going to ceiling**) Hide and Seek (The exterior shots of the house are the same) Child's Play (The kid kills numerous people) Dawsons Creek (The disturbing teens at the beginning) Superman (The "heroin" worked for a newspaper) Miracle on 34th Street (CAMEO: The mom is the shrink with the air needle) ***/5
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Funny as hell!
Definitely one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. Not one stereotype escaped the knee-slapping. The popular kids with their rock and roll, and their chocolate, and cocaine..... A little off-topic, but, a wonderful film nonetheless.
Num-chuck swinging Napoleon Dynamite isn't trying to be funny, but his hilarious one-liners emulate his pure nerd-ism (if that is a real word!). The 'retards,' and 'frigin idiots' Napoleon refers to are really his goofy family, and stuck-up class mates, and are funny in their own little ways.
Definitely worth renting. A great cult film, with the likes of 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show', and 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (not the crappy 2003 remake, but the original). The more you watch it, the funnier it gets. Boo Yah!
*****/5
The Shining (1980)
Jack Nicholson's greatest acomplishment. Period.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY! These words have been drummed into our heads for the past twenty-five years, and with good reason. This is probably my second favourite film (next, of course, to 'The Exorcist), gives me shivers down the spine every time I watch it. Jack Nicholson gives a stellar performance as Jack Torrence, a caretaker gone crazy. His hysteric wife, Shelly Duvall, plays a wonderful role as Wendy Torrence, and portrays her exactly as how Stephen King's novel depicts.
The music brings the film to an even greater level, using Hitchcock's technique of high notes at the suspenseful moments, and chills you to the bone. The heartbeats when Danny and Halleron 'shine' is brilliantly crafted, and 'Tony' reminds me all to well of 'The Exorcist'. And that's a good thing!
Stanley Kubrick's use of camera angles and zoom-ins are a definite factor in the success of this film; as well as the mirrors (REDRUM).
All in all, 'The Shining' is one of the world's greatest films, as well as my second favourite. *****/5
The Exorcist (1973)
I have yet ever to have seen a better motion picture.
Possession, swearing, violence..... Is there any better trio? William Peter Blatty's novel based upon a real-life occurrence in the late 40's. A 12-year-old girl is possessed by Satin, and her only chance is a doubtful psychiatrist/priest, who's lost his faith. Freidken has beautifully crafted Blatty's harrowing novel into the best horror film; nay, the best film period, of all time. This film is best watched in surround sound, and in the dark alone. I, myself, have seen 'The Exorcist' 25 times, and feel that it gets better each, and every time.
Although Linda Blair was only a child at the time, she delivers an outstanding performance. The vocal effects, as well as every aspect of this film, were way ahead of its time, and therefor resulted in its success. Many people disagree with this, however they only have the attention span for an hour long Freddy Kruger gore-fest. 'The Exorcist' is an intelligent movie that brings to mind out deepest fears of the unknown. I give it *****/5.