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Reviews
I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With (2006)
Not comedy but a drama with laughs
I expect to laugh my ass off, instead, I am left with a blasted soul after waiting, I Want Someone To Eat Cheese with.
This is a good film but sad. James is a man who hates himself and cannot get a break,y but he does grow and learn to accept himself and his lot in life.
The cast is strong and the dialogue has a free, Improvised quality full of the kind of awkwardness one finds in life. The music is great.
The pacing is a little forced and overall the film feels a little truncated. I would have been happy to watch more of James' walk through life.
But, it was never going to be the kind of film with a happy ending.
MacGruber (2021)
Heartless and witless
I guess people enjoy this show. I didn't.
It felt like a soulless grab at whatever fan base and money they could squeeze out ofnthe franchise.
I enjoyed the film immensely, but the show fell flat for me. It felt like a parody of McGruber that repeated jokes ad nauseum.
Now, I love crude humor but this show felt like it needed to be crude to illicit any laughs, so most of the jokes didn't resonate.
The pacing sucks: each episode tries to end on a cliffhanger but who cares? There is no tension built up and no one cares about the wacky plot because it goes beyond the absurd, further, each episode seems to hit the exact same beats as every other episode.like the plot was outlined using a write by numbers book.
Too bad because I was looking forward to enjoying this.
Bad Santa 2 (2016)
Actually closer to what Bad Santa Was supposed to be
Most people don't realize that Bad Santa, even the director's cut, is a watered down version of what the film was supposed to be. Pure, unadulterated vulgarity, actually created and written in part by the Coen Brothers.
Bad Santa 2, follows in the vein of what was not, but should have been, Bad Santa.
It is a bit of a retread of the original film, but that is the only criticism that I would level at it. There are great performances, hilarious writing, and a grown up Therman Merman. Honestly, what's not to like. Cathy Bates excells at the character of Willie's mother and the rest of the cast more than measures up to anything I was expecting.
Le pacte des loups (2001)
Animal Abuse and Bad Choreography
What could have been a great genre film with high level production design is railroad by acts against animals that are obviously unnecessary and cruel. Unanswered inquiries into film production regarding animal abuse don't give me a good feeling.
Plus, the overall look of the film is marred down by the bad Choreography and use of slo-mo, think crappy Peckinpah. There is a fundamental clash between the visual tone and the editing, as mentioned the slo mo in particular, where a lot of effort is made to make the film feel raw and gritty, natural and moody, that is undercut by the jarringly modern editing. Complete loss of suspension of disbelief.
This is a film that I want to like but simply cannot for these reasons.
65 (2023)
I don't understand the positive reviews
What is good:
The acting
What is ok:
The concept
The cgi
The editing
What is bad:
The script
The logic
The pace
The production design
The delivery
The "look"
Character actions and motives
The tech of the film. Makes no sense whatsoever. So many contradictions.
Sleeping in a cave with a huge black pit in it.
Swiping insects off your hand when you're 20 meters up in an unstable tree...while stranded on an alien world.
World ending asteroid? Really?
So, humans have not changed in 65 million years? Or, are the people actually "aliens" that look just like people?
I get it, this is a low budget film by some guys who have had success. However, the success behind the writing/directing duo was based on shite products that suffered from the same problems that this film has: a mildly interesting concept that is marred by poor delivery.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Enough with the Needle Drops and SloMo
I felt this was a decent film, mainly due to the emotional chances that it took. Compared to most MCU films, this looks like Citizen Kane and really tried to be enjoyable to a wider audience, not just "kids and China".
However, was it a perfect film, no. The needle dropping broke me out of the film, as did the slomo, Groot's personality and character design, as well as the rather convoluted plot. With all those flaws, for an MCU film, I would rewatch it.
Pratt's acting was weak, he stood out to me as a guy who is getting out of his depth with these films as they grow more demanding. He is just not a very nuanced actor.
Other than the above complaints, it was a good attempt at elevating what audiences have come to expect from the MCU.
The Indian Runner (1991)
Melodrama in the Nick Ray Style
Leave your expectations at the door because this film doesn't care about them. This is art for the sake of art. Though, The Indian Runner, has many salient points to make about human nature(s) in the face of a greed driven, heartless, society that profits off of human misery, there are some potential plot holes, that Penn manages through keeping this story moving forward. Surprisingly funny at many turns.
The actors all perform very well and Bronson's performance has an eerie reality to it. You really feel like you can reach out and touch thse people but at the same time they are archetypal in thier relationships and psychology. Like Euripides meets Stephen King.
Copper Mountain (1983)
How did this come to be? Why?
Why? What on earth is this film? Even calling this a film is quite a stretch of terminology. A film generally has a script, or at least some kind of quasi coherent ideas or themes driving it. Copper Mountain has none of that. So, in a sense, maybe it is actually a brave and daring experiment. That is the best you could say about this film, that it is a flaming wreck that defies all conventional wisdom regarding filmmaking, storytelling, and common sense.
Interestingly, Damian Lee, the autaur behind Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe, one of the worst films ever, actually co-wrote this fil and acts in it. So, I guess he got a start in films like this before he began directing.
Copper Mountain makes Abraxas look like Citizen Kane.
Primal (2019)
Maybe better than Samurai Jack...?!
No words can encapsulate the beauty of this show. These words by Arthur Conan Doyle come close:
"I will have wrought my simple plan
If I have brought but one hour of joy
To the boy who is half a man
And the man who is half a boy."
Since I have to write more, I will say, people who rated this poorly are expecting something and getting a product that is too good for them.
This show is a real symbiosis of art and the entertainment industry, which is damned difficult to achieve. The people who can pull this feat off more than once should be heralded as real creators, artists, geniuses...whatever word you want to use, Genndy is a modern Euripides.
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
How can anyone enjoy this legitimately?
This film is a mess. I have no idea why there are any positive reviews here.
On its face, Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction is a shameless cash grab Sharon Stone who insisted the film be made despite a god awful script. But, after careful examination, it is much worse, earning numerous Raspberry awards
In fact, within moments of the opening, I assumed this film to be a parody of the first, but no, it turns out that it was just the worst experience of the director's life.
The script is god awful, the character motives are incredibly unbelievable, and it has NO CONTINUITY to the first film. We are not seeing the same Catherine Tramel, which is weird because Sharon Stone seemed to understand the character so well in the first film. Nothing anyone does makes ANY sense.
The score is alright, but lacks any character. There is also no subtext, none. I have never seen a studio film with such little understanding of how to make a film that succeeds in any way, least of all financially.
It is funny as all hell, but that was not the intention of the filmmakers.
They had a chance to get Verhoeven or Cronenberg, but the studio f#@$ed that up with some help from Sharon Stone, largely due to how bad a script they had dev6,then refused to change.
Also, the absence of sexuality is palpable. Sure, there are a few sex scenes but they play as watching fish procreate.
Plot twists are what some reviewers have noted, but when everything is completely predictable, and completely on the nose, the finale amounts to nothing. Nor does it attempt anything ambitious, which is why the first film succeeded.
8 Million Ways to Die (1986)
Criminally Underappreciated
This film may not be perfect, and for me, the pacing is probably the most problematic.
However, this film contains some very effective tension building and release. As well as some great performances the likes of which you do not see out of many of these actors.
Jeff Bridges very solidly portrays a pathetically drunk ex-cop. You can see the bones of his performance in The Fisher King beginning to show.
I like the score, and the film has a couple of climactic sequences that actually work. At least for me. So, you get some pretty rad violence by Hal Ashby. I can appriciate that this film sticks out in Ashby's cannon, and that may prejudice fans of his other films. Is this as good as Being There, Last Detail, or Harold and Maude, probably not. But, compared to many films of it's ilk that arrived at the roughly same time, this film stands out.
Many reviewers have asked why Ashby would turn such a corner with this film, why would he even bother making it, the answer is pretty simple: because he is a good filmmaker and never really did anything like this. My suggestion.
Werewolf by Night (2022)
Very Tedious
I found this film to be a very tedious exercise in used up tropes and bad cgi.
I would have rated it 1, but Man-Thing.
However, all of the amazing practical effects were literally covered up by crappy cgi.
For some reason, IMDB needs a review that is 600 characters in length. Ok.
I also found the plot to painfully cliche and boring while resonating with the worst kind of anime tropes: monster hunters who have dark secrets! Wow, that is original. I have only been seeing this played out since the mid 80s.
The acting was the best part but that can't save a burning nuclear reactor.
Not scary.
Boring action.
Bad cgi.
Rather perfunctory performance overall.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)
Very uneven, but shows promise
I think that this season was too clever for itself. There were many elements that snapped a viewer out of a suspension of disbelief but if the intention of the show was to satirize the MCU and act as a female driven platform for a super hero tale, I am for this. But, for those elements to work, one has to be engaged in the story and characters.
And, some of the CGI was abysmal. However, if that was an intentional act of satire. It did not read as such.
Maybe this show was better than I felt, but even though I was not a huge fan, I am interested in watching another season.
Tim Roth seemed to get the tone right but looked terrible as the abomination.
Innocent Blood (1992)
A little bumpy
Good film by Landis. The few complaints that I have are: the voiceover is unnecessary and kills the mood of the first twenty minutes, the effects are not on point sometimes (the eyes in particular look quite wonky at times), and that's about the worst that I can say.
Barring the song at the end of the film that sucks, this film has some great sequences and is generally underappreciated.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Just don't
Reeks of cashing in on a dead horse. Poorly executed.
Just a boring film, action scenes were uncreative, the universe makes even less sense now, and no Lawrence or Hugo.
Last Man Standing (1996)
What's with the voiceover?
Decent remarking of Kurosawa and Leonne that has a Hot-Handed-God-of-Cops feel. I would have rated it a bit higher were it not for the constant voiceover.
Monster Hunter (2020)
Insultingly Bad Film
I never caution people to avoid films. I love bad films...but Monster Hunter is really a new low for filmmaking standards.
Here is an idea - try writng a script before you start to shoot your movie.
Cat People (1982)
Not a great film, and they absolutely tortured animals
Honestly, the highlight is the acting. McDowell is one of the reasons that I would even consider revisiting this film
The over the top sensationalism is weak, along with the special effects.
Competently filmed, with a slightly intriguing premise. As a story, Cat People, is muddled and may contain some racist elements that would be frowned on today: the ham fisted way they shoehorn in voodoo, and the character of the Caribbean housekeeper, for example.
And, they tortured and killed big cats.
What If...? (2021)
Writing Sucks
First, I love Jeffery Wright. I would watch this for him alone, but doubtfully rewatch it because the stories are generally one note melodies, with the B plots feeling particularly grueling to get through.
The only good story, IMHO, was the dr. Strange ditty. It felt like a real twist on the established continuity from his feature film. Whereas, many of the other stories just don't make sense, or have gaping logic holes blasted through them just so the writers can get to the concept of the episode.
For example, if Star Lord was from Wakanda, somehow all the supreme bad guys are now good? Kind of a stretch, or, when Ultron gets the mindstone, why is it that he was able to slice Thanos in half like lukewarm jelly, if Thanos had all the other Infinity gems? To that point, why do the Infinity gems have power outside of their own respective universes? I feel like the bad writing of the films has become even lazier and is now really showing in that they creators just skip over all the questionable logic that they have tried hard to establish.
But, Jeffery Wright! And, the other actors are good, and the animation is good. One point about the animation/tone, it is way more more violent than other Marvel cinematic products, clearly they are trying to also capture a more adult audience, so throw in some blood already. Just my two cents on this, but yeah, the writing is not great.
The Resonator: Miskatonic U (2021)
Astoundingly Terrible
Any positive reviews are suspect. This makes Puppet Master 5 look like Citizen Kane. The worst aspects are the cinematography, lighting, acting, script... basically everything stands out as being the worst possible level of artistry.
Jeffery Combs is using another name? Wtf?
Everything looks like it was shot in a warehouse/community theatre with little attention to set decoration. The fx are as much of a joke as anything else...
I found this to be so bad it was hilarious, not sure that was the intent of the filmmakers. Zero technical adeptness appears on screen.
Resident Evil: Infinite Darkness (2021)
Only for real fans of the franchise. Not for fans of Anime
Story could have been worse.
Acting fell short often.
But, the animation is bad. Just terrible.
To anyone who feels that watching a 4 episode long cut scene from the ps4 era makes for good cinema, look me up and touch hands.
John Henry (2020)
All the low reviews read like they were written by 14 year old wanna be ganster fanboys
This was a decent film.
Flavours of Tarantino, Coen Bros, and Rodriguez.
Not a perfect film, not an action film, more of a modern legend based in a character study.
If you rated this 1 star, I would suggest you acquaint yourself with really terrible films. Kind of unfair for the actors and filmmakers. Because this film was substantially better than the worst possible films of all time.
True Believer (1989)
Very good film
Grest script and everything else is good. I feel like the script is a bit better than the overall film, or I would have rated it higher.
The Hidden (1987)
A perfect film
The whole thing is great, no problems as a film, but the real brilliance is in the convergence of the story lines in the final frames. For a B film, The Hidden, is better than many oscar winners...just go see it.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Nothing Original Here
This film proves that you cannot heartlessly throw together a bunch of allusions and tropes and get something good. It is also just a bad movie. The use of slo mo is lame, the shaky cam is halfway pointless, just over thought. And, so unoriginal. Why bother using the songs, too. Just making pointless allusions, and retreading older films. And, the covers in his films are always weak.