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funkykitten_007
Reviews
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
There are actually over 500 shades of grey...
... and the fact that this franchise only sees 50 is an indication of its complete lack of depth.
The characters are underdeveloped, one dimensional and are motivated purely by their desire to sh*g each other, which is the entire sum of what I loosely term a plot. Their interactions are mostly awkward - they have no gradual deepening of their relationship, stick to superficial topics if they do ever talk, and their 'banter' is so forced it's cringeworthy. As for the actors, Dornan looks like he'd rather be anywhere else and Johnson's ingenue is portrayed mostly through a sotto voce, whispery tone which conversely makes her sound like she's perpetually taking calls on a sex line. Johnson, however, seems more comfortable as Ana than Dornan is as Christian, maybe because Johnson is happy to do anything (including show her lady garden to the world) for her big break while Dornan has made no bones about finding the whole thing distasteful. Grey should really be named Beige he's so uninteresting as a character aside from his (poorly-researched) grasp of kink, so I don't blame him.
To be fair, I expected to hate it. The books, which I suspect were written in crayon, are an insult to anyone who appreciates real literature or real BDSM or real romance. But I have honestly seen worse films: The Lone Ranger springs to mind. I got more laughs out of 50 Shades. The toast thing, and the excruciatingly forced "Laters baby" - hilarious!! So no, I didn't hate it, I actually had quite a good laugh at its expense. The thing is, it just isn't very good. There is no chemistry, tension (sexual or otherwise), (intentional) humour or emotion in this film to engage the viewer - and certainly no clever dialogue. It's all pretty puerile and banal from start to finish, neither romantic nor sexy. Kind of like the books.
The soundtrack was decent though, as other reviewers have said, but the fact that there is music in literally EVERY scene to distract from the poor script, poor acting, nonexistent storyline and nonexistent chemistry really says it all.
Yonderland (2013)
Not as funny as I expected
Unfortunately I've been very disappointed by Yonderland. I really enjoyed the cast in Horrible Histories but they just don't seem to have the same spark now it's their own material. For a comedy it only gets a few chuckles from me each week rather than proper laughs (the 'councellor who wants to get naked' joke is wearing really thin), and the few songs are nowhere near as clever as they were in HH. At times it feels a bit like the Mathew Baynton Show (MB seems to play at least 4 parts each week to everyone else's 1-2), while I also think it's confused over the audience it's aiming at. The first episode seemed child-friendly but others have had some very risqué dialogue for its time slot. As for plot, I'm still waiting for something to actually happen. So far 'Debbie' hasn't done very much that I would consider a significant contribution towards the battle against evil, and she spends each week whingeing and flipping her hair, speaking to all in a undeservedly superior tone.
I heard the HH team were planning to do a movie about Shakespeare which I had previously been anticipating, but having seen their efforts in Yonderland I'm sad to say I will probably be giving it a miss. Sorry :(
Frozen (2013)
Best Disney animation since Tangled
I was so impressed by this movie! It was visually stunning but thankfully this time the gorgeous graphics were accompanied by a great cast, great songs and a clever, amusing script.
The story follows two sisters, Elsa and Anna. Elsa, who possesses a little magic, accidentally injures her sister during a game and the rest of the movie is the consequence of Elsa being told by trolls to fear her gift and keep herself away from everyone else in case she hurts them.
I really enjoyed that this movie didn't follow the usual princess/true love's kiss pattern. Yes there is true love but of a different kind, which was fabulous to see. Some people are commenting on the lack of chemistry/true love between Anna and Kristoff and I agree, but I didn't mind that as the story isn't really about romantic love, and with their first, tentative kiss right at the end I think that this was just the beginning of their story if they're meant to have one! Otherwise the movie is all about love and what that means to different people, whether it's a romantic crush, love for a pet/companion or keeping someone safe, sharing your problems or simply understanding and being there for each other.
I also loved that this was such a talented cast (with a LOT of Broadway experience) and that some of the songs sounded exactly like you would expect to hear in a stage musical. The cast was perfectly suited to the songs: 'Let It Go' was simply stunning both visually and musically, and Idina Menzel's vocal range is just extraordinary, although I was a bit disappointed that Jonathan Groff was so underused. The guy can sing so why didn't he? Aside from that, the songs were brilliant, clever and catchy with a few ambiguous lyrics to amuse the adults. Then come the light relief characters, Sven the Reindeer-cross-puppy and Olaf the snowman, who were adorable and funny.
As for baddies, I liked the red herring and twist! Again some comments address whether the baddie was evil enough. I personally liked that Frozen explores varying degrees of badness in contrast to the types of love, although nothing *very* bad happens. Peril is pretty mild, yet I found the whole thing very gripping, moving and, often, very sad. I felt so sorry for both sisters for much of the film, but happily it all turns out well in the end!
Now, I do have a few niggles which stopped me giving it 10 stars. Partly that Groff never sings, but also plot issues. The trolls play a strange little part in the story which is discussed extensively in a few threads. But basically a lot of the problems in the film are essentially their fault! It's as simple as ignoring advice from a magic talking rock and none of the problems and sadness needed to happen! Listen to their lines and lyrics and you get a hint that maybe these cute little rock creatures aren't as benevolent as they appear (plus they're manipulative and hypocritical). But they aren't the official baddies so what exactly is their purpose? Might need to watch it again just to study the trolls (any excuse!!) and figure out why they have such influence.
You also never find out how Elsa manages to control her powers at the end, or how Olaf came to life in the first place, or what happened to Kristoff's parents that the trolls took him in (love the kidnapping theories on here!)... Minor, but niggles nonetheless.
Overall though, I totally loved this movie! I would definitely watch it again, and recommend it to big and small kids alike. Also, hang around for the end credits! As a last word, I haven't seen a packed auditorium applaud at the end since Toy Story 3, but they did for this. Watch it, you won't regret it.
The Lone Ranger (2013)
I really wanted to like it...
*spoilers ahead* So I read a review a while back which wasn't complimentary about the film at all, and when I had an opportunity to see it for myself I thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as the reviewer had made out. After all, the cast looked impressive and Depp, well, except for his most recent films I usually find Depp quite watchable.
I wanted to like it, I really did. However the first clue was that, after 3 weeks of release in the UK, I had to search real hard for a local showing. The second was that the auditorium was at best only a quarter full, and barely made a sound all night.
The film started so sloooowly (in fact I don't think it ever picked up), and it's all surprising violent for a Disney. Yet I was so unengaged I had plenty of time to notice everything that made no sense at all. Yes I know it's a fantasy, but when you're sitting there thinking "so the bad guys just happen to run out of ammo long enough to give the brothers a touching goodbye", rather than actually *feeling* that touching goodbye, there's something very wrong. And for me it just never got any better.
John Reid (who later becomes the Lone Ranger) seriously needed to man up. The amount of times he pulled a gun and then refused to use it! I wanted him to just pull the trigger already, but no, he always looks like just the thought of shooting that mass-murdering cannibal will make him cry. Seems like the Lone Ranger is taking his time to grow a pair. While Red (played by an under-used Bonham-Carter) had no qualms about shooting those who deserved it through her wooden leg, which was possibly the most creative idea in the whole movie. Red would make a much better LR.
And Tonto... Jack Sparrow in war paint? Unfortunately, yes I think he was, only a very tired-looking Sparrow with fewer clever or funny lines to say (some scenes were straight out of Pirates but executed with less swagger). Mugging at the camera just didn't do it for me, and I'm not sure why he was inexplicably made into a Comanche, but for all the Comanche reputation there was just no fight in him. The inclusion of the 1933 boy's snack wrapper as a trade item in 1869 in his storytelling also called everything Tonto related into question anyway, which made me wonder what the whole point was. If this movie was a drawn-out, poorly-told introduction so that the sequels can get straight on with the good stuff, I think throwing more money at this franchise would be a mistake.
The story itself wasn't gripping enough, the script wasn't clever or funny enough (I think I came close to laughing twice), there was no character that I wanted to get behind, and there was far too much that the audience had to infer. For a 2.5hr film, they certainly left a lot unexplained (e.g. Red's leg, how they knew about the nitro, how Red was involved in the finale plan etc). The finale was dragged out to a loop of the tune William Tell which I gather was meant to rouse excitement, but fell horribly flat because, like the rest of it, it all just took so long (other than the deaths of the bad guys of course, which happened in a flash and were hardly satisfying). Plus, Reid is too much of a wimp to come across as the smart, tough hero at this point. Zorro definitely has nothing to worry about.
Some people walked out before the end, and I wanted those three hours of my life back. It just wasn't good. The only good thing about it was Silver the spirit-horse. So I give this movie 3*, two for Silver and 0.5 each for the two times this movie nearly got a smile.