Change Your Image
p0pc0rn_cLassiX
Reviews
The Flash (2023)
Multiverse of a privileged public menace
I pity those that actually paid to see this movie - moreso those that convinced themselves it was anything other than the utmost of industrial dreck.
There's no shortage of reasons this movie should've been scrapped - especially given how readily they ditched an almost complete Batgirl movie. They even had a perfect exit strategy to recast Ezra Miller, given that the plot revolves around alternate realities and different versions of DC characters. I am baffled as to why they proceeded, especially considering how entirely uncharming Miller is throughout the movie.
The movie begins with Miller very hamfistedly portraying someone that is clearly meant to be on the spectrum, with all the sensitivity of Sia's musical movie catastrophe. Typical of contemporary representation modalities, autism is depicted as being primarily characterized by obnoxious, self-centered demanding behavior. I am not sure exactly what they hoped to accomplish by establishing the "hero" like this.
Even more puzzling is the fact that the viewer is soon introduced to a more annoying version of Miller that seems to be channelling a mangled version of Keanu from the original Bill & Ted movie. This incarnation is so irritating that the writers broke the fourth wall and had the original version of the character having a vocal moment of realization of how annoying he, himself, is. At that point, I didn't know what to do but throw up my hands in resignation.
On the more production related side, it's basically as bad as others have been saying with some consistency. The CGI is PS2 cutscene quality at a lot of points. The editing and plot pace is fumbling. The fanservice is almost completely constrained to the surface with little integration into the plot in any meaningful way. It comes across as a flimsy gimmick to add gravity to a pretty thin main plot - and achieved with some of the most half-baked conceptual visualization I can recall from recent cinematic history.
On top of everything, the protagonist is hardly any sort of hero, considering the majority of the conflict was his own doing and the larger effects of temporal meddling are clearly left unresolved. I doubt it endears the character more to the audience having constant fisheye close-ups of Miller's gormless reactions. Maybe that's just me!
I dunno, just thought this thing stunk essentially from top to bottom - a stench only intensified by the baggage brought by the main actor's disturbing reputation and the industry plowing ahead despite all the reasons own the loss or pivot in their approach. Instead they astroturfed early critic screenings and fed them to news outlets to try to cover up the obviously ill-advised festering greed and delusion that made this movie possible.
DalÃland (2022)
Sloppy, fumbling and unflattering portrait
To be straight, I like some of Dali's work, but I'm not broadly a huge fan, nor do I presume he was without many faults and conceits. That said, it seems like this movie goes out of its way to pretty much exclusively depict negative aspects of Dali's existence. This might have been tolerable if it was done with some humor or intrigue, but it's all executed joylessly with a totally uninvested surface treatment.
The supporting cast is without much charisma or reason for interest. What characterization does exist is created with broad and boring strokes of writing. Ezra Miller as young Dali was a bit of stunt casting gone wrong -- especially given that his portions add very little to the story.
On the production side, there is a lot of misplaced licensed music, very questionable editing and some very amateurish seeming cinematography and color correction. The sum of all the parts is little more than a forgettable lost opportunity. I'd recommend watching one of the many interviews with Dali on Youtube instead.
The Ark (2023)
A master class in hack writing/acting/production
I didn't watch this show with any distinct initial expectations, so the bar was pretty low as far as being passable to someone starved for half decent sci fi shows. That said, this is some of the most embarrassing TV out there and the only real allure is the baffling consistency of how bad every element is.
Right off the bat you can see something is awry, as the CG looks a couple decades behind the times. As you're thrown into the plot, you're barraged with basically every sci fi scripting cliche possible. To add to the tedium, they create dramatic entropy by constantly making every plot point some hackneyed circumstantial obstacle with no sense of gravity.
The acting and characterization is corny and out of touch. The quirked up nerd on the spectrum that can't stop talking is the cherry on top of trite tropes this show trots out like it's doing something.
The way the show is shot is totally uninspired and often gives the feeling of an overproduced community play. The flatness of the shots gives a great view of how devoid the sets and costumes are of intrigue.
They ruin any potential for world building by perpetually tripping up on forced and tired drama, which ultimately just makes all the characters seem contemptible.
Anyway, check this out if you want to see how not to make a show. 💩
Gokushufudo (2021)
Laziest animation production I've ever seen
Motion comics literally put more effort into the animation than this.
They try to hide that nothing is animated but mouths by doing a lot of panning, screen wipes, camera shaking, and action line framing. If the writing was better, maybe it could get a pass, but it's mediocre at best.
Any given Yakuza videogame has funnier and more entertaining writing. This anime, however, seems directed towards people who are either very young or very easily entertained. The concept had potential, but both the writing and the animation fail to deliver anything worth watching.
I have to assume a lot of the reviews for this show are astroturfed by Netflix, as they have already received similar criticisms on prior animations they've invested in. There is no way regular animation viewers are not feeling insulted by the lack of effort in this production.
Lollipop Chainsaw (2012)
Kill the remake. This is trash.
This game gets wayyyy too much of a pass. The combat is boring and clunky. The plot and stage design is weak and uninspired. The attempt at being edgy with the dialogue is corny and feels like a boomer wrote it. The fanservice cheesecake elements are tepid and add no aesthetic value. I would complain that it was a ridiculously short game, but I'm glad there wasn't more of it to play because it quickly became a chore. The game ends with the most played out style of final boss and a sequence of QTEs that are immediate deaths if you fail ( restarting a drawn out boss encounter from the beginning.)
James Gunn mentioned Russ Meyer as a reference point for the type of female sexploitation figure Juliet is supposed to be. This isn't Faster Pussycat or Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. This is tripe that gets graded on a curve because of the quirky gimmick concept that is one ply tissue thin. I like SUDA51 stuff and media that shrugs off wariness of the male gaze, but this game did nothing but make me resent having played it. It's obnoxious as hell that people try to position this game as some sort of slept on subversive feminist work of art. People do a lot of heaby lifting with cope in their positive regard for this schlock. I give it a 2 instead of 1 only because it wasn't too broken to beat.
Bullet Train (2022)
Watch Survive Style 5+ instead...
I would echo a lot of the sentiments I've already seen about this being a kinda bloated dollar bin Tarantino and add that it seems to have heavily lifted stylistically and otherwise from Survive Style 5+, a far superior fun Japanese movie featuring Tadanobu Asano and Vinnie Jones.
Maybe it's a stretch, but there are a lot of very similar elements that seem too coincidental in conjunction if the makers of this movie weren't using SS5+ as a jump off point. There are similar flat shots, color schemes, characters, absurdist comedy styles, and music choices. It's hard not to see the parallels between Vinnie Jones/his partner and the assassin duo in this.
As far as Bullet Train goes, Brad Pitt kinda seemed to phone it in, IMO, and the only female character with significant screen time is exceedingly obnoxious, beyond necessity. The soundtrack sounded like they wanted licensed stuff, but decided to cut corners - it was distracting. Despite trying to be high octane, the pacing kinda chugged 🚂🚃🚃 - possibly because of how tired and tropey it felt. I love Michael Shannon, but it kinda sucked to see him in drag as Steven Tyler.
Anyway, just watch what these people were ripping off instead. It's funnier and cooler and wayyy more memorable.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Existential dread for cinephiles
This movie was so poorly executed, I lost all perspective and thought perhaps I'd never see a decent big scale Hollywood film again. From the effects to the action choreography to the plot -- it all seemed like, at best, an admirable effort from an east European country with a fledgling film industry. It was hard to process this as a fourth installment in a series of culturally impactful Hollywood blockbusters. It only gets a two instead of one because I was able to finish it ( in two sittings.)
You could kinda see it on Keanu's face in papp shots during production that it wasn't a good time and it didn't bode well for the product.
Terror on the Prairie (2022)
Boring on the cheap
The creators of this heap probably thought they were making an atmospheric, slow-burn, psychological thriller of a western. What they actually produced was a boring and uncompelling slog with nothing special to offer. The whole scenario is poorly plotted and there is nothing going on to distract the viewer from noticing the lack of sense in how the events unfold. They needed to hand this script over to Benny for a facts and logic check. I wish Daily Wire a clean sweep at the Razzies.
Tom Swift (2022)
undeserving of the hyperbolic hate
Admittedly the first episode is really rough and there are a good few cringy moments throughout, but the one star ratings are a bit overkill. Despite the difficult to palate introduction of the main characters, there clearly is a character arc being set up to make the main character more likeable. Even though i take some issue with how tropes regarding black/gay representation are handled, i think a lot of the extremely low ratings are a result of people really not wanting to see an overtly gay black man taking the place of an aryan youth poster boy. I can't count the number of times i've had less interesting shows recommended with the caveat of "give it half a season, it gets good." seems like many are too inflamed by the first episode of this show to even see where it goes, let alone finish the episode. Seems telling.
The Laser Man (1988)
for those of refined taste...
This is probably my favorite ny shot movie. I'm not sure how someone can watch this and say it had nothing to offer. The nature of this movie seems so averse to tropes. Really, this movie justifies itself alone by having a scene of father and son double teaming a hot dog, lady and the tramp style. The movie wraps up with a ryuichi sakamoto banger -- so good. If you don't like this movie, you probably didn't spend much of your life being disappointed by asian representation in film.